Swine

[Thrayjen]

Breakfast with Blue had become a tiresome affair. She barely looked at him anymore but Thrayjen could still feel the piercing glare of her big, bright eyes whenever he wasn?t looking her way. When she did spare him a glance it was to merely scowl or sneer at his attempts to bridge the widening gorge between them.

With the Great Tournament looming over him, Thrayjen determined he wanted at least polite conversation again, and although she had never called him her friend, the hurt between them was undeniable.

?Miss Blue,? Thrayjen began, setting his morning tea down. ?You haven?t been the same since-?

?I?m not thinkin? about Aldridge, aye,? Blue growled, shifting her body away and crossing a leg over her knee. ?Beasts die here all the time.?

?Actually, I wasn?t?? Thrayjen let his breath die, debating whether or not to bother with the stubborn ferret. Rinam flicked her eyes at him from across the table. Her spoon hovered halfway to her mouth. He couldn?t just quit.

?You don?t like the Blackwhiskers,? Thrayjen tentatively finished. Blue visibly tensed, her ears flattening against her skull. The rat nodded once in understanding. Tapping his claws on the table as, heart pounding, he forced himself to keep going.

?Did I once do something to you? Your family??

?My old Pa fled Muskroarka with my baby big Brother and very pregnant Mum. He fled because of your old pa?and your brother?and you.?

It wasn?t the first time Thrayjen had met with someone that despised his family. Every day, someone new shot him a glare or drew a claw across their throat as he passed.

?He had power back there. Lands and a title. Your Pa was mad, though. He?d-?

?I know,? Thrayjen stopped her, shaking his head but once. ?I know what my father was. I know what I was. I?ve lived a life of regret because of past deeds.? A breath of laughter. ?I keep making mistakes, too. Bit of a hobby, actually.?

?It?s not funny,? Blue grumbled.

?No, it isn?t,? Thrayjen insisted. ?I don?t know who your father is. I don?t even know your real name, Blue. Whatever happened those many seasons ago, I?m not that beast any more. I can?t take it back, and I?m sorry for?everything. Truly, I am.?

The rat?s face fell flat. He had apologized many times to Blue, but nothing ever seemed to get through the ferret?s cold attitude.

?I know,? Blue sighed, slouching over the table. ?I do, I really do. I just?You lied to me. You could have told me at any time. You trusted me with the secret of your children but not who you are, aye.?

?Would you have treated me the same if you knew who I was??

?Of course not,? Blue said. ?But you would have swayed me. Beasts change, I know that.? She swallowed, picking up her fork only to put it down several times. Her footpaws danced beneath the table. ?My own Pa used to be the Master at Arms for Currathalla. He taught the soldiers how to fight, and he taught me. His daughter. Because he saw the evil in the world, and he fled when it overpowered him, and he didn?t want me or Plockette to have to put up with the same. He changed for his children.?

Master at Arms? Could she be...

?And you could have changed my mind instead of lyin? and makin? it so I don?t know what to think any more.?

?Harrogale Khor,? Thrayjen breathed. ?You?re the daughter of Harrogale Khor.? His heart plummeted.

?Aye,? Blue said dismissively. ?And he told me things about you and yours. You did things I didn?t think you could. The massacres. Wars and conquests. You?? Blue?s eyes settled on Rinam, a crease of worry on her brow as she tensed up. ?You did things to jills.?

Thrayjen put his fork down, closing his eyes and leaning his elbow on the table as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt Rinam shift across from him and Blue?s hard stare even as he shied away. Although the admission had never once escaped past his lips, ghosts of an inescapable evil haunted his mind. The stones of shame and guilt weighed heavy in his stomach and sliced across his limp tongue, unforgiving and cold.

Minutes ticked by, Thrayjen unable to speak and ignoring the world around him. The silence at the table was thick; the rat mouthed words to himself, lips barely moving as he cycled through faces in his mind. Rinam clinked her spoon against her water glass, gently trying to coax Thrayjen?s attention to them.

