Grey's Greyt Guesses And Awful Puns

[The Grey Coincidence]

Might as well start one of these early (ImfirstImfirsthahahahahahahaha.

Guess Number One: Humans live in that Weird Forest In-between. The animals that go mad are domesticated by Humans. Which is why they go mad if they come back at all. And also why most don't come back. It was the humans. They're causing global warming which is melting the ice caps and drying up the river!!!!

IT WAS THE HAIRLESS APES!!!

[Mara the Wolf]

Proof that this ferret is as insane as a certain wearet—I mean, eagle.

[The Grey Coincidence]

Random Guess Two: Kango is an Arctic Hare and Has History with the people from up North.

[The Grey Coincidence]

Augur Wren
: Bone Rattler, Otter

(Preface, I'm sorry Augur, but you chose the wrong time to have that surname. I read a bunch of Star Wars memes...)

Augur Wren, like Gauta down below, comes from a long line of Bone Rattlers and doesn't possess the Sight. He just can't see the future! Instead of being subtle about it (like seriously, this dude is so not subtle about it) he goes on massive and very destructive temper tantrums every time he fails to hear anything. He is fast becoming a public nuisance. But you can understand his pain! More and more people are abandoning the Old Ways and flocking to the Church of Kastor. His inability to conjure up a prophecy isn't really the driving force of it, but with an ego as big as his? You know he holds himself responsible.



Emmanthea Pointe
Knight of the Claw, Spotted Skunk
I really like the concept of a Knight In Shining Armour. Love me some Sigils and Loyal Steads and all that jousting and stuff. And Emmanthea just knocks the subversion out of the park. I was a little worried that a skunk would devolve into a lot of bad fart jokes- and the risk is still there, but I think I like the design of this character enough to ignore that. The bone helmet. Her shield. Her shining armour that doesn't really shine.

Plus she rides a bear- like, what's not to like, right?


Gauta Firstflame: Shares an author with Ninthclaw Teshan. Their names just mush together for me, they have a similar feel, sure they sound different but I feel like they share a brainfather.

Bone Rattler, Sea Otter. Despite coming from a long line of influential Rattlers Gauta is deaf to the song and blind to the future. Unfortunately for her the worldbuilding in her app paints the WHITELANDS as a cold, cold place where those who serve no function in society are, like meat, back on the menu boys!!! So to avoid a grizzly fate, she pretends to see the future and then goes out of her way to guarantee that said future will come true. She also has annoying younger siblings who keep trying to bust her gig so that they can take her place as Firstflame.

Ninthclaw Teshan, Ring, Gila Monster

I feel like the Gilas will be the Vermin of Team Hot. Some are whiny, some are wimpy, they're all generally Bad and Cowardly. You get the occasional Cluny type where they can be genuinely threatening and eeeeevil (looking at you GAWRSH).

Teshan is the Blaggut of Gilas. He's generally wholesome. The fanbase loves him. Noone is sure why he is building boats in a desert but I think that's part of his charm. He is largely innocent despite the evil of his clans but not stupid either. He knows he is playing with fire by siding with the Ring. They don't fully trust him yet even after a couple of years together and if the Gilas ever hear of his treachery he'll lose more than his precious nine claws.


Haar, Ice Walker, Tundra Hare

Haar may not seem like much. He's a hare but he's like, the most average hare ever. Not an average Redwall Hare of course. No silly wot wots and pliferidous accents here! No he's just a plain plain hare.

Until about halfway through the app. Then he becomes the most Badbutt hare since Basil Stag. The nerve! The daring! The audacity to not only go salmon fishing with Greatmaws but to rob the juicy meat straight from their mouths!?!? He's a daredevil! A tightrope walker. He can and will totally play dice with death and win.

The app loses points for not explaining whyyy he does this but I guess that was deliberate on the author's part. Leaving room for Interpretation. Maybe Haar is Vegan. Maybe he's Squeamish and doesn't want to do the killing himself. Maybe he just wants a little thrill in an otherwise very dull life.

Marrow, Bone Rattler. Get it. C-c-coz Bone Marrow?!?! *Slaps knee* *Crickets chirp* Mink

I have some problems with this app. For one thing the author uses no dialogue- that in itself is not the problem of course. The issue lies in the fact that unlike the latest and most memorable case of a Silent App (Old One) there isn't a reeeeal reeeeason for this app's apparent silence. It's not part of their character. It feels like the author was just doing this for a flex! But it was terribly wasted because I feel like some dialogue here could have saved a bunch of the word count and given us *more* of Marrow.

Aside from that, Marrow is solid. Named for his habit of drinking the, well, Bone Marrow in order to better hear the rattle of hollow bones. The app leaves it up to interpretation but personally I think Marrow's magic is real. The ritual with the powdered herbs, the smoke changing shape and colour, the voice speaking to him etc etc etc- it could all be in his head and maybe the author is letting other people figure it out ala MOI's Nyika but I truly believe that this magic is real and I'd like to see more of it.


Scorpio, Lord Of Rain, Bringer Of Floods: The first thing that comes to mind when I think of Scorpio are scorpions. The second thing I think of when I think of Scorpio is Scorpion of Mortal Kombat fame. For those that don't play he's a ninja. Has chain-knives. Yellow scheme. Says "get over here'. He is also very angry and wants revenge on this other ninja (a Blue one) called Sub-zero who murdered his family/clan. (There was a sorcerer involved but let's ignore that for now).

Scorpio is an Alligator Snapping Turtle and he is a Ring. He is also a Ninja Turtle. Fights with Chain Knives. Says 'get over here' and is driven by vengeance. He has gone so far on his quest for vengeance that his reputation preceded him. He is Lord of Rain because he makes it rain wherever he goes (a rain of blood, of course) and floods the land with corpses. Blinded by vengeance he has travelled far from the desert and is now living up to his species name as an Alligator Snapping Turtle because he is Snapping Alligator Spines in Gory Fatalities that wouldn't even be allowed on a game like Mortal Kombat.

Solid app, but the author will have to devote some word count to bringing Scorpio back up from Mississippi (gosh I hope I spelled that right) to the Warpath.

Shoklok, Prairie Dog, Beastmaster
Shoklok is a lonely being. He exudes talent and charisma and charm. Every beast he has ever tamed loves him. He is basically a Disney Princess. But unfortunately all his companionship comes from the mute animals he looks after. The so-called beasts are the only ones that treat him like a real person. Everyone else is just a mean bean to him and he has no idea why or what he did wrong.

On the one hand, he has it all. On the other, he has nothing but his beasts.

Siroc, Cactus Mouse, Interpreter

Siroc is about as old as Old One and Kastor put together. And twice as cranky. The secret to his longevity? He hates people. He really, really hates people. They all come to him asking for advice on what to do and stuff but they NEVER listen and after doing this for several hundred years Siroc is just fed up of people ignoring the little guy.

Unfortunately for his isolationist mentality, he lives next to an oasis. In a cactus of course, but everyone comes to his backyard to drink and it infuriates him even more than what the youngsters wear nowadays.

He also drinks Cactus Juice.

Wilder Wapaw, Muskrat, Beastmaster

Unfortunately for young Wilder Wapaw he has no talent when working with animals. No matter what he does his very presence seems to make the beasts go insane. It's only been a week since joining the Guild and so far he's nearly been eaten/stung/bitten by basically everything in the menagerie.

He keeps trying though, because he has the unstoppable willpower of a shonen protagonist. He also has similar levels of durability because if he didn't he would proooobably be dead.

Marunaue- I'm so sorry, nearly forgot you!!!! But you are a Fisher. And a Bone Rattler. Not just because that's all you can be now that every other species is taken- but because your name is Northern for sure. Unlike the others, this Rattler doesn't care for Bones. All Marunaue wants to do is paint the Aurora Borealis. The Northern Lights are what speaks to him. In them he sees the fate of every beast except his own. He sees all, but knows that the world would implode if he interfered with the strings of fate. So he just paints, and let's destiny take it's course.




There we go, totally accurate predictions coming to you. I am sorry for the formatting and some of the predictions were written in the style of a review. I apologize if they don't make sense these are just my initial thoughts on what lies Behind The Name of the apps so far.

