Only a Game

[Thrayjen]

Tired and shivering uncontrollably, Thrayjen looked about the dark slave pen that he had called home for several weeks. Other slaves, all male and all sleeping, lay in piles about the floor or curled into balls beneath dripping torches. The cold night was made worse by the dampness of a slow, late spring. Thrayjen clutched his ragged jerkin closer around his neck, grumbling about freezing to death before anyone could kill him.

DAMN that stoat! Thrayjen thought bitterly as he stuffed his paws into his shirt. Aldridge was noticeably missing from the unconscious forms that littered the pen, unseen since he had been dragged away by guards some days ago. Thrayjen had been under strict supervision by Blue and Hargorn since his fighting partner had?perished. 

With Kentigern dead, the rat was stranded without any assistance in the fighting pit. The hare had been a solid fighter, yet his skills with a sword had been dulled by drink and outmatched by a few angry woods shared with a willful slave. The rat no longer had anyone who was truly vested in his survival; he was stranded alone in Nire?s bloody show. Thrayjen had saved the hare and he liked to believe that the highlander would have returned the favour at least once.

In the end, it was me who handed Aldridge the damn knife that killed Kentigern. I thought it would be fine. I convinced myself everything was under control, but I KNEW it would get out of paw. Kentigern was?usually like that with me, too.

Thrayjen?s whiskers drooped and he let out a sigh. The drunken highlander had been crude and shameful in his actions towards Aldridge. The stoat had given Kentigern two chances to accept a civil resolution but neither opportunity had been taken advantage of, and the hare lay dead because of his self-righteous stubbornness.

But he didn?t deserve to die like THAT! Thrayjen thought, remembering the sound of the Marl knife stabbing again and again into wet flesh and fur. Each twitch of Kentigern?s skin, every curling of his ears had burned itself into Thrayjen?s memory while the rat had only stood in shock.

Aldridge said horde life wasn?t for him. I believed him. I didn?t kill my opponents in the ring, but he can?t control himself in a bloody pub?! Of course he?s a murderer! Thrayjen?s eyes narrowed. He kept Currathalla?s company. Of course he?s-

?No,? Thrayjen whispered sharply, curling a lip. He tightly closed his eyes and leaned against the cold stone walls, letting the comforting chill chase the heat of anger in his chest.

You of all beasts?you know better. Don?t be unfair to Aldridge.

It had started as mere talk, and should never have escalated into weaponry. Words should not have spilled blood but they had led to the rending of flesh and the extinguishing of a life. The rat pondered the scene again and again, running over details as he tried to find out where everything had become so irrevocable.

He refused to believe that pride had been the soul driving force of the calamity. Instead, the rat recalled how Kentigern had insistently denounced the stoat?s life and friends as nothing but hollow lies and farce, and proved himself too set in his old fashioned beliefs. The idea of a vermin who was not a vermin had seem inconceivable to Kentigern; perhaps it had even frightened the hare to know that such concepts were no longer outlandish. Kentigern, fearful of change and too proud to be proven wrong, had forced Aldridge?s paw. The defending Aldridge had simply cracked when the killing blow had been delivered; every stab with the knife had been a soul avenged.

Grief, then, Thrayjen contemplated.

As sunlight eventually crept through the narrow windows of the Drag, Thrayjen?s crusty eyes opened to see Blue?s grim face looking down at him from behind the pen bars.

?Good morning,? Thrayjen croaked.

?Let?s not get ahead of ourselves, aye,? Blue said. Her eyes were rimmed red with fatigue and her body sagged forward. Thrayjen supposed that since Aldridge had been in her charge, Blue had slept as little as the rat had.

In the mess hall, Thrayjen poked at a plate of quail eggs and fish strips. Beside him, Blue talked over a heaping pile of breakfast pastries.

?I?ve been speakin? with Nire all night,? Blue began, stabbing her fork into a meat tart. ?That bloody stoat has no idea how much trouble he?s caused. No idea what I had to agree to in order to convince Nire not to have him skinned alive and fed to the boars.]?

