Killer Queen

[Cricket Argyll]

She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, Gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

---

Gonna die. From the time Broo-haha had touched her shoulder to the time the squid-thing sank into the lake, these were the predominant words -- interspersed with a few choice explicatives -- racing through Cricket Argyll?s mind. Being able to think, whatever those thoughts might be, meant that she was still alive. Once Meanystripe burst from the red water, though, drenched to the bone, the rodent snapped out of her fit of well-deserved anxiety.

?Gonna die? became: I?m alive?an? so?s Meanystripe. Plagues? It would have been convenient, no doubt, for the oaf to snuff it while taking on the nasty fish monster, especially as his moronic tactics managed to get her only followers smashed to smithereens. Cricket spared a momentary glance at the few corpses nearby as Jonas led the way out of the Fates forsaken hole in the ground. She did not so much mourn the creatures as the bodies. Really, what warlady could say that she had pygmy, half-crazed minions at her disposal? Really?!

Che! An? Meanystripe went an? messed ev?rything up! the child pouted as the martens ahead navigated the confusing tunnels with surprising ease. Still gotta get him.

The preoccupation with the badger?s imminent demise helped to drive away the feelings of utter helplessness and terror the vermin had experienced not five minutes ago. She would deal with those feelings later?maybe in a few decades when suppressed memories bubbled up and made her crack like a hardboiled egg. In the moment, the child chose the most appealing option for dealing with stress -- while Brooga brooded, Cricket ignored. It was a tried and true enough tactic.

---

Several minutes passed with only the sounds of their tired footpaws scuffling along the bare stone to indicate their passing. The mole and badger conversed briefly. Cricket was tempted to throw in a snide comment about the dirt-digger?s smile and how the rat would have gladly traded that hideous grin for Ulrick?s hide if it came to ?going down with the kraken?, but silenced herself.

How many days had passed since they?d been shipwrecked? A little more than a week? Was that all? Nah! That can?t be it! Cricket?s brow furrowed. I been trapped with ?em woodylanders fer at least a lifetime. There was no possible way she could have changed in so short a time. No way she could have learned to be clever with her words or when the right moment to shut up was in a week.

Whatever the chronological clock showed, the five beasts that approached the rescue crew had been shipwrecked for years. In that time, they had formed, broken, and reformed alliances and enmities, killed two gods and a monster, grown up, grown old, and fought for their very lives.

Then the howl came.

---

?What was that?? A stoatmaid with narrowed eyes demanded.

?Aww, salt blasted barnacles!? Cricket verbalized the general sentiments of the survivors.

?That would be Mother, miss,? Jonas articulated, stepping forward. ?She is a rather fearsome wolf out for our blood, and dare I say lives, along with it. Shall we be pressing on out of these thrice dratted tunnels? I have seen enough death and underground passages to last me this and my next lifetime.?

?Wait, Daddy!? Dyera squeaked, grasping her father?s arm.

?What is it, dear one??

?I?it?s just?? she glanced back past the woodlanders and child toward the cavern of carnage. ?All those creatures who died. Shouldn?t they be?buried or something? It?s only proper and decent.?

?Sure, princess,? Cricket sneered. ?Ya go on back there an? drag the bodies out with that loony smoosh-faced fox roamin? ?round. We?ll come back in a few seasons t?collect the bones if there?re any left.?

?Lowri??? the vixen asked, confused. She shifted her gaze from the glowering martenmaid to the smirking rat child.

?Yes, Jonas Lowri?And it?s nothing, Miss?? I do apologize. It seems like so long a time since I was acquainted with those I assume to be naval beasts.?

?Cap?n Ryza Cinzento,? the fox supplied.

?Yes, Captain Cinzento,? the marten sighed. ?I?m afraid we?ve been through a number of trials that I would be happy to explain once we?re out of here.?

?But Daddy!? Dyera protested, her eyes flashing with a fire that impressed Cricket. More t?the fatty princess than ya?d think. ?What about all those creatures who fought and died to help us get out of here??

?Dear one,? Jonas put an arm around his daughter?s waist and began propelling her forward. ?Your sentiments are noble ones, but nobility is best left for a time when our lives are not on the line.?

?An? here I thought ya wasn?t a vermin, Doc,? the rat snickered. ?Now yer speakin? my language.?

Another howl sounded. This one distinctly closer.

