A Grumpy Old Badger's Reviews

[Ulrick Hammerpaw]

Wow, I just wanted to start by saying you guys are doing an amazing job so far! So many posts already! :D

I will be doing some short reviews for you, though it will have to wait until I'm on a computer and not my iPhone! XD These will mostly concentrate on character and plot, rather than perfect SPAG.

So far I'm loving what I'm reading, and I can't wait to see where you guys will be taking this plot.

[Rousseau]

Reviews <3  You sir, have received +1 awesome :D

[Chokk]

I always feel my stomach drop at the word "review" :D I'm excited to hear what you have to say!

[Rexim]

Reviews! I was wondering when these were going to show up. Can't wait to hear what you think of our characters.

[Ulrick Hammerpaw]

Ok, apologies for the delay, let's get started. Since there's a lot of posts to get through at the start of a contest, these reviews will start out more as brief summaries of my thoughts on character thus far.

Rexim: It's always tough to go first, so good job on taking the plunge! I like that you wasted no time in setting up Rexim's relationship with some of the other characters, he seems on good terms with Alan, and his rivalry with Tobias should make for some interesting clashes. I also enjoyed the scene at the end where Rexim shrugs off the seer's warning, and I suspect that this may come back to haunt him later.

The only real downside I see so far is that I'm struggling a bit to pin down Rexim's accent. You may want to tone this down a little in future posts, as it can start to get harder to read.

Alan: I am so glad you got into this contest! I loved reading 'It's Five O'Clock Somewhere', it really set Alan up nicely and managed to introduce a couple of important NPCs in his life. I particularly liked how his actions in the application have already started to catch up with him. Also, poor Airya! In a way, I hope she manages to get one back on Alan for that. You're rapidly becoming one of those 'love-to-hate' kind of characters, so well done there. I look forward to seeing more of you, though possibly not as much as Airya saw! :P

Rousseau: Another of my favourite applications, and one that I think will go far in this contest. Pirates are always fun to read, and crazy ones even better - at least her crew seems to think she is! I will be interested to see if Rousseau manages to fully gain the confidence of her crew, or whether she will have to make a few more paintings to keep them in line. ;)  There's not really a lot to say about the post itself, it's very well written, funny, and keeps the story moving along. Keep up the good work!

Rallentando: Another first post getting straight down to business. We've already seen how Kotir's rulers are getting on, so it's nice to get the backstairs view. I'm glad that Rall's misfortune at finding herself a slave hasn't dampened her spirits too much, as I was a little worried that coming from her home in the app to the world of Kotir might have ground her down a bit. Not so! More enjoyable interaction with other characters, in this case Luka, and I have to say that Radish is fast becoming one of my favourite NPCs. Looks like something is up for this party though, and I look forward to seeing what the woodlanders have in store for their erstwhile masters.

Tobias: Aww, poor Toby! XD You can't help but feel sorry for him. This post firmly establishes his motivation of really not wanting to be in Kotir any more, and launches him into what could be quite the love triangle with Alan over Adrian. Overall, Toby seems to be a very 'nice' character, and I mean that in a good way, and he seems a bit of an underdog, which makes him very appealing to me. I would like to see him have some interactions with the woodlander slaves to see if that niceness extends to them as well. This post manages to be entertaining, while setting up what appears to be the major dramatic plot point of the the first week, so well done on that.

Clutus: Our resident feathered friend has quite the ego, no? :P I look forward to seeing if he'll manage to maintain his sense of superiority as the story progresses, or whether he'll find himself popped like a balloon! I was glad to see his scene with Rousseau fleshed out a bit, as up until now she had looked a little isolated. I thought you wrote her very well, and we got to see a good example of Clutus' more cunning side at the end there. The only thing I would say is that perhaps this post should have been placed before Tobias', as his ended seemingly with a slave revolt about to happen, and there's not much mention of it here, but that's really a very minor thing, and I know how hard it can be to organise eight different authors!

Chokk: Wow, this is a real change of mood here. I think this darker tone really works with Chokk's character, he's an angry old beaver and this really shows. It is an interesting contrast to Rall's post, which is quite light hearted, despite her enslavement. Chokk's motivation is very clearly stated, and you can see just why he's doing what he's doing. I wish I'd seen a little more of the fight, which seemed to begin and end very quickly, but then I'm a sucker for a good fight scene! :P

Luka: I like your character, but I must admit this post is a little confusing. I think the two flashback scenes could probably be split up with another scene in between, and all of a sudden Luka is very nearly dead of some mysterious wounds that we didn't see him get. As I said with Chokk, the slave uprising and the vermin response appears to have been dealt with very much in passing. I was hoping to see a little more of that.

Overall: I have to say I've very much enjoyed this first round of posts! You guys have done a great job of getting straight on with the story without lots of waffle. I look forward to seeing what happens after the admin post, and I shall be continuing my reviews of the second set of posts soon.

Hope these haven't been a total waste of time! I'm hardly a literature expert, but I was so impressed by this cast that I thought you deserved some feedback! :)

[Clutus]

 :wub:

Just wanted to offer my thanks to you, for taking the time to review.  I'm glad your enjoying the story so far, and hope you continue to do so. 

[Rousseau]

Going to echo what Clutus said.  Thank you for taking the time to review, sir, as everyone is going slightly insane from the pressure of not knowing what people think of us  :twitch: I'm glad you're enjoying Rousseau's character and the story itself :)

[Rexim]

Thank you very much for your review! I'm glad that you like Rexim, and I will work on the accent. It can be a hassle to read, I know.

[Tobias]

Waste of time? Pah! Thanks for the feedback, it's much appreciated.  :D

[Chokk]

That's so much for reviewing our posts! It's great to know what others think of our characters. Glad you like the darker side of Mr. Wulgar ;)

[Alan]

Thanks so much!  Your reviews are much appreciated.  We love them!