Survival Guide V

[Matra Hammer]

This proud tradition returned whether anybeast asked or prepared. I welcome one and all to...

The Survival Guide!

For new friends, old friends, friends to be, and miscreants in my shadow: Howdy, I'm Matra. I joined the Survivor contest scrum at the start of Mossflower Odyssey: The Journey to Carrigul. Didn't place in the cast, didn't know anyone besides the lovely marten who roped me in, but I stuck around and served as an active audience member via The Survival Guide's first edition. Since then I've provided this thread for nearly every Mossflower Odyssey contest.

This fifth edition follows its ancestors by offering the following resources:

Top 30 Character Reflections

I will read each of the Top 30 entries and list what's Known as well as the character's Wants and Needs. I'll offer no subjective comments, no "this works, this doesn't," and no criticism by absence. This may sound useless on face, but app writers find knowing what a careful reader does (or does not!) see in their character/work extremely useful. It'll provide those who're voting - and those who win - a nice snapshot of what an unbiased reader sees in an app.

End of the Week Awards + Challenges

At the week's conclusion (starting after Week One) I will write up a pseudo-goofy award ceremony for the cast members, post voting. Awards like "Most Enticing Use of Food" or "Oh Snap-iest Dialog." Then I'll provide the award categories for the following week, and so on and so on. This is very much like a slightly more serious Dundees for you The Office fans out there. No, the awards have no actual value. No, a cast author isn't obliged to try for any of the announced award categories in their posts. Yes, each award comes with a detailed breakdown of the highlighted moment.

Contest Post Reviews

Here's the big one. Almost every single contest post will receive constructive feedback from me. Check the most-recent mini contest "Gab n Grub" for a shortened example. Every post will receive a breakdown on a few things that work, a few things to work on, and my reaction as a reader. Do not fear about the last item on this list. I don't bandwagon or fanboy characters. "My reaction" is more "I see BLANK is doing this and this with their story, and I wonder what would happen if BLANK or BLANK is introduced?"
A Note for the Cast: I will NOT review multiple submissions from a single character on a single week. This means if you post twice in a single contest week then only the first post gets my review.

Little Disclaimer: all of the above is subject to change based on IRL obligations, personal interest, and board associations. Consider it a very likely roadmap.


Eff Ayyy Queue

"So, why should any of us listen to you?"

You shouldn't! Listen to your heart and your fellow contest writers should they ask for help, or offer any feedback. But people have listened to my Survival Guide stuffs before and word on the street is they find my feedback useful.

"And who are you to judge everyone?"

Credentials, huh? Boardwise: I won Mossflower Odyssey 2 without receiving a single death vote. Whether or not you call that skill, luck, and/or all the audience bailing after week one, is your call. I also contributed to Mossflower Odyssey 4 and the side project A Falling Hourglass, to varying degrees of success based on your friend group.

Reality wise: I earned an MFA in Creative Writing from BLANK, I'm an ex-journalist who earned their BA in JMC from BLANK and worked for BLANK, I've written six books (two decent, three awful, and one in negotiations,) and I've stories published in the pro SFWA venue BLANK. Respect the BLANKS unless we get to know each other a little better, ay?

"Do you take requests or specific questions?"

THE BIGGEST YES. Drop a line in this thread, or via PM, and I'll take a shot - whether it's an elaboration request, a challenge, or a simple "What do you think of BLANK?"
Special note to the cast: I've received PMs from active cast members before asking followup questions on live posts. Wording is key in that previous phrase. I will not help you write your next contest post, look over a draft, or talk strategy.

"Will you look over some writing for me?"

Maybe! If it's contest related? Absolutely, unless you're aggressively insistent / don't contribute otherwise / trying to prove a point. If it's your own work? Ask and we'll talk about terms. This contest is a blessing as it provides writers a free crash course in character development and time management. In that spirit, The Survival Guide is for everyone for free for the glory of the contest. Line edits for your passion project is a different story. Happy to help, but time is money, etc.