[The Grey Coincidence]

Bahto     Antelope Squirrel           Beastmaster

He's a Goatherd of course. Or well, antelope herd. Or well... he was... Until Kango took pity on all Horned Beasts and forbid the trade. Bahto was left in the desert, alone without his precious herd. Alone except for his three Billy Goats Gruff. Together they will try and exact vengeance on the Chainbreaker who also broke the barndoo.


Dilla      Armadillo                   Interpreter

Her full name is Delilah but noone says it anymore. As an Interepreter she is meant to be neutral to the world. She gave advice to all who asked for it and that included the Ex-rulers of the Hot Place. Garsh didn't listen to her when she warned him about making chains out of wood. For one thing wood is incredibly rare in a desert, for another, some rando hare might chew right through it! But he didn't listen :/

Even fewer beasts listen to her warnings now. They call her Dilla because it rhymes with Gila. They throw rocks at her and drive her away. Her hide might be impenetrable, but all the rude things they say to her still hurt.


Fernando           Ocelot        Interpreter

Similarly to Dilla, Fernando wasn't always called Fernando. Noone really remembers what he was called to be fair, but it definetly wasn't Fernando. As a dare once he was made to go into the Forest of Crazy. He went in. He came back. He was only there for two minutes, but outside the forest twenty-seven years had already passed. To make things worse, he could now only speak Spanish.

It's been Fifty Years since Fernando walked back out of the Forest. And he still has no idea what happened. He is slowly learning to speak again... but he may not know enough of the common tongue to convince Kango of the danger of the forest.

Gilhert Greysand         Canadian Lynx     Bone Rattler


Gilhert's author is using Deceptive Techniques. You see the word 'sand' and you think 'desert!'- but ha! They're not actually on Team Hot! You were decieved!!! At first glance that is all that is interesting about the app- until you realize that maybe the Greysand instead refers to a corruption of snow? Snow isn't particularly sandy by nature, that is true. It's not coarse, rough or irritating and goes nowhere. But both the Hot and the Cold are technically Deserts. Thus the sand in Gilhert's name is actually Corrupted Snow! This checks out, mimicking, paralleling and mirroring the decline of nature evident in Gilhert's app.



Ixchel             Gray fox   Bone Rattler

Steryeotypes are just... they're unfortunately something we have to live with. And there's no avoiding that foxes are great at being seers. They have that vibe.  So Ixchel is the steryeotypical fox seer. Which is to say, she isn't really a real seer at all! She's a fraud. A fake. A con artist. A cheap crystal ball carved out of ice. Some smoke and shadow. Fake bones lying around the place. Cheap incense. Life is good when you're smart and everyone else is dumb and their stupidity makes you rich! Life is not so good when you're called to the Court of King Kastor and your Crystal Ball starts melting. Then things are very not so good indeed.

Locke the Laughing Lance         Rattlesnake     Ring


Locke is a Skin Walker. That's a fancy term for shapeshifter. He can take any form he wishes. Sometimes he's a Bob the Badass Bowstring. Sometimes he's Simon the Sinister Sling. Most of the time he's the Laughing Lance. A member of the Ring and it's greatest weapon. But he has an identity crisis (as all shapeshifters must). He laughs to hide the pain, but sometimes... sometimes it feels like he's only a weapon.

Saoirse the Unbound            Armadillo (Nine-Banded)         Ring


Saoirse reeps vengenace for all the time those mean and narsty gilas played basketball with her (she played the part of the ball). No longer bound by rules of the game, no longer afraid of the referee's whistle. No longer terrified of yellow and red cards, she is now an unstoppable force to be reckoned with. Beasts everywhere hail her as the Unbound, but lizards lie awake at night, bound by fear of the one they call The Wrecking Ball.

Timbones Oldburrow            White Wolf      Ice Walker

Timmy is too old to run with the pack. He's so old in fact that he once gave a younger and nerdier Kastor the Whitelands version of a swirlie. Ie, he dunked his head in a fishing hole. But times have changed. Kastor is still in charge and Timbones is a nobody. He's still just a hunter, but he can't even enjoy the thrill of the hunt anymore. He lies brooding and grumpy in old burrows, awaiting the arrival of his prey and hoping that his life will amount to something other than waiting.


Wenona            Ocelot           Beastmaster

Wenona didn't always want to be a Beastmaster. She, in fact, hates beasts of all kinds. She is surrounded by freaks and weirdos who, like, totally freak her out. (That's right, she's a Valley Girl).  There's the tall fox that hangs around with fireflies. There's the roadrunner with his collection of spiders. And that one hare that tries to wrangle a geographically misplaced bison. As if this wasn't bad enough, she has inherritted her Grandfather's Beast. The one he spent his entire life with.

A pig. A big, smelly pig. That very, very, very clearly does not like her.

[The Grey Coincidence]

I figures everyone is gonna give constructive feedback and helpful critiques but I'll stray away from that because I often don't know half of what I'm talking about as well as I think I do and because the other half of the time I don't know how to word it right. So, my reviewdles here are mostly opinion pieces. What I think, how I feel, etc etc etc. I judge apps and vote apps in and vote contestants out not necessarily on the strength of their writing or how good their character is or I think they might be, but mostly on how entertained I am reading them.

Any 'verdicts' I put here are not my votes proper. They're just my opinion on who is the strongest contender in each category at first(ish because I did a couple of read-throughs on some of these by now) glance. I am very, very fickle. My opinions change fast and hard.

With all that said, tis time for me to begin. Starting with the smallest category.

THE KNIGHT!!!

Someone who I won't name here said that even if there were more Knights, they would have Voted for Muranae anyways. I won't judge you based on non-existent competition, but I *will* say that I am very glad that I did not enter this category :)

I like the fast friendship she makes with Heron. I really like Heron as an NPC too because he hits the sweet spot I feel of not taking up too much app space but also not just being a throwaway non-character. I love the imagery of peaceful co-existence created by the Lord of Fireflies and the Knight of the North. I wonder what Heron is doing so far North. I wonder why he's still there when there's a war going on several years later.

I love the friendship they share, I hope they can both survive and just live in peaceful co-existence with one another and stuff ya know? It's a classic to have a friendship in-between members of the two sides and I think that the way it was written makes it more classic than cliche.

And while I know I did say friendship a lot and stuff but... Will this be Warpath's romantic subplot?

Favourite Line: That's a toooughie. I like a lot of the turns of phrase. I like the language I horrifically mispronounced. I like the way things are described ya know? The details that went into every line.

Verdict: I very much look forwards to seeing your posts :)

The Ice Walkers

EMMATHEA POINTE

If you get in. Please, please, pleeeeease tell me is it pronounced POINTY. I need to know. The thought that it might not be truly keeps me up at night.

Ahem. I love the worldbuilding in your app. I love, love, love the idea that the Ice Walkers at least believe that they get bonus statistics based on what kind of beast they bring down It's terrific, it's awesome. I am all for it.

I thought the action scene was really good and exciting. I didn't quuuite follow how she got the spear into it in the end. She threw a branch at the spear that then made her spear go in deeper? I read that right, right?

Emma is fun. She's exciting. I'm a huuuuge fan of the worldbuilding. I'm not even disappointed that you aren't a skunk knight!

Favourite Line:
"It's said that your first hunt tells us who you'll grow up to be." Her grandmother's words echoed in her mind. "The lowborn sons with everything to prove will risk all for the sharp-mawed beasts of the ice or the horned giants of the woods."

"Our family," she said, "know better."

---

Some of us don't, apparently. She grimaced at herself.

BAHTO

Bahto has some really good worldbuilding too. I love the 'fight to eat' ceremony. I love the way the app is framed too. Looking into Bahto's philosophy. Strength rules the Whitelands but it's love that saves it.

I thought the fight scenes, though brief were only as long as they needed to be. I don't think this app would have benefited from more action especially because I think the action we got was very good. I very much like the hug.

I think Bahto's NPCs hit the 'just right' level of Goldilocks word space. He's a good leader and if Kastor should fall I can see him being looked towards in times of need. I think he has a lot of potential.

