Author Topic: Reviews? Maybe?  (Read 9899 times)

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #30 on: July 11, 2013, 05:00:37 AM »
It's probably the softest, cuddliest fiber out there.  I've always hated wool as well (apparently I'm mildly allergic on top of the scratchiness) but angora is amazing.  Also expensive.  :P 

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #31 on: July 13, 2013, 10:56:53 AM »
Apologies for the lull, I was freaked out my husband might be dead.  He is not.  And then I was busy.  BUT NOW I RETURN.  So without further ado...

Istvan - Pepper Steak

I am a little skeptical as to how someone as clearly unconventional and by normal standards, insane, has managed to not only secure a position in the guard, but maintain it and advance it in - particularly as he clearly hasn't hidden his nature from his peers.  There's only so much two-faced-ness that can go on before superiors figure out what's up. 

That's really my only comment.  I like your premise, but his position within the story just feels too implausible to me for me to suspend my belief.  If you can get me past it, great; as it is, it completely overwhelms everything else I see in Istvan.

Balmafula

  • MO Coordinator
  • Endangered
  • ****
  • Posts: 389
  • Gentlebeast and Scolipede
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #32 on: July 13, 2013, 12:29:48 PM »
Why do you think he's insane?

I don't mean to sound rude, just curious. I don't see it, so I'm interested in seeing what other people think.

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #33 on: July 13, 2013, 12:38:40 PM »
Noonahootin - The Art of Flying in the Snow

I hate that this is my first comment to you, but... recap, already? 

Quote
He had discovered Istvan conversing with a ferret, the otter’s paws bloodied from slitting the throats of those he had found dead. Forcing himself not to react at all towards the strange religion, Noonahootin had figured that at least Istvan had been doing something he felt productive, even if it was...disturbing to someone who wasn't a fellow practitioner of the doctrine. The otter was strange in his beliefs, sure enough, but had never come across as truly dangerous and so the Captain, as the highest ranking officer left, had given Istvan something even more productive to do in being a leader. In doing so, Noonahootin had chosen to trust Istvan with the lives of the survivors. He deeply hoped that the corporal would not let him down.

I get religious tolerance, and all, but... what?  I just can't figure how Istvan's behavior is accepted.  Even if he hasn't actually hurt anyone in the story proper, it's pretty clear that everyone knows what he believes.  When I was part of a weird religion, the most I could ever do was get employers to give me one day of the weekend off!  Especially when all of this is compared to: 

Quote
... the one other male left was a ferret who had been skinning a rat. As resourceful as the ferret appeared, his behaviour was not entirely trustworthy.

It seems to me that skinning a dead beast for the use of its fur makes a lot more sense than slitting a bunch of dead beasts' throats for The Mother.  But since Risk is a ferret, I suppose I can let that one slide. 

I do appreciate the misogynism.  I'm not sure I can explain why, but I do.   

For all the time you spend inside his head at the beginning, I actually felt that I would have appreciated a little more introversion.  There is very little focus on the self in his thoughts; he is almost always entirely focused on others.  I don't have a good sense of how Noon (can I?  please?) really feels about most of what's happening, merely what he *thinks* of it.  And that's probably me being a touchy feely female and silly and gushy, but whatever.  I think a lot of emotion, probably because I've spent so much time wishing I didn't have it.  It's something that's better appreciated when it's explored and exploited. 

It's actually hard for me to picture him in a leader role, but it's early yet.  I think it's a tad hard to *begin* a story with a catastrophe, because you are unable to display your character in their natural day-to-day role; everything is different because of what has happened.  It's harder for me to get a grip on how any of the characters behave on a regular basis because the primary example I have is out of the ordinary. 

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #34 on: July 13, 2013, 12:46:32 PM »
Why do you think he's insane?

I don't mean to sound rude, just curious. I don't see it, so I'm interested in seeing what other people think.

Well, when I think harder about it, it may be personal bias.  My perspective on religion in real life colors my perspective here; the things that Istvan does (slitting throats of those already dead) seem pointless and crazy.  He also, from what I understood, seems pretty bent on killing everyone he can as the opportunity presents itself.  I find it hard to believe that this is the first he's acted on these impulses. 

Istvan's religion is so radical, and his entire character is so immersed in it, that to me it is comparable to a cult.  I find that in itself intriguing.  However, having unfortunately had experience with a cult, it is virtually impossible to function in the "real" world while still staying true to your beliefs.  Either you are unable to participate in activities that are the social norm, or you are forced to behave in a way that clearly sets you apart - i.e., spilling blood willy nilly. 

As I said, I'm open to Istvan's author changing my mind on him, but as it is, I find his character inconsistent with his role in the story.

Balmafula

  • MO Coordinator
  • Endangered
  • ****
  • Posts: 389
  • Gentlebeast and Scolipede
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #35 on: July 13, 2013, 01:14:17 PM »
See, the thing is that as I see it, Istvan would not go around slitting throats on an average day. Even in his app, he didn't actually kill anybody.  As for his actions in his first post, like you said, it's not much different than Risk cutting up beasts for skins or Zevka killing that hare. I guess more like the latter. But while Zevka does it for more logical reasons, Istvan's intent is more esoteric, and he's even intent on "saving" the creatures who are already dead, which is what makes it less palatable.

