A Wise Owl's Humble Opinions... Of Wisdom.

[Clutus]

Note:  The quality of this wise owl's opinions may vary by case.

So, I haven't done a lot of reviewing before, but I was writing done my opinions on the top 14 (I guess that's what we call them?), and I figured I might as well share those opinions.

What I'm looking for: I'm no SPAG expert.  So long as I can understand what your saying, I probably wont even notice you made a mistake.  What I generally look at is the character.  Does he or she have room for growth? Does he or she pique my interest?  These two questions are the two most important for me.  Now, moving on to the Top 14.

Merchants:

A lot of good applications here, so the ratings were hard to choose.  Of course with the number of merchant applicants, this makes sense.

1 ? Alder Flint

Alder sounds like a bit of jerk, for the lack of a stronger word.  However, he seems like a very interesting jerk.  I would really like to find out more about him, and see his relationship with his son develop.  As this relationship develops, there is a ton of potential for character growth, which could make Alder a major contender in this contest.

P.S.  The ending of this application is what really did it for me, some endings are too weak, some just try too hard to be dramatic.  This one was perfect.

2 ? Nyika

I had a lot of questions at the end of this application.  Is Nyika a real psychic, a fake, or just insane?  I don't know, but I would like to find out.  These kinds of questions are excellent, and make for easy character development.  I like Nyika a lot. 

3 ? Pollux

I don't really see how Pollux is a merchant, so that hurt him a little in my eyes.  Otherwise I really liked this character.  The writing really drew me in, and the exchange between Pollux and the squirrel kept my attention.  I do like Pollux, and I would like to find out more about him. However, going back to my discussion on endings, I found this one a bit lacking in the flare department.  I didn't really feel anything with the ending, it just sort of... Stopped.

"This war is absurd." Sam paused. "You know, before this, I was eager to come out and fight. Then I killed my first man?"

Warning: Mini Rant

I always find it annoying when people use human terms in the Redwall Universe.  Words like hands, arms, or man always have a way of pulling me away from the story.  Sometimes it may complicate the writing to use Redwallian terms, but I would rather see these complications then see human terms used by my furry little animals.  Granted, I see these terms pretty often in the ROC, so I'm going to try and not hold it against anyone.  Just keep in mind, you're not going to be gaining any favor from me when you use these crossover terms.

4 ? Zevka Blackbriar

First of all, when I saw the name ?Blackbriar? I was kinda hoping for a Jason Bourne-esque character. This didn't happen.  So I'll move on. 

The first rule of being a vermin warlord: DON'T TRY TO CONQUER REDWALL!

Kinda love this quote.  It made me laugh out loud.  In fact, of all the applications, this is the only one that managed that, and it did so more than once.  The humor in this application is its strength.  However, I finish the application without ever really getting an understanding of Zevka.  I know she is a soldier, and she is smart enough not to attack Redwall, but other than that I don't really know her.  If you would have defined her character a little more, I may have placed her my top 2.  However good the humor was, the character depth just wasn't there to back it up.

5 ? Terrence Wellspiller

I finished this application feeling sad, but not a lot else.  I felt sorry for Terrence, which is good, but like Zevka, Terrence failed to capture me.  His dad is a jerk (not the Alder kind of jerk, just regular jerk.)  And I don't really care much for the rest of them village folks either.  The problem is, I still don't have much a handle on Terrence as a character.  As with all the above characters, the writing in this application was good.  However, the character could have been better defined.

Next up: The Dewhurst Players.

[Clutus]

Dewhurst Players:

Holy ferrets, Batman! The entertainment industry seems to attract ferrets in a big way.

1 ? Poko

While I know I said I wasn't usually bothered by SPAG errors, there were a couple SPAG issues that jumped out at me.  Other than that the writing was excellent, and the plot held my attention.  I am interested in learning more about Poko, but I wish I knew a little more already.  What motivates her?  Was she scared of being found out by the badger, or was she confident in her skill.  I would have liked it if we could have gotten inside Poko's head a bit more.  Overall the character and writing is excellent. I would be happy to learn more about Poko.

2 ? Shortstack

This stoat has his problems, but I did find the application entertaining.  I felt like I was given a good understanding of how he ticks, and his interactions with the other characters were all solid.  We got inside his head, but we were never given a good description of the character himself.  You wasted many of your allotted words for the description of Francisco, but far less for the description of Shortstack.  It took me a little bit to figure out that he was very short.  I'm not sure what that's called in the Redwall universe, maybe a runt?  Good job not making the application all about how Shortstack is a runt, and developing him as a character beyond a gimmick.  I do question why it necessary to make him a runt at all, but whatever.

3 ? Vist

Vist is an interesting character from the beginning, and I was beginning to really like him after he killed Reng.  This is despite the fact that I felt that the ?violent fit of jealousy? and ?running away from loved ones to escape the law? things are a bit clich?, but maybe that's just because I listen to country music.  My main problem arises at the end.  You remove Vist from everything in the application.  I know the vengeful angry Vist, but I'm not sure that I know the new Vist of the Dewhurst Players.  I would have rather seen him in his new environment. 