Favourite Line: 'It was strength that ruled this crumbling land, but it would be kindness that held it together.'

That is not to say that I'm discounting Emma. I think Bahto is a stronger character (not just physically) and one I sympathize with a lot more buuuut I liked Emma's worldbuilding a lot too...

Congrats to you both, these are two of my favourite applications in the contest and if I could I'd vote for you both in a heartbeat. As is I'm torn at the moment and will have to think on it some more.


The Interpreters

SCORPIO, LORD OF RAIN, BRINGER OF FLOODS!!!

Having read the app I am almost a hundred percent sure of both who wrote it  :evil: and also that Scorpio gave himself his name. Because that seems like the type of thing he'd do.

He talks a lot, he is constantly and consistently kind of in-control of the situation. But I also feel like he talks too much and all of Dead NPC hare's dialogue feels contrived to give Scorpio some more stuff to say. I also feel like there were a couple of sentences that went on for too long? I dunno, this is veering into technical territory and I'm not good at that so I'll shy away from it.

Those are mostly critiques to how the app is written. Because I really, really, reeeeeeally do like the character. There was not a single Interpreter here that played to my expectation of a kindly/wise/old advice giving hermit type. But a full on over the top evil Gila Monster that finds loopholes in the Oath Of Interpretership to wage a war against the Ring? Definitely not what I expected, but I like it a lot.

Overall I very much like the app. I love the Star Wars reference. I think there is no way on earth he could have caught that sling stone without at *least* shattering his wrist, ya know? But I don't complain because I'm a simple man and I like what I read.

Favourite Line: "Did you really think that after so many moons on the run I would make a mistake so utterly juvenile?"

IXCHEL

I think Ixchel was definitely more of what I was expecting from this category. A guide that does their job doing the guiding and leading the Ring to victory. I like that she uses omens and doesn't reeeeally know everything? Omens are very theoretical ya know, not as science as cloup-spotting but I kind of like that there seems to be something more mystical or vague to her. Can't let the Cold One's have all the magic, eh? I like a lot of the lines. I think my favourite is this one:  "Of course... I only tell the truth. Nothing but the truth. Nature doesn't always give us what we want to hear, but sometimes by listening, we can find out our answers."

To address the elephant in the room. Erm. The er- the tense is really... Not smooth. I don't know how to describe it but it feels wrong. It's not a clean, smooth read it's course, it's rough, it's irritating almost.

I don't want to nor am I discounting your app because of it but please work on it if you get into the contest proper. I... I don't want 'would's everywhere.

GILHERT GREYSAND

I like you a lot Gilhert. An Interpreter so confident in his ability to interpret that he seems almost unable to change with the time. There's some stunning foreshadowing/subtleties in one of the first paragraph that I adore. When he opens the dog and is like 'we were expecting you earlier' or something. Because it just shows that he isn't able to see the future and is getting bad at it. At least that's how I interpret it. (Pun intended).

The prairie dog's insistence that stuff might be different. That things are changing. That the crops aren't doing well enough all fall on deaf ears because of course Gilhert is right. He did everything correctly. He doesn't make mistakes or so he thinks but as a reader we're already aware that the desert is getting hotter which means following the same old same old same old ritual practices won't do you too good.

And Gilhert is standing on thin ice. Figuratively because ice doesn't grow in a desert. He knows what happens to beasts who make mistakes. His father was an Interpreter who was killed for making mistakes. Yet is unaware that he is maybe making a tonne.

Oooor maybe I misread everything and he is actually right about everything and the whole purpose of the app is to show how good an Interpreter he is.

Favourite line: "Oh, my, my! How long have you been out there in this heat? The wife 'n I were expecting you for breakfast!"

Verdict: Overall I like Greysand a lot. He was the smoothest read of the three and I really wanna read more of him. Aaaaat the same time Scorpio's war must go on and I'll definitely need to think a bit more for this category. I think Ixchel is great. The tensing is an issue that can be fixed in-story proper (I don't think I can read a whole chapter in this tense- I'm sorry) but I also don't think she brings as much to the table as the other two. Scorpio throws Evil Reptile Jedi into the mix. Gilhert promises a smooth and enjoyable read. Both bring in heavy doses of Absolutely Smug. Well... Prideful? I don't think Gilhert is smug. Just maybe a taaaad too confident in his abilities?

[The Grey Coincidence]

Beastmasters

WILDER WAPAW

Until I no longer can, I shall call you Wapow. The name just hits the right way for me, I don't know how to explain it.

Few things though, the punctuation here is messy. It stumbles a bit here and there. There's some misplaced comas- nothing egragarious (I think I used that word correctly) nothing that makes me frown too much. I think Kwetzy's accent could use a little work. I imagine you obeyed the unwritten law and tried to write a bayou accent but this reads more like the drawl of a stereotype. Just a bit of polishing here and there, nothing huge. I reccomend watching YouTube videos to get like a feel for the way they say things.

Speaking of huge... don't get me wrong I like alligators. I love alligators. I think they are cool. But they are very, very big. I don't think this discounts him story-wise because bears and bison are pretty big too and the Ice Walkers still hunt them down. But I think it's worth thinking about the scale a little bit here and how things relate to that because Gators can be very big- but they also don't need to be humongous I think.

I think a bigger issue here though is at the end of the app... I like Kwetzacoatel a lot more than I like Wilder. And I guess, to be fair, Kwetzacoatel is the kind of NPC that will stick around like glue for most of/the entirety of the contest, right? Where Wilder goes, his God follows, right? As closely wrapped to each other as Marunae and Heron.

Speaking of Wilder. I don't think he's nothing without the gator. I read him as needing to make up for his own insecurities moreso than actually proving himself. I think that is a cool concept. I think the app has a lot of interesting concepts like that that I would like to see explored like Kwetzacoatel's divinity because my hot take is that he very much completely actually is a god. (I know, I know unlikely but until I see the contest proper we will never know whether Heron is real or Marunae's imaginary friend sooo) Buuutt the delivery is kind of messy and also a little bit inconsistent (at least to me, maybe the smarter folk understand it better) with some of the concepts that I do like.

As an example- Kwetzacoatel says in his first chunk of dialogue that Wilder told him he's a god, but he himself seems thoroughly convinced of his own divinity. So Wilder is his chosen one. He was chosen because he convinced Kwetzacoatel that he is (that the alligator is) a god? But I don't think Wilder thinks he's a god because of the way he words his praises- very rushed almost tongue in cheek (Lordofwhateverabayouis).  And I like all of that! But it feels like I'm eating a lasagna that has had all it's layers mixed together and comes served in a ladel rather than a nicely layered dish. And that might be a personal thing I guess and also a weird analogy.

I also feel like Wapaw struggles from being... funny. Don't get me wrong. I love funny things and I think any contest/story needs at least one character to bring some levity to a tale that would otherwise be loaded with death and misery.

And I think you can write comedy very well Wilder but in this specific, particular contest I'm not sure the laughs that are promised from here are what I want. I really don't want to read one chapter of miserable death and destruction- HERON!!! NOOOOOOOO!!- and then, haha, Wilder is picking the alligator's teeth while the two have an argument about the value of minty fresh breath.

On paper I actually do want that argument. But I don't know if I reeeeeeally want it *on the Warpath*.

Having said all of that and I hope this didn't come across as too negative. I do really like you Wapaw. I wanted Beastmasters to be a whackier category. They work with animals! Go ham, go wild. You did that and I like you a lot. Please don't take this review negatively, it's just what I personally think.

Favourite Line: There's a lot of lines that I like and made me exhalaugh. I think I'll go with-  "He's just a little shy." Because with the context that he is referring to a literal alligator it is a lot funnier.

SHOKLOK

When I said Ninja Turtles I was expecting something a lot goofier XD

I applaud your novel concept of Beastmaster. I really like that we get different interpretations of what it means to belong to a certain Category here in app phase. But... buuut... and this is a very personal thing, I wanted wild beasts. I wanted goat riders. I wanted the malicious laughter of the Beastmaster to be the last thing Kastor hears as a swarm of scorpions swarm all over him (I kid, love you Kastor, but it was a good example) and Kwetzacoatel already toes the line just by virtue of being a talking beast (so far, my favourite Beastmaster is Heron, so glad he got into the contest) but the fact that Shoklok seems more cult leader than tamer of wild animals... is not what I, Grey, personally look for in this category.