"I don't like what you're doing and want out."

No hard feelings if you don't want me eyeballing your work. If you don't want your contest character reviewed then PM me from your contest character's account. If you don't want your Top 30 app reviewed then PM Airan (ONLY AFTER THE TOP 30 LIST IS REVEALED) and he'll pass along the skippable character's name to protect your anonymity.

[Matra Hammer]

Top 30 Character Reflections

Each Top 30 character will be read and dissected as follows: 3 facts about the character, 2 of the character's Wants, and 2 of the character's Needs. These are literal reflections of what the app character shows and nothing else, as it'll help each author knowing what an extremely careful reader sees in their work - did character facet A or B read, "uh oh he got C wrong is he an idiot or did I not present C clear enough," etc.

Below the cuts are placeholder spots for each category. I will not announce (on the board) when I finish each category, but I will read and review through them in the order Airan provided on the most-recent category spread.

Note 1: Please refer to the Little Disclaimer and FAQ if you spot any oddities in my spread.

Note 2: I'll take any requests or specific questions here, or via PM. I can't promise I'll answer immediately if it conflicts with anonymity, or if it would pressure voters one way or another.

Note 3: A subjective - I like / I didn't like - spread will get posted after Top 10 voting closes. Feel free to yell at me then, but I will absolutely fight back.

Here's to a grand time for readers and writers alike!

~*~

Duelists

[spoiler]Name: Elliot
Species: Fox
Age: 40

- Elliot is an acclaimed duelist with a well-known title, as all three hares are after his crown: "Next time you come for my title, bring more friends."
- Elliot is a tactical beast who thinks in stages: from right to left paw, choosing his initial weapon then pivoting to another as the pace shifted, etc.
- Elliot is considered fat and old by others.

Elliot Wants to keep his title: accepts the challenge at all.
Elliot Wants to give himself a challenge: doesn't lead with his dominant paw, lets the fight play out instead of running the youngbeast down.

Elliot Needs to understand the limits of time and self: takes unexpected injuries, allows too many chances and reaches a point of concern "If they got behind him", etc.
Elliot Needs to get rid of his title? Needs to get back into (better) fighting shape?

~*~

Name: Fiyero
Species: Cat
Age: 27

- Fiyero is a singer / songwriter of notable talent: people throw coins, applaud his antics, etc.
- Fiyero is a deceptive individual: the app's turn of the "martin" recognizing the song and dance from another tavern.
- Fiyero is capable in a fight: Though not shown, it's implied he survives the closing encounter...or else he wouldn't be a valid contest character.

Fiyero Wants attention! He's at the top of the world as he sings and buys drinks.
Fiyero Wants a legacy? He tells stories of big conquests, however he also has to change his name a lot. Could mean he gets caught a lot; could mean he's flippant.

Fiyero Needs a lifestyle he can maintain: his Big Stories and bigger mouth is catching up with him, "So, you're sayin' 'Soren the Silver' ain't familiar to you?"
Fiyero Needs to be a little more perceptive / cautious: only spots the upset foe after his song, after buying more drinks.

~*~

Name: Maut
Species: Fox
Age: 28

- Maut is a fighter of legendary skill or a big-time liar: supposedly took out 40 ambushing beasts "...ambushed by twoscore weasels and rats. Maut rushed in without hesitation, making short work of the would-be marauders..."
- Maut is lonely, talkative, and/or nostalgic: consistently speaks with Veach of the past, even though he gets no real reply.
- Maut is task-oriented and efficient: takes the shortest route possible, takes precautions like a snout kerchiefs, etc.

Maut Wants the glory days of big jobs and epic battles: "Kinda miss those jobs, don't you?"
Maut Wants the rush of a challenge: "Maybe we'll get a fun job soon. One that'll provide us wit' a real challenge."

