Blood. Gore. Cuteness.

[Nallmian 2.0]

Hello, this is Nallmian, who you may remember from my reviews on TEDII and Redwall Lockdown.  The 2.0 is because apparently a long time ago I created an account on this board, but I do not remember my password and apparently don't have whatever email account it was that I had linked to that account any more.  I've been quite busy so far, but I want to start reviewing before I get too far behind the curve of things.  Here is what I said about my reviewing style during Redwall Lockdown.  I haven't the time to write a whole 'nother blurb about myself, and nothing in this one has really changed since I wrote it:

"I have a slightly different background than many of the people here in the sense that I mostly read and write nonfiction, and this has a distinct effect on how I judge.  I tend to prefer clarity, sharpness and dynamism over ornate style, and in fact don't particularly care for overly flowery writing.  I tend to be more of a "big picture" reviewer, and focus less on individual technical components and writing style than on the overall experience and how well the character fits into the contest.

The most important criteria I use is quite simply: does this make me curious/excited to be reading the story?  I like suspense, plot twists and offbeat humor, and I place heavy emphasis on interactions with other characters.  Ideally, characters should have a solid web of interactions and relationships involving almost all of the other characters, although having a group of faction is good too.  Another thing that I put very heavy priority on is contribution to the overall story.  If you are actively driving the plot, I'll tend to be fairly forgiving and positive, but if you wander too far from the other characters or slip into irrelevance I will get very irritated very quickly, no matter how good your writing is.  I also tend to grade on overall performance and on trends (are you getting better or worse overall?) as opposed to based on individual posts.

As for historical accuracy, I care much more about plausibility and internal logic than about replication of real history.  I do not expect a world full of anthropomorphic animals with completely different cultural influences to resemble Earth at the same time period too closely.  In fact, too much similarity may in itself be unrealistic and implausible, given the differences.  What I do expect is a complex, plausible world with clear lines of causality where things fit together logically.  I love worldbuilding, and will reward political or cultural exposition.  Now, without further delay..."


Rexim - Absentem Laedit #### Ebrio qui Litigat :
We start out with a bit of fluff about nature, and then get right into a nice little drinking session/conversation between Rexim and Alan Blacktip that feels very natural and like the sort of conversation that two beasts like that would be having: complaining about coworkers, talking about jills (is that the word for a female mink, too?) and vixens, etc.  I'm glad that right off the bat you made Rexim's foreignness something more than an accent, and I definitely appreciate all of the complaints that he has about Mossflower, because I've always kinda imagined that there would be places around Mossflower that were a little more developed, and for a foreigner Mossflower would probably actually not be a very fun place to live and work at this point in time.  I am a little confused as to why there are minks but no foxes other than Rexim at this point in time, but I trust that will be explained.  The scene with Zacari is well handled too, and I had to chuckle at where Rexim's thoughts go, as well as his horrified reaction to what had been going through his head.  This is pretty good so far, and I can't really see much to complain about.  It's true that not a ton of stuff happens in this post, and in the future you will need to be conscientous about advancing the plot, but for the moment you're fine.

Alan Blacktip - It's Five O'Clock Somewhere:
Captain Blacktip was my favorite out of all of the apps, judge-picked or audience-picked, and with this first post you have reinforced my positive first impression of the character.  I find myself strongly reminded of Priscilla Steep, and in my book that is not a bad thing at all.  I love this entire post.  The first scene with Radish suggests strongly to me that for all of his abusive bluster and ranting at the mouse, Alan would be thoroughly lost without him.  Also, as someone who never drinks alcohol, I do not actually know what Blacktip is experiencing, but you did a good job of explaining it to me.  This scene works much better when taken together with the conversation with Sergeant Airya shows that Blacktip is not just a lush: his logic actually makes a lot of sense, and his conversation with his soldiers reinforces the fact that Captain Blacktip holds that rank for a reason.  His scene with Forst is somewhat interesting, although I hope Tobias develops that particular relationship more.  Anyways, you're doing great so far, and while it is much too early for me to be declaring favorites, I am very curious to see what the future holds for Captain Blacktip

