Reviews & Things.

[Vin]

So I've decided to get myself into the review game this year. I've read the first few posts, and boy are they good. If they're any indicator of the rest, we're in for a darn good contest just in the voting alone. Can't wait for the rest to be uploaded.

Anyway. I suppose I should start off by quickly explaining how this is gonna work. In honor of this being a contest about fighting? head-to-head, mano-a-mano, t?te-a-t?te? I've decided to do just that with my reviews. I'll be reviewing each category by first starting with an individual review? what I like, what I am unsure of, what can be further explained/improved, etc.? and then doing a head-to-head showdown, if you will, where I place each of the apps together and evaluate their strengths and weaknesses to determine a "winner"? that is, who I think I will vote for come the voting period. This, of course, is a decision that is as always subject to change, so feel free to disagree with me and try to persuade me to vote for your favorite.

So, yeah. Reviews. I'll be posting the first later today, maybe soon, maybe not. I think I'll be starting with the Beasts Who Make Things category, but who knows?

[Matra Hammer]

Please do! The more the merrier, especially if they can stick around for the long haul. Sounds like you have a fun idea in pitting the potential gladiators against each other. And double props for putting your vote out there. Trust me - it's not easy, folks! The PMs will come. The discussion will come. And Vin's faith will be tested over and over, mwahahahagoodluck.

[Vin]

Allll riiight. Let's get ready to reviiiew!

Heh. Yes, I felt like I needed to do that. Anyway. Without further ado, it's the Beasts Who Make Things!

This is, in my opinion, the strongest category posted so far, despite only having two apps, and I genuinely believe that whichever of these two contestants doesn't make it in is getting robbed.

Meet The Fighters:

Aldridge Moor

He's a stoat, he makes some fine bows, and he really is just a nice guy who wants to be loved and accepted by a community.

I'd like to start things off by saying I don't think this is a well-written piece. In my opinion, it's actually a beautifully written piece. I'm not usually one to get hung up on the quality of writing in a piece, especially in these survivor contests where I know a lot of people are learning or experimenting with writing and characters are the main focus of the story anyway. But goshdarn. The way this was written, it just flowed, and it moved along with perfect pacing to slowly reveal who Aldridge is, what his motivations are.

I really liked how we never actually learn why the villagers are so hesitant to accept him? I assumed, at first, that is was a sort of racist (specist?) thing, him being a stoat in a town of woodlanders. However that's never outright stated, and since we now around this time in the Redwall universe (at least, our Redwall universe) vermin and woodlanders are starting to get along, so you can't just assume. I like that because I think it gives the author of this piece the ability to shape his character even more throughout the actual contest, give him more backstory and really make him a more intriguing character than he already is.

That being said, while I absolutely love the writing of this one, I also think the writing is one of the apps biggest question marks for me. Now, I haven't read every Survivor contest that's been written, but I've read my fair share and via my recollection there was never a contestant who wrote in first person, or one who wrote present tense, let alone one who wrote in both. I may be wrong about that of course. (Anyone, any examples?)

Now, taken on its own, writing in such a style is never a bad thing? in fact, I'm actually rather partial to the style myself. My only concern is how it's going to mesh with the other contestant's writing. Usually these things are written in your standard third-person, past-tense sort of style, so this style could have an effect on the overall cohesiveness of the story.

Another thing the author should be wary of is the character itself. Now, I thought they did an excellent job of presenting Aldridge and building the character, while retaining a little mystery that they can build on later. The only problem is I'm not sure how Aldridge is going to fit into a story about an arena of gladiators. He seems like a peaceful, nice guy, but little else. How is he going to function in such a hostile environment?

Now this could make for a great character building arc, but I don't see him being able to affect the overall storyline in a significant way. However, his character is very open-ended and because of this the author does have plenty of opportunity to create a fine arc that pushes the story on, so this isn't necessarily bad. it's just something the author needs to be wary of. This could become a strength, but it could also become a weakness.

Overall: A well-written, finely-done character who has a lot of potential to be great, but be wary of making a character who isn't significant in the overarching story. In this contest especially, I feel like we need characters who can push the plot forward through their actions? backstabbing, rebellion, etc. I want things to happen, and can Aldridge make them happen? I don't know, but I certainly hope so.

Strathcomb Piccadilly

He's a hare, he's... wait, what's that? He's... not a hare? Um. Okay. Man, that's a curveball. Strathcomb, you pulled the wool over all of our eyes. Congratulations. You may not have won the contest (yet, maybe) but you've won... something. Ok, ok, in all seriousness, though.

He's a mole, he's a miner, and he knows that, sometimes, ya gotta do what ya gotta do to do right by your friends, so they can do right by their family because life just ain't fair right now and they deserve better.