Haaaaaving said that I am not discounting your app at all. I love that the different animals have different languages. I love his nose-whistling. I *do* like the idea of there being a cult or what I read as a cult in Team Hot. I think all the technicals are very good. I think you wrote a very good application, but I also think you knew what you were doing when you named the wildcat Bae.

I know I said cult a few times already, but I think it's entirely possible that I misread your app completely. Bearing in mind I want these reviews to be my knee-jerk reaction. As close to the first thing I feel/think when I read your app. I think that can be very beneficial information but I also know that I can miss the point veeery easily.

For example the line about him biting the wildcat's head off. I think it is more likely that it's purpose is to show that despite his strength he can be gentle. I'm also thinking maybe that it's nota cult, but he's trying to like unify the clans? This might be a stretch but all or most of his wards are different species. Maybe they were all from different clans and he adopted them and is raising them with like a singularity in mind. And maybe the purpose of the scar is to remind them in the future if there should be quarrel between clans that they all came from the same trunk. I don't know if this is a hot take or a stretch, or Shoklok's actual intention but as I'm thinking about this, I'm starting to like the app a lot more and not just on the strength of technicals I am not qualified to speak of.

If this interpretation holds water (I'll need to read a couple of times more to make sure) you might have my vote.

Favourite Line: This is the one that convinced me Shoklok might not be the kind of thing I first read him as. 'He laughed—a deep, gravel-laden thunder—as he hoisted the younger onto his shell.' because the laugh seems genuine, ya know? I also like that the laugh itself is very specifically and particularly described. I think actually a lot of Shoklok's app is presenting this alligator snapping turtle- something that does look quite creepy, but is also for the most part a docile and gentle creature (as long as you keep fingers away from the beak anyways). Like, Shoklok is terrifying at first glance. He did kill Bae's dad after all. But I think he cares about his wards and is rather nice despite his a) killing the parents of his wards presumably and b) being a snapping turtle, which by nature is and can be rather terrifying. I like the juxtaposition of those two things a lot.

FERNANDO

This is not a ding against your app. I don't really ding apps. I am aware that this is a New New World and, as an example, there might have never been a Spain. Canonically there is a Portugal but I digress. I didn't like the Spanish at first because it felt too European. This is a me thing, I wanted newer and more exciting ideas and concepts. I guess there hasn't been Spanish in Redwall before though so that's a very moot point.

There's a lot of worldbuilding in the app and I like that a lot. I like the Ranking system. I like that there are tests involved. I like that Nando is placed in a low position because of where he's from and has to rise to the occasion. This gives him sympathy because we as the audience know what it's like to be on the back foot and have to work your way up. Everyone likes an underdog after all.

The Maestro is a jerk. Nando refuses to stand for it.

I do really like that he calms and summons the bison down with a chant. I have never encountered bison but I am a farmer and I love my cows. They are big, chill bros and while they can get very mad and crush walls and destroy things and stuff veeery quickly they can also be calmed very quickly (this is actually what makes them dangerous because they can excelate far quicker than you would expect for a beast of it's size).. Aaat least in my experience and with practice (please, please, please don't try to do what Fernando did to a wild bison).

But... where does Nando go from here? I fear too much of the app was spent building up Nando as a great Beastmaster when I would have liked to see more of him... outside of being a master, if that makes sense? Why does he want to be a higher ranking Beastmaster? Prestige? Fame? Entitlement?  Because at first glance I can summarise him as 'very good Beastmaster' but the other three are good Beastmasters too. I'm sorry for constantly comparing you to others in your category, I really can't help it but... of the four here Nando is the one I genuinely don't know where he'll be going going forwards (well yes, war, but what's his *arc*). He shares Wilder's goal of wanting to prove himself but Wilder is a fraud moreso than a master, he *doesn't* have control over his beast the way Nando does moreover Nando has already proven himself to be a good Beastmaster whereas Wilder still has bumps on that road I think. Timbones is also talented, but most of his app builds up on him as a character rather than that one aspect of his character. It makes us sympathize with him. He's only got one paw. We can guess as to why, but maybe someone wants to know more, eh? Shoklok brings in a whole new dynamic by both interpretations- if he's sinister, how does Kango feel about him? If he's trying to unite the clans by raising their heirs, what's their place in the world?

I like you a lot Nando, but you've already proven yourself to the Maestro by the end of the app. You were already confident in your abilities. Where do you, as a character, go now?

Favourite Line: 'Fernando kicked a pebble off the road and far into the scrub. "It's fishfur! I won't do it!"' Fishfur is a great cuss, need I say more?

TIMBONES OLDBURROW

Your name rocks. I think everyone agrees your name rocks. I think the application was a last minute one, there's a couple of typos- most notably kook should be look at one point. Nothing that took me out of the story. Nothing as memeable as Pine Martin but just something to be aware of.

I like that most of the app Timby isn't doing any Beastmasters stuff. Samson has a lame leg, hope he gets better, and Timby is missing a paw (likely a beast taming accident I imagine, but there are other possibilities)

Of the four here Timbones is, I think, the most easily sympathetic. He's young, he's small he's scraggly and like any good hero's journey he's heading off into the big bad world with nothing more than his beetles, the advice of his mentor figure and a book. A book of Beastmastery things that may help him and all that come with him on their many adventures.

His is a classic tale, and much like Muranae's friendship on both sides, I feel like it's a classic without being cliche. Remember guys, it's only a cliche if I don't like it ;)

Favourite line: " Or is it Uncle Norris, is he arguing again?"' I like this because I feel it sells the homey family dynamic of Timby's app really well. It's *just* like Uncle Norris to be arguing again! And right before such an important trip as well? SMH, tsk tsk tsk.

Verdict: I think, to me, this, like the last two, will be another hard category to pick a favourite in. Fernando, you're great. I love that it is a chant that you use to tame the beasties- almost like magic ya know?

I love your writing Shoklok. I am fascinated by your use of languages. I would happily read more of you, especially if I am right and you are, like Raggabrash the Beheader, an absolutely swell guy. If you are a cult leader, that's fine too but remember to always be very aware of your readership and how readers might react to certain things based on their own experiences.

Wilder, I love your alligator. I really want to read more of your interactions with Kwetzacoatel. I want you to go off to the side and have a whispered argument with the beast you supposedly tamed while the rest of your tribe just stands around awkwardly coz Kwetzacoatel is blocking the 'river'. Just fun stuff, but also... Don't *only* do fun stuff? There have been funny characters in contests before but part of the joy with them is that they are more than *just* funny so do keep that in mind.

Timby, I feel like you have a Goldilocks vibe. You're not too funny, not too dark, not too captivated by the worldbuilding but I also somehow don't think you're 'just right'? I absolutely want more from you because I feel like I need more of Tim to really sell me on him. I like him, I like him a lot but he doesn't leave as big an impression on me as I feel like he should, if that makes sense? He's like... the plain flavouring of a food brand whereas the other three are variations of the original with newer and more exciting flavours.

Incase that analogy doesn't make sense I love this category enough to make a chart.

If they were Walkers Chips:

Wilder Wapaw- well actually I don't think Walkers has a chilli pepper flavour. Prawn cocktail? Maybe? Does that sound like a bayou thing? I think it does. Although I've never actually had prawn cocktail so this analogy fell apart faster than I expected :/

Shoklok- salt and vinegar (my personal favourite flavour, but not everyone's favourite because I think some of it is acquired taste, there isn't an equivalent to it here in Serbia and I don't know if there is an equivalent to it in Myrica either, but it tastes pretty good imo even if all crisps are by nature very, very unhealthy)

Fernando- cheese and onion

Timbones Oldburrow- ready salted

And sometimes, sometimes ready salted is the best of the bunch. But sometimes I crave something more particular, more specific that gives me a bigger burst of flavour. But... Which flavour do I want...

Well done Masters, you've confuzzled me. I'm no longer sure what I want.