Rousseau - Black Sheep Come Home:
I actually really did not like Rousseau's app that much, and was skeptical of the concept before reading this post, but I am pleased to say that you seem to be making it work quite well.  I had to laugh at Rousseau's reinterpretation of the letter, because that really is exactly how most large organizations work in real life.  I am also intrigued by the fact that there is apparently a fairly developed society on Terrarmort on this time, complete with a semi-organized Navy and enough prosperity and stability for the arts and such.  This makes me wonder what happened over time to turn Terramort into a cesspool like what we saw in the books.  Anyways, as with Rexim I like the way you handled the fact that Mossflower is pretty jarringly different from what Rousseau is used to.  The fact that she admires the scenery while also hating having to treck through the forests and viewing the places as a backwoods hovel actually feels like the way someone from a place like Terrarmort as it apparently exists at this time would probably feel about Mossflower.  I also like the little details like her fondness for locks and the arguing over the art with Clutus.  The one thing I didn't care for was her really random decision to hand the pearl necklace over to the serving mouse.  I get the impression this was supposed to tell me something about the character, but damned if I know what it is.  Other than that, however, I was pleasantly surprised by this post, and my opinion about Rousseau is definitely improving, and likely to continue doing so if your next several posts are as good as this.

Sorry, I am out of time at the moment and I did not get nearly as far as I wanted, although I will have more time after tomorrow.  Anyways, good job to all three of you so far, and I will keep reviewing tomorrow.

[Opal]

Thank you so much for reviewing, Nallmian! It's nice to know that there are people out there reading and enjoying the story. :)

[Alan]

Thanks for the reviews Nall, they're MUCH appreciated.  It's great to know someone's reading and loving it!

[Rousseau]

Thank you for the reviews, Nallmian, I'm glad there is someone else reading these posts and I'm glad that  you are enjoying my character despite being somewhat skeptical over her application.  As for the tiny little scene over the pearl necklace, that was done as a slight clue to her backstory which will be build upon in my later posts.  I'll also continue to world build Terramort and show Rousseau's foreigness as I arrive at a chance, so you can expect more of that.  Anyways, thank you again for your thoughts and reviews and I hope to continue to keep Rousseau as an intriguing character.  :)

[Rexim]

Nallmian! I'm glad that you could make it.

Thank you very much for your review. I'm glad that you're enjoying Rexim; he's a fun character to write. I will certainly try to make my posts more plot-advancing in the future. It's something that I've always had a bit of trouble with, and rest assured I will work on that.

[Nallmian 2.0]

So, just had my last classes today, and aside from a 25 page paper on al-Qaeda and a few final exams, I don't have nearly as much work for the next two weeks, especially since I already have most of my research materials for the 25 pager.  The first week is really long, but my goal is to be caught up by the end of this weekend.

Rallentando - The Shape of Things to Come: 
Rallentando had an interesting application, and things have only gotten better with the start of the actual contest.  The story so far has focused almost exclusively on the vermin, so its good to get such a detailed look into the life of the woodlander slaves/servants.  Now don't get me wrong, I love vermin.  They're cute and zany and fun to read about, but it's also good to see the other side of this very unequal society.  The complicated relationship between Rallentando and Luka looks pretty interesting, although it seems a little strange to me that she gets over his apparently abusive behavior so quickly.  That doesn't seem like the sort of thing someone like Rallentando should forget too completely.  The scene with Radish is short but interesting, and I definitely want to see more of him in the future.  Anyways, moving on, we get a few fairly forgettable interactions with other NPCs, and are then treated to the introduction of Rallentando's father/Poppa and his mistress, a character I already hate and am likely to hate even more.  Anyways, it is really heartwrenching to see Rallentando pleading with her father, who she clearly still loves despite him running off with that vapid skank Ms. Feverfew and ditching her family.  I can clearly imagine the scene going on in the dining room, with the tensions boiling just under the surface.  Ditzy McHomewrecker Violet is already getting on my nerves (in a good way!), and I really hope that this character dies.  Preferrably in a way that takes a while to kill her and causes substantial pain in the process.  I know it's early, but something tells me I am going to hate this person more and more and more as the story goes on.  THis is a good first post.  The only concern I see here is that you need to make sure that your stable of NPCs doesn't take up so much of Rallentando's time as to restrict her interactions with other characters.  It's too early to be too worried about that, but I thought I should mention it early just in case.

