Reviews of Gold.

[Vin]

Here's a riddle for y'all:

What does a rainbow otter give out when he ends (reading applications, that is)?

Why, pots of gold, of course. However, because you're all writers, I'm sure you'd prefer a nice, juicy review to a shiny pot of gold, amirite?

So basically, in no particular order, reviews for each category. Yay! And now, for some ground work:

I will be reviewing each app based on, solely and exclusively, how the character is written and portrayed. Honestly, in my opinion and especially so in contests  in which you rely on your character's likeability and/or intrigue, everything else should be almost second thought. I would rather see an interesting character
with a few technical errors than an airtight app with a somewhat boring one. So I'll be largely ignoring the technicality of the apps. However, if there is anything particularly egregious, I may point it out. While accents are still, I suppose, a technical thing, I think that they reflect the character. Ergo I will be very picky about those.

Anyways. I'll start posting these as I read. I'll probably start with cooks, as that was the last one I read, but that might change.

[Vin]

So, instead of the cooks, I've decided to start with the Slavedrivers.

I'll begin with Chak Ku'rill. Well. Just how did I know Chak was gonna be a slavedriver before the applications were up? Oh, that's right. His name, while not particularly otter-like, is oh so very apt for a slavedriver. It just sounds like a vicious, vile, villain who likes to whip poor mice for fun. Of course, we also see this sort of attitude when he whips a squirrel for no apparent reason. So of course, it's an almost complete about face when he lets the mouse continue singing. Is this some trace of his old woodlander decency? Chak's thoughts as he continues, however, reveal otherwise. I think the beekeeper metaphor really sums it up. He's still a wily son of a gun who craves absolute power over helpless beasts, but has found another way, an easier way, of accomplishing this, than most slavedrivers do? one that prevents him from getting, in keeping with the metaphor, stung. And I, for one, am glad of it. I was afraid that this would be a rather obvious "evil slave driver who has abandoned his woodlander ways for reasons largely ignored" Of course, he obviously has abandoned those ways, but the shanty verse at the end (amazing way, by the way, to end the app) seems to hint at a gradual change from having a "heart of gold" and a more expansive back story than I would have expected, rather than forcing us to accept the fact at face value with no promise of explanation.

The bottom line? This character is a fresh new spin on what it means to be a slavedriver, and just intriguing enough to make me want to learn more about him. What do I want to see if you move forward? Backstory, an explanation for why he became what he is now. However, don't lose sight of his current nature: a salty, wily old seadog who doesn't have any qualms about doing vermin-y things.

Now, moving on to Scrant. First, I have to say that I loved this app before reading it just by virtue of Scrant being a searat. Maybe I missed someone, but I think he's the only one in the whole bunch. I mean, come on, people. It's a story about pirates. That's pretty much synonymous with searat in Redwall. However, upon reading, I had two main issues. First, and I may be wrong because most of my knowledge of whaling comes from a high school course on Moby Dick, but a whaler seems anachronistic to the story. As discussed in another thread, this contest seems to be steering toward a more classic Redwall vibe, and I think whaling was a thing in more of a Victorian era. Of course, it's been a while since I learned anything and I may be, nay, I hope I am wrong. I'll talk about why in a bit. My main problem is, and I know I said I wouldn't get technical but for me it's a biggie, with the dialogue. It starts up unnaturally, and is a bit stilted in the beginning. It's nothing that can't be fixed of course, and it smoothes out later, but it sort of ruined the flow. Which was honestly too bad, because I was really getting into the app.

The one thing I think is really, really well done is how you show Scrant's character. When I say really, really well done, I mean I really got his character as I read, just by reading the simple things he thinks and does that tell so much about him. You just get this feeling that he thinks he's superior to everything? the town through his degrading thoughts, the ermine through his superior attitude, the petty job of slave driving through his constant talk of whaling. As I said before, I like how he's a whaler. It sort of gives him a superiority when he spits jargon at the ermine and a sense that he thinks he'd be above simple piracy, if he didn't want to get out of the place he was in. I also like the little detail of him working on a plantation. Slavery, it seems, knows no rest. My only question is, aside from it being anachronistic possibly, how does whaler and slavedriver coincide in the same person, as it seemed to in him when he was a whaler? Slavedrivers are a bit like the prison guards of the sea, and I think they'd have a slavedriver guarding the slaves during the chaos of a whale hunt.

The bottom line? I really like this character and how he was written. Yeah, there was some dialogue issue, but that's an easy fix, especially given that there won't be a word limit, which I will assume was the reason for the stiltedness. I know I had trouble. Basically, this app raises the most questions writing wise, but is probably my favorite character of the bunch, if only for how well the author writes him. What do I want to see? Definitely some tales of his whaling exploits, maybe even some tall tales. Heck, insert the whole of Moby Dick. But most of all, keep showing.

And now, finally, Mari. The reason I like Mari is that she's the most piratey of the bunch. She drinks, she gambles, she makes stupid decisions in moments of false bravado. She doesn't seem to be very good at slavedriving, but I suppose that's because she was, before her demotion, an ordinary corsair. She doesn't seem to be very bright, as evidenced by her lack of ability to keep the slaves under control and she seems to think that using an accordion will (while humorous, I'm not sure it would work. But what do I know? Maybe her accordion playing is like Dotti's singing). However, her character's not really done anything to to make me particularly interested in her, aside from being fairly piratey. There's not, in my opinion, a lot that goes on character-wise in this piece. We don't learn anything about her that we haven't already assumed about her because she is a pirate.

The bottom line? Nice and piratey, and it would be interesting to have a slavedriver who can't slavedrive, but it falls somewhat flat. What I'd like to see? Be a little bit more dynamic. Make me feel something more than mild pity for her bad luck. 

So that's about the sum of it. I realized while writing this how much I use the phrase "of course". Hmm. Anyways, feel free to voice your opinions on my opinions.

[Vin]

So obviously I didn't do that well in actually writing these. . . so if you didn't make it in, or even did, and want a review, don't hesitate to ask.

Hopefully now that the contest has stayed, I'll try a little harder. However, I'll be doing to be doing weekly reviews, so as not to push myself too hard.