Author Topic: Week Seven  (Read 1710 times)

Opal

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Week Seven
« on: June 08, 2008, 12:49:50 AM »
Where are my lovely reviewers? I demand reviews!



...I'll give you cookies!
"I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel." - Blackadder the Third

Stonewall

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2008, 08:46:28 AM »
I've been holding off for a bit, but I'll try to post my thoughts in a bit.

Don't be discouraged by a lack of reviews, authors; this week has been very good, very emotional, and I regret that one of you still has to go.
I am the game, and I want to play

Stonewall

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2008, 02:14:22 PM »
Light and Shadow
-Well, well, Tassle certainly isn't the carefree, innocent youth she was at the begining of the story, that's for certain. Her reaction to the massacre of the crew was shocking at first, but upon thinking about it, she really has no reason to care for anyone but Brooga and Roger by now; Ulrick appears to still be doing his own thing, Cricket is tricky, her attempt at an alliance has failed miserably... nothing seems to be going right for Tassle, and she's understandably miffed. Good piece of character development.
-The race is on for whoever can find Dyena first, I see. I liked the description of fear that Tassle was feeling upon entering the tunnels again, and that she's not just strutting around invincibly. But I have to say, I'm not sure I understand the motivation for her to pour her heart out to Meena. After all, she's giving the cold shoulder to everyone else who has wronged her, but she's having a conversation with one of the creatures who has been plotting to kill them?
-It's good to see Tassle is still planning: that has been her strength the entire story, and she's still going at it, making deals to Obligo and Meena at the end of all things. Yet I don't think it was a good idea to leave the chapter with a cliff hanger regarding deal making: this week has been one of climatic action, and it might be too late to leave hints for the next week.

Down Once More
-It was a small thing, but I liked the reintroduction of Ulrick's hammer. That's how we first saw him, ready to deliver a judgement to the circus; and now that he has it back again, he's going to deliver judgement again, this time on the wolves. A small nuance, but I enjoyed it.
-Ah, now we understand why Ulrick hates heroics. Good flash back, and a good reason for the badger's self centered attitude; heroics killed his friend, and he wants no part of it anymore. I kind of wish Harold had lived long enough to be lectured on being a hero by Ulrick...
-Good tying of a loose end concerning Ashira's wolf. I wondered where it had been all this time. One smalll gripe: I know it was injured and close to death, but Ulrick just seemed a little too alright with being up close to one of the wolves again. I would have liked to get a little more emotion out of him.

The other two will be up soon.
I am the game, and I want to play

Stonewall

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2008, 01:27:11 PM »
Rat Hole
-Well, I was wondering how the prophecy of only three getting off the island would work out with the crew still around, but that certainly isn't an issue any more. Again, Cricket's ability to shift from child like to malicious evil never fails to shock me (that's a good thing, by the way. Keeping the audience on their toes makes the story all the more interesting).
-I was a little dissapointed with her falling back when confronted by Jonas. She just declared herself Queen, undertook a vicious operation, orchestrated entirely by her, and I was hoping that would give her the boost she needed to start talking to Jonas as Silus and Ashira had. But given that she is still a child, I suppose it's more realistic that she can't keep a strong facade up 24/7. With that said,  the interaction between Cricket and Jonas now is very interesting; I liked how you showed the clever side of the marten, considering he hasn't really been doing a whole lot during the story.
-Wow, the white wolf is a jerk. Even if his murderous habits weren't enough, his taunting of Lowri and his snide tone bugged me. Good work.
-I liked the imagery of Cricket and Ulrick fighting side by side against the wolves, considering they've both been trying to kill one another for the entire story. It shows that the remaining creatures on the island are united, if not by love of one another than by hatred of their oppressors.