?He?ll be returning then, I take it?? Thrayjen said as he idly peeled egg shells.

?He damn well better be.? Blue snapped. ?As your partner. I swear, if he ruins my name??

?Aldridge defended himself,? Thrayjen stated firmly. ?Kentigern would have killed him. We both saw that.?

?Yes, and that?s why Nire isn?t havin? Aldridge?s pelt tanned for a throw rug. He?s on much thinner ice than he realizes. All of us are.?

The rat raised a brow in curiosity.

?I need you help him,? Blue stated as she idly picked her teeth with a claw.

?What with?? Thrayjen asked, unable to hide the bitterness from coming forth. ?Resisting the urge to kill my partners??

?You?re good at this,? Blue explained, gesturing around the mess hall. ?Obedient, aye.?

Thrayjen shrugged. ?I keep my head down.?

?Right! You do as you?re told, when you?re told to do it. You don?t sass anyone and you keep your eyes forward. Besides,? Blue said, her lips thinning, ?Aldridge is?well.?

Thrayjen chewed his food slowly as he listened intently. The ferret scowled and sipped her tea. When Thrayjen?s eyes didn?t leave hers, Blue glowered at him.

?Lately, Nire?s been?displeased with the behaviour of his slaves.? The ferret paused to glance around before she leaned towards Thrayjen and dropped her voice to a whisper.

?He?s been a bit edgy ever since the Coward tried to escape. Rumour mill is goin? around, and I myself have heard a few beasts gossipin? that it were a bunch of slaves that tried to escape, or that even some made it out! HA! Stupid notion, but there you go. Beasts who don?t want to be somewhere will tell stories about beasts gettin? out. All that gossip has Nire thinkin? of a time not so long ago when a few of your kind tried stirrin? up a rebellion. It didn?t end well for them, of course. Nire saw to that.?

?I don?t doubt that,? Thrayjen said solemnly. ?Slave rebellions seldom see success. Of course, you never hear about the failures?only the odd victory that worms its way into bedtime stories.? A slight smile whisked across the rat?s muzzle.

?Exactly,? Blue said, eyeing the rat sidelong. ?Which is why I convinced Nire that Aldridge is worth more to him alive than dead. I want you to talk some sense into Aldridge. Help him to settle down, to see things?more like you do.? The ferret?s blue eyes flashed angrily. ?Make him stay out of trouble, shake off Nire?s ire, then he?ll be fine, and my career will be safe. Maybe he can even grow content here.?

The ferret beamed at Thrayjen for a moment before adding,

?Like you!?

?It?s not possible to be content when a beast like Nire is your master, Miss Blue. I?m far more afraid than I?m letting on.?

Thrayjen set his fork down onto his plate. His last encounter with the lynx had not yet staled in his mind.  He wondered if Aldridge had been faring better than him in The Crater before the unfortunate encounter with Kentigern. The stoat had been a bowyer, making weapons for the gladiators, so it mustn?t have been terrible, Thrayjen thought. Had Aldridge felt as safe as Thrayjen had? Perhaps, upon witnessing the death of so many friends, his grief had shattered him beyond sanity.

Thrayjen had lost everyone when he had been dragged unconscious from the field, tied up, and tossed into a cart. He had awoken to the finality of death and hadn?t had to bear witness to the tragedy of watching his loved ones die. They had simply already been gone.

Thrayjen wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve and nodded at Blue.

?I?ll speak with him. A friendly word can?t hurt.?

?Good,? Blue said. ?Finish up and we?ll pay him a visit in the Fell Wing. The sooner we get down there, the sooner we can leave.?

Why Blue wanted to hurry their visit to Aldridge was made immediately clear. The Fell Wing was past the punishment cells and down a dank corridor. The entire wing was a cold dungeon, moss growing on the walls and leaks trickling down the stonework. Blue shuddered as she spoke to the guards who hefted spears in her direction from outside a heavy set of iron bars.