As for being allowed in the guard, he addresses it in one of his posts - I forget which - that the Yew Guard does not condone the execution of criminals so normally he doesn't do it. He follows their rules. He is capable of controlling himself. And, in his newest post and Nyika's post, you can see that he feels guilt for what he's done. The tragedy brings out the extreme qualities of all of the characters, and so they wouldn't probably act quite the same in normal circumstances, in civilization.

But he is definitely creepy, and I can understand being weirded out... especially with those circumstances.

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #36 on: July 13, 2013, 02:01:11 PM »
See, the thing is that as I see it, Istvan would not go around slitting throats on an average day. Even in his app, he didn't actually kill anybody.

It's not explicitly stated that he killed anyone in the app, but for blood to spray out of a wound and make that much of a mess, there's very little chance that the fox actually survived, particularly without the necessary medical know-how to fix that kind of injury.  Regardless of whether he intends to kill, he has a fixation on spilling blood, for reasons that the average beast cannot comprehend.  His only real reason for being on this journey is so that he is more likely to die during the winter - again, something that every other beast considers crazy. 

I know it may not sound genuine, but I really do love the character.  I find him fascinating.  But I need to be convinced of how he fits into his profession.  And, hopefully, as you say, reading the rest of the posts in the week will do that for me.

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #37 on: July 13, 2013, 05:09:48 PM »
Nyika - A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

I have to say, Nyika is a good portrayal of a teenager.  It's not my favorite age range to read, but it will be interesting to see how she matures over the course of the story.

It bothers me that Nyika is so animalistic when no one else is, but only because it can come across as a little weird.  Licking Zevka's tail... animal!animals generally don't like their tails messed with, at least not in my experience, so using it as a primal behavior kinda thing just seemed odd to me.  And then chasing after feathers, I like that you portrayed it as something in her nature rather than something evil, but I still felt like it was treated very casually for something that is unusual in the society that has been created.  It's just a nitpick, though. 

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #38 on: July 13, 2013, 06:14:44 PM »
Not going to review the group post, but I have to say that I didn't see why it was needed.  Seemed like a lot of interactions that could have shone just as well in individual posts, considering that nothing major happened.  Not to say there weren't some good, interesting interactions; just that I would rather have not read them all lumped together in one long post. 

I am one of those hypocritical people who doesn't like word limits on posts but still really likes short posts.  So feel free to fwap me when it's needed.

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #39 on: July 13, 2013, 06:27:00 PM »
Noonahootin - For The Birds

Good improvement on your first post, and I felt there was much better flow and ease of storytelling.  I'm kind of curious as to why you are further injuring him, as there generally isn't a good reason to handicap your character this early in, and it could come back on you.  I realize that it's necessary to show how hostile the local beasts are against them, but I hope his injuries don't hold him back significantly. 

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #40 on: July 14, 2013, 12:47:10 PM »
Risk - Hots On For Nowhere

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think I have much of anything to say.  I think I like Risk.  Sometimes I'm not sure.  There's a certain level of distance - as a reader, I feel like you're keeping me at arms length.  And that's entirely unhelpful, I'm sure. 

Nyika

  • MO Contestant
  • Endangered
  • ****
  • Posts: 428
  • Scaredy Cat
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #41 on: July 20, 2013, 11:18:14 PM »
Hi carelesswhisper! I hope everything is okay on your side! You've been rather quiet. I hope you are still reading and reviewing! *hopehopehope*

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #42 on: July 22, 2013, 04:39:12 AM »
I will be back sometime this week.  When I started reviewing, I was home all day every day with my stepchildren but now they've gone home and I'm back at work, so I usually spend my free time cleaning up after the enormous mess their rooms are or falling asleep while trying to be productive.  :P  Just have to get back into the swing of things and then I'll be back to my usual reviewing. 

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #43 on: July 25, 2013, 11:14:15 AM »
And we're back!  I shall attempt to cram as many posts as possible between post office, shopping, and laundry today.  :D 

Zevka - Pascal's Wager

I appreciate how down to earth Zevka is in comparison to... everyone else. 

Quote
Istvan had made his way back towards the four females, and took the opportunity to inject himself into the conversation.

To me, the wording just comes off weird.  I would have used "interject".  And yes, it's just personal opinion, but when I see "inject", I literally think about syringes and needles and tiny otters being pushed through them.  HOWEVER, I do like the implication that his presence is painful and unwanted. 

Gosh, it's really hard for me to read Istvan's bits.  Not because they're badly written, just because they're extremely accurate for what I assume he's trying to portray.  I'm hoping beyond hope that there's some kind of dramatic point where his world falls apart and he realizes he was deceived and led to harm countless beasts along the way. 

So, I like how Zevka looks out for everyone else, but I'm interested to see more of herself come to the forefront.  There are hints and bits and pieces here and there, but the majority of the time, she is consumed with caring for others.  And outside of the bit with Istvan, it doesn't seem to overwhelm her much. 

carelesswhisper

  • Vulnerable
  • ***
  • Posts: 200
    • Awards
Re: Reviews? Maybe?
« Reply #44 on: July 25, 2013, 11:25:01 AM »
Gashrock - The Snow Queen

This seemed... really really filler.  Like, I  thought it was good to see how Gashrock will read what she wants to hear into whatever is said, and will try to mindread just to please other beasts, but after an entire post planning a play and wondering how on earth you would make it relevant to the main plot and not just an amusing tidbit that could estrange Gashrock from the story, you end it with her realizing that it is not, in fact, desired.  And then give minimal reaction to that realization. 

I thought it was well written, and I certainly found the humor to be good, but it didn't serve much purpose aside from that.