His heart ached for Siltra, the pretty ferret maid he had left behind. He carried a throwing knife at his side always, least anyone try to wound his heart again.

Now I'll return to my discussion on endings.  I like endings that shock, amuse, or enlighten.  I'm not a big fan of endings that make my roll my eyes.  The ending of this application was a bit melodramatic for me.  Some people may not mind this, but I do.  The ending gives the reader their final impression of the application.  Make sure that it's a good impression.

4 ? Risk

Earlier I was asking for a Jason Bourne-esque character, and seemed to have gotten just that with Risk.  I liked Risk, despite his apparent invincibility and super-ferret strength.  I probably would have voted for him if he had been in a mercenary category.  Unfortunately, that category doesn't exist.  I felt like you had Risk written up before hand, and just threw the ending on there to make him a Dewhurst player.  I just don't feel like you matched the category very well.

Yew Guards:

This is probably the strongest of the three categories.  There isn't an applicant here that I wouldn't love to see in the contest.  Unfortunately, there can only be two.  Therefore, I end up being pretty nit-picky, but this was necessary in order to eliminate some of them.  Keep in mind, Yew Guards, that you are all awesome.

1 ? Istvan

This application is, in my opinion, outstanding.  I was captivated from the first paragraph to the end, and I found myself cheering on the otter's brutality.  The entire application carried the perfect balance of shock and description.  Istvan is a bit overpowering, but this is nothing new for otters.  Plus, this god-moding is balanced out by Istvan's potential for character development.  However, things could get a little ugly if Istvan were to catch little Poko pick-pocketing.

2 ? Maxine Honeydouble

The first thing I thought of when I read Maxine's last name was ?A badger with honey in her name, as in Honey Badger!  Thanks you!?  Maxine did not disappoint, it quickly became apparent that she did not give a crap.  Until the end, when she did give a crap.  That showed us her humanity.  I enjoyed the argument between her and Ricard, and found the dialogue realistic and natural.  I don't have anything bad to say about Maxine, except she just wasn't quite as good as Istvan.  It would be interesting to see my top 2 interact as two beasts who just don't care.

3 ? Ben Slider

I like Ben Slider.  The writing captured me, and throughout the application I consistently felt sympathy for the poor guy.  He has a lot of room for growth, and I would have to see him develop.  Unfortunately, I had to start nitpicking the Yew Guards, and Ben Slider had too many nits to be picked at.

So he wrote the words of a cold-hearted ####.

The use of hash tags to represent a four letter word seemed cheap to me.  It would have been fairly easy to find an appropriate word to substitute for it.  I wish you would have.

It hardly seemed fair either, as he?d kept clean while they visited brothels, gambling halls and opium dens up and down the coast.

I know that this contest was never designated as PG, but the discussion of brothels and opium dens in the Redwall Universe just threw me for a loop.  Obviously the judges are fine with it, but much like the mention of human terms, these adult themes just pulled me out of the story. 

4 ? Grainger

Grainger was the first Yew Guard application I read.  I liked him instantly, but he unfortunately did not stand up to the competition that he faced.  The rough and tough yet compassionate sergeant won me over, but reading over the application again, I found less potential for character growth than with the others.  Grainger strikes me as a static character, but I have little doubt that his writer would be able to make up for this.  However, like I said before, Grainger just didn't quite measure up with the other applicants.

5 ? Captain Noonahootin

First, his name bothers me a bit.  Obviously his first name isn't Captain, but that's how it looks in the application.  It wasn't a big deal, I just thought I'd throw it out there. 

Noonahootin reminded me of Clutus at first, as he berated his trainee for her tardiness.  As the application went on though, Noonahootin showed that he is a much nicer owl than Clutus the Wise.  I enjoyed the application, and the ending line was excellent.  You were up against some stiff competition though, and the Captain failed to capture me like the others.  Keep in mind though, that I would be happy to see any of these Yew Guards in the story. 

[Rousseau]

The use of hash tags to represent a four letter word seemed cheap to me.  It would have been fairly easy to find an appropriate word to substitute for it.  I wish you would have.

I think the hash tags are the forum censoring a certain word. A lot of people don't know the censored word list especially speaking of how strange it is. Unless this was the F or S word getting censored I can't really think of why it got censored and not the application that had the line "Son of a whore!"

[Balmafula]

It's not their fault for the hash tags. The forum just does that automatically because it has a swear filter.

[Clutus]

I was wondering if that was the case.  It's too bad we don't know what words are off limits and which are not, but it's probably a better policy to just avoid questionable language all together.

[Opal]

Yeah, it's the swear filter. I'm updating it now and relaxing a few words. At least words that have legitimate, non-sweary uses as well. Like bastard, which I think is what they were using. XP

EDIT: Making word filters is fun! In a juvenile sort of way. ;D