Tobias Forst - In The Air Tonight:  Hmm.  My views on this post are a little more ambivalent.  There are things I really like and things I don't particularly care for all mixed together.  The run-in with Kovari, for example, seems a little pointless.  Kovari is so far not one my favorite NPCs, and frankly, I don't think this first scene adds much.  I would have rather you had Toby ponder his feelings a bit and then write hte letter.  On the other paw, the scene with Adrian is absolutely adorable.  I am a tad confused as to why there is only one female mink in Kotir, and this is not the only thing about the minks in general that confuses me.  Why are there so many male minks but only one female, and are they really from Mossflower and why do we never, ever, ever hear about them anywhere else?  Despite the fact that Alan Blacktip (who clearly doesn't save himself for other minks, if Toby is the only one) is my favorite character, there are times when I wonder whether it would have made more sense to just have stoats or ferrets or pine martens rather than minks in this story.  However, be that as it may, the interactions between Toby and Adrian feel very natural and realistic, and I think I'm going to like Adrian as an NPC.  Drunk Toby is quite funny, and I love how delightfully sleazy Alan Blacktip comes across in this post.  I also like how Adrian handles the situation.  She manages to extricate herself effectively from a situation that clearly gives her the creeps but in which any sort of openly aggressive response is wildly inappropriate and more than a little dangerous, which coupled with the rest of what we hear about her reinforces my impression that she's a pretty smart, spirited jill.  Reading it the first time, Toby's drunk decision to punch Blacktip seemed a bit random, but thinking it over I decided this actually is a nice touch on the post.  We have a nice little love triangle developing here, although it seems like Adrian likes Toby much better than Alan.  I am sure the interactions between Alan and Toby will stay fun, but you definitely need to make sure that you build relationships with other characters.  Alan Blacktip is a very busy character, and Toby needs to be, too.  Also, the plot thickens.  Anyways, good job so far.

Clutus - The World From Above:
This is certainly not a bad post by any means, but it is also not one of my favorites relative to the rest of the week so far.  You do a very good job on creating the perspective of a bird, and your use of imagery is excellent.  I can definitely picture Clutus' unique way of interacting with the world as a bird.  However, Clutus' character so far seems neither as complex nor as interesting as some of the others.  Actually, he seems like just a very shallow, vain, self-involved sort of character, and while this trait can be used effectively, it is definitely not enough by itself, and can actually be bad when taken to excess over too long a period of time.  Right now, Clutus' egocentricity and vanity are annoying in a good way, but by Week 3 or so they could start to be annoying in a bad way if clutus doesn't start to have a more complex personality.  His interactions with Rousseau are reasonably good, and definitely mirror the interactions that I am told often happen between people ordring art on the internet and the artists they commission.  However, I don't see much to suggest how or why Clutus would really have any significant interactions with any other characters at this point, and this is something that definitely needs to change quickly.  Keep things up with Rousseau, but find some way for Clutus to connect with other characters besides a simple commercial transaction.  As I said, this isn't bad so far but I am not as impressed as with some of the other characters.

Chokk - I Trusted You!:
Oh boy, was I confused by this ending the first time I read it.  I had actually wondered whether Chokk's writer had had to withdraw or something of that nature.  Obviously, I now understand what the deal is, but I certainly did not at the time.  Anyways, Chokk's concept is not really terribly original - we've seen this archetype before many times.  The writing is reasonably good and the betrayal motif is a nice touch, but so far I have not seen anything really special about Chokk to distinguish him from the multitude of other "slave revolt leader" characters in other contests and the books.  Not so say that this isn't a good archetype, but the best characters who fill those role have other elements to their personalities and backstories.  Chokk's personality just seems flatter and less interesting than Rallentando or Alan Blacktip or Rousseau, and he lacks at this point an interesting backstory, mental or emotional quirk, quick wit or other such elements that add uniqueness and flair to characters.  Additionally, as of this post he has only the most tangential of relationships with other characters.  I realize that the constraints of the larger plot may have constrained you somewhat at this point, but you need to fix this problem, and fast.  Find something special and interesting about Chokk to make him more than an archetype, or he is not going to last long.