Another really well-written piece. This one, however, is somewhat more utilitarian in style so it didn't leave me gushing writing-wise. What did leave me gushing was how well Strathcomb's character was presented, and how the little things about his personality are shown through the actions and reactions of that said character. One example is when Darwul asks for three of his thingies (I won't pretend to know what exactly it is he's made) and he gets genuinely confused as to why someone would want three. That little reaction reveals so much. Yeah, he knows he did a good job, but he's still humble about his work.

Another thing done really well, I thought, was the accent. I'm really glad someone decided to tackle the mole accent, and it's done really well. We had a mole in Into the Deep, and she was a delight to read. Actually, the writing style here is somewhat similar to Ortha. . . hmm. Tied to this, I appreciate how he may be a mole, and darned hard to understand because of it, but he's an inspirational dude. He gets the people going.

Like with Aldridge, my gripes with Strathcomb are less gripes and more things I think the author should watch out for. We all know Strathcomb is a fairly principled dude. He gives up a life of decent means because he believes in the inherent value of molehood and that each mole is endowed with certain rights. Now, this isn't a bad thing and doesn't take away from the character in any way, how will this help him in the arena? Just like Aldridge, Strathcomb needs to make himself essential to the story to survive the first few rounds. I'm not sure a mole of his principle could undergo a truly significant character arc even in such an adverse environment.

Overall: Great character, great accent, great introduction to a beast who might really be a fun one to read, I think. More or less the same concerns as with Aldridge, sans the writing style ones.

Alright. So. We've met the fighters, we've had a brief discussion about their positives (lots of these) and negatives (not really a lot of these) so that means it's time for the...

Head To Head!!!

I'd like to start off by saying I love both of these characters. It's a shame they're up against each other, because I honestly think they both deserve to be in the contest. I also decided that despite my reservations about how Aldridge's writing style will contribute, or rather detriment, the overall fluidity of the contest if chosen I would ignore that and focus solely on the characters themselves.

So, in essence, what we have is this: a moral mole and a stoic stoat. Both are nice guys, and both value community and friendship and things. However, both seem like they wouldn't necessarily thrive in an environment like the Arena because of this. I feel like (and this is just a guess) that the Arena is a pretty cutthroat place both out on the sands and in training areas etc. This means that to survive, both of these characters need to forge fast friendships with other beasts or they may be in trouble.

Aldridge has proven problems with this? it took him, what, ten seasons to get the people of his village to trust him? He seems a bit introverted, based on the piece, and making friends quickly would be a stretch, realistically, for this character. Strathcomb, on the other hand, seems to get along well with most people. Everybody seems to like him, even the badger (at least until Strathcomb steals his workforce). I think Strathcomb has a little more potential for character interaction than everyone else.

Another thing that Strathcomb has going for him is I can see a number of very intriguing storylines stemming from his ability to inspire beasts. Maybe he could lead a slave rebellion ("Burr aye, Oi'm Strathcombicus!") or band some beasts together to make an escape attempt.

For this reason, I think I have to give the edge to Strathcomb, despite the fact that as a stand alone piece Aldridge's is one of my favorite applications I've read to date. However, both are strong candidates and I fully expect a tight race between them.

[Vin]

And we're back.

So, I had started writing the Silly Beasts review, but then I saw the category that seemed to be generating the most debate was the Beasts Who May Or May Not Be Crazy, and figured I should throw my dice into the ring when it comes to this category while the topic's still hot. So, without further ado, let's...

Meet The Fighters:

Azalea

She's lean, she's mean, and she's a riddle machine.

First of all, I'd like to address the present tense, like most people have been. I didn't in any way look at it as a negative for your character or app, but I would warn against continuing with it should you make it into the contest. That being said, I enjoyed this application. I know some people said she doesn't really fit into this category, but I actually think she's a terrific example of a beast who may or may not be crazy.

I've been judging that whole "may be/may not be" aspect by one guideline, pretty much: are there two paths that a character can take in this story, one where they become crazy and one where they don't? Azalea, I think, has these two paths. The first one is very clear. She could be a murderous snake who's only goal in life is to eat anything that moves, ? la the classic Redwall tradition of snakes. The other one that I see is that she's actually a normal beast, and she just doesn't like when people barge into her home. She could just be like the old man who yells "get off my lawn" after pulling out the shotgun and letting loose a few rounds. I could see how this could be a stretch, but I can see it.

I really like Azalea's characterizations, and how these are revealed through dialogue. However, they're not just told through the dialogue, but shown. A few examples:

?Boop.?

Clearly, she's a bit silly, has a sense of humor. I like that because it could be an indicator of sanity but it could also be an indicator of the lack thereof.

Because Azalea loves it when beasssts try that! It can get ssso boring here. Oh! Oh! Oh oh oh! Riddlessss! Let?s try a riddle!

I think that this show's Azalea clearly has an active mind, enough so that a lack of brain exercise gets her ancy. It kind of builds on her next quote, because I think this really shows what I was talking about.

