Until Then, She'll Live in Wonder

[Revel]

Three stoatkits had been left in a pile some distance from Revel. They did not seem to be making any progress, preferring to writhe inward on the pile than follow the tunnel as they'd been instructed.

The fourth, Revel held firm against her chest. Its mouth foamed, and it twitched violently. Revel gently wiped the foam away and hugged it tighter still as the twitching became spasms. They continued for far too long before they stopped.

Revel never blinked.

* * * * * *

Revel sat in the shadow of the coconut palm, next to Rath's grave. The dirt in one corner was darker brown than the rest. Keane's coat was spread out in front of her like a picnic blanket, three kits dozing serenely in a patch of sunlight.

She rolled a mushroom around in her paws, thinking.

Thinking was not something Revel was very good at. It wasn't something she had to do very often, so everybeast else generally had more practice than her, and so she felt a little embarrassed when she tried to do it in company.

But she was alone now, alone as a new mother could ever be, and she was thinking that there was something very funny about the mushrooms. They weren't the same ingredient as found in brkich soup, but she had the feeling she had seen them somewhere before. Maybe in the Fritterik caves, the time she'd gone off exploring with Trpcic and Zhipzi. She had a sneaking suspicion that a lot of things could have been avoided if they'd simply thought to ask her, but of course nobeast had thought of that.

She'd had no idea they were even after the mushrooms, until after the fighting...

Revel picked up the half-shell of a coconut already filled with a bit of her milk, dropped the mushroom into it, and began stirring with her knife. It probably wasn't her knife - not the one she'd left in the toolshed at the edge of the field. The toolshed was gone now, taken down and stacked up for lumber that they no longer had the numbers to put to good use.

Kirby and the corsairs had decided to go with everybeast else, rather than wait around and fix a ship they couldn't reasonably crew.

There was a lot of packing to do to get out of the desert. Canteens to be filled with clean oasis water, fish to catch and smoke for later, sails to be stitched up into proper tents instead of the shoddy lean-tos the corsairs had been using. And a whole lot of beasts to bury.

Baez crunched towards her and sat down in the sand.

"One of the old slaves told me everything," he said after a while. Revel stirred her mixture in silence.

"Some vermin... left thee in my parent's cottage, Su told them. They killed my mother and my father, and left thee." He shook his head, disbelieving. "And she took thee to find thy mate, and by all the chances of fate, thy journey ended here, of all places. With my Su. She gave thee this - " His paw reached out to brush at her headscarf; Revel smacked it away and glared.

"'s mine."

"Yes," he agreed. "It is. A gift to a new mother. She looked after thee as best as she could. And then..." Baez sniffed, falling silent.

"Th'snake with legs ate 'er," Revel finished. "After Nivard killed 'er."

"Y-yes."

The stoat paused in her stirring and looked up at Rath's headstone; just words carved into the trunk of the coconut palm, words she couldn't decipher in the slightest.

"What's that say?"

"Rath the Whirlwind," Baez read. "'Tis all. Just his name. Does thou need help?"

"I've done this b'fore," Revel grunted, trying to keep Pinky (or perhaps Little Rath) still and hold his mouth open with one paw, while getting her other paw, one claw laden with mushroom-mulch, into his maw without scratching him. The little stoat squealed and fought, wanting to go back to sleep.

Baez reached over and lay a calming paw on the kit's belly, scritching gently under the chin. Pinky leaned back and relaxed in Revel's lap, at last accepting his dose.

Revel put him back down and picked up Sullen. She paused before scooping her claw into the mixture again; she was still thinking. Slowly, but surely, like a tree growing out of the sand.

"'Er name's Sullen," Revel said.

"That's, er, a nice name," Baez said.

"Aye. I like it. 's a nice name. She was a nice 'edgehog."

Realization dawned.

"Suellyn?"

"Don' be stupid. Sullen, I just said. 's Sullen."

They gave the little stoat her dose and prepared for the next.

"An' I think," Revel said, "that maybe I'm sorry."

Baez looked at her steadily, then turned away at another voice calling to them.

"Baez," said the funny-looking mouse, approaching. "Stoat."

* * * * * *

It was getting on toward evening when a commotion was heard behind the falls. Everybeast, though tired and wounded, went to arms and stood at the ready near the cave opening.

The voices, babbling, wild, echoing, grew louder, and then stopped one by one as they stepped, blinking, into the sun.

"Weapons down!" somebeast called. "It's the Fritterik!"

They were all stoats and weasels, most of them bloodied and looking even more haggard than the beasts outside. They squinted and blinked; some cried, and tried to turn back. One little weasel would have none of it, and pushed these attempted deserters out into the sand.

