Recent Posts

Pages: 1 ... 8 9 [10]
91
Contest Discussion / Round 4 Runoff - Adeen vs. Minerva
« Last post by Zevka on September 14, 2017, 04:12:51 AM »
So, there was a tie this week -- if you voted for anyone besides Adeen or Minerva, please recast your vote by th end of the night tonight.
92
Posted a reply to another topic, so I'm just bumping this to be sure everyone sees.
93
Contest Discussion / Re: Storyteller's Vigil
« Last post by Minerva on September 13, 2017, 08:01:26 AM »
Quote
I do not like to read posts at 1 in the morning, Minerva. Whether it is 8 or 2 hours beforehand does, in fact, matter.

No one expects you to. This is why there is an entire two days for voting. So that everyone has ample time to read the posts and make their decision. So, no. It doesn't matter. By definition, late means after the expected time, and Bonds that Break Us was posted BEFORE the expected deadline.

Quote
However, the fact is simply that I do not trust you when you say that it won't happen again. Your actions every week in the contest speak far louder than your defenses here. You want to prove me wrong? Change your actions so that they match your words. I wish you the best in that pursuit, and look forward to a timely post next week.

My actions every week?
I'm about to reiterate my arguments for Tug of War. I posted Tug of War on Day 3 of Round 2. I say Day 3, because Round 2 began in the middle of the afternoon the first day and so it was only half a day rather than a full one. While Adeen was already done, that was because Adeen took the time over the planning period to draft her post, but I did not have that luxury. When you reviewed that post, you said I "held things up" but that was completely false. The only person waiting on me in the slightest was Aldridge, who had finished his post the same day as I, and he posted up his the next morning when he woke up. Every other writer was not yet finished with their posts, so in no way was I holding anything up that round. Just because I did not post as quickly as Adeen did, does not mean I was late. On top of that, my work in the collab with Komi was completely on time.

For Round 3, I was last on the posting order, so in no way would it be possible for me to hold anyone up. So long as I finished my post and put it up before the deadline, I would be on time. The two day voting period would give everyone ample time to read it before they voted and, if they chose not to, then that is completely on them. Because it was there, up, ready, and completed on time.

Round 1 and 4 I WAS late. 4 because of life issues taking up my time to write, 1 because of overambition with my first post that led to me taking far too long on it- which in turn led to me having less time to write my second.

You've been arguing that I've been 'consistently late, but that's simply not true. I am not going to allow you to criticize me for something that is not true. What I will allow you to criticize me for is for what actually IS true, and that is that I've been inconsistent in being on time. It sounds like the same thing on paper but it's not. Consistently late implies that I have been a constant problem throughout every round of the contest- which I have NOT been. Inconsistent in being on time implies that I've been on time some of the time and had trouble maintaining the schedule in other times. This IS true. And I will accept this criticism.

Also, as a final aside:
Quote
However, the fact is simply that I do not trust you when you say that it won't happen again.

Please have faith in me as a writer. Saying something like this is not encouraging in the slightest and is actually disrespectful. Encourage me to be on time. Be positive. I don't want to 'prove you wrong.' You're not my enemy. What I want is for you is to like me as a writer. I want you to encourage me to do better. Saying you don't have faith in me, is basically telling me to give up.
94
Extending the vote by one day (11:59 tonight) because of broken forum.
95
Contest Discussion / Re: Storyteller's Vigil
« Last post by Tooley Bostay on September 12, 2017, 10:34:54 PM »
Slaughter by Serenade

I adore the moment with her in the mirror, saying an altered pep-talk that contrasts her very first post. Kali is still Kali, but we actually feel the weight pressing down upon her shoulders. She's not winking and trotting through the daisies amid a field of bloodshed. The Crater is impacting her, but the author is wise not to remove all of her quirks. Instead, they make use of familiar quirks in a new way. Wonderful.

Quote
Like Uncle Louis, self appointed King of all Birds.
Hmm... in times past, I've commented on asides like this positively. Her flashback to her brother, the bit about Bubba, etc. This, I'm not sure what to take from it. Is it a joke? A backstory nod? King of birds? When did birds ever come into the picture? This line leaves me more confused than anything.

Quote
"Now we can enjoy eating you as much as the monsters will! Rawr!"