Her eyes narrow as far as they can. ?You cheated.?

We know she's intelligent, but this right here shows how arrogant she is as well. She's not willing to even consider that the marten is as intelligent as her, or even enough to figure out her, admittedly, rather simple riddle.

It was a solid character, for sure. That being said, this app is severely lacking on the editing front. I know I said I would try to ignore it, but there are actually a large number of typos that made this app, for me, difficult to read. In fact, if I'd only read the app once, I probably would have written off the character entirely because the anachronisms and mistakes jar the flow. I didn't take this into account in the head to head, but if you do get in: get someone to look over your posts. It can only help. I really enjoyed your app on the second read through, and I thought the character was great and her interactions were great. Polishing up the writing would only help make Azalea that much better.

I have to say, though, I really appreciate that you attempted the snake. It was a gutsy move, and I think overall you pulled it off. I'd be really interested to see them function in the arena.

Okay.

Leona Nettlekin

She's old, she's sweet, and just like your grandma her home-cooked recipes are always a surprise.

Leona's crazy. There's not really a doubt about that. I mean, she eats beasts. A lot of them. The author spends almost an exorbitant amount of time talking about all the furs and skulls and other strange things she had. I actually really like the build up to the reveal of he battiness a lot. She starts out seeming like a normal, if slightly senile, old lady. Then you notice some odd decorations, like lots of furs and a badger skull and wait are those shelves made out of ribcages? What?

And then, there's a half-eaten stoat and all those little details make so much sense. I have to say, mad kudos for that. I thought it was very well done. The only problem I have with Leona is not with her character, which is excellently revealed and written, but with her fit into the category. Using the two path rule, she just doesn't fit. She's already crazy, so she can't really get worse. I mean, she eats people. It's really hard to top that craziness wise, considering she's a squirrel. With Azalea, it's not a bad thing because Azalea is a snake, and snakes eat other animals. Squirrels don't. Leona's only path, so far as I can see, is to regaining, maybe, some sanity.

Another thing I'm hesitant about is her ability as a fighter. Yes she's killed a lot of beasts, and subsequently eaten them and used their body parts as decoration (See? No debate. She's crazy. No ambiguity there.) but consider that she's in an insane asylum. Literally every other patient, as described by the author, is totally out of it and would be an easy target. How is Leona gonna handle fighting and actual beast who can fight? It doesn't really seem believable at all that she would be an effective gladiator.

All right. It's time for the application I've seen the most debate on. Though to be fair, it's been pretty silent otherwise, debate-wise, at least compared to last contest.

Kentigern McRaff

He's a family man, he's an idealist, and he may or may not be a genocidal maniac.

I'll start right off the bat by addressing the debate over whether or not "Kenti" belongs in this category or not. Honestly, I have to agree with Airan and say that he does. Consider the two path rule: he can either keep believing his racist ideals and slaughter any vermin he comes across, or he can meet a vermin who he bonds with who ends up changing his views. A character like Aldridge would be good for this, or even Jasper, who actually seems a decent fellow. Yes, Kent is a "dreamer", but isn't the definition of a dreamer someone who may or may not be crazy? Think about the Wright Brothers, or Einstein, or really any great idealist, scientist, or inventor in history. Dreamers are people who toe the line between genius and insanity.

Now, Kent's dream is considerably less admirable than any those people. In fact, it really is a downright despicable dream if you consider the means by which Kent wants to achieve it. This means that Kent isn't exactly a likeable character, so beware that. If you make it in, try make him a little more sympathetic. I mean, sure, he has a wife and a kid to come back to. But he left them to go murder beasts. Not exactly a nice guy, even if he thinks what he was doing is right. Character bonds are necessary, Kent. I'd even say it's essential for him to form an early friendship or rivalry with a sympathetic vermin character. Otherwise, he's kind of just a jerk.

Another thing I saw people seemed to be a bit divided on was the accent. Some people thought it was great, some people said it was a bit inconsistent. I thought it was actually decent, and not overdone. Any reasons why those of who who thought it was inconsistent thought that?

And now, the moment you all have been waiting for.

Head to Head!

I think I'm going to have to start with eliminating Leona from the running here. While her app was very well written, and the character shone through despite the fact that she's, well, crazy, I just don't see her in this contest. She doesn't really have any of viable variability to her character arc this category asks for, to be honest, and I'm not sure about the realism of an old squirrel lady kicking butt in an arena of bloodthirsty and trained fighters. Another problem is relations with the cast members. How, exactly, is a crazy lady like her supposed to interact on a meaningful basis with other beasts? How characters interact and form relationships under wild duress is, in my mind, the most interesting and exciting thing about these contests.

That means it's down to Azalea and Kentigern. I'm ignoring Azalea's writing for now because I feel like that's something that can be easily fixed, and honestly I have faith in every writer here that they can produce come game time.