Wilder promises laughs and an alligator- alligators make waves wherever they go but can he even fit on the Warpath?

Shoklok brings fine writing, and a tonne of language stuffs to the table,  he'll definitely leave an impression on those who read him, but will he be lost in translation?

Fernando has the rigid system of the Guild behind and backing him. But where does he go from here now that his first cathartic victory has been achieved?

Timbones Oldburrow is a safer bet here, but will he make a mark on the story as a whole? Or will the most prominent part of his book be... him recieving a book...

Speaking of... I-i-is that book maybe... Kango's... Kango's diary?

I need to mull this over a tonne more. At the time of writing this my mind fluctuates more between Shoklok and Wapaw, but we will see where the cards all fall in the end. Stellar apps people, for wildly different reasons, yes, but what fun is a contest with no variety?

[The Grey Coincidence]

Ring...s

SIROC

It's the- the- the... PRAYERY DOG! *Slaps knee, falls over laughing and dies* ahem.

I'm gonna start with my Favourite Line actually because I decided my favourite line was every line of prayer. If I had to be super picky I think I'd narrow it down to this one 'Wind of the north, make me divine' because I just get chills when I hear it, kind of. I just think it has a resonance in it that I like a lot.

Siroc is a new world member of Team Arson. But I will admit that I did have to read the app a couple of times over because it left me confused. Not because the app itself is confusing I hasten to add, but because generally I read very basically written-bare bones literary writing. Reading Siroc to me feels a bit like I'm reading above my reading level.

That doesn't stop me from liking the app, I also hasten to add. I think the bit I didn't understand at first was why she had to lock the doors and burn her sometime-sisters. What did they do to deserve death by fire?

But then I figured that this line was telling me why. 'She loved it here, but she'd seen the too-familiar signs by now: hidden correspondence, storerooms converted to cells, old stains that were hard to conceal...'

I like the tone of the app too, I can almost picture like the art style this would all be drawn up in in a perfect world where all apps were animated movies. I like the kinda grim detail that her fur is missing from being in shackles for so long and I like Preetya too. I think she's another Goldilocks. She serves to balance and bring out from Siroc the message the app is meant to convey rather than cloud it/Siroc herself.

I feel like I have to draw her again too. The first one had far too much prayer, far too little moonshine and definitely much too little fire.

Verdict: I think this app is the one that wasted the least words. I think almost every sentence here has meaning. Maybe, I guess I could stretch it a bit and say the prayer was too long, but I really liked the prayer. The strongest of these four in terms of technical writing too. I don't know if I want Siroc in over any of the other four buuuut I definitely think she can win the category.

NINTHCLAW TESHAN

I like the worldbuilding of the claws. Methinks that's something you have in common with Fernando that I like. I like that there are clear levels and a hierarchy. Ninthclaw suggests Teshan is near the bottom but eh :p You can always work your way up. I also like that the iguanas supposedly defected but that Teshan is still suspicious of them. He's clearly still scarred by his past experiences.

There's one paragraph of dialogue that has two different characters talking and that should be split into two. Remember that next time.

Nitpicky Nitpick aside. I really like Teshan. I love the idea of him being a fish out of water because as an otter in a desert he really kind of is exactly that. He still has memories of his past in the Whitelands but remains loyal to Mango and yes that is a typo but I refuse to correct it and honestly there's a lot I can see him ending up doing in a contest. I can absolutely see him being super conflicted about which side to fight for because Teshan's whole thing is that he doesn't feel like he belongs among the Ring and if there's conflict maybe he'll swap sides. Maybe he'll betray Kango and the Ring!!! Gasp! Drama! Or maybe he'll realize that the Ring *have* been with him since forever and do love and support him and maybe just maybe he'll get over his depression and rise up from the ashes once more, stronger mightier than ever before and also resolved to fight against his nation of birth.

Verdict: Lots to like in this app. Definitely one with a lot of potential.

Favourite Line: I think this one perfectly enscapulates (I don't know if that's a word) who Teshan is to me. 'It's as if my body's in these valleys and canyons and my spirit is elsewhere.'

LOCKE THE LAUGHING LANCE

I dunno if it's Lock or Loki, personally I'm saying it as the latter. And I will do so for as long as I can because nothing will stop me nyahahahahahaha!

I'm gonna start by saying I think this has the makings of a solid app and Locke has the makings of a solid character. I think if you got into the contest I would like reading your chapters. The primary issue with Locke is two-fold. One is a very common mistake among newer writers and that is head hopping, where you change character perspectives without warning. Usually stories with multiple POVs will try and keep the same POV for the duration of a scene rather than splitting them between three characters as you did here. It jumped from Locke's fangirl to the thief to Locke himself and while it didn't confuse me, it's in contrast to the other Ring Bros and Sisters who had a single voice throughout their applications.

Not discounting you for that, and I did have a lot of fun reading your application so that's to some extent a nitpick but also I think something you can definitely improve on. If you get in, please remember that the character the Readership is voting in and out of the story, the character who's fate lies precariously in the balance is Locke himself. Shadowfoot, Fangirl (sorry, I forgot her name!!!) they're on a secondary level. They are not as integral to the plot of the story as Locke is and should be. In fact they can even be detrimental to you if they take up too much of Locke's screen time. NPCs are great, but always risk overshadowing the main POV character.

I don't think they do that here tooooo much but I still feel more words should have gone to Locke himself.

But at the same time... Maybe that is the point? Maybe Locke is set up as a mystery. Maybe that's why we get glimpses of him from the point of view of Fangirl. Maybe that's why the rings are mentioned but not elaborated upon. Because it's a mystery and we're meant to find out later.

As far as character personality goes. I really like Locke. He has a Gilhert kind of smugness and charm. I can easily see him carrying a scene because Locke has presence. When Locke is in a room you expect the eyes to be on Locke. I thought his history as a pit fighter was really interesting too. I have to confess that I am automatically almost always very vocally in favour of anything that takes place in/revolves around an arena. I also thought the way he treated Shadowfoot was interesting. All cheery presence at first- you'd think he'd actually just box the guy's ears, ya know? But under that veneer of kindness and mercy I feel like Locke is a kind of dark person. Like he's hiding something sinister. My guess is that the Gilas were especially cruel to him when he was a pit fighter and he has been obsessed with revenge for so long that it's corrupted him from the inside but he doesn't realize it yet and I like that *a lot*.

Verdict: It's possible I am merely ascribing headcanon to you but I really really like the headcanon because it also offers some variety in who Locke can be in a story or in a contest. On the one hand maybe he realizes that he is becoming the enemy and decides to change for the better... On the other maybe it's too late and he decides to go full throttle and throw off any pretense of being a hero. I'll need to think on and read you a few more to get a better idea of if this theory of mine is right but if it is you may have my vote.

I also think you have a pretty strong hook at the end with the Gila stronghold. A nice, bold first post if you do get in, him tearing down the last of GAWRSH's fortresses only to be told that the desert he fought for for so long is being abandoned coz Kango decided to go North. I see... A lot of potential here.

Favourite Line: "Your parents willingly chose 'Shadowpaw' as a name? Sounds more like something a thief would call himself to sound 'cool'. But then again, here we are. So who am I to complain?"

I think this is a very tongue in cheek line considering Locke's own name as the Laughing Lance seems designed to draw attention to him :P But to be fair, a bunch of other characters I think went and named themselves too.

DILLA

Favourite Line: 'the next and last thing he saw was an armadillo's footpaw smashing into his face, and then darkness.'

To quote from the Discord.

Broke: Ninja Turtle
Woke: Ninja Armadillo

Honestly Dilla, this was exactly the kind of app I expected from this category. The Ring being portrayed as heroic saviours of the people and protectors of the Desert that fight against the eeeeevil and villainous lizards that scurry in and out of the shadows. It's all a bit very black and white, yes and not very nuanced, yes, especially after these other three Ring Bros (And Sis) but to be fair so is the OG Redwall series.

I think that works a bit in your favour here because it sets you apart from the more morally questionable apps above you. I like that Dilla is a genuinely good person- I know they're rare, but they exist!- and that her motivation is mostly to help more people.