?I loved Celine.? His eyes still clenched tightly against the faces of the maids.

?What?? Blue asked, unable to hear Thrayjen?s whispering.

?I did what I thought right,? Thrayjen barked, his voice bringing a startled, short-lived silence to the entire galley. ?I did what I was taught. I treated my enemies without mercy. I murdered, and I burned cities to the ground, and I tortured, and I raped. I ruined as many lives as I could because I had the right. And it took me years to learn how wrong I was.?

Blue?s quiet voice barely answered above the chatting voices in the galley. ?My Pa told me everythin?, when we found out who you?used to be. He told me I wasn?t ever to be alone with you. But?you never made me feel unsafe.? Blue swallowed, oddly still for once. ?I trust you.?

A bell rang, signalling the end of breakfast. Rinam finished her meal and stood, collecting Blue?s empty plate and leaving Thrayjen with his half-finished meal as she returned the dishware to the wash pit. When she returned, neither beast had moved to join the exodus from the galley.

?Why do you trust me, Blue?? Thrayjen asked.

Blue stood up beside the rat and gingerly reached a paw towards his shoulder. She hesitated, paw quivering just above him; it was all the confirmation Thrayjen needed and he turned his head away.

?These eyes are like the skies of a summer eve,? Blue said, trying to smile. ?And these eyes see everything. I?ve not yet seen anything that makes me frightened of you, Thrayjen. You lied to me, but that?s not the worst thing you could have done.?

?Padoha-?

?Drank blood and was just as bad as the Blackwhiskers. I watched as you looked to Nire before you killed the Plague, and every beast since. I know you?re scared of Nire, and you?d do anything to protect your children from him.? Blue landed her paw on his shoulder, giving him a gentle and comforting squeeze.

?The Blackwhiskers wouldn?t do anything for anyone,? Blue finished. ?Or even listen to someone else, from what Pa told me, aye. You love your children, and that?s reason enough for me.?

?A beast fighting for his family is more dangerous than any lord or warrior,? Rinam said conclusively.

Thrayjen frowned, skeptically shaking his head at the acceptance of those who should have hated him the most. He couldn?t bring himself to look up.

Blue determinedly snatched up his notched ear, dragging him from the bench and towards the doors.

?Come on, enough for now. We?ve got training to do.?

Laps and water hauling for the stable paws, Blue determined, was the cure for any hard feelings. It also sorted out allergies and stiff backs, the ferret said, but while Thrayjen forced a weak, unconvincing smile for her he knew that some things simply could not be fixed.

No matter how much he regretted.

Yolk heavy on his shoulders, Thrayjen watched from afar as Blue helped Rinam balance her yolk, something he normally enjoyed doing. The mouse usually made him feel calm, like he could collect his thoughts around her more clearly, but now he felt ill at ease in her presence. It was as if he betrayed her with his very existence.

They left the training yard, Hargorn sneering at Rinam as she walked by him, and carried on silently down the hallways. Thrayjen didn?t give the weasel his usual reprimanding glare.

?Who is Celine?? Rinam asked as they walked down an empty hallway. A cold shiver shook Thrayjen?s bones.

?My childhood friend.?

?And then??

Thrayjen shut his eyes again, his gait seizing. ?I don?t want to talk about her.?

?You said you loved her.?

?She didn?t love me. I thought she did. She didn?t.?

Rinam stopped in front of him and unshouldered her yolk.

?I am alone with you, Thrayjen. My trust is fickler than Blue?s.?

His face scrunched, a piteous whine squeaking out of his clenched throat.

?No,? Thrayjen moaned, shaking his head in protest and desperately trying to not look at the white mouse. ?Please,? Thrayjen whispered, ?Just let her rest.?

Rinam watched him; he could feel her eyes on him and he shrunk back as though struck.

?When you?re ready, then.?

I?m not ready. I?ll never be ready for that. I can?t?

