Author Topic: Reviews of a Treedog  (Read 911 times)

Sycamore

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Reviews of a Treedog
« on: May 17, 2008, 12:07:56 AM »
First of all, I have to apologize for not doing this earlier, and waiting five (story) weeks before you kids get any feedback from me. But I'm going to rectify that. Henceforth I'm going to give you my impressions of every post written. I'm not promising full out reviews unless I see fit, but I will give you at least two cents.

As for now, if you'll allow it, let me give you my feelings of the remaining survivors and the story in general.

Ashira- I probably look forward to your posts the most. You have an amazing ability to write, topped only by my love of your character. She's strong, sensible, and you have shown us an extensive history through very minimal flashbacks. I feel like I know all about your character's past without you having to shove it in my face with pages of italics. That's an impressive feat. Keep up the good work.

Brooga- I like you most because you're an optimist like myself. You do very well in the quaint mole dialect Jacques is famous for ruining people's attitudes when writing them, and I suspect Tara chose a mole for the story for that very reason. She's real though. Brooga has her doubts and sometimes her optimism falters. Keep her that way. Don't allow her to become flat.

Cricket- I am so glad I voted for you. You have exceeded my expectations and the joy I receive when reading your posts makes me giddy. A truly despicable vermin, you pulled off the evilness in her very well, especially for a young'un. However, you're not one to stick to one path. You've seen that as a child she can have the most development out of all other characters in the story, and I saw that in the dialogue you concocted betwixt her and Bluefang. I'm curious as to what you have up your sleeve.

Silus- Good job killing off my favorite character. I am thoroughly upset.

Tassle- It seems as though you, along with Cricket, have given your character the most development. I admit, the first few weeks I couldn't quite get into the shrew, but I'm liking her more and more with every post you write. I like her drive, but I also like her vulnerability. Keep developing her.

Ulrick- A neutral badger. While not Jacques canon, and unfortunately I have to say I'm a sucker for Redwall canon, you have done well in keeping him delightfully neutral. However, it seems like you have catered to my desire for Redwall canon in a chapter that had more flashback than content. That aside, do I see allusions to the dreadful badger affliction known as bloodwrath? That's something I would like to see. If I'm not mistaken, I believe you'd be the first badger survivor to possess it. Such possibilities excite me.

As for the story, I'm enjoying it. A well-spoken wolf, eh? I'd like to see how a wolf found his way to Gabool's island. That opens up infinite possibilities to explore. Silus appears to have gone completely mad with his recent killing spree and interaction with the dead, Ashira has resigned herself to kill the creature with a warrior mole, Ulrick hasn't changed his resolve to remove himself from the island, and Cricket and Tassle actually have some common ground to stand on (which I think is absolutely glorious... bravo!).

Tassle... she did well allying her forces with the vermin. It was a smart move, and the only option she had left. However, with the recent turn of events and taking into account her prejudice, I don't think she'd be so keen on continuing to work with them, no matter who killed Kelsey or the consequences of their actions. Don't let her ignore the otter's death, which was implied in Brooga's post.

I have some other things to say, but I'll leave it at that for now.
And then he DIED!!!

Sycamore

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Re: Reviews of a Treedog
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2008, 01:32:45 AM »
Well, I think I've pretty much got over the shock that ended this week. I still don't agree with it, and no longer being able to expect Ashira's posts at the start of every week is going to be upsetting.

Even so, I really liked Ashira's death post. As a matter of fact, I've enjoyed most of the death posts in this contest. I tend to like the ones that just die, no real fluff around the edges with hallucinations and life flashing before eyes and stuff like that. It's a cold death, one you don't really feel good about that affects me the most.

Ashira has set up a great following for Brooga, one that I think gives the mole loads of potential. She has seen death before. Once with the squirrel, which was a peaceful death, and another time with Shelby, which was decidedly less peaceful, but she was already dead. This time she's witnessing the gruesome act firstpaw. How will it affect her?

More importantly, though, is she safe? What happened to the wolf? Did Ashira succeed in her task, or did she fail? Did it run, or is it strong enough to go back for Brooga?

Usually death posts are final posts. They answer a lot of questions involving characterization and what is going on in the story. Sometimes they'll introduce a new threat that will be dealt with in the far off future. At least, that's what I have gathered. However, Ashira's death is pretty much the complete opposite. No backstories, her death is sudden and not drawn out, and the threat she introduces is severe and exigent.

Very, very well done.

I don't think she killed the wolf. Then again, I've been bitten by a ferret before. They don't let go for anything.
And then he DIED!!!

Sycamore

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Re: Reviews of a Treedog
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2008, 12:19:26 AM »
I have to say, the week started off strong, but it's ending on a rather lackluster note. Here's hoping you guys can pull it around.

Cricket
Very rarely do I read a post of this length and not start checking the scrollbar to see how far I've gotten or flipping through printed pages (in this case) to see how many are left halfway along the way. I found my pages getting thinner and I wanted them to be thick again, that's how much I enjoyed your writing. You have crafted a character of delicious depth and caliber. One of my favorite things about Cricket is how you've made her neutral, but done so in such a despicably evil way.

The way you progressed the story, too. Fabulous. That last bit about Jonas came completely out of left field, and I love you for it. I've got to be honest, since the beginning of the story I was vying for his death at the paws of Ashira. Now you've taken my disappointment and turned it completely on its head. I'm so excited.

Your prose too was magnificent. I can hardly find something wrong with it. The memory, perhaps. I wasn't quite sure how the two connected, but it was humourous enough not to dwell on it. Still, most definitely the best chapter you've yet written.

Brooga
Ooh, what does this entail for our jolly little mole? I think your character development was utterly wonderful. Every action the mole took was believable. I love what you've done with Ashira's death and expanded on it. You've taken Ashira's knowledge that the thing breathes, that it's nothing more than flesh and blood, that it can be overcome, and given it to Brooga. The mole is the only one left that knows the wolf is not really a monster, but a living creature. Expand on this. We've seen a very traumatized mole doubt her silver lining, but the knowledge she gained should be enough to give it back to her. No one wants to see Brooga lose it completely.

Tassle
Hmm... I have to say I'm a little disappointed in this one. It was rushed, very clearly rushed, and I'm sure voting had something to do with that. Don't get me wrong. I thought you started out great. The first few paragraphs really got me pumped, but you lost the adrenaline along the way with too much not doing. You've given her that stereotypical shrew rage with which I'm all aflutter about being the conservative Redwallist I am, but very little happened with it. Shrews let their actions speak for themselves.

Unfortunately, Tassle's actions are not believable to me. With all the vengeance in her heart, all the anger and ire seeping from her pores, why in the name of Father Abbot is she still siding with the vermin? She has come to the conclusion that the Big Evil is one of the lesser threats, yet she is still found dealing with the two greaters. I don't understand why.

I urge you to get another post out before voting has ended. Spend more time on this one, don't strain it. Let Tassle's actions speak by making her act according to her feelings. Right now she's saying one thing and doing another. I think a second post will be beneficial.

Silus
I'm having a bit of difficulty trying to decide whether or not you are continuing what Cricket introduced with Jonas. It was a great direction, but I can't see where you were going with it. It seemed half the time he knew what was going on, and the other half didn't. Whether or not you're simply providing what Silus feels about the situation remains to be seen. Again, nothing really happens in this post aside from the introduction of a new threat that is to be dealt with in due time. Everything else has already been said by Oni.

To Everyone
Right now I've seen only one post from each of you every week. I would very much like to see more.
And then he DIED!!!