"But nothing! You want to escape. I want to escape. This cookie wants to escape."
Pointing this out because they made me laugh aloud. Ah, you're still fun to read, Kali. Gonna ding a bit for the repetition with Komi when Kali is asking for singing lessons. Goes on about twice as long as it needed, and the whole scene - including the part with Minerva - feels a little bit... aimless. Yes, Kali is still fun, she's trying to keep spirits high, but what does the scene tell us about Kali that we didn't already know? Not... a whole lot. While enjoyable, it feels a touch like fluff. Cotton candy fluff. Really good! But... lacking meat.

Hrm... am I supposed to remember Droven? A vole from a workshop...? I'm sure he's appeared before, but I'm not making the connection. Could be on me, but maybe some more clarity of who he is would have helped. (*TooleyReadAheadEdit:* Oh. Lute maker. I remember now, Still didn't get to share in Kali's initial shock, though, so I'll leave the note here.) I really like how we see Nire "overstepping" his bounds. In a near-literal sense, becoming the judge of Northvale itself. This is unprecedented in the Crater, to my mind, and I think would begin to cause more than a few Northvale residents to quake in their homes. Nire's going too far here--very interested to see where it goes.

Oh dang. Wow, that was a really good bit with her trying to save all the beasts. It's a worthwhile conflict for her to face, fits Nire, and I really enjoyed reading it. Could definitely feel the tension of the whole thing, and the following scene? Wonderful contrast to the beginning (which on its own, was a wonderful contrast to the first post). And what a way to end it with the bit with Kentrith. Kali now has a goal, a purpose, and a quest to pursue. She's been brought low, and she ain't gonna take it anymore. And this does justify all of her talking about escape with Komi and Minerva, though I still think the prior scene could have been cut down a great deal.

Overall? Bravo. Solid post, Kali.
96
Contest Discussion / Re: Storyteller's Vigil
« Last post by Tooley Bostay on September 12, 2017, 08:08:27 PM »
I do not like to read posts at 1 in the morning, Minerva. Whether it is 8 or 2 hours beforehand does, in fact, matter. My condolences on life's difficulties that have hit you this week--I'm sorry to hear about them, and completely understand how unavoidable they have been.
However, the fact is simply that I do not trust you when you say that it won't happen again. Your actions every week in the contest speak far louder than your defenses here. You want to prove me wrong? Change your actions so that they match your words. I wish you the best in that pursuit, and look forward to a timely post next week.

Beasts of the South

Whoa-ho! Now this one was a surprise! A triple collab!

The description of the alchemical flames lighting the arena is just awesome, and sets the tone gloriously well.

The random hare was an obvious "I'M KILLABLE" NPC, and she's a huge idiot, but at least her death was interestingly-written and fit the scene. And also this line of dialogue confused me:
Quote
“And ready I shall be, lest a stoat strike me from behind.”

“Is that on the table? My my.” Hracken, a twist of amusement in his voice.
...is this Thrayjen being, like, suggestive or something? That's the tone I'm reading it in, but it makes zero sense given his character. Like, I dunno, smackin' her bottom or something? I mean, yeah, he had a thing for a white mouse, but if this is how it's meant to be taken, I don't see it fitting him at all.

No clue what the beast they're fighting is, but I trust it's a real one. I thought anteater at first, with the tongue, but the scales make no sense. A really cool beastie to fight that fits the tone of the moment, though. And I really loved that moment where they regroup after Mara's death. It's snappy, gets us right in the moment, and shows how focused these beasts are despite the uncertainty coursing through them. A genuine moment of teamwork.
Rinam is also really cool, by the way. She's like a sweet, desert-mouse paladin from some MMORPG. That's too cheap of a term, though, because her mannerisms are rooted rich, her character is compelling and enjoyable, and I very much want to see more of her and her interactions with Ald/Thray.

Also, that Aldridge managed to pull off a believable version of a weasel war dance in an anthropomorphic setting is stunning. Hats off, mate. It makes perfect sense, feels grounded and real, and isn't one of those stupid "look, they're animals. Watch them do kooky, weird animals things because they're animals." This is just the right blend of exotic without feeling absurd and losing the "humanness" of Aldridge.

Quote
Thrayjen’s heart beat steadily as Nire lowered a claw to the ground. The crowd cheered.
oh... oh no... what's gonna--

Quote
The paw of the bloodied, beaten stoat rested on his shoulder and the stoat himself stood in the rat’s striking path.