What this category comes down to for me, ultimately, is those character relationships I was talking about, which is the only real factor I see that separates these two apps. I think I'm gonna have to give the edge here to Kent. I think Azalea would do just fine in regards to this, even if she is a snake!!! and most beasts would initially be afraid of her. But I think Kent could have much more interesting, dynamic relationships because of his prejudice. Chances are, with the high volume of vermin applicants, he'd have to do some major soul-searching, considering some of the vermin who could make it in seem to be decent people. Think Aldridge, Jasper, or even Faye and Lacey. These vermin aren't 100% evil. How will Kent reconcile that with his beliefs? While it would be cool to see a snake in action, I like Kent's potential.

Also, I'm a bit surprised more people didn't try a nothern accent for this contest. I mean, it's set in the far north! This was your chance!

[Vin]

So I've been a little busy (read: a lot busy) so I haven't exactky been cranking away at these but I'd like to promise here that even if I don't get these things done by the voting deadline I'll still review each of the top thirty apps.

Without further ado: Silly Beasts!

I'm gonna start out this review by saying that I was really hesitant when I saw this category, as I'm not exactly sure how the reality of a silly beast thriving in an arena of bloodthirsty beasts would work, not to mention silly characters can be hard to pull off. Usually when I read stories with supposedly silly characters, they really grind my gears. Not everyone can write a Wazzock— probably the best example of a silly character in these contests. I can't remember if he won or placed a little lower, but for a silly character like him to stand out among such a strong cast (that particular contest had, in my opinion, one of the strongest casts of any contest) really was a surprise. But Wazzock was excellent, and I feel like "silly" characters have to be to get far. They have to reach a really high bar.

Anyway. Don't fret, silly characters, despite my doom and gloom speech there. You'll have all contest to win me over, and your applications were actually really well done so that's a good start.

Meet the Fighters:

Malukh

He's crippled, he's unimposing, he's not either of those things he is the goshdarned king.

Malukh is an interesting character for me because I feel like he fits better in may or may not be crazy category. That being said, it's a well written app, very concise and not in any way confusing. I appreciate that, especially because there were a couple apps this go around that really twisted my brain. That might just be because I read most of them very late at night, of course. As far as Malukh's silliness goes, he really is quite amusing. The guard's reactions, especially, were well done in my opinion.

One thing I noticed people critiquing about this app was the fact that the author used dialogue to reveal more about the character but didn't show so much in the writing.. I didn't actually have a problem with the way the author handled it. This let the author get all that background information out there, like family and history etc. but let the writing really show the character and how he acts, reacts. Take this line:

Malukh's head whirled around and he fixed his eyes on the stoat, releasing his grip on the rat and allowing the unfortunate beast to scurry away.

It doesn't say a lot about his background, but it sure says a lot about his character in the present. He may be scrawny and missing a leg but that doesn't mean he's weak, per say.

I'm gonna take this moment to go on a tangent because I think Malukh is a perfect example. I've noticed over the past few years that people reviewing the backgound information about a character and if there isn't enough of it then the character isn't as strong. Now, I like background info as much as anyone and it helps build a really strong character. But when you've got such a limited window in the 750 words, it's hard to get a lot of that in and still have a character defined beyond that. So I'd argue that it's more important to make a character who is I trifling in the present, and build on their background later. Basically, what I'm saying is, I'm not judging any character based on the depth of the history presented in an app but whether or not they intrigue me and make me want to know more about them.

That actually brings us back to Malukh. I liked the presentation of the character, and I thought it was well done, but I'm just not sure I'm intrigued enough by him to vote him into the main cast. It might be interesting to see him interact with some other characters but to be honest, he doesn't interest me that much and I can see his whole "I'm the king!" Schtick getting real old real fast. Also, if he's actually as physically incapable as the app seems to suggest, him surviving a fight in an arena seems a bit unrealistic.

Another, quicker tangent: yes, I am judging each character on what I perceive as their ability to fight. You have! to! be! good! at! fighting! to! survive! as! a! gladiator! This can come from physical capability and/or cleverness. Malukh is scrawny and peg-legged, and doesn't seem all that clever. I just can't see him surviving in an arena, so any progress in the contest would just seem unrealistic.

Kali[/u]

She's young, she's talented, and she was born to siiIIIIi— oh god no never mind turn it off!

To be completely, 100% percent honest, I read this app and I hated it. I thought it was the worst app in the whole shebang by a long shot. I'm not sure why. It was sort of just a visceral reaction. I didn't even bother reading it over again. Then, I saw the positive reviews it was getting so I decided to give it another go.

I'm not... exactly sure why I hated it so much. It's actually a really solid app, and I could name you way more things I liked about it than I didn't.

I'll say again, as everyone else is, maybe stick to past tense. For cohesiveness. The quality of the writing here is still good.