Luka - Beneath These Waves:
This seems pretty promising so far.  Luka's backstory actually makes a lot of sense - after all, SOMETHING must happen to vermin hordebeasts who are wounded but survive - and his character interactions are solid.  The rivalry with Alan Blacktip is an interesting one, and fits perfectly with Luka's decision to try to regain some small part of his former life as a soldier.  The chess motif is used effectively and not overdone as I feared it would be.  I also like his slightly confused relationship with Rallentando, and although as in her post I think it seems like a slightly sudden change, my opinion of the apparently somewhat-amicable relationship here has generally improved.  Luka comforting himself by imagining awful deaths for his rivals and trying to stave of death adds to the ending of the post.  Even though not a ton of plot advancement happens, this is a nice,s olid introduction post, especially given the constraints that you were under in writing it.

Tara - It's Not Dark Yet:I will keep this one short, but suffice to say I LOVE this plot twist that you've come up with.  I was absolutely 110% caught by surprise by this.  Furthermore,t his is a fantastic concept.  I've been wondering for a while when this kind of more intrusive supernaturalism would appear in a contest, and you've done a very good job with it.  I actually had my reservations about the first prompt with Kovari and Tirian (which I did not find to be terribly dynamic), but this completely blows that away.  Great job, and I cannot wait to see what happens.

Rousseau - Painting the Roses Red:
After reading this post, I think Rousseau is the character who feels the most like a real person at this point in time.  The way she reacts to the severe disorientation that accompanies' Vulpuz' little temporal fold trick, her battle with Will over ten more minutes of sleep and her general thought processes feel very real and vivid.  Actually, one of my concerns with the application is that I had seen too many "mad/very eccentric artist" type characters work out poorly, but so far Rousseau feels eccentric enough to be interesting but still more than grounded enough to feel realistic.  The conversation with Clutus goes well here, although in the vein of the advice I have given to some other characters, you definitely need to branch out and have her spend time with some other characters.  I can see her playing off of Alan Blacktip really well, and I think she and Rallentando could also have some interesting interactions.   Anyways, I really like what you have done with the character so far.  Keep it up.

Toby:  Wake Me Up Inside:
While this wasn't quite as enjoyable for me as your first post, it's still pretty good.  Another very nice little scene with Adrian, and like Rousseau you do a good job of showing how a beast with Toby's basic disposition would deal with this sort of thing.  Toby's a little more bookish and cerebral than Rousseau, so it makes sense that he has  a harder time accepting what has happened to him and wants to test it more.  Also, Rexim is a colossal #### when dealing with poor Tobias, and it's hard to blame the mink for being kind of bewildered at Rexim's hostility.  Also, this is a cast full of drunks.  Just saying.  Anyways, this was short and not as much happened as I would have liked, but it's still well written and I still get a really good view of Tobias' personality.  Just get a little more plot development in in the future, and you'll be sitting pretty.

Rallentando - I'm Not Inclined to Resign to Maturity: 
Rallentando is starting to remind me more and more of Tamarack Coffincreeper in many ways.  She seems extremely astute and clever for her age, and despite (or because of) her youth, she seems to be adjusting pretty quickly to her situation.  The mental rant about Vulpuz has to rank with Rousseau's translation of her orders as one of my favorite lines of the contest so far.  Rallentando's relationship with the other woodlander slaves continues to flesh out, and Radish makes another nice little appearance - you get the impression that he is really used to weirdness after all that time spent with Blacktip.  As before, I think you need to make it a priority to interact more with the other characters, but your characterization is so good I'm not inclined to press the point too much.  I'll just add that I'd really like to see Ralentando interact with the vermin characters in particular.  Anyways, I will keep this short since I don't have any really noticeable things to criticize and am starting to run low on time.  Great job so far, keep it up.