?You still owe me,? Rinam said, no touch of sternness nor reprimand in her voice. ?Aldridge is not here to stop us, now. I intend to have my tale. Come, we?re almost there.?

Thrayjen glanced up fearfully. Rinam regarded him for a moment longer before turning away towards the barns.

The smell of swine and fresh hay was more noticeable as the two made their way further up the Drag. They reached an open door and sun flooded into the hallway from the yard beyond.

In the courtyard outside, Komi stood with her back to them, her reddish brown coat fully filled since spring had ended. The stoat was keenly interested in the large swine across the yard, focused intently on the boars and the blue uniformed beasts that groomed one inside a large double doored paddock.

Does she know Aldridge is alive? Should I tell her?

Thrayjen reluctantly glimpsed at Rinam but began to shoulder off his harness and water.

?I?ll catch up. I want to talk with Aldridge?s widow and find out if she knows anything at all. Maybe warn her about what Nire said to me?about the tournament.?

?I will slow my pace, but do not tarry long,? Rinam replied, lowering herself and setting her buckets down. ?We will talk later.? She paused a moment longer, carefully looking from the stoat to the rat before she carried on down the passageway. A sense of relief settled Thrayjen?s stomach as Rinam disappeared from sight.

Thrayjen approached Komi quietly, his arms behind his back and his stride leisurely. The stoat didn?t notice him until he hailed her from halfway across the courtyard.

?Good morning, Miss Banton,? Thrayjen offered cheerfully. The stoat started before she looked around hastily.

?You left breakfast early this morning. I was going to invite you to sit with us. Sorry I missed you,? the rat carried on until Komi sighed.

?I don?t need your sympathy, you know. Don?t feel obliged to be kind to me because I was once your dead partner?s lover.?

?That?s a perfectly good reason to be kind to you,? Thrayjen continued. ?But it so happens I have a lot of respect for you. Your strength, your skills in battle. It was very brave of you to try and escape, way back when we first arrived.?

Komi stiffened but began to stride back towards the hallway, her pace quick and uneasy.

?You remember that??

?Everyone remembers that,? Thrayjen said through a smirk. ?Or some version of the story. Some say you made it out. Others say the scorpions ate you. Don?t spoil the ending for me, though; I haven?t heard it yet.?

Komi smiled but continued past the rat. He followed after her, easily outpacing Komi and stopping just in front of her. She frowned at him, her paws lowering into fists.

?Nire remembers,? Thrayjen said quietly. Komi squinted at him, a snarl forming on her lips.

?That?s why you?re here, then. Nire has sent his little pet to threaten me.?

?No,? Thrayjen hissed. ?To warn you. Nire remembers your folly, and every one since. These boars you?re so interested in are going to be unleashed during the tournament. When and how, I don?t know, but Nire is determined to oust any?unsavoury slaves and enemies.?

The stoat regarded him sternly, considering his words.

?They?ll be used, for sure,? she said simply, staring with too much focus into Thrayjen?s eyes. The rat immediately sensed there was more to the stoat?s simple concurrence. Her lips had twitched into the faintest of smirks, and Thrayjen caught her tell.

?When did Nire even tell you he wanted to use them in the tournament?? Komi asked.

?The day I was released from the punishment cells.?

?Ah, yeah. For bashing up Aldridge.?

?Aye. For bashing up Aldridge.?

Rat and stoat watched each other tensely. After the moment grew too long, Thrayjen gave a faint chuckle.

?I?ve many regrets From That Nasty business,? Thrayjen said slowly, maintaining the tense eye contact that they had established. ?But I?m glad I at least got to apologize before he?ah. Well.?

Komi?s eyes had twitched, wavering slightly as he flourished every word with subtle enunciation. Her lips parted, teeth poking out as she carefully considered her response.

?I bet he Forgave That Nearly right away.?

They stared at each other, stone still as neither beast dared to blink or move or breathe. Finally, Thrayjen smiled.

?Yes. And so much more.?