I like how well Kali's bubbliness is portrayed through both her dialogue and her actions. I thought her insistence one being called the amaaaaazziiing Kali was quite amusing. She really is a silly beast, and I appreciate that even though she's silly she's not crazy. But, like Malukh, I can't see her as a good contestant in a gladiatorial contest.

I'm realizing now, though, why I didn't like her at first. She reminds me of Dotti— one of, if not my absolutel,y least favorite characters in the entire Redwall canon. However, unlike Dotti, she's relatable in a kind of way, and vulnerable too. She just wants people to like her, even if she seems to be a little inherently unlikeable. I think everyone can relate a little bit, from some time in their life. Dotti was just...no.

Anyway.

Head to Head:

Honestly, it's a hard category. And in this contest, I think it's a reaaally hard category. I like both of their characters, but I'm really failing to see them both in the given environement. Right now, I'm leaning towards Kali because I think she, while being silly, is a fairly organic character with decent possibility of chemistry with other characters. I can see her getting on with Diamond, for example, or maybe even Faye.

Also, Azalea and Kali were written by the same author. Calling it now.

[Airan]

Hey, Vin, I love reading your reviews. The presentation you use is especially fun and works well for the theme for this contest lol.

Another, quicker tangent: yes, I am judging each character on what I perceive as their ability to fight. You have! to! be! good! at! fighting! to! survive! as! a! gladiator!

I generally agree here, though it is worth noting that the Crater has been specified to have dedicated trainers, so even those who aren't really fighters will likely have an opportunity in early round 1 maybe to show them 'learning.' They still won't necessarily be 'fighters' like some of the characters who can really handle themselves, like Komi for instance, but they should still be able to fight somewhat should the plot demand.

I can't remember if he won or placed a little lower, but for a silly character like him to stand out among such a strong cast (that particular contest had, in my opinion, one of the strongest casts of any contest) really was a surprise. But Wazzock was excellent, and I feel like "silly" characters have to be to get far. They have to reach a really high bar.

Also, as one of the writers of TED2, thanks :) I was first place loser Nemik, but it was my first contest and I had a lot of fun being part of it, and the cast was certainly excellent. Wazzock was the winner, you're right, and he is indeed an example of a nearly perfect silly character. To those of you in the silly category, go read some posts by Wazzock in TED2 for some inspiration- https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5765085/1/The-Emperor-s-Decree-II-No-Surrender

[Vin]

I did consider the trainer, but I'm still unsure about this category. I think it'll be really important for them to get some strong allies or I'm just not sure how they can believably move on. Of course, authors, feel free to prove me wrong.

I was first place loser

Hey. Ain't no shame in that. What? No, I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better. I swear! I think it's kinda funny how the voters sniff out first time contestants like it's their job though. I guess inexperience shows? I'm hoping, if the one app I wrote gets in, to get a little farther, but even dying round one is super fun.

Also read really any of the characters in TED2 for inspiration guys. Seth was a particular favorite of mine.

[Vin]

Reviews coming in! I'm on a plane with free internet access so I've got nothing else to do but grind these out.  Note that at this point, late as it is, my votes are a little more final than before but as always feel free to persuade me. There are only two or three categories I'm set in stone with so if you want to sway me, quick, quick, quick!

Also, the deadline is at 11:59 Eastern for voting tonight, if I'm not mistaken, right?

[Airan]

Yay, more reviews!

Also, the deadline is at 11:59 Eastern for voting tonight, if I'm not mistaken, right?

Also, I think it's 11:59 Pacific, but don't hold me to that.

[Vin]

Beasts With A Secret.

Strong category, in my opinion, with some of my favorite apps. But at the same time, while all the apps were good, there's not a doubt in my mind about who I'm voting for here.

Meet the Fighters:

Black Jasmine

Ooh. Oooh. This one gave me chills. It honestly did. I'd recommend getting someone to look over your work if you make it in, because it wasn't as smooth or polished as the other apps in the editing department. There were a few fantastic, standout lines in there though. Consider:

"Darkness fell by more than the setting sun outside"

Yes. Just, yes. And the story? Ooooh. Shivers. We knew pretty soon that Jasmine ate beasts. The majority of the suspense came from the dramatic irony derived from the situation, and that worked really well. There seems to be a theme this contest with all the eating beasts going on. Maybe this one should have been in the beasts who may or may not be crazy category? Still. I liked how the whole story was framed within a fairly plausible setting? stoat hostage crisis. It's a simple enough backdrop where it doesn't distract from the introduction of Jasmine's character, but interesting enough where things didn't get dull.

I also like how clear her motivations are. Don't eat people. That's not nice. Simple, and easy to understand. My only problem with that is there doesn't seem to be much more to her. She's not all that complex. It's also kind of hard to be sympathetic towards a hulking, beast-eating rat. I think the author did a decent job of it, though. Jasmine seems sincere in her desire to not eat people, and according to the dead chef she's "a whole lotta love" (another excellent line)

It'd also be intriguing to see her in the arena. Here's a character who i think would have no trouble fighting. Her trouble would be not?well, eating the people she fights.