"Look! Big warm! Look, color water! Look!" Somebeast trying to cover up his eyes was smacked across the face and turned to face a clump of reeds. "This named grass! Tastes nice!"

"Wicky-Chivvers! Zhipzi?" Revel said, recognizing the voice and pushing her way through the crowd of defenders.

"Rivvil!" Zhipzi grinned hugely, then backed away. "Urr... ihnin skweck Zhipzi?"

"Ihn!" Revel assured. She hugged her friend tight.

The one-eyed mouse, Sagaru, considered them with a thin-lipped smile.

"You speak their language, stoat? Like Baez can?" The hedgehog, not being a fighter in the least, had been ordered to stay behind during the initial ruckus.

"Aye."

"Ask her if there are any of those Sritcherl beasts left."

Revel shrugged and turned back to Zhipzi.

"What 'appened to th'Srechrrl?" she asked plainly.

"All die!" Zhipzi beamed. Sagaru had the decency to look suitably embarrassed about her request, but nodded happily at the news.

"We chase and chase and chase," Zhipzi said, making little movements with her paws, "and throw rocks and big wood mivik - "

"Spears," Revel said.

" - and we lost and find Picture Mountain, and Fritterik say, Want go home, and Zhipzi say, Home this way. Heehee. I trick them!"

The crowd had largely dispersed now, too tired and uncaring to deal with the Fritterik's moaning and griping over their new environs. Only a few of Sagaru's heirs and one or two of Venril's soldiers tried to instill any sort of order among the semi-panicked mob.

"Urr... we very hungry now," Zhipzi added. "Only eating brkich mushroom." Sagaru sighed.

"Stoat - Revel? - could you take this lot to Kirby and see what he can do?"

Revel scanned the Fritterik nervously. There did not seem to be any female ferrets. She nodded.

With all the fishing that was going on, Kirby's hut was a sauna of delicious scents. A fire had been constructed just outside, where the vermin could eat and talk in the subtle desert breeze. The Fritterik crowded around, unheeding of the concept of personal space. Not everybeast minded - one weasel corsair had an expression on his face of somebeast who's been told his footpaws are made of gold, as two barely-dressed Fritterik weaselmaids sat on either side of him and began grabbing at the food in his coconut-bowl.

Kirby poked his head out of the kitchen momentarily, stared at all the skin-and-bones mustelids that had suddenly appeared, and said, quietly, "Hellgates." He vanished again, and more smoke poured out of the windows.

Soon after the sun had finished setting, a platter of fish was passed around. Stories and songs were drowned out by the squelching of barbaric mastication, which soon degraded into a belching contest between the corsairs and Venril's soldiers. The contest was cut short as one of the bigger Fritterik males downed half a canteen of coconut milk and produced a noise so magnificently disgusting that everybeast's fur began to look a tinge green.

It wasn't long after that the effects of the coconut juice began to be felt more widely, and the Fritterik curled up in a giant pile to sleep it off. The rest of the vermin settled down for a full evening of warmth and rest. As much rest as they could get, anyhow.

Skinny Ryun stared across the fire at Revel, transfixed. The stoat was leaning back against a cut-down palm trunk, using her coat and paws as a pillow, her elbows butterflying to either side of her face. Her kits were asleep in a sling across her chest - every day she was finding more uses for her headscarf. She appeared to be asleep, except...

"Cor, Crink, ye've finished eatin' harf an hour ago! Stop lickin' yer face already! Makin' me 'ungry all over again..."

"A fine trouble. My whiskers still taste like fish," she said, peeping one eye open.

"Phuaw. So why don't ye eat them and spare us that gob-smackin' already? Go feed yer whelps or summat."

Revel sat up. She swore, loudly. She put on her coat, gathered her kits into the pockets, and went to extract Zhipzi from the mound of Fritterik. The dozy weasel yawned and smacked her lips at Revel.

"Zblbl, mm?"

"Zhipzi! Where is Zubble?"

* * * * * *

The ferret burbled and babbled on, trying to explain what had happened: Too quick of a change in diet; her own, larger kits biting and scratching too much; not warm enough conditions in the small chamber with her own mate killed in an earlier Srechrrl attack.

Revel didn't listen very well to the excuses, or to the condolences, or to the ferret's own preposterously blunt admission that Fritterik litters had a low rate of survival anyway.

She just held Zubble at arm's length, and cried, because he was too cold, too quiet. His scent was all wrong, and in the dim light of a torch somewhere over her shoulder, she could see the dried foam around his chin.

