I'm Reading in the Right Direction Now!

[Opal]

Just a test...

[Opal]

Rouss, I have no idea why, but your post borked this thread somehow. I had to merge it with my test topic, but still couldn't reply. Deleted your post and now everything seems to work again. Anyway, here was The content of Rouss's post:

I'd like to comment on this myself and, while I appreciate the fact that you like my character, there are some things that may need to be cleared up.

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but because you two have so much time to build on it, the relationship feels a lot stronger for it

First off, this line really caught my attention the second time I read through the reviews and is going to make me have to echo what Alan said in his comment.  To be honest, we really don't have a lot of time to build on it.  If me and Alan made final three, than we'd still have at best only four in-story days to develop our relationship and to be honest, that's not too long. I'm going to continue on with this and repeat again what Alan said.  Our timeline is only seven days long, compared to the weeks and months that other previous contests have been before and so developing a character, pushing the plot, as well as maintaining continuity is a lot more difficult than it may seem especially with the little time that we have to do it in.  I'm not bashing Tara, but we also have a word count we have to deal with and so developing has to be done at the exact right time, when you get a good chance to. 

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Also, did feeding Mirdros alcohol and interrogating him actually yield any nuggets of information? We basically cut from Blacktip preparing to interrogate him to the later chapter of Mirdros being sick because of it.

This was my fault.  In my second post I meant for there to be a line that clarified this but I forgot to add it in.

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The ending, setting up the scene with the water rats and their leader getting crushed by Rallentando's ill-advised leaning (another major WTF moment from this week  ) actually felt a bit rushed. It might've paced a bit better had the moment of Caractacus' death been held for another writer later in the week

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Also, Rallentando's absence this week was pretty noticeable. Her accidental murder of Caractacus feels like the most significant thing the character has done as of yet, and it didn't even reveal anything about the character, other than that she's clumsy and picks bad places to lean

The accidental murder of Caractacus was meant to be Rallentando's post for the week.  Rallen disappeared from us for a few days and when she returned she told us that she would be unable to write her post for the week, in which case we handed it to Clutus. If I remember correctly, that part of the post was handed to him rather abruptly and so he didn't have too much time to prepare for it either.

Anyways, again like Alan said, we really do appreciate your reviews, I just thought that these things needed to be clarified.

[tdcpresents]

Alan/Rousseau - I know what you're saying, and I do agree with you that a complete character evolution/reversal is probably not in the cards given the time frame, but at this point I'm really looking for something - ANYTHING - that evolves the characters. The comment about Mirdros was simply an observation, I'm certainly not expecting somebody like Alan to turn into a lovable antihero, but I think saying "We simply don't have enough time for character development" is a bit disingenuous.

Every obstacle placed in your character's path is an opportunity to get inside their heads, to see what motivates them, and right now I don't really see any of that. In Alan's case, he attacks every problem and character relationship (except for Toby's) in a very similar fashion. Why does he give Toby's comments more consideration than Rousseau's or Rallentando's? Is it because Toby's a mink? Is Alan a species-ist? Does he respect Toby for punching him in the alternate timeline? We simply don't know - you never let us into his head, and Alan guards his feelings (even from the reader) by being gruff and drinking all the time, even when he could experience a moment of vulnerability.

You may not have enough time to turn Alan from a gruff military type into somebody genuinely likable, but you can let us inside his head a bit to see what his motivations are. That's the brunt of my criticism - things are happening, action is going on, Alan and the other characters are reacting to events, but we don't know why aside from the simple archetypes that have been established.

I really, really want to hope there's more to these characters than that. As I said in my review earlier, Rousseau is managing to fit in character development very nicely into the frenzied pace of the story, and it's working because she's pulling things out that are rooted in events that have already happened in her character's past - stuff that's just there by virtue of the fact that the character is alive, stuff that's already there, stuff that you don't even need to establish with other characters - it's just stuff from their pasts that's shaped them into the character they are.