Alan Blacktip - Deja vu:
Another very enjoyable appearance by Captain Blacktip.  My respect for Radish increases every time we see these two together.  The poor guy really does keep his boss sane, and what thanks do he get for it?  Punches and curses, that's what.  Blacktip seems to be moving towards being the de facto leader of this little band, and at the very least it looks like he's going to have some very memorable interactions with most of these characters.  The one thing I did not really care for was his threatening Rousseau.  I realize Blacktip loves a scrap, but that just seemed a little bit too impulsive.  The guy's pretty smart when he's drunk.  Sober, I just can't really see him doing something like that.  You do a pretty good job with getting the other characters right at all, and the plot seems to be moving along nicely.  As with the previous post, not really much for me to say here other than that I like the post.

[Nallmian 2.0]

Okay, I am going to try to get completely caught up with the reviews as soon as I can.   As for voting, I am aware of the fact that sometimes each individual writer does not set his/her own posting schedule, so I personally will not assign any kind of personal penalty for later posting as long as you post in time for me to read before voting.  Still, I advise you to hurry as much as you can.

Chokk - Each Day Has Trouble of Its Own:
Poor Chokk.  The rest of the cast gets returned to lives that they seem to generally enjoy, or in which at the very least they have hope and things worth being happy about.  Chokk gets kicked out of the afterlife and sent back to a horrible, rather hopeless sort of existence.  Speaking of which, how do the metaphysics of this world work, exactly?  Is Vulpuz some sort of judge, or does Vulpuz normally just get jurisdiction over vermin and someone else over woodlanders?  Anyways, I digress.  Chokk seems to have a much harder time adjusting to his new circumstances than the others, and that's perfectly reasonable, as he has the worst predicament of the bunch: does he save people and a regime that he views as completely evil and hates with all of his being in ordr to make a better future, or does he do the selfish thing and take revenge anyways?  For that matter, can Chokk even really be certain that Vulpuz is being completely truthful?  Sure, WE know that Redwall will be real, but what reason does he have to believe that a fox demon/god/entity is trustworthy.  Anyways, Chokk feels a little bit more fleshed out in this post on account of his moral dilemma and his protective attitude towards Rallentando.  However, Chokk still does not feel as interesting or complex as the other characters.  Also, you really need to find a way to make Chokk more capable of interacting meaningfully with the vermin characters, or at least significantly deepen his interactions with Rallentando.  Yes, he's protective of her, but there needs to be more there, since it doesn't seem that Chokk will be making friends with even the less "offensive" vermin like Rexim and Toby.  I like this post slightly better than the last one, but you're still not really out of danger from me.  I still feel like I've heard this one before.

Clutus - Descent into Melancholy:
This is definitely a well done "exploring a new/dangerous environment" post.  It also goes a long way towards establishing the atmosphere of this story, and it sets a sharp contrast from Redwall Lockdown.  I'll talk about that later, though, since that's a product of everyone's collective writing.  Anyways, you do a great job with atmospherics here, and not only do I have a very vivid image in my mind of what's going on, but I can also almost here the spooky music here.  The dialogue is mostly bitching and bickering, but it's well written bitching and bickering, and the characters are all continuing to come into focus.  I also like the way you have used Clutus species to his advantage.  He's not just a vermin with wings, he has a completely different way of perceiving and interacting with the world around him, and his psychology is distinct as well.  I like it when people are able to use species effectively in this manner.  Clutus still seems just a little bit shallow in terms of his personality, and the overwhelming role that vanity plays in his behavior can get a little tedious.  However, your overall writing is good enough that I'm still interested in seeing how Clutus might evolve.  YOur main challenges at this point are developing Clutus' motivations and thought processes.  Relationships with other characters are important, too, although his interactions with Rousseau and Rexim are both quite solid, and in his case there's a good reason (him being an owl) for him starting out as more of an outsider.