But the fact that she is a good person (using person here instead of beast because of ease of access, I realise none of these folk are technically people) also works against her a little bit I think. She's not as nuanced. Not as deep. That's not to say she's boring. I can definitely see her being conflicted by the whole war thing ya know. Especially since her teammates/partners/brothers don't seem to agree with her views on Kango. Guess the Chainbreaker's not popular with dillos.

I think this app also has a small NPC problem. There's a lot of characters fighting Dilla for the spotlight. You're gonna wanna make sure your character sticks out in app phase. I'm gonna advise you and Locke's author to look at the way Siroc used her NPC in her app. It brought out the best (or well, maybe worst I guess but I mean writing-wise) of her and made her a stronger character whereas I think Ari and er- the other dillos (I forgot the names- I am sorry) dragged the app down just a little bit. At least, in my totally-not-humble-yes-I-am-arrogant-but-it's-all-in-good-faith-and-I-am-definetly-not-always-right opinion.

Verdict: Not bad, not bad. I think I know who wrote you and I gotta say good job, I'm impressed.

As a whole I think this is another very good category. And I think I said that about every category so far. And I think that's a fair statement but I'll stop saying that. I think every category has significantly more good than bad in it and the Ring is no exception. At the time of writing this I am surprised to find myself leaning mostly towards Locke. I dunno if it'll stay that way though because Siroc is definitely up there too for me personally. Teshan has some juicy,juicy character drama and personally I just found Dilla really fun. I wouldn't mind seeing any of these in the contest. Imo they're all great, well done Ringsss!

[The Grey Coincidence]

BONE RATTLERS!!!

And this time I'm going in random order because I don't remember who is in each heat. To me all of you are under the same roof.

SAIORSE THE UNBOUND

Preliminary appology. I have difficulty spelling your name. I do think it's a nice name and the ssssss sound it makes fits well with the rattlesnake I feel. Also congratulations for making it impossible to guess your identity! You'd think with names like 'unbound' and the fact that you're a rattlesnake would obviously put you on Team Hot, right? Apparently not!

I think you used your NPCs well. Katarina and Unfortunate Stoat serve to give us the rundown on Saoirse's personality, background and also her method of divining. Was it a little creepy and maybe somewhat morbid? Oh yes, definitely. It's a terrible, terrible way to go, but I gueeess you gotta rattle something. I also think it fits.

I like that the app has some levity too that really balances what I feel is an otherwise grim scene. Saoirse playing dead, the argument she has with Katalina, the last line about irony.

Saoirse also gets bonus points from me because frankly, I just like snakes. I think Rattlers are cool. I'm a biiiiit disappointed that we didn't get a Rattlesnake Jake rip-off but... I think I can live with it because you more than make up for it Saoirse. I also don't know if there has ever been a snake in a contest- I know there was one in both of the last Top Thirties- and I would be super interested in reading one in a contest just on that level. The fact that I feel the writing itself is also top notch is just icing on the cake for me.

Favourite Line:  "Really, Saoirse? Is this how you behave? Starving yourself? Playing dead? These childish games won't rid you of me. Get up. You look ridiculous."

MARROW

Ghosts, Spirits, Skunks, oh my. Let's talk about skunks actually. I want to talk about an app I wrote that was a skunk, but Vin's Law Is Sacred and I shan't speak of unsubmitted appses. What I will say is what and who I expected to write a skunk. I expected, if there was to be a skunk, they would be written by a less-experienced writer, the prose would suffer and the skunk would be a skunk for reasons limited either to poorly-concieved fart jokes or merely for the novelty of writing a skunk. You did neither of that and words can't describe how much I love you for it. Oh and also Spotted Skunks are the most awesome looking type of skunk so bonus points for you there.

There's some good worldbuilding about the way Rattlers are treated here. I like the line that's something along the lines of 'by Kastor!' said by one of the knights. I love the idea of Marrow helping spirits move on- and at least in this case unlike in the Legendary Nyika Debate Of MOI- I am absolutely positive that Marrow can actually talk to actual ghosts and that is the purpose served by amulet/ornament that Marrow later finds on the dead (I think it's a wolf)'s corpse.

I think honestly Marrow could sell me just based on the concept, but I also think that the app itself is very finely crafted too. Like with Saoirse the NPCs aren't just decorative word count. I also think Marrow does a good job at evoking some kind of emotion from the reader. It's easy to follow along and I think matches the tone or what I expect the tone of the contest to end up being like.

Favourite Line: Marrow watched for a time. Ferrying a soul never got easier. He looked down at his empty paw. It did feel more important, however. More meaningful.

GAUTA FIRSTFLAME

I think one quibble I have with the app is that it has a bit of an inconsistent tone. The first half is Bonn trying to convince his mother that Bone rattling Via Fire Is Stupid. Lines like these that make me exhalaugh.

A flash of alarm surged onto Bonn's eyes. "Mother, are you well?"

But then, she gets into an argument with her husband and mentor and in the end she just... Leaving her husband and son? That's grim, especially in light of her knowing the land is doomed? Shouldn't she be... Taking them with her?  Like don't get me wrong, reading the subtext Gauta and her mentor likely had an arranged marriage and aren't exactly compatible with each other. I don't really think it's a healthy relationship but some of that falls on Gauta's shoulders I feel.  I dunno, maybe I am putting too much headcanon into it and am misreading your app completely.

As far as characters go I'm pretty fond of Gauta. I think she could be fun in a contest but I'm not entirely sure what exactly she would do in it. She's a revolutionary. Maybe unite the Rattlers? Only one way of shaking bones and that's by FIRE! the true constant. But *is* fire a constant? Methinks Gauta can't be sure of that until she gets a thermometer for not all fires burn equal. If she does get in I do have an interesting idea I think... Maybe make her older and wiser I think. Distance it a bit from the app. If the app is where she started her journey to becoming Firstflame, maybe by the time the story starts she's Riding on (heh) Vin-dication and is now a respected Rattler because she has been foreseeing the death of the Whitelands for a long, loooong time and people are finally realiizing that maybe, just maybe she's right! And people are listening to her and acknowledge that her constant of fire rattling was right...

But it came at the cost of her family life and now she's foreseen a cataclysmic war is trying to make amends with her son.

Okay, nevermind forget what I said. I think Gauta has a tonne of potential and would not kind seeing her in story at all. If there's conflict in the app, there's gonna be conflict in the story and sweet sweet juicy conflict is what drives any plot.

So this is an app I will have to read through a bit more to form an opinion on.

HAAR

Oh Haar. So uncertain of his own ability to dance and hear the song that he must resort to older, more barbarous and downright illegal methods of seeing the future. Yet another novel concept in a category that should have been limited to shaking a bunch of bones around XD

I think the technical writing here is pretty solid. Definitely not on quite the same level as Siroc or Augur for example, but nothing that marks you as inexperienced per say. Pro tip that doesn't actually affect your app, but remember to post your content (in the future or if you do get in) with appropriate forum coding. That means things like double-spacing between paragraphs because if you don't your words will look too clunked up together.

I think I read something (but I might have been dreaming tbh) about how Haar is a good app but uses too much of the information already known to the reader in the app? That doesn't really bother me too much but there was another thing I remember reading I think and that was that you should try and conserve your word count a bit more. Some of these sentences do run a bit long. I think there was an excercise or so along the lines of 'write as much as you want, but when you edit, go through each sentence and ask yourself if the purpose of that sentence is immediate necessity. If it isn't necessary, get out your life-sized Gwen scissors and chop it off.

I don't have toooo much left to say here, I think. I do love Haar and I hope you know that I do really love Haar and I encourage you to use him elsewhere. But I don't think he can win me over in a roster this strong.

Favourite Line: As fast as it had came in, the wind died down, and people began murmuring; was Haar okay? His mentor, the coyote whose skull the otter now wore, had never collapsed like that, was that a sign? Was the wind a sign?

Also, I think skull helmets are cool. Eeeeven of wearing your ex mentors bones does sound a bit morbid and grim XD

AUGUR WREN

And I thought Siroc was above my reading level :p Again, not a ding on your app, I really like the concept of a Detective Rattler, but I did have to read this a couple of times to get it enough to give a first impression. I think the issue is that most of the time I read with my mind on autopilot. So mea culpa, mea culpa. I guess I could say something about knowing your target audience but I also think it's more a me thing than a writing thing.