I know that the events of the story take place over a very short period of time, which only means that outside influences are going to be few and far between. But these characters all have their own pasts and motivations that make them act the way they act - and unless we can see what makes these characters tick, they run the risk of becoming bland and predictable archetypes.

By all means don't think that I'm hating on your posts - I've been enjoying the story very much now, and any story that can make me feel this passionately about a group of characters is quite an accomplishment

I'm looking forward to reading all next week's posts and hopefully learning more about the crew :)

[Alan]

I do very much appreciate your comments, and hopefully I can start redeeming myself soon and explaining my actions.  *bows*

[tdcpresents]

I do very much appreciate your comments, and hopefully I can start redeeming myself soon and explaining my actions.  *bows*

You can bet I'm really excited about it ;D Sorry if it sounded like I was coming down too hard on you - I really look forward to reading your posts, and I can't wait to see where the character goes.

[tdcpresents]

While I waited until the end of week 3 last time around for all the posts to show up, I wanted to dive in here with my comments while they're still fresh.

I had been wondering how the third-week-death would be handled since the group was safely ensconced within Kotir, but Rallentando's death post came and put my questions to rest. It's sad seeing a character go who still deserves more time for development, but alas, as was the case in RV3, missing a week can do a number on your chances. RIP, Rally - your sacrifice will not have been in vain!

Alan - with a single post (and a little of the stuff in Rallentando's death post), you've brought me back around again :D The mention of his foray into pet-keeping in Rallentando's post, and that he doesn't enjoy being happy, opened in my mind a great many questions - all good stuff!

And then the first post in Week 4 emerged, and I do have to say that in addition to the well-written action, I'm finally seeing the tiny glimpses through Alan's grumbly exterior that I've been waiting for. I'm glad that he had some reaction to Rallentando's death - first by slaying one of the rats and proving he did actually care about her to some extent (simply by virtue of him saying "That's for murdering children!" as opposed to something like "That's for murdering our slaves!") and the fact he seemed angry at himself for not being able to remember her name immediately thereafter was a great moment as well. His "She was nice to me, all right?" line also spoke volumes - perhaps he's more attached to our little motley crew than he initially realized  ;)

Lastly, Alan's dash for his brother was a great sequence as well. Of course, accidentally leaving Rousseau to her fate outside seems like it'll accentuate the sort of things we saw in this past chapter with Rallentando - specifically the possibility that despite outwardly despising the group, he begrudgingly appreciates them for various reasons and wouldn't want to lose them as he lost Rallentando.

You've set up a fantastic scene that's got me very excited for the follow-up posts this week, and you're finally taking Alan's character to new places, which makes me quite happy indeed. Keep up the good work, and bring on the rest of the week!

[tdcpresents]

Okay, lots more reviewing to do! Quite an eventful week it's been! :)

Well, I already went over Alan's first post, so I'll take on the rest in the order they were posted, starting with...

Clutus: This was certainly one of the best chapters you've done - a great combination of showing events unfolding around Clutus while simultaneously throwing in a superb amount of character development. Clutus' silly interaction with Mirdros worked very well, though I was hoping that the revelation that his own people had killed the one woodlander he liked the most would elicit a stronger reaction, it worked either way. 

The new character you added - Licium - was an interesting touch. Clutus' pompous, incredibly self-serving dialog is to be expected by now, but the dialog at the end takes on a much more somber tone, where he plainly spells out that he is a stranger among the "ground-dwellers", and misses his own family. I'm hoping this is developed a bit more in the coming chapters - and I also find myself hoping you make it to next week :)

Rousseau: Your chapter had some definite high points, and I found myself glued to it despite the Christmas Eve festivities that were taking place at the time. Morleo will make a fitting villain for the remainder of the story, I think - he seems to have the drive and intelligence of the best Redwall villains, and he has the rare quality of making you wish the previous villain was still around :) The conversation between Rousseau and Morleo was very well done, I felt - informative and tense at the same time. When it turned to hostage negotiation, the exchange between Alan and Rousseau felt perfectly natural, with Rousseau and Alan handling it as consummate military professionals. I particularly liked when Rousseau has a knife to her throat, and Alan asks her if she's sure - that very quick exchange said a lot about both characters, that Alan would turn over Mirdros to save Rousseau's life if she asked of it, and that Rousseau is willing to die to get the job done. Brilliant stuff.