[Aldridge droppin' some truth bombs on Thrayjen, bein' a total bro.] ... Don’t give him what he wants.”
oh thank heavens. You tell him, Aldridge, you are such a good beast, able to put aside even your hatred of--

Quote
Thrayjen pushed the stoat aside.
what

Quote
With quick footed nimbleness, the rat climbed back onto the belly of the beast as if the dying creature were no more than ship’s rigging.
what

Quote
The blade plunged into soft flesh and fresh blood spurted from the pitiful creature,
WHAT

Quote
It did not end with death.
WHAT

Quote
He stared up through a mask of blood, eyes focused without interruption on the Master of the Crater, paws steady. His whiskers, heavy with strings of nerve and skin, twitched.
*IRRECONCILABLE WEASEL FLAILING*

Quote
Nire clapped, and as he did he bowed elegantly to Thrayjen. Mouse and stoat shared a grim look between them as Thrayjen, smiling, returned the bow.
...stunned. Utterly stunned. Completely blindsided me, and now I am freaking out twice as badly as that Aldridge and Adeen moment from last week. But my word this makes absolutely perfect sense. Aldridge cast off the mask of playing Nire's game, but Thrayjen has fitted it firmly upon his face. And, oh my word, Nire is turning him back into the beast he was, but the only reason he's doing so is to save the children that love the beast he became, and... GAH! I hate you so much right now Thrayjen, but love you for the fantastic, character-driven, foreshadowed moment. I have no idea where Thray goes from here, but I don't need to, because he's got a clear purpose and goal, has a vivid and rich personality, and has formed meaningful relationships that will change from here on out.

*claps* Well done, all three of you. Jolly good show.
97
Contest Discussion / Re: Storyteller's Vigil
« Last post by Minerva on September 12, 2017, 07:18:59 PM »
Quote
Before I get to the review, let's start by addressing the elephant in the room: the delay between this post and the last. I've several things to say, but I'll say them simply. First, my reviews for all the following posts will be shorter. Eight whole posts went up the night of the round's end. This is inexcusable to set this much on the readership's lap and expect them to read it all and vote.

Minerva, this has been a consistent habit. Last week, you posted your post two hours before the deadline. The prior weeks' issues have already been catalogued. I don't know all that's gone on behind the scenes, but by this point, I know that I can expect you to be late with your posts every week. If you make it to the next round, fix this. I do not want to see another late post.

And for the other authors? Don't think that I presume only Minerva got her post out late. As a reader, I can't tell who might have also been holding things up, but I'll be watching in the following weeks. Life happens, I understand, but don't make this a habit. Get on this next round early and hard.

I assumed I'd get a comment about this, so I'm going to explain myself. This last round for me has been incredibly difficult in regards to my personal life. To summarize it very quickly, a week before my next semester at school started, I was told that I was denied student housing and so my week has basically been defined by me and my family frantically searching for someplace for me to live so that I can keep going to school. We eventually found a place, but of course also meant moving in. Meanwhile, I've been dealing with tuition and financial aid issues so that I can afford school as well. It's just been an incredibly difficult week for me in real life, and as a result it took me a while to find time to write and finish my post. I apologize.

Quote
Last week, you posted your post two hours before the deadline. The prior weeks' issues have already been catalogued.

I disagree completely here though. Four authors, including myself, all posted on the day of the deadline. Whether it was 8 hours before or 2 hours shouldn't matter. I wasn't anymore late than they were, we all posted before the deadline. I'm also going to reiterate that Tug of War was not late in the slightest. As far as I'm concerned, I've only been late in Round 1 and Round 4. Luckily though, my schedule is now clear, so it will not happen again.

Thank you though for the review, and I'm glad you liked most of the content.
98
Contest Discussion / Re: Storyteller's Vigil
« Last post by Tooley Bostay on September 12, 2017, 07:17:35 PM »
Is There Another Way To Go?

The Russa Nodrey bit was cute. Kentrith being so loud about all this super sensitive info is still a bit odd. Whenever I read his posts, I don't feel that he truly takes this plan and situation of his seriously. I know it matters to him, but he's like a beast grabbing at a fish with buttered paws.

Similar problem to Minerva's post--why the heck are the FTN people being so open and blunt with beasts they shouldn't trust yet? Sure, they haven't spilled their plan yet, but why are they revealing themselves to Silas, Minerva, and Komi?

I liked the oath, though. Rolls off the tongue fairly well and has the right amount of gravitas to it. Solid stuff.

The Blasio "reveal," if it's to be trusted, was unexpected. Unsure where the cast is going with that, but I'm intrigued, for sure. Silas' reaction makes perfect sense, but this also explains why maybe these super secret shadowy beasts shouldn't just dump a bunch of insider info on random beasts yet?