The ferret led Thrayjen through the gate and into an alcove that was lit with only a single torch and the orange glow from the hallway beyond the threshold. The flickering light illuminated a form huddled against the wall. Aldridge?s wide eyes were red and focused intently on each of the eight legs protruding from the massive spider that lurked in the cell opposite of the stoat.

?Aldridge?? Blue hailed the stoat. His ears twitched but he did not look at either of his visitors. The ferret clucked impatiently.

Thrayjen stared; seeing Aldridge body tremble worse than Nan frightened him. The hollow look in the bowyer?s eyes reminded the rat of the helplessness found in the cells of a home he?d long since left. Thrayjen swallowed and went to step back, shoving the faded echoes of wailing beasts out of his mind. He wanted to turn away from the terrible spider beast and leave the stoat to his fate but a quiet whimper stopped him.

?Help me?? Aldridge gasped between breaths, his chest heaving.

?It?s only for a little while, Moor,? Blue said confidently, pretending that her fur wasn?t standing on end as the spider turned in her direction. ?Thrayjen here has-?

?Hracken,? Thrayjen corrected the ferret quickly. He placed his paws on the bars of Aldridge?s cramped cell. ?Aldridge? Have you been here all this time??

The stoat nodded, his teeth chattering in his jaw. Thrayjen crouched low, frowning deeply as he looked from the spider to the stoat. Both creatures were separated by iron cages and distance. Neither could have reached each other. The rat sat down beside the stoat on the other side of the bars.

?You?re safe, Aldridge. The spider can?t reach you; it?s too far away. Even if it stretched its legs out-?

Aldridge whimpered and curled his knees to his chest.

?Ah,? Thrayjen said. ?Let?s not talk about the spider then.?

?Please. Please, get me out of here,? Aldridge wheezed. ?Please. I?m sorry I killed the hare. I?m so sorry?please get me out.?

Thrayjen looked around to Blue for direction but the ferret had crept her way out of the room and away from the spider. Thrayjen and Aldridge were alone.

?Please??

The stoat shuffled over to the corner of the cell, clutching at the bars until his knuckled turned white.

?Nire sent you here, didn?t he? Tell him I?m sorry.?

?No,? Thrayjen stated firmly. ?Blue did, but never mind that right now. I know you didn?t want to kill Kentigern,? Thrayjen blurted out to the stoat.

Aldridge looked at Thrayjen with what could have been a smirk before he once again focused on the giant monster.

?At first, at least,? Thrayjen continued. ?I understand. He attacked you and he was going for blood. You did what you had to do. We?ve all had to do that.?

The stoat stared hard at Thrayjen and the rat felt as though he was being scrutinized.

?You didn?t have to stab him a dozen times,? Thrayjen pressed, his voice slightly more irritated than before. ?But I understand that Kentigern was a hard beast to understand. He was very traditional, and he was stubborn. He?Kentigern was an idiot,? Thrayjen concluded with a sigh, chuckling with the realization. ?He was. He was an old fashioned fool, and he was more harm than good.?

?He was your partner.?

?We were both forced into it. I?m a slave, and he was irritating to Nire. He only wanted to kill vermin, so imagine the proud highland hare having to fight alongside one! I?ll give it to Nire; he knows how to rub a beast the wrong way.? Thrayjen smiled thinly. His whiskers twitched.

?So did Kentigern.? Aldridge grimaced as he glanced around Thrayjen. The spider clung to the ceiling of its cell, rubbing its forelegs together.

?Yes,? Thrayjen said. ?Which?I think is why you lost your temper.?

Aldridge looked down, completely forgetting the spider.

?That was quite passionate,? Thrayjen said as he leaned forward against the bars, his own eyes trained curiously on the arachnid across the room. ?Quite the temper tantrum.?

?A connoisseur, are you?? Aldridge snapped, but Thrayjen held up a paw. The spider jerked its body towards the voices and Aldridge shrank back against the wall.

?We all lose ourselves sometimes, Aldridge,? Thrayjen said quietly, pointing a stern claw at the stoat. ?We can convince ourselves we?re the strongest we?ve ever been, the most righteous, the most?sane.? The rat swallowed. ?But sometimes, we lose to our hearts. We do things we regret.?