Maut Needs an active companion: spends the entire entry trying to reminisce with a mute.
Maut Needs something specific to fight for: it's unclear as to why he spies/mercs at all.[/spoiler]

Berserkers

[spoiler]Name: Chitterfang the Wrigglekin
Species: Bat
Age: 23

- Chitterfang is laid-back: crash landing butt scratch, onion jokes with a farmer, calm back and forth with the vixen until things get hot.
- Chitterfang is forgetful: app swings on her trying to remember the past via bug trance, though it's not said why she's forgotten.
- Chitterfang is a believer in some system: "breathes in an ancient rhythm," prays for Brennan, bug trance.

Chitterfang Wants to remember how to get home: "...but not (a clue) told of a road home."
Chitterfang Wants to connect with those around her: asks Brennan about his wares, asks the aggressive vixen to leave

Chitterfang Needs some self control: isn't too immediately perceptive, lets the bugs take over, a little sassy to an armed bandit.
Chitterfang Needs to find a place she belongs.

~*~

Name: Elias Heatherpaw
Species: Hare
Age: 45

- Elias is devoted: holds the idea of rank (status punks Darscy) and soul union (his wife's voice?) very high.
- Elias is a hyper-focused individual: so driven by his goal he does not see the ambush despite his rank and experience.
- Elias has some very high-powered loogies: "Elias spat, sending the fox reeling."

Elias Wanted to avenge his love's death, which he achieves.
Elias Wants to bring harsh justice on those who've wronged him.

Elias Needs to reign in the whisper's influence, as it cost him his cohorts, mind, possibly more.
Elias Needs to leave his old life behind, as I imagine it's difficult explaining a troop killed on an off-duty mission.

~*~

Name: Ilka
Species: Wildcat
Age: 36

- Ilka is an accomplished contract killer: intro depicting how she does or does not present herself, and the results + general mouse interactions.
- Ilka is perceptive: a running commentary on the mouse she speaks with and his posture, manner, etc.
- Ilka is confident on a spiritual level: "Perhaps I am a lost soul craving redemption. Or perhaps I am an arrow seeking a heart, with no care at all whether its owner is good or evil. In which case, the greatest good you might ever do is guiding my flight."

Ilka Wants her money, now! She actively considers murder, at first, when Wulter gets sniffy.
Ilka Wants a more-structured life: pitches patronization to Wulter.

Ilka Needs something to believe in besides herself as she'll fail - as all beings do - in time.
Ilka Needs to either ease up or triple down on the Intimidate rolls, depending on how you feel.[/spoiler]

Schemers

[spoiler]Name: Elsabeth van Riften
Species: Wildcat
Age: 22

- Elsabeth is very cerebral: the intro of her thinking out how her one record addition affects the next, then the next.
- Elsabeth is self-centered: doesn't consider the weight of her number fudging beyond the immediate goal, who it'd affect, etc.
- Elsabeth holds rank in high esteem: her conflict centers on (re)building the family's name.

Elsabeth Wants to restore her family's status through any means necessary.
Elsabeth Wants to escape the Northern Hell she's being banished to.

Elsabeth Needs a better job, as she's almost run out of chances in her current position.
Elsabeth Needs an improved filter to help focus her schemes and guard that acid tongue...or not because that's fun too!

~*~

Name: Lucan
Species: Mouse
Age: 16

- Lucan was a beast of Redwall Abbey: memories of kitchenwork, ending lines about the Abbot's verdict, the lore.
- Lucan is very observant: notices flour reaction, intuits phosphorescent mushroom tricks, clearly recalls memories / the rat's faces.
- Lucan is young confidence incarnate: not a fear for his foes, speaks challenges to the air, wants to prove "the man" wrong.

Lucan Wants to be a fabled warrior like Martin.
Lucan Wants the respect he thinks adults are due.

Lucan Needs to adjust the tint of his rose-colored glasses.
Lucan Needs to embrace a career as a chemist (flour reaction / mushrooms,) or a fashion designer "A mouse, dressed a green Redwaller's habit..."