That said, the logistical oddity of the rats exchanging another of Rousseau's crew was just a bit too much to bear. Morleo wants Mirdros - his son - back from the group. That makes perfect sense. But swapping for another pirate, especially a pirate other than the one who kidnapped his son in the first place, seemed an absolutely bizarre move. If Morleo was more of a dopey Redwall villain I could see them fooling him into believing Willump was perhaps behind things and was a more valuable hostage, but I didn't really see that - and the idea that Morleo would exchange for anyone other than his son felt very out of character, and the character had just barely been introduced. That's both a point for and a point against this chapter, I think  ;)

Rexim: You've been mostly away from the main group for two weeks now, and I think it's definitely starting to hurt you. The exchange with Toby at the start of the chapter helped, and further establishing that kind of architectures' rivalry between the two has a lot of potential - I did like the detail given in Toby's outlining of the weak points in the fortress, as well.

The scene following that, however, with Talfor, felt more than a bit odd. Having the chief messenger not want to "messenge" was an odd touch, but the ease at which Rexim was able to convince him felt hurried, and the notion that anybody at this point can slip out a side door and escape from a siege feels rather convenient and not too likely. I was, however, pleased to see that SOMEBODY made the connection between the underground lake and the Gloomers' religious fervor. Sadly it doesn't crop up again this week, but I'm holding out hope that Rexim survives to the next one so he can reveal that little plot point ;D

Tobias: While there wasn't a heck of a lot that happened here aside from the gang getting back together again and Toby gleaning information related to the tunnel under Kotir, this was a great chapter nonetheless. Toby comes across as a very sympathetic character and it's very easy to like the guy - especially when he continues to outwardly care about the other characters' well-beings. Between his forcing Alan to sleep to getting Rousseau some food (and swapping his bowl with hers), he seems less like a 'vermin' character and more like a woodlander character. I'm not exactly complaining, but it does seem odd, as even the nicest of vermin characters have some kind of bent to them that the woodlanders lack.

That said, aside from the obvious fact that he's been ordering woodlander slaves around to construct the fortress, the only hint that Toby thinks like a vermin and less like a woodlander was his throwaway line part-way through the chapter when he learned of Willump's trade with Rousseau - "Is he valuable to us?" A wonderful way to show that Toby still has a very logical way of approaching problems, treating creatures, even fellow vermin, as commodities for the greater good.

I'm also surprised to find that Alan and Toby continue their odd rapport, even though they both know in the alternate timeline that Alan practically kills Toby for clocking Alan over Adrian. I was waiting for that side arc to crop back up, which Alan delivered quite nicely in his second chapter. Speaking of which...

Alan Part 2: A fine continuation of the first post of the week, where we're getting more into Alan's head and he's exhibiting himself more as a "character" and less of a standard Redwallian vermin archetype. His exchange with his brother's inert form was a nice start, and the dream reveals more about Alan than I think any previous chapter. I'm guessing he's been pining over Adrian for most of his life, then? It would certainly seem that's insinuated here, with Adrian's sudden reappearance at the end of this specific chapter. It also suggests that Alan's current demeanor is the end-result of some manner of failed relationship, but I'll do my best to keep my presumptions to myself :)

After he wakes, I was particularly impressed by Alan's shifting mood based on Radish's status and then Toby's very interesting mention about possible child-killing on Alan's part. There are a lot of past events here that remain mysterious and intriguing, I just hope we're able to learn about them all along with the usual story developments that need to occur! Of course, it seems that Toby's observation has cooled any rapport they may have had, and the re-introduction of Adrian certainly seems destined to throw a wrench into their camaraderie. The whole 'love triangle' element sounds promising, though I'm not sure if that's the plan or not going forward. Either way, to say I'm excited about next week would be an understatement.