?Lead, fox,? Ulrick growled. Ryza obeyed, as much out of habit as instinctive self-preservation.

---

The going was much slower in the larger group, although Cricket was certain they were drawing near some exit. Ole Cap?n Vixy had to backtrack twice when they missed a turn and that took more time than the rat suspected they had. The howls were ominously close and the child imagined she could smell the reek of Mother?s perfume as the literal light at the end of the tunnel appeared?and disappeared and reappeared again. Patrol, the rodent deduced before shrieking as an arrow shaft took up residence in her left arm.

The group turned collectively to look at the cursing ratmaid before they all began to run, Cricket joining in for the fun and festivities at the back of the pack.

?Enemy followin?! Enemy followin? b?hind!? Ryza shouted at the top of her lungs, presumably to whomever was outside the tunnel. The rescuers, five all told in the underground search group, including the vixen, and survivors burst from the mouth of the tunnel and barreled past what looked like another 10 or so blurs. Cricket skidded to a halt some distance away, groped along the ground and shoved the stick she found into her mouth, biting down hard.

?It?s a monster!? she heard an unfamiliar voice screech.

?Steady, fools!? another voice, this one militant, snarled. ?One enemy is nothing against 15. Keep your formation or I?ll kill you! And hold that bow properly, you moron!?

A paw found the ratmaid?s shoulder and her tightly shut eyes popped open to see Brooga staring at her arm with some concern. ?Gerragh, goo gragack!? Cricket growled around her mouthful of driftwood. Ruddy git! Leave me ?lone. Fates! It hurts! Argh! The mole reached for the arrow shaft and gently tugged at it.

?Grrucker!? the child screamed and nearly choked as she chomped the wood in her mouth into pieces, and raked the claws of her good paw across the woodlander?s kindly face before backpedaling with all the speed she could into a furry and immovable object. Oh, frog pits! It?s jist gotta be Meanystripe. Ugly, freak-faced woodylanders?re teamin? up ?gainst me. Cha! I?ll show ?em. Can?t hurt me!

?Get away! Get away!? Cricket cried as Ulrick reached down impassively and wrapped a paw around her neck as she tried to scuttle away. ?Get a-gah!?

?Shut up and stay still,? the brute commanded. ?It?s bad enough you survived the battle with the kraken, now you?re just making yourself more a nuisance by running around like a fool with that arrow in your arm. Now let that marten girl look at you and fix you.? He sighed heavily. ?I?m tired of fighting, you ridiculous little vermin. You?re not worth my time.?

The rodent had stopped fidgeting and merely glared up at the badger. ?Something to say?? he rumbled, loosening his grip on her throat.

?I?m gonna kill ya someday, Meanystripe,? Cricket replied, voice pained but steady as she steeled herself. ?Ya better not die o?old age afore then.?

Ulrick snorted and released the insolent pest. ?If I ever see you again after we get off this island, I?ll kill you, vermin. You might not be worth the time, but even I would glean some small sense of satisfaction from putting you out of my misery.?

?Burr! Maister Ulrick, Miss Cricket!? Brooga?s concerned and bleeding face shoved its way into view again. ?There be enough talk o?death fer Oi. ?Specially since they killed ee gurt mother wolf.? She nodded past the pair and the rat and badger turned to see Jonas poking at the unmoving body of Mother with a staff.

?Quite dead,? the doctor pronounced after a moment to Ole Cap?n Vixy and a ridiculously well-kept weasel.

The rat took note of the other crewbeasts after a moment and her face contorted in confusion. ?Why?s there a longears hol--urgh!? The arrow in her arm reasserted its presence when she turned for a better look, but the question remained. Why was there a rabbit, not in chains, wielding a sword? And there! A raggedy squirrelmaid was leaning on a scythe like she owned the thing!

?Are you in a lot of pain?? Dyera?s simpering voice brought the rodent back to herself.

?What?s it look like, ya slimy-nosed floozy?!? Cricket gritted.

?Is this what you had to put up with since we?ve been shipwrecked?? the martenmaid glanced up at Ulrick and Brooga.

?Even b?fore on ee ship,? Broo-haha supplied unhelpfully. ?But Miss Cricket?s gotten better ?bout her tongue, Oi think, if?n ee c?n believe that.?

?Hrmph!? Dyera rolled her eyes. ?Well, words and deeds are far cries from one another, Ms. Delfan. I see the brat?s taken a swipe at your face. I can fix that once I?ve dealt with her.?