Chokk - Vulpuz have Mercy:
Hmm.  Chokk is trying to be a leader here in spite of his general aversion to vermin.  That in itself is a very interesting piece of characterization.  You also do a good job with Chokk's continued struggle to reconcile what he has experienced with his basic values and his prior mission of revenge.  I actually like Chokk better here than in the last two posts.  I am a little less sure about Zacari, although I also realize this may or may not be entirely your doing.  I don't understand why Zacari and her pet lizard were so out of it and did not notice or care about the presence of the Venturers at first, and in general I still don't really care for the wolves that much.  Still, her deduction that there really is no explanation for Alan Blacktip and Rexim hanging out with woodlander slaves besides something very strange happening is interesting, suggesting that Zacari is not as much of a space cadet as most seers.  I think she still might be a little too fast to believe the whole "temporal fold and resurrection" thing, but I guess having them stand around arguing with her would be kind of pointless.  This is another reasonably good but not extraordinary post, and I'm afraid to say that Chokk is finishing out round one near the lower end of my list.  He still simply does not captivate me like Alan or Rallentando or Rousseau, his character interactions and internal thoughts still seem relatively shallow, and to my mind he still has not adequately distinguished himself from the rebellious woolander slave cliche.  You've shown signs of promise, but these things need to be fixed, and fast.

Rousseau - Silver and Cold:
I love reading Rousseau's posts.  Her inner monologue and sense of persecution are hilarious, although it does sometimes really seem as though the world is Out to Get her.  I will talk about this more later, but as in Chokk's post it really stands out to me that the characters in this cast just plain do not like each other.  I realize that their situation is stressful, but thus far it seems like most of the dialogue since the thing with Vulpuz has involved either complaining about their situation or sniping at one another.  I'm not saying this is necessarily bad, though, and you handle it well.  As with your early posts, Rousseau seems to have a somewhat contradictory relationship with her physical environment.  It's a source of inspiration to her artistic side, and yet she cannot ignore the fact that it she is just not an outdoorsy rat.  I can relate - I like nature best from a distance.  Anyways, my only small quibble is the part at the end when they seem not to remember why they set out down the tunnels in the first place.  I realize it turned out to be a red herring, but it's to like investigating a potential flood channel was a completely insane idea.  Also, the fact that there are non-Kotir rats running around with swords in a secret tunnel leading into Kotir is itself kind of important.  They might not be involved in the flood, but clearly they are doing or preparing to do something bad for Kotir and its inhabitants, and I feel like at the very least Alan Blacktip should really want to know this.  Anyways, great job with this post.

Alan - These Paws Aren't Yours:
It seems Blacktip is a little less ready to accept his predicament than he seemed at first.  What really makes this post interesting is how Alan deals with getting a do-over on a literal life and death matter.  He knows exactly how everything unfolded the last time, and yet rather than play along with the script he decides to use this second chance to completely change everything.  It's a good moment of characterization because it shows that there really is a brain behind all the alcohol and bluster and combativeness, and because it shows that Alan doesn't want to just play along and let other forces define his life.  Tobias and Rallentando are both in character, and I would be interested to see more interactions with either one of them.  There could have been more discussion with the other characters at the end of this post, but overall this was pretty interesting.

I'm going to skip the death post since it was a substitution.  Luka or Tara, if you want more on either the death post or Luka in general, you can PM.

I am going to go ahead and get started on Week 2, but I figured I might as well post this now, along with my general thoughts on Week 1.  All of you are solid writers, and although I like some of you more than others there is nobody I really strongly dislike.  The concept for this story is really interesting, and everyone seems to have taken it and run with it.  One thing that really jumps out at me here is that these characters so far really, really, really seem to dislike one another.  This is a huge contrast to Redwall Lockdown, in which most of the characters started out with basically friendly amicable relationships and interactions.  It makes sense, though, since most of the Redwall Lockdown cast were basically nice, friendly, functional people, whereas most of these characters seem much more angry and frustrated with themselves, one another and the universe.  It's also different from the really ROC: Survivor contests, Redscape and to a lesser extent TED II in that in those contests the environment was so immediately dangerous to the characters that they had no choice but to stick together or else they would have all died quickly.  Instead, this feels more like Midnight Mossflower or RV 5: the characters are in an open ended scenario where their lives are threatened but not at every waking moment, and in which their ability to survive is more contingent on their ability to solve a complicated mystery than wilderness or combat skills.  This is a definite shift in tone, but it's one that I welcome.  As much as I enjoyed RL and as fantastic as the writing on that story was, there were definitely times when I felt nostalgia for some of the darker stories and more fractious, paranoid, mutually suspicious casts of some of the slightly older contests.  Great job with the first week, and I can't wait to see what comes next.

