When I Look Around it Makes Me Glad I'm Not You

Started by Venril, October 12, 2009, 02:00:17 AM

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Venril

Venril was not sure whether to be euphoric or disappointed.  On the one paw, he had just gone into battle for the first time, and had emerged with both eyes, all his limbs, and nearly all of his precious bodily fluids still intact and in place.  On the other paw, he had not exactly been the hero of the hour, with his performance consisting mostly of running around trying to avoid the places where the fighting was the thickest.  He hadn?t been completely useless, course.  Even the young males in Baron Proklyan?s realm who didn?t go into the horde typically got some stave and sword fighting instruction, and in Venril?s case it had been sufficient to allow him to avoid or parry several blows from a shovel-wielding mole and retaliate with a nonfatal but rather painful looking slice across the beast?s chest.   The mole had stumbled away in an attempted escape that ended when Verand had snatched a spear from the body of the otter he had just killed and flung it into the mole?s side from a long distance in a display of projectile skill that made Venril decidedly jealous. 

The stoat?s only other remarkable act had been disarming an older female squirrel, but even Venril was not so desperate for a kill as to finish her off.  All this was just enough for Venril to not feel like a total failure, but it really didn?t make up for the fact that his hordebeasts had pretty much just rushed into the settlement in a disorganized mob because he had taken too long to figure out whether he wanted them to ring out into a perimeter and close in or else cluster into a wedge formation for a more directed assault and they had just run out of patience.  That, and it seemed that Verand had upstaged him once again, killing off several of the woodlanders and seizing the largest hut in the settlement.

Now the battle was mostly over, the disorganized remnant of the woodlanders making a speedy retreat from the settlement.  Venril hurried over to where Captain Matukhana leaned on his scimitar, looking every bit the confident combat leader. 

?Captain Matukhana?  Shouldn?t we chase them?  I mean, couldn?t they go out somewhere, regroup and then attack us again?  Or something??  The fact that Matukhana seemed utterly unconcerned made Venril start to feel a little bit foolish for saying anything.  ?I could go chase them down with my hordebeasts.  If you want me to.  Or not?.?

Matukhana shook his head, not even bothering to look at Venril.  ?Sun and heat?ll put paid to that lot.  Don?t worry your liddle head about it, stoat.?

Venril knew Matukhana was a lot more experienced than he was, but this seemed a little cavalier to him.  ?But couldn?t they??  Matukhana, clearly no longer even paying attention to the stoat, began to walk away in the middle of Venril speaking, and the stoat had to follow him to keep talking.  ?Baron Proklyan always said you should never leave an enemy alive if you can help it, they?ll just come back at the worst time imaginable and attack you ??  He stopped suddenly as Matukhana whirled around on him.

?I don?t know where Lord Proklyan dug you up from, lad, but you got no more business being captain than I have bein? a butler.  You go off and sit on your tail during the battle while that ferret o? yours splatters blood left an? right and looks like a big damn hero.  I didn?t start off on a ship barely out of kithood to get my orders questioned by some little sap whose probably just the son of somebeast important and clearly doesn?t know a sword from a butter knife.  Now go play soldier somewhere else.?
Venril suppressed a scowl as Matukhana walked over to start up a conversation with his firstmate about the village they had captured. 

The stoat racked his brain for something useful to do.  He could always fall back on finding some parchment and writing a detailed list of all the supplies they had captured, but that seemed more appropriate to his old job than his new one.  Not to mentioned that Matukhana hardly seemed the type to care for supply manifests.

The stoat was still wandering around trying to think of something productive to do when he almost ran into Rath the Whirlwind.  The ferret didn?t seem to have any new scars from this most recent fight, and mostly seemed bored and gloomy.  However, this mien turned much darker when he saw Venril.  The stoat chucked nervously.

?Uh..hello Rath?did you, er, kill any woodlanders??  Venril realized this was probably not the most appropriate thing to say at the moment, but couldn?t think of anything else.

?Venril, is it?  My number one fan from the tavern??  The ferret scowled at him.  ?Remember the time I fought Gillvo the Boulder??

The stoat nodded vigorously.  ?That was one of the first ones I watched!  You hopped around a bit, waited for him to bring his club down and then you sliced off both of his paws at the wrist at once!  There was blood everywhere, spraying all over, and Baron Proklyan got lots of coins because all his friends were betting on Gillvo.  I thought you were going to win, though.?

?Touching.  Well.  Keep that in mind and make yourself scarce, stoat, unless you want to wind up the same way as Gillvo." Rath's scowl deepened into a snarl.  "I don't think anybeast would miss you if you had a little accident."

Still, at least the ferret had given him an idea.  He could go around and see how all the new crew members were doing.  His sense of purpose now restored, the stoat proceeded to go around and check on the status of both hordebeasts, crew members and slaves alike.  Bereft of parchment, he tried as hard as he could to remember everybeast?s name, species and status.  Unfortunately, this nice little routine of his was rudely disrupted by the least likely beast possible, an emaciated looking female hedgehog whose appearance belied her intent to give Venril a piece of her mind.

?A captain, are you?  Well, some captain you are, lettin' those great horrible brutes of yours drag a pregnant member of your own species onto a corsair ship!  Didn? your parents raise you to 'ave any common decency??

?What the seasons are you talking about??

?Revel, one of the females your band of hordebeasts dragged onto the ship, is with stoat!   Just'how you can treat the mother of new kits this way is just beyond me.  Why, if you were a ?hog?.?  The hedgehog proceeded to lecture Venril further, tapping her footpaw against the ground and jabbing her claw in his face.

Venril snarled.  ?Okay, even I?m not pathetic enough to take this sorta thing off a woodlander slave.  If your muzzle doesn?t get closed and stay closed, we might just have to see how much skinnier you can get before you just keel over.  What?s wrong, does your mate eat all the food in the den??
That shut up the hedgehog pretty quickly, and Venril stalked off to ponder the fact that even woodlander slaves felt like they could get away with berating him. 

It did not take Venril long to locate another pressgang victim, one who made his face crease into a not-particularly-intimidating scowl.
She was a female pine marten in what clearly had once been rather nice clothing, her features marred by recently or partially healed cuts, gashes and other injuries.  This was clearly a beast of the upper class, and Venril could not think of anybody he had seen recently who seemed more out of place being forced into a ship?s crew.

?Err, hello, miss, I was just wondering if you were alright??  Venril winced as the female marten wheeled on him.

"No, as a matter of fact, I am not all right. I've been locked in a putrid cell for two days, without so much as a bread crust to eat; I've been repeatedly insulted and degraded by your insolent minions; and now I've been half-drowned and my dress is ruined!"  The harsh imperiousness of her voice made Venril raise his paws in a placating gesture.

?I?m sorry, Miss??

?Eliza Lacrimosa, ?captain?.?

?Well, I didn?t know that they were going to drag you onto the ship.  I would have told them to??

?Oh, that?s just wonderful.  What kind of commander has know idea what the beasts under his command are doing?"

Venril had had just about enough of being yelled at today.  ?Oh?  Well maybe??  The stoat stopped himself in mid sentence before he could utter a remark about the female marten?s face.?

There were some insults a captain just didn?t stoop to.
What'cha gonna do, PL?
What'cha gonna do, PL?
When Murphy shows up and s--- goes to hell,
What'cha gonna do, PL?