"I don't know what t'do," she whispered. There were no instincts for this. There was nobeast to explain it to her in ways she could understand. She looked up at the ferret, into the Fritterik's vaguely smiling face. "What do I do?"

The ferret fidgeted a little.

"<Make more?>"

Revel left, still unwilling to touch the stiff mockery of her son more than she had to. Zhipzi bounded up the tunnel -

"Rivvil! Rivvil find Zubble now, is good?"

- and fell silent, backing herself against the wall as the stoat passed by.

It was Trpcic who found Revel next, and sniffed just twice before discerning the situation. She gently pried Zubble from Revel's paws. Revel made no objections.

"<Come with me.>"

They came to Trpcic's chamber, where the older stoat strode with certainty to the back of the room, stopping just inches from the wall. To Revel's surprise, the ground beneath Trpcic's paws sunk slightly.

"<Before the Strong Fangs came to eat from our numbers, we would leave the dead in their birth cave, alone. We would not come back until they had left and took their scent with them. This is my birth cave, and my mother's. All my brothers and sisters were left here, to go wherever they go. All except Yikker-chip, who was taken by the fire that took my sight. Daughter of Yikker-chip, your birth cave is far from here, and your children's birth cave is gone. Will this place do?>"

Revel nodded.

Trpcic laid Zubble down in the soft dirt, and stepped back.

"<Nobeast shall enter here until he has gone.>"

"What do I do now?" Revel repeated.

Trpcic took her by the paw and led her away to the main hall. Neither spoke; Trpcic, because she had no answer, and Revel, because she had nothing more to ask.

* * * * * *

She found she could balance the weight in the pockets out by carrying half a canteen of water in one of them. The kits were growing every day, and very soon their coats would start to come in.

Revel herself was still shedding, despite the heat of the desert - once the process started, there was nothing one could do to go back. The nights were cold enough to warrant it anyhow. There was only a thin strip of brown down her back, and a messy patchwork of confusion on her face, mostly around her nose.

Adriak would have called it cute. And then gone on to say how it would make a cute hat for Kelly. Revel twitched at the memory of them.

A disease... a poison.

She sought out Bellona, and found the mouse resting for her journey by the shore of the oasis pool. Birch and Ash lounged nearby, dabbling their footpaws into the cool water, chattering as only squirrels could chatter. Revel stomped towards them, already shrugging her coat off. She lay it gently in a nest of reeds. The rustling alerted the squirrels.

"Bellona," Birch said, her tone sharp and warning. The mouse cracked her eyes open, stared for a second at a blazing white comet - then her nose cracked open as well.

Birch and Ash tackled Revel, just as the stoat began to wind up her other paw for the next punch. Bellona launched back at Revel, more a reflex than with actual malice, and landed a hit on the stoat's cheek. Revel kicked out, but her footpaw met only air.

"We've got her, we've got her," Ash panted, pushing Bellona away. "We've got her, Leftenant..."

Revel never said a word as the squirrels hauled her off, or as Sagaru chewed her out, or as Baez came with his calm voice to echo Zhipzi's remorseful squeaks, or as Trpcic brought her back to her coat and her kits, or as Eliza, not privy to any of this, said something scathingly witty to her an hour later and got another pawful of sand in her stupid scarred-up face, or during the second round of rows caused by this attack, or when Kirby came and grabbed her arm not very nicely and hauled her off to a hut at the outskirts of the village and told her they didn't need to start up anything further, not now, or as Skinny Ryun came by a few hours later and asked if she would like anything to eat because dinner's almost gone?

She never said a word, and she knew she was being silly about it, because life goes on... Some lives do, at any rate. And talking was important when you were alone and had nothing else to do, nobeast else to share any of it with.

The want burned fiercer than ever: to hide and hole up, to cuddle and curl up, to shred and tear up. But there was no home, no mate, no prey. Not here.

Adriak and Kelly had been so lucky.

* * * * * *

Everybeast soon learned to keep their distance from the stoat, all through the discussions and stages of planning and packing and moving out into the desert; only giving her simple commands such as "carry this canteen" or "collect wood for the fire". It was largely up to Trpcic to speak up for her, and the blind stoat was not very good at the language.

Zhipzi had elected to stay behind. She'd explained, stuttering against deaf ears, that her kits were too unruly for the journey, too young to be left alone - but that she would visit soon, when they were old enough, and she would come find Revel in the forest in the hole under the tree. She had hugged Revel, and licked each stoatkit in turn, and then was gone back into the caves. Trpcic said there was talk of making her Chivkis of the weasels, though it was unlikely, unless Yirika was going to allow new Chivkis their sight now that there was actually something worth seeing.