[Nallmian 2.0]

Okay, here's Week 2.  If you're just now seeing this, read the last post for the rest of my Week 1 reviews.

Rallentando - Midnight Snack:
Another excellent post from Rallentando.  The character's thought processes are very vivid and feel like those of real, if very precocious, youngster.  Also, as with Clutus I like the way species is used here.  Working in a vermin kitchen may not be as physically taxing as construction and may have some definite brightsides relative to other work details, but I would imagine that some of the meals and ingredients would be rather disgusting to woodlanders.  It was also very entertaining watching Clutus' rage at the door, which reminds me conspicuously of Silisk's (adder from Redscape) equally intense hatred for doors, doorknobs and all things except open portals.  Alan Blacktip's combination of sloppiness and menacingness (sp?) is well played here.  I do think Rallentando's reaction to Luka's death is a little bit much, given that I haven't seen anything that suggests that Luka was really that close to her.  Certainly not nearly as bad as the other vermin, but it doesn't seem like Luka and and Rallentando could have really known each other that well. Still, she is a pretty young beast and the death of anyone she knows personally must be jarring.  Nothing else really to say here.

Rousseau - Points of Authority:
Poor Rousseau!  She may have a persecution complex, but I get the impression that her author (and maybe the others, too) really do enjoy putting our poor rattess in uncomfortable situations.  There are some characters that it is just fun to torment, and Rousseau seems to be one of them.  Anyways, the scene with the wolves is generally pretty well done, although as always it feels like the wolves are some of the dullest NPCs in this story.  The exchanges between Rousseau and Blacktip are great, and it's good characterization for both of them.  Blacktip is a colossal #### and clearly enjoys antagonizing Rousseau, and yet everything he says makes perfect sense.  Rousseau is angry and frustrated at being thrust into this role when all she really wants to do is paint, but just mature enough to recognize that she is making mistakes.  She's determined to survive on a level that some of the other characters seem to lack.  I'm definitely rooting for her to succeed at that task.

Rexim - Terra Incognito:
Oh boy, I can relate to this.  Several times during the last few years I have had cause to go trekking through the woods, and during all of those times I felt exactly like Rexim does in this post.  His petulant but hilarious threat to bring deforestation and urban sprawl to Mossflower centuries ahead of their time is great, too, and sounds like something someone might really say.  Poor guy.  Mossflower probably really is a backwards hellhole for him.  On the other paw, insulting Blacktip's brother?  NOT a good idea.  Rexim must be really rattled from the wilderness, because he of all people should know that this is a dumb thing to say.  Tobias gets a really good moment of characterization as a relatively level headed peacemaker within a group of people who seemingly can't be in each other's presence for five minutes without starting an argument, and I appreciate it when writers get in really good character development for characters other than their own.  Builds the cast and shows teamwork.  Anyways, the problems with navigation and water rat relocation are actually pretty well thought out and realistic.  Map making is MUCH harder than we often realize in our age of industrial-scale cartography, and fighting nomads from a stationary base of power is hard.  Especially in a world with no cavalry.  I think this is your best post so far.