Overall, a solid post, but it felt more like "Kentrith goes here and there and then some things happen/are explained." Sure, he's now thinking about leaving the FTN, but... what's he actually doing? Like, for example, I thought (and this still might happen) that he was actually going to recruit Marik. In a way, turn him against his own mother to force Nix to work with him. Now that would be Kentrith doing something, and throwing stones to ripple the waters! Moving ahead, that's what I need to be seeing from Kentrith: him stepping out and really doing things that shake the plot, world, and current situation. Not saying you should do this specifically, but I don't really care if all Kentrith does is think about leaving the FTN. What if he actually did? Ask yourself that heading into next round. "What if Kentrith did [insert something pretty big, game-changing, that punches the plot forward and shakes things up]?"
99
Contest Discussion / Re: Storyteller's Vigil
« Last post by Tooley Bostay on September 12, 2017, 07:08:22 PM »
Smile Like You Mean It

Really enjoyed this one. Hits a lot of things that needed ratcheting up, and the "reveal" to Nire about Thrayjen's true identity was a wise one. That entire scene was really well done, including Nire's sponsorship of him. He's not doing it because "Thrayjen is a cast member who is cool so of course I sponsor Cool Dude," he's doing it to further manipulate Thrayjen. And Thrayjen knows this, but goes along with it anyway. "Play the game" he says, but by the end of it, you wonder if he'll end up losing himself in the process.

What I really like is the contrast that exists between someone like Thrayjen and Aldridge. Thray learns his "children" might be in the Crater, but does that make him hate Nire all the more and take up instantly the chance to overthrow the fiend? Not at all. In fact, we see a charming, good aspect of Thrayjen's character turned into a flaw: his genial nature, and specifically how that ties into his past. We know Thrayjen wasn't a great dude back in the day, but by the time of Nan, he set all that aside, took up an easygoing life and just lived with a family. His ability to set aside his hatred and slights and just walk forward was such a positive thing then, but now we see it turned on its head here: Thrayjen is a terrified beast, who - in a way - thinks he's being brave in his fear. All the better, because I completely understand and empathize with his situation.

And that last voice? Him telling himself to play Nire's game as he "heard Aldridge’s voice call him to training"? Glorious contrast-work. I am going to be fascinated at how those two interact in the future, especially after they seemingly came to an "understanding." What happens when Thrayjen's acceptance of Aldridge's meddling changes, and he views Aldridge as a threat? Glorious conflict, and I'm in, hook-line-and-sinker.

Good post, Thray. Very much enjoyed it.
100
Contest Discussion / Re: Storyteller's Vigil
« Last post by Tooley Bostay on September 12, 2017, 06:56:04 PM »
Before I get to the review, let's start by addressing the elephant in the room: the delay between this post and the last. I've several things to say, but I'll say them simply. First, my reviews for all the following posts will be shorter. Eight whole posts went up the night of the round's end. This is inexcusable to set this much on the readership's lap and expect them to read it all and vote.

Minerva, this has been a consistent habit. Last week, you posted your post two hours before the deadline. The prior weeks' issues have already been catalogued. I don't know all that's gone on behind the scenes, but by this point, I know that I can expect you to be late with your posts every week. If you make it to the next round, fix this. I do not want to see another late post.

And for the other authors? Don't think that I presume only Minerva got her post out late. As a reader, I can't tell who might have also been holding things up, but I'll be watching in the following weeks. Life happens, I understand, but don't make this a habit. Get on this next round early and hard.

Now, onto the review:

The Pit

Highlights: Enjoyed seeing Marik again. His genuine hope and belief that the story will end well is touching and nice to see. And a good contrast to the turmoil Minerva is going through. Nicely done.
Her moment with asking Silas what he would do, and him unintentionally granting her the fortitude to carry out her dubious deed. Nice character moment.
That last line about Monsters residing in the dark is solid. A good nod to a larger-scale character arc.

Drawbacks: ...Eve trusts Minerva that much? For real? They don't even tell Kentrith what their plan is, but she's just going to up an dump the massive info that she's a leader of the FTN on this unproven otterwife? Maybe that ditzy act isn't so much of an act.
While I do like parts of it, backstory storytime with Silas and Minerva was a bit... mleh. "Here, let me tell you a bunch of things that happened." "Oh. Cool." And it is. Finally cool to know her story with her husband. But that's all it is. "Oh. That's cool."
Pages: 1 ... 8 9 [10]