Celine? A soft, round face with white fur and bright eyes rose to Thrayjen?s mind.

?Even if we think it?s for the best.?

Aldridge breathed and squeezed his eyes shut.

?I know,? Thrayjen said sympathetically. He pushed the memory of the mousemaid from his mind. ?Truly, I know. I?ve done?things. Things I wish I could take back. I?d die if I could go back and stop myself.?

?You left your horde. Had a family,? Aldridge said, his voice almost bitter. ?But then?so did I, I suppose.? His eyes opened and locked with Thrayjen?s. ?So what regrets do you have, then??

?The night ol? Nan died,? Thrayjen began slowly, absently smoothing over his shirt, ?the ground was too frozen to dig a grave. I went outside to build a pyre, and wound up wandering the fields instead until I noticed torches heading towards my home. I threw rocks, tried to lead them away. It didn?t work, and I had to fight. There were too many, and I wasn?t enough. They shot me with those sleeping darts they?re so fond of here. When I came to, my family was gone. The slaver that shot me, the one whose nose I broke, gloated that he had burned down my home and I?d never see my pups again. If I had done things differently??

Thrayjen looked at Aldridge and shrugged. ?You see, there?s one thing I?ve learned for sure in my life, and it?s that regret won?t bring anyone back. It won?t fix your mistakes. I wasn?t able to help the children and I?ll never see them again, but I can?t dwell on that and let it drive me mad. I heard every word Kentigern said to you, last night. Every word he said. Of course you fell to the bloodwrath.?

?Bloodwrath?that fits. I must seem?awful to you,? Aldridge said sadly.

?No,? Thrayjen said. ?Every time you stabbed Kentigern, you were avenging your village.  You were standing up for yourself against someone that wanted to destroy you for nothing more than the length of your teeth. He would have killed you for far less than loyalty and?grief.?


Thrayjen looked up at the ceiling, blinking. ?I didn?t get to see my family die. They were taken from me when I was unable to do anything. I think that?s a mercy of some sort. You have suffered so much here; you?ve seen friends die by the pawful. You?re alive now, though, and it looks like Nire is going to keep you alive.?

?It feels like I?ve been here half a lifetime already.? The stoat swallowed as his eyes began to water. ?I can?t take much more of this.?

?Play his game, Aldridge,? Thrayjen said urgently, leaning into the bars and gripping Aldridge?s wrist. Aldridge tried to edge even closer to him. ?Do what Nire says. Don?t argue with him, just stay safe.?

?How?!? Aldridge moaned as the spider scuttled down the wall.

?You live here now, Aldridge. Whether you like it or not, you live here. And many of those who came with you still remain. The best thing you can do for yourself is the best thing you can do for them, and that?s play the game.?

?It?s not a game,? Aldridge hissed. His eyes narrowed at Thrayjen, who tightened his grip.

?It is to Nire. It is to everyone who lords power over beasts beneath them. They make up rules, rules that we must learn and play by. This is a game, Aldridge. Believe me. It?s a game, and you either win or you die. There?s no middle ground.?

?Win? How??

?By living,? Thrayjen said simply. ?As you always have. Do your job, eat your meals, talk your shop gossip. Just don?t rub the cat?s fur the wrong way. You?re lucky he hasn?t executed you for what happened, so don?t give him even a hairs width of slack to change his mind.?

?Suck up to him?? the stoat asked quietly. His face creased. ?You?re telling me to be happy with this?? Aldridge gestured wildly to the spider. ?To this??

?No,? Thrayjen quickly replied. ?I?m telling you to find happiness in the simple things and stay out of Nire?s way.?

?Come on, then!? Blue shouted as she reappeared around the corner. Aldridge looked up hopefully, and Thrayjen stood and sadly patted the stoat?s shoulder.

?Stay strong, Aldridge. It won?t be long; beasts like Nire aren?t patient.?