Trpcic would come along, of course. Revel was all the family she had. And there was a whole world out there, full of scents and sounds and feels. Whether a Chivkis had to be wise to become a Chivkis, or if they were wise because they were a Chivkis... did not matter. It was clear to the old stoat that her wisdom counted for nothing in the face of this monstrous mystery waiting to be explored.

And as the hours crept by towards their final farewell to the Oasis...

It was gone. They were on the move now, once again trekking through the desert. Night for movement, day for warm sleep. And each day that passed was another day Revel did not have to remember any more. The names faded, becoming as hazy in her mind as the horizon. Every uncertain pool of black, blank thought was another inch she stood taller as she walked.

She did not forget Rath, because he was her son. She did not forget Suellyn, because she was her daughter. She did not forget Venril, because Pinky smelled like caterpillar doings. She did not forget Keane because she wore his coat every second of the day. She did not forget Zhipzi, because Trpcic spoke of the weasel often. She did not forget Eliza, because the stupid pine kept walking with the rest of the group...

But the rest were gone now, and every dark event washed away in the wonderful grittiness of being. Revel found she could smile, sometimes, and bounce and roll here and there among the dunes, because life was an adventure that surprised her every morning when she forgot where the sun had gone off to.

They came out of the desert and into scrublands, and still headed south-west even then, until they came to the shore. Revel stared out at the vast ocean as if it were the first time she had ever seen it. And in a way, it was.

They camped, and she took her kits one at a time to splash in a shallow tide-pool while Trpcic looked after the others. They could not see yet, but their brown coats were beginning to come in just a little. Revel thought this was a bit silly of them, because it was beginning to get colder and colder during the day, and it was not long before winter set in for good.

None of the kits were very impressed by being plopped about in salty water, and Sullen set up a frantic squealing when some got in her mouth. Revel noted with glee - and a hint of future horror - that her teeth were starting to come in.

She sat and played with them until Little Rath was bitten by a curious crab, and then swept them up and went to see what was for dinner. She had a feeling it would be fish. Kirby hated crabs. And no wonder.

* * * * * *

"Well, th'one thing you gotta un'erstand about th'Bluddrudder... is that she wos cursed."

"Cursed?" Skinny Ryun said dubiously.

"Aye. Cursed." Kirby nodded solemnly, his jowls flapping. "Ever wonder, why we 'ad a bosun, a purser, a helmsbeast, a first mate, a cap'n, but no second mate ter speak of?"

"Er... no, not really."

"'Twos a long time ago, aye... An upstart young ferret saw it all. Cap'n Blueguts, murdered before 'is very eyes! Throat sliced wide open. Th'murderer, Second Mate Filmeye, 'e became Cap'n next, cowin' th'First Mate inter submission. Scarce a season later, we foun' Filmeye, ears stuffed down 'is throat. Ne'er did find th'rest of 'is 'ead! Second Mate Plommel wos th'culprit this time, an' let it known as 'e took o'er th'ship. 'Twos around this time th'stoat we knew as Nivard came aboard, long afores any o' ye were around. A right decent doctor, Nivard wos. Well, not two seasons later, Nivard got promoted ter First Mate, on account o' th'last one quittin'. We'd gone through five more Cap'ns since then, an' th'poor beast just lost 'is nerve, kept thinkin' he wos next. Can't blame 'im, really. An' who would be promoted ter Second Mate next? Ol' rapscallion 'imself, our Cap'n Matukhana."

Kirby grinned as the firelight audience gasped.

"Aye. An' how does I know this? 'Twos me wot done put 'im there!" The vermin gasped more. Kirby shook his head. "But I was a right fool. Aye, I was Second Mate once, an' got too big fer me sea boots. Knocked Cap'n Pickspar around th'head one night an' hung 'im from th'bowsprit. Shoulda stopped there, though. No more. But I 'ad ter go an' threaten th'First Mate as well, an' he scarpered. A good ol' seabeast, 'e wos. Would 'ave liked ter 'ave 'im at my side when I sobered up. An' well, guess wot 'appened next?"

"Matukhana killed yer!"

"Aye - wait, no! I'm sittin' here, aren't I? No, 'e tried ter kill me, aye. Got my one leg off, afore Nivard stepped in. 'E wos a good pal, Nivard. Bein' young corsairs t'gether... I really miss it."

The old ferret stared into the fire and took a draught from his canteen, going quiet.

"Well, 'ow come you lived?" Skinny Ryun asked.