Everybody: Awesome job this week with your chapters! There was no obvious weak point and picking somebody to go will be tough. Whoever gets voted off this week, you should know that it was probably a very close call.

[Rousseau]

I just noticed you updated this thread.  For some reason it said there weren't any new posts in the RV6 Discussion thread, even though it said "New" beside this thread. Whatever.  

Anyways, thank you for your review.

I tried to handle the dialogue exchanges fairly well and I'm glad that you thought I did, I'm also glad that you like Morleo and how I've developed him.

That said, the logistical oddity of the rats exchanging another of Rousseau's crew was just a bit too much to bear. Morleo wants Mirdros - his son - back from the group. That makes perfect sense. But swapping for another pirate, especially a pirate other than the one who kidnapped his son in the first place, seemed an absolutely bizarre move. If Morleo was more of a dopey Redwall villain I could see them fooling him into believing Willump was perhaps behind things and was a more valuable hostage, but I didn't really see that - and the idea that Morleo would exchange for anyone other than his son felt very out of character, and the character had just barely been introduced.

I want to comment on this. Basically what I was intending with this scene was that I wanted to give Morleo a more merciless edge.  He's the type of character who would do anything to win and so I played around with the "prisoners of war are to be valued" line.  Using a few key quotes in Willump and Rousseau's dialogue exchange, I tried to imply that Morleo had caught onto the fact that Rousseau  cared about Will and that she couldn't do much without him, which had him agree to the exchange for the reason of intimidation to her.  Morleo realized that by having Will, he basically had a way of making sure that Mirdros could never be harmed because of his threats of killing Willump as well as a way to mess with her mind, something that I tried to show in my second post for the week.

Anyways, I hope that explained it somewhat.  Thank you again for the review.

[tdcpresents]

Oh no! Rexim, blast it, you crazy Russian! I was hoping you'd survive longer :(

Well, you did explain the significance of the tunnel, which was a nice way to wrap things up for the character - he may very well have saved the day! Not a bad legacy, I suppose. You also gave us a nice bunch of flashbacks and stories about how he got some of his nastier injuries, though I only wish you'd been able to weave those in beforehand (or had time after this week to go into his past a bit more). Alas, this was the best you could do with a death post and it was sad to see him get overtaken by the rats in the fashion he was, but it was a good post to go out on.

I think if you'd been able to stick with the main group this past week you might have had a better shot at getting through the week, but what happened was important and I'd consider it a noble sacrifice in terms of the plotline. While everybody else was off battling and such, Rexim was off researching - and now that he's given Tobias that journal, I'm excited to see where the story goes.

Also, I just noticed that Rexim is "Mixer" backwards - clearly couldn't have helped his drinking problem X)

Again, it's sad to see you go - I had a lot of fun reading your character. Congratulations on getting this far in a very tough contest!

[Rexim]

Terribly, terribly sorry for taking so long to reply to this.

I'm glad that you liked my death post. It's quite different from anything else I've written, and I had quite a bit of eleventh-hour worry when it came time to post. But it seems to have turned out all right.

Also, thank you for acknowledging Rexim's contributions to the plot, though in hindsight I probably would have handled it in a way that was less isolating. Next time, I suppose

And this:

Also, I just noticed that Rexim is "Mixer" backwards - clearly couldn't have helped his drinking problem X)

One of the other contestants mentioned this way back in the early days of the contest. However, that's actually where Rexim's name came from, though it does make more sense than the real answer.

Again, thank you for your review! I really appreciate your compliments and advice.