I think Jasmine would be something of an outcast in the cast, given her canibalistic (is it canibalism if she's not eating other rats?) tendencies. Try to form a bond with another outcast character. Form a dynamic duo. Get some sympathy. Otherwise, how she is as of now is n't bad at all in my opinion.

Thrayjen

First off, I like the name. It's a classic Classy Vermin Name? think Ferahgo or Vilu. Names tell you a lot about a beast. I think the name here reveals a bit. You know he's more intelligent than a Rotclaw or Deadfang but I'm also thinking he's not as civilized or demure as someone like?well, Aldridge. (Woodlander name if I ever saw one.) Maybe this has something to do with his secret? I'm thinking he used to be some kind of warrior or horde captain.

As for the character himself? Superb. This one took over as my favorite application right away upon reading it. And let me tell you, that in itself is an achievement given what kind of character he is. I've got a bias against vermin turned good, if you will. It's not that I don't think they're good characters.  I just feel the vile, shifty, stab you in the back vermin are underrepresented in these contests. That's why I loved Midnight Mossflower, with Bianca and Nallmian. (That particular one, has a cast just as strong as TED2.)

We know Thrayjen's a nice guy. He tells the Dibbuns a story, enthusiastically. He has tea with the old grandma. He gets guarded, but not mad, when she mentions his secret burial. Speaking of that? I'm thinking some kind of weapon, probably a sword. It's shaped like a broom handle, right?

The whole piece is extremely well written, and Thrayjen really shines through. And, to top that all off, I just like Thrayjen. I want good things to happen to the dude. Of course, I know they won't and I'm really intrigued to find out how he ended up in the arena.

The only bad thing I can say about this app, in all seriousness, is that fact that the old grandma made blackberry soup. This is not a thing! Believe me, I have tried. Maybe like a juice or wine or tea would have been more realistic.

But obviously that's not even an important critique. Kudos, Thrayjen. Kudos.

Nokki Avartin

A nice and polished app, but I'm just not that intrigued by the character. Basically what I got from the story is that Nokki is a guy who used to run afoul of the law, but then has something of an existential crisis and secretly returns to the dark side, despite the implications for his family.

Now, on the surface this would be just fine, really good in fact. My only problem is that Wes Anderson already did this character in the Fantastic Mr. Fox, and in doing so made, in my opinion, one of the greatest movies and characters ever. Now, clearly Nokki's enstrangement from the law is a bit more hardcore than Fox's, but the premise is the same and frankly I'm just not that interested in seeing a character I've already seen done to perfection.

That aside, this is a solid app. Nokki is clearly going to be able to handle himself in the arena, and he's got a decent moral problem? he abandoned his wife and kids for a life of crime and is now in danger of dying and leaving them all alone. I'm just not as excited about his character as I am about the others in this category.


Head to Head:

I've gotta give it to Thrayjen, and handily. Superbly written story and character, with a secret that even the audience doesn't know? that'll make the initial character building stage more interesting. On that note? is Jasmine's secret really a secret? I mean, the guard found her in the middle of a bunch of half-eaten bodies with blood-stained teeth. It doesn't take a genius? but I suppose that maybe Nire could keep it a secret for some reason. Seems a Nire thing to do. But yeah. Thrayjen, no question. But this was, in my opinion, one of the strongest categories. I look forward to seeing any of you in this contest.

[Vin]

Traveler time. Decent category, but not one that I'm particularly invested in. I liked all the apps here well enough, but none really stood out to me. Any of them could work with the characters I'm voting for, so I'm not gonna be super disappointed if any one character doesn't make it.

Meet the Fighters:

Jarl


I like Jarl. He's the sort of sleazy, morally reprehensible, yet still oddly likable kind of vermin that I like to see. Token present tense app, and I'll repeat again and again: probably change to past tense come the actual contest.

Some lines I like that show Jarl's character:

"Jarl admits he is slightly jealous; it has taken him all night to gain the attention of the beasts here, yet this new comer manages to make his presence known without a single word."

Still got a little bit of a wit, despite the fact that a wolverines who, as I'm sure Jarl knows, is coming for him. He displays a decently cool head in a harrowing situation as well, managing to escape the wrath of an angry wolverine.

In the chaos that ensues Jarl uses the warrior spirit flowing through his veins to make a hasty retreat out the back door.

Yeah. That kind of perfectly sums Jarl up, doesn't it? Not sure I can say much beyond what the quote gives you. Like I said? quick on his feet, good liar, puts himself way before others? he's a vermin after my own heart.