?Wait?? Aldridge said, his voice high and pleading. ?Please!?

Blue lead him out of the Fell Wing. The rat burned, unable to make himself look back least he never be able to leave.

?You got through to him?? Blue said expectantly. Thrayjen shrugged. ?Ah, well,? Blue sighed. ?I did my best for him. Let?s swing a sword.?

With so many days having gone by, the rat was grateful for the chance to stretch his legs and forget about the torment stories beneath his feet. There was only one other trainer in the courtyard; a tall fox Thrayjen had seen training gladiators was pacing the yard and spinning a staff in his paws. The trainers greeted each other while Thrayjen fetched the weapons cabinet.

?Damn! I left my keys in my room. Do you have yours on you, Hapley?? Blue asked anxiously as she patted her blue jacket pockets.

?No,? Hapley said simply. ?Sorry. Ask Hargorn to borrow his keys??

?I?d rather eat my own foot, aye,? Blue chuckled. ?Right. Would you do me a huge favour?? Blue shuffled over and leaned against Hapley as she batted her blue eyes up at him.

?Fine,? Halpey said through a heavy sigh. ?I?ll watch your charge. Hurry up. I was leaving soon.?

?Thank you!? Blue gave the fox and squeeze and turned to Thrayjen. ?This is Trainer Kentrith Hapley. He?s The Crane. He?s amazing. Not that I need to say it, but?behave yourself!?

The fox and rat watched Blue dart off. After a few moments of silence, Thrayjen turned to Hapley.

?I?m Hracken. Pleasure to meet you.?

?The Kraken,? the fox said. ?I heard about your fight with Ripfang and Raggabrash. Well done. They were formidable. It was particularly interesting how you chose not to kill either of them.?

?If my previous partner had been given half a chance, I?m sure he would have.?

?You always try to find a less lethal conclusion to your conflicts??

Thrayjen looked up at the fox. Hapley was looking at him with a scrutinizing air.

?When I can,? Thrayjen answered shortly.

?That?s kind of you. Not many beasts retain their natures when they come to The Crater. Did you lose anyone on your way here??

The invasive question was presented abruptly and Thrayjen lashed his tail in irritation with the fox?s intrusiveness. However subtle the fox thought himself to be, Thrayjen saw that he was trying to prod. Never the less, Thrayen answered as he pulled his lips back. ?Yes.?

?Ah,? Hapley said quietly. ?I?m sorry to hear that. Mate? Parents??

?My two children,? Thrayjen said sharply. The fox looked genuinely confused.

?Truly? That?s not normal, for children to be neglected or??

Hapley tilted his head.

?I?m sorry to hear that. Marik takes very good care of the dibbuns of The Crater. They would have been treated well.?

?They weren?t,? Thrayjen said quietly, straining to keep his voice under control. ?My Verna and Helix are dead now. I?m far sorrier than you could ever be.?

Hapley?s brow creased. ?Helix? Must be a popular name. Somebody famous??

?What? No, it?s?it?s a family of flowers,? Thrayjen explained, his face twisting. The fox was steadily irritating him with his nosey banter and Thrayjen began eagerly anticipating Blue?s return.

?Oh. Marik was scolding a bratty young thing called Helix last time I visited him in the nursery. It was a peculiar name, so I remembered it just now. Wee scamp was hiding food in his bedsheets. Of course, he was a hedgehog, not a rat?? The fox trailed off, looking at Thrayjen. ?Sorry. This mustn?t help.?

Thrayjen?s whiskers jutted straight out as suddenly he was unable to breathe. His mind raced, recounting every single time he had scolded Helix for hiding cookies between the sheets. The crumbs itched Verna. It wasn?t thoughtful and tidy hedgehogs didn?t hoard their food. He promised he would make sure they never felt hungry again?

Somewhere a wooden door slammed against stone. ?I?m back!? Keys jingled against each other as Blue excitedly waved about a strip of black and white cloth.

"I?ve got something to show you, Hracken! My Pa always said when your fighters start getting sigils then you're on your way up!"