?Don?t talk ?bout me like I ain?t here ya--aaaahhhhgh!? Without preamble, the mustelid ripped the shaft through and out of the rat?s arm. ?Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!? Cricket screeched.

?Oh, don?t be such a baby!? Dyera hollered over the wails while Ulrick wandered off and Brooga followed after a momentary pause. The marten was right -- there was a great deal of difference between one?s words and deeds. The problem with Cricket was that her words were petty and benign enough, but her deeds ranged from the same to great and terrible. Those deeds had nearly cost the molemaid and her friends? lives more than once. Kindheartness had limits. Brooga could forgive if Cricket asked for it, but forgetting was out of the question.

Though she more preoccupied with the all encompassing pain that her body had become, the small part of Cricket?s calculating mind not focused on plotting Dyera?s excruciating death noticed the turning away.

-----

After Dyera finished patching up the gaping hole in her arm and Cricket had screamed herself hoarse, the rat retrieved her staff from where she had dropped in on the strand as the vermin made their way over to where the small crew and survivors had congregated around Mother?s body. The once proud creature had already had her meager possessions picked over and was covered only by a strip of the fine green dress she had worn. The child took this without remorse or shame and tied it as a new bandanna around her head to replace the one Spikey had ?commandeered? from her.

?Fair?s fair,? she sniffed as she kicked at the corpse and moved toward the wolf?s head. ?Ya shot me s?I get t?die-face yer carcass. Chiichiirrup!?

?Stop it, you little wretch,? the rat looked to see the female squirrel she had noticed from before. ?Let a dead beast rest, whatever evil she committed, it doesn?t give you the right to be a demon.?

?Shuddup, slave!? Cricket barked painfully, pulling out her hidden dirk and leveling it at the treejumper. ?I?ll do what I like an?--oww! Oww! Oww!? She danced on her tippaws as somebeast twisted her ear up painfully.

?That?s quite enough of that, Ms. Argyll,? Jonas didn?t bother looking at the squirming child as he addressed himself to the squirrel. ?I do apologize for her. She?s a typically moronic seabeast, you see. Doesn?t know how to properly thank a rescuer.?

?Rescuer?!? the rat sputtered.

?Yes. Isn?t that nice,? the marten finally glanced down at her. ?Now put up your toy unless you want me to have them leave you on this island?like you deserve.? He released her and the rat backed away hastily, sheathing her weapon with narrowed, suspicious eyes. Perfect. Now that there were so many, I won?t be able t?take ?em all down if I wanna kill the Doc. Tch!

?I thought up how t?save the rescue ship an? all o?us, Doc,? the child tried. ?Ya can?t leave me here if ya don?t want that stupid conscience ya got naggin? ya.?

?Precisely why you haven?t been left behind, even with your dreadful attitude,? the marten rejoined. ?I?m simply that magnanimous, but my generosity has its limits, as does that of all creatures?no doubt you?ve learned that by now, Ms. Argyll,? his eyes shifted to the side and Cricket followed his gaze to Broo-haha. The rat bristled. ?I shouldn?t be so eager to cast aside the niceties so many have shown you, little girl. If not for a bit of charity from others on this voyage and a great deal of luck, you should be dead since your mother?s death. Aren?t you so fortunate to have survived so long through these hardships when you?re nothing but a repulsive little brat? Admittedly clever, but a brat nonetheless.?

He turned away from the young creature and returned to more important affairs. Cricket looked back to where the squirrel had been, but she was gone, as well. Alone.

The Queen of Rats stood a moment longer, staring at the loose clump of beasts preparing to depart from Terramort. Buck up, Argyll! she commanded herself, forcing a leer onto her face. Ya?ve proved well ?nough ya c?n get by on ya own. Who needs ?em ?cept when they?re bein? useful as minions or transportation fer a warlady like yaself?

Cha! I don?t need no one ?cause I?m Fishbane Argyll an? I take care o?myself!

It began as a small giggle. ?Chiihee!? Grew to a laugh. ?Chiihiihiihii!? And leveled off at a throaty cackle as the little vermin ran toward the group. ?Chiirrup! Chiichiirrup!? She ignored the pain coursing through her body because the Doc was right. She was lucky to be alive.

But from now on, I make my own luck! Chiihii!