But I think I understand now. There was cannibalism, hence the line about objecting to what was done to the weak and inform (they were eaten which is why noone died from cannibalism), the poison was in the chimney cats which is why Augur stopped her scouts from lighting the fire. I think there's a mystical curse at play too because the way I read it Augur's apprentice and his impressionable scout friends were set up to die (he was more trouble tahn he was worth and also the other scout asked about it and also Augur didn't answer :/ I like the names here- Staid Hearth, Chandlor's Razor Chandlor's Light etc. I think the technical writing here is really good and like Siroc I feel like basically no words were put to waste unecessarily.

I think there's something quasi-mystical going on here but also I think some mystery is meant to be here and left intentional. I think the fact that it is not explicitly stated what happened adds to the appeal of the app- it's a detective story with a lot of detectiving going on and the mystery here is pretty enthralling to me. There's a lot I don't know yet but that's not because the app's delivery was sloppy I think but because any good mystery novel doesn't immediately begin by resolving the mystery (although maybe one or two did do that).

I don't know if I personally want more of this particular mystery over the other Rattlers but I think you are superbly written and like Siroc I think you are definitely a strong contender.

WENONA

Oh Wenona, I really do feel for you. To be young and have your dreams crushed so cold and mercilessly by unavoidable fate! And how ironic, how painfully ironic it is that the fate in-store for you is to guide others to their own fates when your own was snatched away from you so swiftly and without remorse.

Like all the Rattlers before her I like that Wenona did something different. I think it will be really really interesting to see her working in story. Does she try to embrace her destiny? Does she try to run from it? Personally I always like it when the character is on a back foot. When it's an uphill struggle. When they have to push on and go up instead of endlessly tumble down and I think Wenona promises that. There's so much built into this app and I can see her going so many places and doing a lot of interesting things. Maybe, due to inexperience, she misreads something that causes all to lose faith in her at a critical moment. Maybe they don't listen to her because she's new to the job and that leaves them vulnerable at a critical moment.

I think Wenona is a character with a lot of momentum. I think she can go far and I think she will do really well if she gets in. I don't know if I want her in over the others but she is an incredibly sympathetic character. She just wants to live a normal life but seems to now be cursed with great power... And with great power, comes great responsibility.

Favourite Line: The lynx froze. She didn't hear the rest. Couldn't hear over the roaring in her ears.

My life. My whole life. Gone.

Harrowing.

Category Verdict: I think you all bring something to the table. I think you're all amazing and unique. I think I said there would be more Rattlers than Interpreters but I really wasn't expecting so many. And I also don't think I'm the only one surprised that all of these are very good. Having now read and given first impressions on all the categories I think it's fair to say that not all categories are created equal. Some have more apps. Some have stronger apps. I think all the apps are good. If I were running this contest there's only one or two that I would cut from the running.*

*I realise that this joke might fly over some heads so to make it clear, the joke is that if I was running this contest I would have to cut out my own apps because if I were running the contest I wouldn't be allowed to apply to it.

But I think Rattlers is my favourite category. I think it has the Guardian Effect from MOV where it's not what you expect to be a popular category but it winds up being popular because of the oddball and unique and different interpretations applied onto the category. Here's a congratulatory internet cookie Rattlers. Pat yourselves on the back.

I do have another more unrelated maybe thought too, and it's something along the lines of... I know the characters are technically Team Hot and Team Cold by virtue of their categories buuut... I feel like some of these (for example Teshan and Azalea here) could wind up working for the other side instead? I think that's thinking a bit too far ahead maybe.

Now I know I have a lot of verdicts and I said a lot of names but honestly, I think I would be content with and excited to read the story no matter who gets in. The verdicts are my personal preferences and if I haven't mentioned you it doesn't mean I don't like your app and it doesn't mean I don't want to read more of the particular character. As far as my opinions are concerned, I have found that I can be veeery easily swayed by thoughtful and well put arguments. Part of my rush to get reviews out quickly is because I wanted to share as close to my own undiluted opinion of the apps before anyone could change my mind with their own opinions.

So ifff you really want me to vote for a specific app (that is also totally not your own ;) feel free to write up your opinions and maybe my brain will go 'mmmm, yeeees'.

[The Grey Coincidence]

Sooo I've been trying to write reviews for the past few days and that hasn't been going well. The TLDR is that they kept getting deleted and I really don't feel like retyping my thoughts for a third time but still wanted to do something for the contest now that it's started and Round One has... Ended?

So here are general and deliberately awful summaries of the chapters so far.

Disclaimer goes here- these are just for fun yada yada yada, don't get offended blah blah blah, your arbitrary number scores are very very very important, etc etc etc, some of these summaries will be longer than others depends on how much I liked the chapter but also remember that longer/more eventful chapters will, probably, get longer summarises.

And finally a thank you to our sponsor, Raid Shadow Legends.

Hot Potatoes:

Siroc murders her sisters. It's basically the scene in her app before she gets drunk on moonshine/moonlight that serves as a reminder of who/what Siroc is (a prairie dog in case you were wondering).

Favourite Line: The one that talks about stolen divinity and dust devils. I definitely didn't read that the first time and come to the conclusion that Siroc is a deity.

Arbitrary Number Score: Jacket Potatoes/Potatoes

Sandsline is hurt by Gilhert. Again moving on from the app. Cyno was, apparently, not eaten for lunch by the Fantastic Mr Fox. But Sandsline is obliterated by a storm. And when I say obliterated I mean there's basically nothing left but ruins. A character who's name evades me and was introduced in this chapter died and maybe I'm just missing subtext but Gilhert reads more like an honest if out of his depth boomer than a con artist so maybe that was the correct interpreter interpretation?

Favourite Line: Nothing in particular to be honest but I like that Gilhert smoking on a pipe and sitting on a rocking chair is canon now.

Arbitrary Number Score: Mashed Potatoes/Potatoes

Tim gets chased by a snake after moping. The chase itself is fun and reminiscent of something like the Ice Age franchise. It's silly, there are stakes to it but I don't think anyone over the age of ten was on the edge of their seats. It was still pretty fun. There are a lot of spelling errors here too but we don't talk about that just like we don't talk about Marrow's Faulty Formatting. This chapter is also a surprisingly rewarding read for someone looking for Easter eggs several months too early.

Favourite Line: The line about Tim being dumb and eating six whole apple tarts(?) because that's a mood.

Arbitrary Number Score: French Fries/Potatoes

Troubles in the Kango Gango.

Siroc is salty about another possible war happening in the near future. Because when you've fought for X land for so long you are understandably a little bit miffed by the thought of abandoning X land to go and fight for Z land. Kango has his reasons- imagine fighting for X land for so long only for X land to turn to dust as soon as you are the one in charge of it- so he's not really Kang the Conqueror yet but maybe in the future he will be. I like that he's described as ageless- maybe in contrast to Kastor (I mean, ahem, Old One) maybe not idk I don't think we've seen Kastor yet.

Maybe Kango can travel through time and is from the future and is actually Kastor's lotsofgreats grandson?

Favourite Line: "Don't play dumb Siroc it doesn't suit you"

Arbitrary Number Score: Alu Patra/Potatoes

[The Grey Coincidence]

Aight gonna try and speed through round One so that the Round Two Reviews can have me going 'ooooh wow I liked how X did L,M,N,O,P' etc for longer and because the Potatoes got short reviews, so do the Froyos.

First a word from today's sponsor, Team Arson who have made it their goal to have Firepower present in all future and current contests.

Ghost Skunk And The Melting Ice Bergs Part I: The Deathly Hallows

You have given me exactly what I wanted Marrow. The second I read your app I knew what you needed was one chapter of travelogue. The fisher who's name evades me (I don't think it's Goga) continues to be nice. Really dig the whole 'Northlands are cold coz we're close to death' explanation' proooobably my favourite bit of worldbuilding so far. I do not give you this shiny gold star lightly. Use it well.

Ruka is slightly less of a jerk. Hurrah for character development!