Komi?s stiff posture relaxed as she stepped back from the large rat, sighing heavily.

?I didn?t know you were with us,? Komi admitted quietly, eyes flickering towards the doors. A boar snorted and she swung her head around, quickly examining the source of the noise.

?I?m not,? the rat stated, and Komi tensed up again as Thrayjen raised his paws. ?Not on record. I turned down Hapley when he asked me to join with them. I?m trying to help where I can while still remaining close to Nire. It?s?more beneficial this way, for everyone.?

?What?s in it for you then, if you?re playing both sides?? Komi asked suspiciously.

?Nire has my children,? Thrayjen answered her. The stoat stepped back again, surprise raising her brows as the rat continued. ?The lynx doesn?t realize it yet, but that won?t last forever. I refused the rebellion because if I?m attached to it by name and that?s discovered, I can?t imagine what might happen to my children.?

?I didn?t know you had children,? Komi stated plainly, eyeing the rat with further scepticism. Thrayjen shrugged.

?I try to keep my business close to the vest. The day I fought with Aldridge, I had just seen my little ones for the first time in?in ages. I?m afraid he got between them and me.?

?All for them, then??

?I do everything for them,? Thrayjen answered. ?I imagine come tomorrow, my paws will be quite bloody.? He looked back towards the giant swine, eyeing the tusks of a large boar. ?Why are you here, Komi??

The stoat stared at him with an exasperated look.

?I was just passing through. Thought I?d visit the nasty blighters for a spot of fun. Tournament tomorrow and all??

?No. You were watching the boars, the grooms coming and going, all from a distance. All with far too much interest from someone who has seen those mighty beasts before.?

?Fortunately, that?s nothing to concern yourself about,? Komi said pointedly. Thrayjen frowned, his brow creasing deeply.

?It is most concerning indeed,? the rat replied. ?Nobody but the riders control the boars. Whatever you?re thinking, whatever they have you thinking, it?s going to come back and bite you. Nobody controls the boars but the riders.?

?We don?t need control,? Komi said, a smirk ghosting across her face as she brushed by Thrayjen. ?Good luck in the tournament tomorrow, Blackwhiskers. I hope I don?t have to kill you.?

Thrayjen spun and stepped in front of her again, stopping the stoat abruptly and earning a scowl.

?Chaos is a wild beast unto itself, Miss Banton,? Thrayjen said quietly. ?And rebellions are far bloodier than any war. At least in war, there are rules.?

?You never followed any rules,? the stoat sneered. ?How many civilians, innocents have you killed??

?Too many to count.? A dangerous edge crept into the black rat?s voice and he rose to his full height. ?And history knows me as a villain for it.?

Thrayjen turned then, stepping out of Komi?s way and gesturing politely for her to continue through the doorway where the abandoned water buckets lay. The stoat eyed him before trotting past.

?Good luck in the tournament tomorrow, Miss Banton,? Thrayjen called after her. ?I hope my paws are bloodier than yours.?

As Komi disappeared around a corner, Thrayjen ran his paw across the smooth surface of his collar. Komi was obviously planning something, and with the rebellion involved at such a key moment in the Crater?s seasonal schedule, he wondered if not telling her of Aldridge?s freedom was the right thing to do.

?Chaos breeds more chaos,? Thrayen mumbled to himself. He picked up the water buckets, two to a paw, and hauled them over to the grateful groombeast.

Later, as the afternoon air grew thick and the overcast skies bore heavy dark clouds, the Grand Tournament occupied Blue?s mind. The ferret allowed Rinam and Thrayjen out of their training early, determined to see them well rested for the next day. With sweaty hides and sore bones, they gratefully made their way to lunch.

In the galley, beasts stepped around Rinam and Blue but cleared a path for Thrayjen. Fighters and slaves that had previously smiled at him and greeted the polite rat glared or shrunk away from the deposed prince. Hurriedly, Thrayjen dished himself out his lunch and stuffed several sandwiches into his tunic pockets.

