Riparian Reviews

[Magical Fish]

I'm not going to review the applications because I really don't see the point. You made it past all the judges, which is good enough for me, and I'd much rather judge you within the context of the actual story. Onward!

Tara-- Where the Sun Never Dies

Awesome prologue, and I think it sets up the story nicely. One might be tempted to assume that the vermin contestants will end up with the fox's crew, while the woodlanders will be with Sagaru, but I hope things aren't nearly so simple!

I really enjoyed the names of both Matukhana and Sagaru. To me they had a kind of eastern flavour that fit in nicely with the desert setting.


Damask-- And For His Encore...

This post jumped around quite a bit, and the scene changes weren't as smooth as I would have liked.

Is spying something that Damask has only taken up recently? Because I like the idea of an aging entertainer forced to take on a new career in order to survive. You showed that he's still extremely uncomfortable in his new role, and I rather like fish-out-of-water characters. I thought Damask would be a bit more...chatty, though. You refer to him as "normally loquacious" but his inner thoughts were all rather terse. I know that he was fleeing for his life for most of the post, but I still expected his outlook to be a bit more poetic.

And I just want to mention the two images that I absolutely loved:

its four walls leering at him,

and

swallowing the light from the lone candle on the nightstand

I feel like this review should be longer, but I can't really think of anything else. It was a good post, but it didn't blow me away.

[Damask the Minstrel]

(Quick note: Yus. He is an entertainer by trade, and has been sort of forced into spy-work to keep food on the table. And I'm trying to keep the inner monologue from being too distracting.)