~*~

Name: Merrill
Species: Hedgehog
Age: 24

- Merrill is a miner by trade who was exiled from her village for pyrotechnic "spellwork."
- Merrill has a rather high constitution score: covered in char marks, prone in the snow of a mountain's summit, mad poise against Killian.
- Merrill is very forward when confronted: Gold slam at the start, wrestling and shaking Killian for not taking the offering.

Merrill Wants to control the feelings/reactions of those around her: everything with Killian, the store intro.
Merrill Wants to right any wrongs and settle any hanging debts...in her own weird way.

Merrill Needs to remember her partner, and hold close that no being is an island.
Merrill Needs to show other beasts consideration in her dealings.[/spoiler]

Hunters

[spoiler]Name: Ashtad
Species: Adder
Age: 36

- Ashtad is a snake executioner (or judge, if you prefer) for a village with a capital punishment bent.
- Ashtad is illustrated as a charismatic intellectual: books on the shelf, clever and imposing one-liners, commentary on the state of law / the world.
- Ashtad has a mercurial temperament: goes from calm, to threatening, to intrigue in a short amount of time over a dormouse who's zero threat.

Ashtad Wants respect: his temper rises over casual dormouse challenges, and he holds his Quid Pro Quo duty high.
Ashtad Wants peace: the entry starts with his annoyance over being bothered (and having to do the ritual) at all.

Ashtad Needs to live on his own terms: has convinced himself that this system is worthy, though the end hints at change.
Ashtad Needs to explain how he reads and store books, or fuels and operates a lantern, without paws.

~*~

Name: Kew-Kew
Species: Wearet
Age: 25

- Kew-Kew is an accomplished deep-woods hunter: traps of decent complication, scent tracking, bait ideas.
- Kew-Kew works outside of society's thought: thinks he's an actual eagle, mother killed, treats everything as a tool.
- Kew-Kew is full of himself: "Yes yes! And the big stone! Kew-Kew did it all by himself!" He puffed out his chest with pride. "I is smart."

Kew-Kew Wants revenge: "Big eagle kill mother of Kew-Kew, I wants te kill biiiiig eagles!"
Kew-Kew Wants a good meal! Regularly comments on the tastiness of the things he catches.

Kew-Kew Needs a community as so much time hunting alone is addling his mind.
Kew-Kew Needs to take a bath! I mean this in the literal and figurative, as he needs to scrub away this guise and live again.

~*~

Name: Old One
Species: Wolverine
Age: Old

- Old One is a solitary hunter who revels in the thrill of toppling larger foes.
- Old One is impaired in several ways: many mentions of his body failing, and deafness "But Old One liked to sing, though he could no longer hear the notes lilting through the air."
- Old One is reverent: treats prey with respect, feels the song in his soul, thinks deep about a land's give and take.

Old One Wants the hunt! He seemingly knows no other life.
Old One Wants an easier hunt. He recognizes time's theft and adjusts south accordingly.

Old One Needs a new way of life, as the hunting way is shown as too much on his body.
Old One Needs a lesson in species ethics: "He stripped the garments from the limp body and, rising slowly, slung it across his shoulders. Today he would not go hungry."[/spoiler]

Seafarers

[spoiler]Name: Bise
Species: Rook
Age: 22

- Bise is an indentured servant (maybe the wrong term) getting sold between pirate ships as a scout.
- Bise has a tactical mindset: the entire fishing village breakdown including where to land, possible targets, etc.
- Bise is devoted to relieving an unseen associate's debt: "Couple o' the lads are keeping an eye on 'er until you've worked off her debt."

Bise Wants freedom from her circumstances: "It was the closest thing to freedom she could lay claim to."
Bise Wants to work through her servitude legitimately: no schemes, measured responses, thorough work.

Bise Needs money! Her primary motivation is working off a debt.
Bise Needs a way away from these pirate scoundrels: is painted as smarter and better tempered than those around her.

~*~

Name: Dawl Dredgemast
Species: Sea Otter
Age: 18

- Dawl is a brutish (looking) otter who got command of a family fishing vessel after his parents went missing.
- Dawl is an experienced fisher and pearl diver: harbor master swerve, scars on his arms, knowing what supplies are needed.
- Dawl has a teen's patience / perspective: overly protective, overly angry about the ladder, barks a lot.

