A Squirrel's Notes

[Orion]

"The title is my disclaimer. These are my notes - essentially first impressions as I read. I tend to notice SPAG stuff, so if it bothers you, tell me, and I won't write down any I see in your posts, although I might mention I saw some. I do my best to be civil, and like to think I do a decent job, but if you'd like me to tone down something, tell me, I suppose."

Thus cautioning, the squirrel leaps into the fray.

The first post he happens upon is entitled Where the Sun Never Dies. It makes him think of Wicked, for some reason. "I read this before I started this post, so I'm not going to say much except I'm all excited about the story."

And For His Encore

"I dunno," the squirrel mutters. "The tack the conversation is taking doesn't appeal to me much." He pivots his foot, thinking. "But no biggie. And I do like that bigger vocabularies line."

He continues reading, but another line causes pause. "The wall between his room and the main chamber downstairs? I suppose it makes sense since the main chamber has a high ceiling. A little counterintuitive, is all."

There's a waggle of brow at a point a bit lower. "Well, see, it's nothing big, but you're missing a space between paragraphs. Definitely hardly warrants more than a bemused expression, but I wanted to point it out.

"Full-on on his stomach. Hm, yes, okay. Couldn't have found some other word to replace 'on'?" He shrugs, ruffles his tail, and treks onward.

"True performance! A fight? Dead camp? Character interaction!" The squirrel glances at the computer. "Sorry, charades in a dorm room. You know how it is. I'll keep reading, shall I?

"Though its pitiful sight offered little comfort what? Not quite a complete sentence there, bird mah bird."

The squirrel finishes the post, stretches, and sighs. "Well, t'was a nice, liddle post, but, for some reason, I wasn't all that enthralled by it. The ending read a little off, for some reason. Guess it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Well, it did make sense, but, well...it was lacking something. Maybe emotional disconnect? Granted, it's the first contestant post, and you're all still getting together, so I'll give you some leeway. And I do like that you and Bellona are already together. Have some background and all. Will make the gathering of the contestants that much more plausible.

"Now the rest of you with posts up, I'll be getting around to reading them sometime, but that's all for now." Shutting his laptop, he diligently begins procrastinating. There's homework to do, after all.

[Damask the Minstrel]

Bah. Everyone says not to talk to reviewers, but I say live on the edge!

- The no-space paragraph I assume was the two vermin comments? I lumped 'em together because, well, it seemed better that way. They're 'the crowd,' so I treated 'em that way.

Most of the rest of the issues I understand. Some wording that was vague, or clunky, but prepare to face the incomplete thought from time to time. In creative writing, I'll occasionally use it to give emphasis to a clause. I know it is technically wrong, but so are talking birds and whatnot.

Can you suspend disbelief of grammar? ^.^

Thanks for the reviews!