Ghost Skunk And The Frozen Icebergs Part II: Spooky Boogalooga

I feel like you're trying to bribe me Marrow. Visions/trippy stuffs are some of my favourite things to read. Lots of potential for fancy wordplay and imagery and bedazzlement. And Marrow is so perfectly equipped to provide those.

I really like Marrow's Malevolent Shadow, hereby to be known as Brian. They are doodleable and I must draw them at some point.

Favourite Line: "Because all are close to death up in the frozen wastes. Though it is colder the further northward you travel, the death-chill of the world beyond the veil bleeds into our own, which is why the ice never melts here... or it didn't."

Arbitrary Number Score: Mint and Chocolate Chip Ice Cream (it is NOT frozen toothpaste)/Cold Stuffs

Knight In Shining Armour With Wolfgang Baron Von Wolves Rescuing More Wolves

No Heron  >:(  How could you Maru? How could Beloved Gangly Fox #3000 not be present? Did you think we wouldn't notice? Did you really think the number of wolves here would make up for the Significant Lack Of Fireflyfox?

Jokes aside, there are a looooooot of wolves here. I like the little tidbit about wolves/Walkers never crying. I bet it's coz the tears freeze instantly. Really bad for the eyes. Even dead wolves know this goshdarnit Marrow.

Understandably when our Knight in Shining Armour (who wants to bet she gets a finest destriere before the ending? Eh? Think she'll ride a bear? A giant boar and get a flail made of ice which she throws at people to stun them and their whole team?) shows up with orders to Get Out Of Atlantis the Wolfie in charge is not buying it and is all like 'I'm not leaving' but then is all like 'Fiiiiiiiine, ugh gotta listen to Kastor'.

But then the flood comes and Marrow farts to save some kids.

Favourite Line: They really were very loud.

Arbitrary Number Score: Lemon Sorbet/Cold Stuffs

[The Grey Coincidence]

Prologue Ponderings:

Gauta talks to the fireplace about her life. She misses her son who she totally didn't abandon (my favourite reaction to Gauta's app was 'this reads like Bonn's villain origin story') should be fun if/(but let's be real it's most likely a 'when') they meet up again in story (huzzah for more NPCS!)

Favourite Line: 'I'm going to put you out now.'- Gauta proceeds to murder the audience.

The Edge Of Plenty:

I like the little history behind the town. It must have been designed by today's review sponsor- Blender. Using the latest in hi-tech computer aided design the lolipops were able to bypass the 'so often repeated history of river, ford, tavern, houses, farms, village, town' and just magic up a finished and fully-furnished piece of architecture.

I like the story with the Story-Eater, I feel like I personally relate to the alligator in the story- don't we just hate knowing the ending? Gotta love the mystery, speaking of mystery! Apparently the Green Forest has Alligators. As well as Bears. Perhaps they're both a clever analogy of the other party in this story?

Also can't mention mystery without bringing up the fact that I don't think it surprises anyone to know that Augur Wren is canon now, or at least the contents of her app.

Favourite Line:  "By the last black hair on Kastor's arse, sir! How did it get this bad?"

Oh the pitfalls of being deified- people take your name in vain and swear on your backside.

Very Important Arbitrary Number Score: Shlag/Cold Stuffs- Shlag sounds really nasty actually, doesn't it? For the record it's just a word for cream

Marrow Doesn't Know How To Haggle

You know Marrow, bit of advice from someone who sells cow dung. You don't neeeeeeeed to explicitly state what it is you're offering a trade with? Just say that he shouldn't drink it, it wards off ghosts and bada bing bada boom you'd have gotten your perfume without having to abuse the clearly irreperrable damage between a soon-to-be-divorced couple.

Arbitrary Number Score: Lavender Ice Cream/Cold Stuffs

Timby Wimby Bimby Boo Post Two

Ah yes, flashbacks. Fire. Uncle Norris sawing off his nephew's arm? The tragic backstory Timbones so desperately needed to garner the audience's sympathy and here it is at last!

Now, I don't say this to put you down. But I thiiiiiiink you run the risk of falling into Narm Territory sometimes. Narm being excessively drawing out the suffering of a character to such an extent that the audience gets a bit fed up of it. (The trope namer came I think from an episode of X where a character kept shouting 'numb arm' while flailing their numb arm about that instead of successfully racking up the tension of the scene damaged it instead).

I don't think you have entered Narm territory, and your interactions with Gilhert (fiiiiinally some Southern Combo posssssssts) stray away from it. This is just something to keep in mind in the future when you are writing what I would call angst. Be careful not to take it too far or else you'll wind up like Gwaine from RP Five.

On a more positive note yaaaaaaaaaay we finally know what's in the book. The book btw shall from hereonout be known as the Pokedex because... that's kiiiiiiind of exactly what it is?

Uncle Norris is the drunkard from Gilhy's first post. Noone saw that coming so I guess well done on the twist?

And yaaaaaaaaay Gilhert. I liked the interactions between Mr Greysand and Mr Oldburrow Junior, I look forwards to more of it.

Favourite Line: "Thanks but I don't drink. You wouldn't happen to have any cactus milk?" Cue, the Sokka cactus juice GIF.

I'm glad you ate your broccoli.

Arbitrary Number Score: Milky Spinach/Potatoes

Greysand's Sand Isn't Grey

After a long and ardous process involving several courts, several judges, several key witnesses and a decisive offensive from the prosecution it seems Gilhert and Arize have been afforded the highly sought-after guardianship of Timbones Oldburrow. All present rejoice at the news.

I mean, the chapter was more travelogue than court battles but potatoe/patatoe, right? The end result is all the same. I say travelogue btw but don't get me wrong I liked the content. I liked that we got some insight into what Gilhert was up to during the whole war thing. It could be argued how much he put himself at risk with such maneuvers of course. Gilhert doesn't strike me as the type who actively puts himself at risk for the benefit of others. He's too smart for that. And soon he shall meet with Kango. Good stuffs.

Favourite Line: "This is Tim-TIMBONES, boy, pay attention,"

Arbitrary Number Score: Potaoe Pot/Hot Potatoes


Collab Post One- *Checks Discord* Ahem, Starscream and Soundwave

I think this post comes with the advantage of not needing to progress the story as much as the others do (I mean, there's still that growing gap between Siroc and Kango but I don't really think that was the focus of the post). Half the (collab) cast are a freak of the week kind of deal so it's all about writing something to entertain the enthralled masses. I think it delivered in that regards. Fun little set-up, fun little action, and unexpected (I was willing to bet money earlier that the collab authors would end up being Warpath's Weekly Death thingies) but satisfactory resolution. Definetly a fan of this collab and excited for tany more to come. 

Arbitrary Number Score: Avocado On Toast/Sandwiches

Favourite Line: "Would you think less of me if I were to, in a moment of desperation, spit on you?" I just genuinely think this was Scorpio's funniest one. Lots of good ones though- "Yes, I heard that. I'm very grateful. You're a paragon of mercy. Why?"    etc etc etc

It Always Rains At The Funerals

You know Kango iiiiif you reeeeeeeeeally thought Scorpio controlled the weather why didn't you just send Preet with Siroc? You know that increases the odds of the job actually getting done? And I mean, I can get the excuse if you wanted Preet to do something else but then you sent her to spy sooooo

Ahem, Siroc and Preet will probably be the next divorce in Warpath? Maybe?  They have a little argument about Siroc's loyalties and mental state. I like the little tidbit about why Siroc didn't obliterate the Zephyrites earlier being that she genuinely liked the lifestyle of a humble gardener more than Honorary Team Arson Division Memeber 27. They're interrupted by the death of another Ringbro. Some mouse who tried to stop a fight between different clansbeasts who promptly died right after. There's a funeral. It's very sad and then Siroc goes to report to Kango.

Favourite Line: "Our happy family," she said with a sneer. "A father who's itching for me to shed more blood. Who doesn't trust me. A sister who's spying on me for him. Yeah, sounds exactly like a home I'm just all a-twitter to get back to." What can I say? I love me some twisted family dynamics :P

Arbitrary Number Score: Mash-Potatoe Pakoras