Alan - Demon Fiends:
The whole scene with little Mirdros is hilarious.  The formidable Alan Blacktip, completely bested by a small kit.  This is great.  Mirdros continues to be adorable throughout the scene, and I kinda hope we see him again.  Anyways, once the meeting with the Children of the Water starts, we get another nice scene with Productive!Blacktip and Caractacus.  Actually, this is very well thought out.  Everything Caractacus does and says here makes perfect sense for his position.  Being too hostile could cost him dearly (after all, he doesn't know this is a rogue mission), but he really doesn't want to actually be very helpful, especially on questions about the war between the rats and the wolves.  I like the grudging respect that Blacktip seems to be developing for Tobias.  I definitely want to see more scenes with Alan and Toby, and also hope that having to fight the water rats together becomes a captains bonding experience for Alan and Rousseau, allowing for more complex interactions between those two.  The scat has really hit the fan here, but both Blacktip and Rousseau seem to handle it pretty well.  Nothing to really complain about here.

Chokk - Mirror Image:
Well, this is a really interesting twist: apparently either Alan or Konner is a big part of Chokk's storyline.  I totally did not expect a twist like this, and you handled Chokk's little moment of berserk very well.  Even before that, you did an unusually good job with Chokk's thoughts and feelings.  I also like the references to the very real emotional and practical problems that being seen by other beavers in the company of vermin would cause.  The graphic murder scene is another nice touch.  This is probably your best post to date, and although it does not take you totally out of danger from me, it is an improvement.

Come on people, get the rest of those posts up ASAP!

[Rexim]

Thank you very much for your excellent review, sir. I'm glad that Rexim's feelings on nature struck a chord with you; he's fun to write when he's angry. Also, thank you for saying that my explanations for the navigation and water rat relocation were well thought out. I especially plan to get more into the first war with the rats in future posts, plot permitting of course.

[Nallmian 2.0]

Rexim:  You're very welcome.  Thanks for the response

Okay, here are the last two for this week!
Clutus - Culture Shock:
Heh.  Clutus seems to be on the verge of having some of his illusions about his own intelligence, reputation and importance cruelly assaulted.  It's interesting that Rexim, who knows Blacktip the best, is the most certain (wrongly) that there will be no rescue attempt.  I wonder if this is just a pure misinterpretation on his part or if Alan's starting to change a bit.  I definitely have to empathize with Rallentando.  The constant inter-cast bickering is entertaining and fun to read, but I can also definitely see how someone actually stuck in that situation with their life on the line would find it to be incredibly frustrating that this group is so dysfunctional.   The interactions between Clutus and Cefin are relatively well done, and Caractacus in particular continues to be well developed as a reasonable, well intentioned but wary authority figure.  Clutus' massive ego makes a little bit more sense now that we know how feared he once was, although I continue to note a distinct lack of personal complexity in Clutus vis a vis some of the other characters.  He pretty much is driven still just by ego and survival.   I don't know how much of this is yours versus a collective creation of the cast, but I like the fact that the Children of the Water seem to have a fairly well thought out society, complete with a religion.  At this point, Clutus is not one of my favorite characters, but he is not immediately in the crosshairs, and your overall writing is good enough that I'm willing to give Clutus some more time.

Tobias - The Dammed Plan:
I'm liking Tobias more and more as time goes on.  While he is not quite as colorful as Rousseau or Alan Blacktip, he and Rallentando seem to be the voices of sanity in what is otherwise a group that otherwise seems too dysfunctional to succeed.  He's easy to empathize with and feels a lot like a real person trying to deal with an unreal situation.  Also, he seems out of all of the cast the most curious, humble and eager to learn.  He knows there is a lot he doesn't know.  This is a solid post for characterization, and the plan makes sense.  You've written a good character, and your main challenge now is going to be exerting more of an influence on the plot and other characters.  So far Tobias has often been a little too passive and introverted, which is the main reason this very likeable and well done character is not further up in my rankings.  The growing bond between him and Alan Blacktip is an important start.  I personally think Tobias and Rallentando would be natural allies as well, despite the fact that they are from radically different backgrounds, to say the least.  I realize that combat is not his forte, but it would be good to see him take more of a lead in planning hte investigation/searching for clues part of things.  You have a good character design here.  How far you go will be dependent on how effectively you can use it.

[Nallmian 2.0]

Hey, I know I have not been reviewing because of real life, but I am still reading this story and I really want to see how it ends!  Get some posts up, people!

[Rousseau]

There will be a post up very shortly :)
EDIT: Forgive me... it's really long