"Simple fact as Matukhana 'ad no choice. Nivard pinned 'im down good, cutlass ter 'is throat. Said as much ter Matty, 'e said: 'Fox, y'can take o'er Cap'ncy, but by 'Ellgates, if ye take my friend's life I will gut yer like a fish.' Matty, well, 'e was no fool. Course 'e agreed! Nivvy patched up me leg, stayed around as first mate, an' Matty never did let anybeast become a second mate un'er 'is command, 'cos 'e knew th'curse as well as anyone. Gone five seasons since then, an' th'Bluddrudder's been fine 'til somebeast let that wretched cat at th'wheel..."

Kirby and spat, prompting the other corsairs to do likewise and mutter curses about the ill-fated steersbeast-substitute.

"I tells yer, mateys... Ye can go where they takes ye, find a new ship at Crittenden. Maybe join ol' Proklyan's lads an' get a fancy green tunic an' whatnot. But me... I'm gonna go back someday. Build 'er up good again with my bare paws, if I 'ave ter. Too many memories in those timbers..." He tapped his pegleg. "Came from a cracked spar, this leg did. It belongs with th'rest o' th'wood. Wood, ye know... 'as a memory o' its own. Needs ter be with family."

The ferret stared, his mouth slowly hanging ajar.

"I think," he said, his voice choking a little, "I see... th'Bluddrudder!"

"Haha! Wot a card, our Cap'n is, isn't 'e?" Ryun sniggered, not bothering to look behind him at the star-specked ocean. The other corsairs and vermin, and even Birch, because she had to admit she liked the grog if only just a bit, all guffawed. Kirby glowered at them, then stood up to get the firelight out of his way.

"Kirby?" Skinny Ryun said, standing up and putting a paw on his shoulder.

"Aye?"

Ryun scanned the water for a moment or two before turning away with a snort.

"Yer a sentimental ol' git."

"But there's really a ship out there!"

Nobeast believed him, not until a longboat scrunched up on the shore.

* * * * * *

The last received message from Captain Venril via messenger robin was short, a mere statement of progress: Have acquired new crew, as per orders. Bluddrudder to proceed north as scheduled.

When a merchant ship's crew mentioned in the tavern one day that they had seen a wreck on the south-eastern coast, Captain Fergly had asked, out of sheer boredom, what the ship had been named. He'd spat out his grog. Proklyan was going to be maaad. Not to mention himself. He'd been waiting almost a full season for relief, or reinforcements, or whatever was being sent his way.

There was nothing going to change things now. Prince Nashald would just have to hold off on his own, because he, Fergly, had orders to come back home, and he wasn't going to stick around for some war he didn't even care about, oh no. He'd packed up his soldiers - what was left of them - and chartered the grog out of that merchant ship the very same evening. Two weeks later he saw the wreck himself, and then not five days later, the lookout announced a fire on the shoreline. They'd slowed down to see. Fergly had grabbed the spyglass and eyed the rabble.

All it took was one green-tunic-wearing rat with Proklyan's insignia on his breast to send Captain Fergly into a rage. How dare that sissy scum of a stoat Venril hightail it back along the coast! Ship or no ship, he should have gone on with the mission, if he had survived at all! Soldiers or no soldiers! Proklyan was going to be maaad.

He didn't stop to think about how long ago the wreck had first been sighted, or how far along the coast the fireside rabble was from their ship, or to check for any more soldiers, and he didn't give any of the merchant ship's crew time to think either. He rowed furiously ashore.

His meeting with "Captain" Kirby had been one of the most sobering experiences of his life, needless to say.

They hustled out a quick deal by morning.

Captain Fergly began to count the survivors one by one as they clambered up onto the ship, getting their names, which his clerk wrote down on parchment.

Revel eyed him. He wasn't as scrawny, but there was a certain aura of Venrilness about him. The aura increased as she came close enough to smell.

"Name?" he said, as Greenfang stepped out of the line in front of her and began scaling the rope ladder. The Captain stepped back a little and looked Revel up and down. She didn't bother, herself. She breathed in.

Musty, like dead leaves. A bit of caterpillar doings. Vinegar an' feathers... soggy clay.

"Rivvil," Trpcic said, edging in. "I Trpcic."

"Ah... mmhm, Rivvil. Thought it was pronounced different. And she's the crazy mute one they call Crinktail, is she? Interesting." Fergly glanced back at Revel, his head tilted curiously. "And do you - "

She ignored him and bolted up the ladder, sending the rope slapping against the ship in her wake. She sat in the shade of the sails beside Trpcic as the rest were processed. From a coat pocket she drew out little Pinky, and held him under her nose.

Just a trick of memory, she decided. Some lost refrain.

"<That male stoat smells like he's your mate,>" Trpcic chittered.

"N...no," Revel said, her voice cracking and hoarse. "Venril's dead."