My main concern with Jarl is that, well, he's fat, by his own admission. I'm not sure how much of this is just the taverngoers being jerks but it poses somewhat of a concern for the arena. I'm not sure I could see him succeed against a good opponent.

Of course, this could actually be a good storyline? out of shape, needs to shape up or ship out. And by ship out, I mean in a box. Because he'll be dead. So for him, pain is the gain. Swoll is the goal. Make the difficulty of him becoming the warrior that he claims to be be the focal point. I think that's the best way to develop Jarl.


Komi Banton

Komi doesn't really know how to rein herself in, does she? I'm not entirely sure how necessary it was for her to kill all of them but? you do you, Komi. You do you. The problem is I don't like Komi very much. She comes across as curmudgeonly, and I'm sure the weasel she murders would agree. Still. She's well written, and we know what she stands for? leaving her tainted past behind. I'm not entirely sure what her motivations are, because she doesn't seem to want to run from her past other than she's embarrassed by it. But maybe there's some kind of specter lurking in that last.

So yeah, she's got just enough intrigue that I wouldn't mind seeing her go on. On top of that, I liked the song. Not a lot of people attempt those, and for good reason, I think. But I thought it was a nice touch. Well done.

She's also the most polished when it comes to writing, which I'm suppose I'd to be ignoring in my consideration of who I'm voting for but it helped me appreciate the app more, given the less polished writing of the other two.

Diamond

Lots of potential. Not the strongest app, writing wise, and I wasn't a huge fan of how she was presented because I feel like we could have gotten more about her, but I think she really could thrive in the contest. I'm not sure how sympathetic her character will be in the arena. ("I just wanted? to lift weights! It was my dream!" "Honey, you are lifting weights. Off people's bodies. It's called decapitation.") That being said, I could see her as a fantastic team player, and I would be really interested to see both her interacting with everyone and whether or not she becomes corrupted by the evilness of the environement.

But still. We need to know more, I think, because I'm not sure how "I have a dream to be an athlete" will hold up in the arena. Also, I feel like Diamond could make an emotional connection with a lot of characters. She's young, she's likeable? use that to your advantage.

Head to Head:

I think I'm gonna go with Diamond here. She might have been the weakest app in the category, sure, but not by a king shot at all and I just see way more potential for her in the story. I'm thinking she could get along with Jasmine or Faye. This is also one vote that I'm voting for based on the other characters in the cast that I'm voting for. I'm not seeing Jarl or Komi mesh as well in my final lineup.

[Vin]

Thieves! Time to find out which app stole my vote.

Heh. Yeah, I'm done.

Meet the Fighters:

Adeen

I had to read this app multiple times to get what exactly was going on. Three, in fact. Im still a little hesitant on the details. Correct me if I'm wrong but: vole wife turns into a thief to seek retribution for her lost children. A few questions: what did the hares have to do with it? What exactly happened? Then, after stealing from them at night, she and her husband pull a con which would probably have worked if Adeen hadn't went crazy and ended up murdering two hated and, tragically, her husband.

If you make it in, I want to see this part played up. She's a murderer. But she didn't do it because she's a bad person. She lost herself in grief. I want to see her deal with her guilt, but don't make her all mopey. I want to see steel? try to atone for her sins, but don't get lost in them.

Faye

I like Faye for similar reasons I like Jarl. She's not the most complex, or even the most original, character, but she works, and I wasn't in any way confused by the app. I also like how her cleverness is revealed through the trick and not just told. Sure, her trick isn't exactly original but, boy, can she sell it. She's charismatic, and she clearly knows how to twist people to her will.

That'll be an interesting trait in the arena. I could see her thriving through cleverness rather than brawn. But she needs more filling if she's gonna go far. She's pretty stock right now. Make me interested in her beyond the outward lustre her character has. Like Diamond, I think, her character could have been explored more but she has lots and lots of potential.

Lacey "Silvertail" McTally

I'm a huge fan of what this character could be? an aging thief who exploits innocent people for money but begins to have something of an identity crisis when she considers the ramifications of her actions. Love that.

In practice, though, this wasn't executed as well as I was hoping it would be.

First of all, I know I said I would stray away from writing but the accent was really, really inconsistent. Accents are very important in Redwall, and having a poorly written accent is really difficult to read because it jars the reader back to reality. Here, Lacey couldn't seem to make up her mind about whether she wanted to talk like a vermin, a different kind of vermin, or just a regular beast. (See: uses of "you" and "your" but also of "ye" and "ya" and "yer" and never consistently.)

Also, I got a little confused by his ending. This woodlander dude just figured out that Lacey tricked his entire village into paying a crap ton of money and food etc. by deceiving them all, and then she told her hawk to eat him. I'm sorry, but there's absolutely no way that, at that point, this dude is telling her that she's still a credit to her species. I'm sorry. Even the most idealistic, believe-in-the-intrinsic-good-of-people woodlander would be like, "Yeah, you're a crazy person. Have fun in Hellgates."