?There?ll be fresh ones later,? Blue commented as she eyed Thrayjen?s hoarding.

?It?s for Miss Foxglove,? Thrayjen answered with a shrug. ?She hasn?t been eating much since Aldridge left us.? He resisted a knowing smirk at his own choice words. ?And I haven?t seen her leave the bowyery for anything but visiting her mother in the infirmary.?

?Been watchin? her closely, have you?? Blue asked.

His eyes flashing to Rinam for but a split second, Thrayjen?s face fell.

?Oh. Uhm, that?s not what I meant?that was awful,? Blue mumbled apologetically.

?She?s the niece of my friend,? Thrayjen answered quietly. ?Besides, I?m old enough to be her father.?

Although he hadn?t meant anything by it, Blue fidgeted anxiously.

?I?m still tryin?, you know,? Blue mumbled quietly. ?I haven?t forgotten my promise.?

?I know,? Thrayjen whispered back.?Thank-you.?

?Not that you helped, bunglin? things with Aldridge right in front of the nursery. Nire yelled at me for that, aye. Said if I can?t control my boys then I?ll only be gettin? female fighters from now on, if any. You?re a good liar.?

It took a moment for Thrayjen to catch the lighter note in Blue?s words. He smiled, squeezing the ferret?s paw under the table.

?I didn?t cause trouble before, which helped,? Thrayjen explained. ?But your reputation was stellar before Aldridge. Nire was willing to believe in that more than any excuse I could have fed him.?

The ferret perked up, grinning broadly with pride. ?Aye. I am pretty great.?

While Blue tried to convince Rinam to trade in her rondel for a short sword, the rat watched his trainer and pondered just how someone who made a living out of violence could possibly be so comfortable in their own skin. What made the difference between Blue and Prince Thrayjen the Blackwhiskers? What made Blue feel he had been evil when she trained beasts for bloody combat?

Never once had she been cruel, nor had she disrespected or berated him when he first entered her charge.

A slave is a slave, she had once told him. She was doing what she knew, just like he had.

Only she knew what respect was.

Blue had not been born a princess. She had grown up under her father?s tutelage instead, and Thrayjen knew of Harrogale?s way of dealing with undisciplined students. The old ferret had never raised his paw to his prince, something Thrayjen had exploited in his childhood but now he deeply regretted.

Could have used a few lumps from the grizzly old bastard. Wish Aldridge was still here.

Red fur caught Thrayjen?s eye and he looked up expecting to see Komi cross the galley. Instead, Kentrith Hapley flittered into the room for lunch.

If Komi would not tell him what the rebels were planning, then perhaps Hapley would.

Everyone seemed to eat slower than usual as Thrayjen waited for the bell to toll. As Blue departed to train with other gladiators, Thrayjen collected their dishes and excused himself.

?Don?t forget to bring young Aera her lunch,? Rinam said as Thrayjen all but fled her. The rat stopped, and glanced from Kentrith?s retreating form to the mouse.

?You don?t miss anything, do you??

?Especially when I?m owed.?

The rat hesitated. Rinam had helped him find the children; she stayed with him while others recoiled and judged him from his past. She unfailingly met his eye even when he couldn?t bring himself to look at her.

Thrayjen nodded once, acknowledging the debt, and left.

Hapley had a heart start, but Thrayjen moved quickly against the current of beasts in the winding Drag. It wasn?t long before he spied the red fox?s halved ear as Hapley suddenly turned down a quieter passage, unseen and ignored by the beasts around him. Thrayjen followed them at a distance, waiting until Hapley turned around sharp corners before he dared to catch up.

?Trainer Hapley,? Thrayjen greeted the fox. Hapley?s tail bottlebrushed and he almost jumped, clenching his paws tightly as he whirled about to face the rat.

?You startled me,? the fox admitted through heavy breaths, clutching at his chest. ?Abbot?s habit, you startled me.? As Hapley calmed himself down, he turned his lip up in an unfriendly sneer. ?What can I do for you, Blackwhiskers??