[tdcpresents]

Well, we're through Day five already and things look pretty bleak for our remaining heroes! I have to say, with Tara's upcoming twist on allowing us to vote for a character to come back ON the island, I'm in a bit of a quandary! I can honestly say I was never expecting such an opportunity, so I'll be ruminating on that quite a bit in the coming week. But anyway, some quick reviews for you folks:

Tobias: Action-Toby! :D Your first chapter was a great bit, definitely helped reinforce that Toby can apply his smarts to a rapidly-changing battlefield. Your second chapter was a great counterpart for the week - generally I find it nice to get in one good action scene and one good dramatic moment for a character in a week, and the showdown between Toby and Alan, while quick to resolve, was handled rather nicely I felt.

I was hoping for a bit more resolution there, and also at the end of the day, I have to ask myself what the scene accomplished in the end. It was a great sequence, but it left the Adrian subplot in the open and conflict between Alan and Toby about where it was beforehand, if not a bit more strained. Alan got a great follow-up chapter out of this, but Toby felt more like a catalyst for his development at the end of the day, at the expense of Toby's own. While we do learn his mother died from an illness, it's less to develop Toby and more to placate Alan. I was, however, happy to see the scene afterward where he notices Rexim's corpse in the cellars and steals his bottle opener. A bit of a sad sendoff for a character I enjoyed reading, but in-character for the analytical, problem-solving Toby.

Rousseau: What can I say? You write excellent action sequences, there's no doubt about it. Quite a few of them this week, to be sure. And this one resulted in the death of a major non-player character. The one downside I could see here is that Tirian's death felt incredibly rushed - relegated to but a single line at the very end of the chapter. While it's true Tirian didn't have a lot of screentime beforehand and wasn't exactly a character worthy of mourning, I did expect at least Alan to show a little bit more concern about Tirian falling in the field of battle.

That said, I actually found your second chapter of the week to be one of the best you've done. Mostly just out of pure variety. A little pre-nap internal monologuing, a little scene with Mirdros and Rousseau "arting" together, and the nice little speech with her crew where she finally comes to terms with her responsibilities and fesses up to her faults. Not the most piratey thing to do, admittedly, but it did seem to garner some respect from the crew! As with every week, I'm looking forward to seeing where the character goes.

Alan: Your first chapter this week didn't really yield anything other than some fun storytelling, admittedly - but sometimes that's really all that matters ;D Lady Kovari going ballistic was an amusing scenario, and then you set up the confrontation that Toby dealt with in his own chapter. I have to say, though, your setup kept me on the edge of my seat until the follow-up post was made!

Your second chapter won the week for me, though. This is the chapter I've been waiting the whole contest for, really - Alan going to a corner, freaking out, and showing us the side of him that isn't always brash or dismissive. Putting that on his brother was a great bit of development, and now I feel like I understand Alan as a character more than I ever did before. This chapter also brilliantly tied together the stories of Alan's experience killing woodlanders with the long-mysterious fates of Chokk's family (at least, I assumed they were Chokk's family). That said, I was kind of surprised that there wasn't more animosity between Alan and Chokk if that was the case - though it's always possible this realization didn't come about until after Chokk's story had ended.

I was hoping you'd squeeze in a chapter like this somewhere, and I'm glad you finally decided to go for it here. Even the most hardened characters need moments like this, and my hope now is that he's able to advance in a positive direction from here. I don't mean turn in a good guy by that, of course, I mean that his story advances in a developmental direction and he ends the story as a better person than he was when he began.

Clutus: It's always sad to see a contestant go, but you set things up nicely in your second-to-last post, letting you segue into a plausible death scenario. I think what killed you (literally) was the lack of development this week. You described a lot of events that Clutus witnessed, but it didn't really feel like we learned a lot about the character. When Clutus began to close himself off and began planning to leave the fortress, I think you sealed your fate right then and there. It would have been a lot more interesting to get Clutus back into the thick of things with the other characters, to try and advance the plot a bit, but in the end I think you wound up shut in that room with Mirdros and it cost you some great potential scenes.

Great work this past week, folks - looking forward to Day six, and to see how you guys work in the resurrection of a fallen comrade :)

ALSO - While I was writing this, I noticed that Luka dropped out of the running. I'm very sad to see that, but it does make my choice a little easier now.