The Point of No Return.
-I absolutely love the description of how Brooga feels at this point of the story; she might have had all the hope in the world at the begining, but after all she's seen, she finally admits that she's afraid. Also, the passage regarding the definition of Mother was very powerful; it takes something familiar and warm and changes it completely, just as our mole's personality has been altered.
-Thank you for the scene where Brooga restrains Tassle from a suicide charge. I've been waiting for Brooga to show her strength, and the timing was sublime. The description of Brooga's personal strength was very well worded also.
-I like how you showed Brooga's optimism by giving her an entirly different take on the wolves than we have yet seen. Rather than flat out hating them, Brooga pities them, understands them, and that's what has made the mole so enduring for so long; the world just looks a little different from the eyes of a mole.


Did I mention this was a good week?
I am the game, and I want to play

Opal

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2008, 02:31:39 PM »
Yey! I've said this a million times, but thank you so much for your reviews, Stonewall! ;D
"I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel." - Blackadder the Third

Brooga Delfan

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2008, 03:13:09 PM »
Burr, aye.

Thanks, Stonewall. n_n
Bo hurr.

Ulrick Hammerpaw

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2008, 04:33:16 PM »
Yes, thank you so much Stonewall! Your reviews have certainly been very helpful to me, and I hope I've managed to develop Ulrick as you hoped back at the start.
Avatar character portraits:

The Baron (Terrouge) by Geo Holms
Vladimir Ullyanov (Vulpine Imperium) by Therin
Ulrick Hammerpaw (RedVenture 4) by Cricket
Sootpaws (Midnight Mossflower) by Lady Tara Starblade
Hector Fotheringdale (Questors Bold V) by Kyrahlynn

Cricket Argyll

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2008, 05:27:47 PM »
Yes! Thank you so much, Stonewall. I really looked forward to your reviews each week during this contest to see what we contestants could do as a whole to make the story more enjoyable. I hope you've seen an improvement in all of our writing over the past weeks (or months, really!) and will follow our little story to its conclusion.

*gives a digital cookie to Stonewall* A Cookie cookie fer ya! Jist don't ask what's in it. *grin*
*crickets chirruping*

Sycamore

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2008, 08:21:06 PM »
With that said,  the interaction between Cricket and Jonas now is very interesting; I liked how you showed the clever side of the marten, considering he hasn't really been doing a whole lot during the story.

Cricket's post actually made me wish that Jonas had been more of a prominent figure in the story.
And then he DIED!!!

Opal

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2008, 11:19:50 PM »
I have to admit, I wasn't satisfied with the way Jonas was portrayed most of the time. He wasn't meant to be a whiny wussbag. :P
"I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel." - Blackadder the Third

Sycamore

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2008, 12:12:35 AM »
Well, for a while I was wishing his death at Ashira's paws, since she was the only one who seemed to notice this "whiny wussbag" persona that he picked up. Plus, he seemed to have very little to do with the story, not even managing a good figurehead. Once she died, though, and Cricket gave him a much stronger character, my opinion changed.
And then he DIED!!!

Opal

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2008, 01:47:14 AM »
I chock it up to not enough insistence on my part that everyone write him right! :P I sort of gave up after a while.

In the intro posts I tried my best to portray the subtly evil, yet well-kept, well-spoken and well-mannered, responsible, brilliant, scholarly, clever, yet somewhat absent-minded, aristocratic, devoted father and leader who is more bred to turn a blind eye to slavery and conquest than to actually thirst for it that I had pictured in my mind. **huggles teh marten**
"I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel." - Blackadder the Third

Sycamore

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2008, 10:49:29 AM »
Subtly evil? It may have been too subtle for my radar. Seemed like he was a jolly chipper ol' fella, wot?

Honorable mention to Brooga for a phenomenal title.
And then he DIED!!!

Opal

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2008, 03:13:44 PM »
Yeah, I never really got much chance to show his evil side. I'm glad it's come out a bit more in Cricket's posts. He leans almost neutral, but he's still in the evil camp.
"I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel." - Blackadder the Third

Sycamore

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Re: Week Seven
« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2008, 10:45:15 AM »
Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Tassle?! She's been in my top three the past 7 weeks!
And then he DIED!!!