?From That Nasty look, I?ll assume you no longer think of me as a genuinely good beast. Pity.?

Kentrith?s head turned very slowly. Eyes narrowed into slits, the fox quietly asked, ?What did you say??

Thrayjen smiled politely and shrugged. ?I said I think the tournament tomorrow will be Frightening Though Not fruitless. I imagine much will get done.?

The fox blinked, still glaring at him. Thrayjen sighed.

?I know the damn code.?

?How did-?

?Aldridge told me.?

It was a lie. Foxglove Aera had told him, but the running mouth of a dead beast was far safer to blame in case the wrong ears heard. The statement shocked Kentrith and he growled lowly.

?Or one of Nire?s spies told.?

?Nire?s spies didn?t help me find my children,? Thrayjen said quietly, his mouth curled in a slight smile.

Hapley shook his head. ?You two fought before he was poisoned. Why would Aldridge tell you anything??

?Think about that, Hapley. Where did we fight??

?By the...nurseries.? The fox?s sceptical look fell flat. ?What was that about anyways??

?I wanted to stay a little longer with them,? Thrayjen immediately answered. ?And, for the same reason, I?ve changed my mind. I want to offer you my help.?

?I wouldn?t trust you even if you had said yes back then,? Hapley said through clenched teeth. ?The Blackwhiskers is a fiend.?

?True,? Thrayjen said with a nod. ?But the Blackwhiskers was recently told by Lord Nire that he?ll be the cat?s personal bodyguard.?

A look of realization crossed the fox?s face. His ear straightened. ?If you survive.?

?Aye,? Thrayjen said. ?And then I?ll be by Nire?s side wherever he goes, whenever he goes there. Think of him tucked in his bed, nice and cozy with a cord around his neck. Silent. In and out. Nobody knows until the next morning.?

?There?s no time to?? Kentrith whispered to himself, his paws clenching with frustration. ?What?s more is that nobody in the FTN trusts you, nobody would accept you.?

?They don?t have to,? Thrayjen replied. ?It?s better if they don?t, for now at least. Only you know. You know the right beasts to tell...?

Aldridge is out there. Adeen.

?...And Komi, of course??

?Komi??

?Oh yes.? Thrayjen nodded, watching the fox. ?I caught her admiring the boars a little too hard. Quite a brave lass, for a coward. After all, only the riders can control the boars.?

Hapley stepped back as Thrayjen winked knowingly.

?So whatever Komi and your crew are planning...tell me. Tell me so I can help you. You?ll need it.?

?No,? Hapley stated. ?I can?t trust you.?

Heat rose in Thrayjen?s chest and he clenched his teeth. He stepped back and with a deep breath, Thrayjen clasped his paws together as he had seen Rinam do when she sought patience.

?I?m not here as your enemy, Hapley. Things have changed. I?m getting closer to getting my children back. I know they?re alive now. I?ve seen them. Let me help you.?

?Don?t worry about your children,? Hapley said quietly. ?I won?t tell you what we?re doing, but stick to high ground tomorrow if you can. The boars don?t like climbing stairs.?

High ground? Stairs? What is he talking about? Komi said...they don?t need control...Oh, Vulpez.

?You?re going to release them,? Thrayjen realized out loud. ?You?re going to release them onto the crowd! Hapley, hundreds will die, you realize this, don?t you? Innocent beasts, children and elderly! Free beasts and slaves alike! How do you even plan on stopping the rampage? Have you thought that far ahead? Do you realize what Nire will do when the dust settles? Hapley, tell me, damn it!?

?Don?t worry about your children,? Hapley repeated himself, halting the barrage of desperate questions. ?They?ll be fine. Do what you normally do and have faith.?

?How can I have faith in a plan vaguely explained by a beast who doesn?t trust me?? Thrayjen snapped. ?It doesn?t exactly inspire hope!?

?Hope guides us,? Hapley said.