?Then I?ll be off,? Hapley said. He gave Thrayjen a small pat on the shoulder. "I hope we can speak again. Soon.?

Hapley seemed to notice Thrayjen?s sudden stiffness, and grimaced.

?Once again, sorry for your loss.?

The fox bade them a good day and left, saying something about an early lunch. With the training yard became emptier, Blue started to wave a piece of black and white cloth about when a wretched squeal stopped her in her tracks and wiped the grin from her face.

?Oh, Vulpez,? Thrayjen croaked as his knees hit the ground. His clutched at his chest and silently begged for the flaming pain to cease. ?It can?t be.?

It had to be another. A coincidence, some other hedgehog named Helix.

Who hides food in his bed. In his pockets. In his quills. They?re dead! They told me they were dead!

?Hracken?? Blue?s voice was far away. ?Do you need some water? Thrayjen??

Blue was at his side, gently coaxing him over to a bench. When her soft voice failed to move Thrayjen, she grabbed his ear but still he didn?t budge. Blue?s voice rose higher.

?It can?t be,? Thrayjen insisted, but his voice cracked. He looked down, raking his claws over his head and towards his nose.

The slaver said...

?It can?t be,? he said again, desperate to hear his own voice.

?You?d never see them again??

?It can?t be??

?What? What can?t be??

The piece of cloth had fallen from Blue?s grip. Thrayjen stared at it, the black dye easier to focus on than the ferret?s face. He blinked back tears, forcing every breath out in a controlled manner, his heart pounding in his ears.

How?

Blue paw came to rest on his scarred cheek, and she guided Thrayjen?s face towards hers. Unblinking, he stared into her blue eyes, seeking some sort of explanation. She looked concerned, and Thrayjen wondered if he had looked at Aldridge with such a worried face.

Does Nire know? He must. He has to. Of course he does. Does Blue?

?Who is Marik??

Blue frowned. ?Marik? He?s Nix?s boy. He looks after the children who come in on the slave carts.?

?Where?? Thrayjen?s stern tone made Blue bear her teeth but she recoiled in surprise when the rat snapped, ?Where, Blue!??

?In the nursery, aye! Why? Why do you care about some hunched over marten and a bunch of brats??

?Please,? Thrayjen pulled Blue towards him by her face, ignoring the ferret?s startled cry and wide eyes. ?I need to see it.?

?Let go!? Blue snarled, twisting until Thrayjen released her. She raised her paw and went to slam it across Thrayjens? face but suddenly she paused, looking from the doors Hapley had gone through to the rat before her. Her eyes narrowed.

?What did he tell you??

?Did you know?? Thrayjen said, heat rising in his chest. ?Did you know?!?

?Know what?? Blue roared back.

?Helix! Thrayjen shrieked, sending Blue recoiling. He closed his eyes, slowly drawing a shaky breath in. ?I think Helix is here. I think he?s alive, Miss Blue.?

?Your pup?? Blue asked quietly. ?No, of course I didn?t know. It?s one of the first things a trainer finds out about their gladiators, if they have family, aye. It?it helps convince beasts to pick up a sword.?

?I need to see for myself,? Thrayjen said. ?I have to know.?

Blue began to pace, rubbing her ears and mumbling to herself. Every time she glanced at him Thrayjen would lean forward in anticipation. Finally, Blue stopped and stared at her feet.

?Alright,? she said softly. ?I?ll see what I can do.?

?Thank you?? Thrayjen breathed, almost sinking to his knees again with relief.

?You won?t like what you find, either way,? Blue continued. ?It?d be easier to just pretend this sudden doubt never found you, aye.?

Thrayjen recalled what Hapley had said about Marik?s treatment of dibbuns, and the fox?s words brought a painful hope to Thrayjen.

?I can?t live not knowing,? Thrayjen said.

The black scrap of cloth caught his attention again. Picking it up, Thrayjen unfolded it to find a black kraken painted on a white field.

Thrayjen narrowed his eyes. He stood up at last, brushing dirt and tears from his face.