Author Topic: Vizon's Story Feedback  (Read 3892 times)

Balmafula

  • MO Coordinator
  • Endangered
  • ****
  • Posts: 389
  • Gentlebeast and Scolipede
    • Awards
Re: Vizon's Story Feedback
« Reply #30 on: July 11, 2013, 03:42:14 PM »
No doubt they act like human hands, but they were always called paws anyway just because. Just be-paws!

Maybe I'm in the minority here, ah well. Anyway, it's up to Goragula.

Goragula

  • MO Contestant
  • Near Threatened
  • **
  • Posts: 104
  • The Toadfather
    • Awards
Re: Vizon's Story Feedback
« Reply #31 on: July 11, 2013, 03:55:38 PM »
I think I knew when I was writing it that no matter if I said paws or hands, I'd get scolded either way. So obviously, the logical thing to do is just panic and write them both.*FACEPALM.* Well, I think I'll just say paws from now on, if everyone is okay with that ... Balmafula gets admin's privileges!
:goragula: What does a toad with a BA in Literature say?

... Do you want flies with that?

Vizon

Re: Vizon's Story Feedback
« Reply #32 on: July 11, 2013, 04:05:36 PM »
I always imagined Redwall animals as having very human-like hands, just because it never really made sense to me how mice could write and pick up swords and bake apple pies without having dexterous fingers and thumbs. *shrug* Oh, all the problems of writing anthros.

Since I draw anthros a lot I imagined they've simply evolved to have thumbs (like their dew claws are apposable instead of just vestigial).

Nyika

  • MO Contestant
  • Endangered
  • ****
  • Posts: 428
  • Scaredy Cat
    • Awards
Re: Vizon's Story Feedback
« Reply #33 on: July 20, 2013, 11:14:01 PM »
Hi Vizon! I hope everything is okay over there! We miss your reviews! Come baaack!!

Vizon

Re: Vizon's Story Feedback
« Reply #34 on: July 22, 2013, 06:56:27 PM »
I'm here! I've just been very busy. Working and all. Not sure how much time I'll have to review this week. It might be either a painting or reviews this time around...as I'm not sure I have time to do both, as bogged down as I get in the details (either way!). We'll see. I saw Risk's post - does that mean he was the one voted for??? I mean, I can't tell for sure if he was killed, but it looks pretty bleak! :(
And Nyika - your post is a pretty crazy and unexpected change in the "soft kitty!"


Vizon

Re: Vizon's Story Feedback
« Reply #35 on: July 24, 2013, 08:26:25 PM »
Look at me - a painting AND reviews! Sort of. I tried my best to keep them brief so that I could get through them all. So sorry, these comments are short and not very  in-depth, but hey...at least it's something.

-------------------------------------------------

Rather than full-fledged reviews, I’m going to try “general impressions” and see if that helps me narrow down the time it takes me to cover all these…

Frozen Flame:
Yikes! Testy wildcat…very volatile. Very different from previous perceptions – more quick to violence. Wanted to strike/claw out the eyes of Istvan, tried to attack Poko physically then attacked her (as well as others) verbally, later in Risk’s post, tried to scratch his eyes out too. Is she changing or just coming out of her shell? Seems less stable, fluctuating between pitiable creature to snappish, violent cat attacks. Rather than more independent she seems to be as needy as before, but more apt to hurt those who try to help her. Will this help her grow stronger or become a more trusted, embraced member of the group? Unlikely. Seems to be setting herself up for more battles/hurt than fortification.

The Righteous and the Wicked:
Plotting and scheming. Good to get a tiny little glimpse of Goragula’s past. Not a lot of new villainy, but some development is necessary before we see more true evil I suppose.

In My Time of Dying, In the Evening, In the Light:
So sad to see Risk go! I know it’s kind of ironic after all the grief I gave him with his app, but I really was starting to dig this guy. My Deadpool is gone! :’(
What IS a whoomer???
Finally we see there’s a deeper connection between Nyika and Risk (which explains his concern for her previously). The assassin chopped her out of her pregnant mother whom he killed. Yeesh. Not sure how I’d feel about that if I were her. Probably not see him as a guardian, despite his saving her and raising her (to a point).
So many small sweet things in this post – the writing, the candy, the ribbon, yet paired with violence – punching someone in the face til they die is pretty awful! And then the “adolescent” mole. I do not envy the mole tribe, waking this guy’s kamikaze fury.

Interlude: Hope Still Flies:
Not sure if I’m supposed to review this one, but I did enjoy seeing how Pyracantha and Flax’s relationship morphed. Seeing Flax so helpless and Pyracantha so sisterly/comforting toward him was a bit of a surprise for both. I am interested in seeing how they both change together by the end of all this.

Ho! Ho! To the Bottle I Go!:
Nice to learn more about Vanessa’s past and her father’s influence – and how Noonahootin knew him personally. Vanessa is upset about being deemed “unworthy” of higher rank and then goes and drinks herself stupid to prove it. Nyika just kind of interjects herself (are we approving of underage drinking here?) ;)
A new character is introduced – a love interest at that! So Vanessa does have more of a past than mourning her father and drinking! Drunks are entertaining, I have to admit.

Blue on Blue:
Wow Noonahootin explooooodes! He does assert himself as a more solid leader in this post in the end, however, admitting he was wrong and being willing to humble himself for the sake of the group. Zevka may have been questioning his leadership capabilities, but I think it would be hard for the group to function well without him leading.
It was fun to see that even the level-headed even-tempered old owl can lose control of his emotions sometimes.

The Mentor:
I’ve been waiting for this confrontation for some time! Glad to finally see what Istvan vs. Poko looks like. Zevka seems to have really asserted herself in most of these posts and especially this one (hence the title, I suppose). Even though a lot of Poko’s complaints have already been covered, I guess they weren’t covered aloud (only in her inner thoughts). So she let some of those bothersome thoughts out into the open which sounds like it did her some good. She seems more cheerful near the end than previously. Much more sympathetic in this post. Quick, easy read too.

Let’s Get Down to Business:
Fun exchanges to read. Wondering what’s up with the dead beasts in the snow. Interesting to see that Noonahootin actually respects Zevka on a more “noble” level than I thought. The fight scene was fun…

Gin and Tonic:
Not a lot to say about this one. It was an enjoyable read. Mostly just dialogue between characters – no history or deep inner thoughts, but light and entertaining. Gashrock seems mostly to be coasting along.

Painting Wings in Shades of Red:
Who’d have thought that Istvan could get Poko to play along with his blood-letting. I have to wonder – was the “little thumb prick” all he had in mind for her previously? Or did he change his mind?
And then action – adventure! The story takes an exciting turn! And Istvan is surprisingly with it. He almost doesn’t seem like such a creeper!
Almost, but not quite. ;)
« Last Edit: July 24, 2013, 08:29:58 PM by Vizon »