That being said, I do like the dilemma and I think you should play it up should you get in. Is Lacey gonna keep being a rude dude or is she gonna start trying to be a credit to her species? I wanna find out.

Head to Head:

I'm gonna have to go with Faye; She's less deep but I like her potential and her app was very clean and straightforward. I was impressed. Adeen and Lacey are both deeper characters with good dilemmas, but there were flaws in each app I found it hard to get over, and questions I think should have been answered that just weren't. Still, if they get in, make sure they play up those moral dilemmas because that's where both have their strength as an app, I think.

[Airan]

Welp, gonna comment on some of your reviews now:

This is also one vote that I'm voting for based on the other characters in the cast that I'm voting for. I'm not seeing Jarl or Komi mesh as well in my final lineup.

Okay, first things first. Be very careful about doing 'Team Composition' votes. It's nearly impossible to get the exact team lineup you would want, especially when it's highly likely that some of the characters you want to vote for may be written by the same person and would thus be impossible to ever be together. It's usually better to just vote for who you think is the best overall app.

I had to read this app multiple times to get what exactly was going on. Three, in fact. Im still a little hesitant on the details. Correct me if I'm wrong but: vole wife turns into a thief to seek retribution for her lost children. A few questions: what did the hares have to do with it? What exactly happened?

To help explain Adeen: Adeen is a poor vole who has suffered many losses and humiliation from people who hold more power than her. In the app, we're giving examples of how she was beaten by debt collectors, made to sleep in alleyways, and eventually lost her children to the cold. This has led Adeen to becoming a thief, not only to survive, but also because it allows her to have power over those she didn't have before, in this case the hares. The hares are basically stuffy rich folk who are living in complete comfort and thus have no care to her plight or worries when she was poor, so Adeen has decided with her husband she is going to put them in her place, she is going to not only cause them worry, but also take away their valuables so that they're put in a nearly identical situation as she was.

What happened ultimately is that Adeen and her husband sneak into the house, and Adeen knifes the hare's coat which is basically a symbol of all he's worth. She cuts it to ribbons to exert her power over him and then steals the letters so that later, when they return to the home the next morning, they can say the 'thieves' were doing a warning break in and then they pose as insurance people essentially and take all their valuables to a 'safe place.' However, Adeen is so motivated by her own emotions and her own will to exert power over those who once held it over her, she ruins the heist when she tries to get the brush, gets caught, and decides to ultimately put the hares in their proper place by knifing them. Unfortunately, she gets so lost in the 'freedom' of it, that she knifes her husband too, and yeah...

She's honestly a pretty interesting character because she can fill so many of the categories- She could be driven by love, driven by revenge, or as she is here: a thief.

Also, I got a little confused by his ending. This woodlander dude just figured out that Lacey tricked his entire village into paying a crap ton of money and food etc. by deceiving them all, and then she told her hawk to eat him. I'm sorry, but there's absolutely no way that, at that point, this dude is telling her that she's still a credit to her species. I'm sorry. Even the most idealistic, believe-in-the-intrinsic-good-of-people woodlander would be like, "Yeah, you're a crazy person. Have fun in Hellgates."

In regards to this about Lacey. The first two times Lacey mentions that she was called a 'credit to her species' it was intended to be in a good light. She had just 'saved' them from a killer hawk, and so all the woodlanders in the village were basically saying how she wasn't like other vermin. She was a hero and a goodbeast. However, when the squirrel comes to find that she's actually lied to them, and it was all a ruse, he says "You really are a credit to your species." Here it's ironic, and is instead intended to mean the exact opposite of it's previous meanings. She's a credit to her species, because she's exactly like the rest of them.

[Vin]

Ok. So that cleared things up a lot. Thanks for that, Airan.

First, yeah, I normally wouldn't vote for a category solely based off of who else I'm voting for but in that category there's just so little separating them I had to have some distinction.

Second, that makes Adeen just a little less confusing? thanks. I was just confused about why Adeen was so mad at the hares, but I guess that makes sense. She's projecting her anger into them, sort of. I don't think that changes what I want to see from her if she makes it in. It would be interesting  to see her clash with someone like the tall fox lady (can't remember the name off the top of my head). I'm not sure it changes my vote, either, but the distance between Faye and Adeen isn't actually a lot. What it'll come down to is do I want to see an intriguing character with an interesting redemptive arc (assuming this is what Adeen will go for? But she does have a lot of possibility) or the kind of vermin character that I've always had a soft spot for? I'll decide when I cast my vote.

And finally, that makes way more sense. I was super confused about why she was still a credit to her species. Totally misread that? although I do think the author could have cued us in to that a bit better.

[Vin]

Also it's a bit late where I am, so reviews are on hold. I promise, I'll get you all in the next day or two. And if I have time I'll throw in my final voting spread (because votes have changed).