Tara Reviews the Fellowship of the Mirage

[Opal]

I think it'd be weird to do story reviews of my own contest, plus the nine'll probably see some comments from me on the rough drafts of their posts anyway, but I thought I'd go through the applications anyway, since it seems to be all the rage these days.


Bellona Littlebrush

Honestly, I felt sort of meh about Bell at first, and she was at the low end of my top nine. But the more I read through the app, the more she grew on me. And, like Stonewall said, there were a lot of subtleties to her character that I really didn't pick up on until I'd read through the app several times. At first I thought the Martin's Shadow was kind of gimmicky and didn't realize there was more to Bell than that, but (also like Stonewall said) the fact that she has virtually no reaction to watching a child die right in front of her was liek woah. That, plus the fact that she's a scrappy survivor with the added bonus of being a dormouse (:wub:) made me eventually edit my score and move her up into my top five. (Her name still reminds me of a certain lunch meat though. :P)


Revel

Revel was insanely easy to review, but in some ways was one of the hardest, simply because try as I might, eventually I realized there was really nothing at all I could deduct any major points for (I say this because of all the judges, I gave out the lowest average score :P). I love that she's not the sleek, skinny, clever femme fatale that soooo many female vermin characters are. And I love that she has an actual reason for her wrongdoings, and a highly practical one at that. (Why does RV always get the female stoats, anyway? Rassin's the only non-RV female stoat. XD)


Deadtail

What won me over was the many subtleties hidden in this. This application was a wonderful example of the idea of "show, don't tell." You could've just said "Deadtail was an old opportunist," but that would've been so tragically boring and I would've docked some major points for that. Instead, nearly every little piece of characterization in the application was shown through Deadtail's actions, and I was heartily impressed. Deadtail was always hovering around my top five. Like Stonewall said though, make sure he doesn't get too passive during the story. That is the biggest downfall I can foresee for him, since he seems to shirk leadership roles.


Suellyn

Suellyn fell just short of my top nine in the end, and mainly because her application was so short. You could've spent another 250 words describing her, but I was impressed at how much characterization you managed to pack into those 350 words or so that you did use. I think the only other reason I deducted points was because her application sounded very southern American to me, and it just didn't really click. Suellyn is adorable though (besides the whole anorexia bit, I mean). Reminds me of my own Sister Nadine in some ways.


Eliza Lacrimosa

I fell so in lurve with Eliza's writing that I was even willing to overlook the non-canon ball setting. Or maybe I'm just evil and like to see pretty ho-bags get their comeuppance. Either way, I can't wait to see how she picks up the pieces of her shattered life (bwahahah). I love that you took a total Mary-Sue and turned the concept completely upside down into something very original and intriguing. I was a little confused as to how she got so mangled though. Did she fall onto the broken glass? Because it seems just falling down wouldn't be enough to completely disfigure someone. :P


Rath the Whirlwind

Like I said for Eliza, you also took what could so easily have been a Mary-Sue and made it something infinitely more interesting. A warrior that no longer wants to fight, yet really doesn't seem to be good for much else? It was great, and the writing was very nice too. Rath easily took one of my top five spots and clung to it like grim death. :P


Er, I'll finish the others later.

[Opal]

Venril

Venril also fell short of my top nine, and I think mainly it was because I wasn't a fan of the general feel of the application. The vermin that Venril addresses are bawdy and rowdy and yet...they all speak as eloquently as a scholar. And the fact that Venril's a clerk, when canon vermin hordes don't have clerks...It just didn't feel very Redwally to me. Also, using italics instead of all-caps looks soooo much better. Takes a little more time to type, but it's worth it. That said, I thought Venril was a fun character and I foresee many interesting interactions with the other eight, but I had to dock points for the inconsistencies I saw.

EDIT: Hmm, actually I take that back. There was one vermin there that sounded vaguely verminy. The rest didn't really. And I guess you did say one ferret was smarter-looking.


Keane

As others have said, you did stretch canon by a lot, which did make me a bit nervous. But your character was strong, and I loved that the lies he told himself were wearing thin. I can't wait to see him deal with his guilt over the course of the competition.


Damask the Minstrel

Like Bellona, I sort of overlooked Damask at first. But then he grew on me, because the writing is good (and I think I'm the only judge that didn't think you spent too much time on description, because I still felt I got a clear picture of who you were). I admit, some of the phrases ("orwhatmaysubstitute") had me go wuuh? But otherwise, I loved how nervous he was and how he had to keep giving himself a pep-talk to keep going and not let it show. Sending a tasty burdy into a tavern full of vermin is practically a suicide mission. :P


And that's all! Yey story! :D