Dawl Wants money! He's desperate to pay the harbor fees and earn the supplies so they can go fishing proper.
Dawl Wants to find his parents / protect his sister / do well by his family: the app spins around the pressures of legacy.

Dawl Needs money. Almost all of his problems could be solved with a lucrative job.
Dawl Needs professional and emotional support. He's a teen juggling a lot of expectation and fiscal balls at once.

~*~

Name: Novak
Species: Pine Marten
Age: 42

- Novak is a "coincow" fisher who recently inherited command of the trade / ship from his previous captain.
- Novak is a gentle soul: chose a rose scent for the oil, patience for Harlan, app twist of him recoiling at the sentient sealion pups.
- Novak is dexterous: described as dancing through the steps, faster than a sealion's charge, skilled with ropework.

Novak Wants a new way of life: app ends with him abandoning the barbaric trade.
Novak Wants "grim work," apparently: 'Novak stormed past in search of answers'...'Ask questions and you're in for grim work.'

Novak Needs a new focus worthy of his devotion.
Novak Needs an outlet for his skills and tender sensibilities.[/spoiler]

Marksmen

[spoiler]Name: Flauros
Species: Shrew
Age: 40s

- Flauros is a marksbeast of legend who can "...hit the wing of a butterfly in the midst of a storm!"
- Flauros has little patience for ineptitude, or anybeast: scoffs over the executioner missing, never says the prisoner's name right, etc.
- Flauros reveres the concept of Fate: "The less we fight against our Fate, the better off we'll be."

Flauros Wants to show off! His entire "save the prisoner" spiel shifts as soon as a beast challenges him.
Flauros Wants to be heard: disrupts the ceremony and waxes on about Fate with little provocation.

Flauros Needs some boundaries: flips rapidly from reverence, to gold lust, to scoffs of priority.
Flauros Needs a worthy target for his flinging skills.

~*~

Name: Siler
Species: Wood Mouse
Age: 29

- Siler is a contract tough who tracks and shakes down lowlifes for money, debts, their life, whatever.
- Siler is a sleazebag: sleeps with the wife of an old friend he's about to kill, then demands another round after killing said friend.
- Siler is an excellent marksbeast: shoots off a wobbling drunk's hat in the rain.

Siler Wants some "action."
Siler Wants to exert power of those beneath him: the second round, picking on a drunk before killing him.

Siler Needs somebeast to knock some sense / limitations into him, as this current life/mindset cannot endure.
Siler Needs redemption...and possibly a few clinic tests.

~*~

Name: Unga Underbite
Species: Shrew
Age: 29

- Unga is a bounty hunter of experience: has backup weapons, does most of the mark takedown work, reads her foe (Snagwort) in full.
- Unga is a chatterbox who grinds nerves: "Yew always talk too much, Unga. Mebbe if yew didn' talk so much, things like this wouldn' happen to yeh."
- Unga is lonely: references to being lonely in a crowded tavern, lamenting losing her season-long partner, tribe reminiscing.

Unga Wants a true connection: deep disappointment in losing Snagwort, over her lonely lifestyle in general.
Unga Wants to help her fellow beast: always dispensing advice and critically thinking about what's around her.

Unga Needs a profession worthy or her mind and talents.
Unga Needs a receptive partner, as she's constantly looking for a lasting bond.[/spoiler]

Guardians

[spoiler]Name: Priideep
Species: Frog
Age: 25

- Priideep is the experienced guardian of her people's spawning pool.
- Priideep has a high Wisdom score: perceives the oily film affecting the tadpoles, deflects praise with sage warnings, etc.
- Priideep has a tactical mindset: the entire ducks > snake intro, warning Sedgwick to hold off and observe the fox at first, etc.

Priideep Wants a healthy clutch of tadpoles.
Priideep Wants to act in the most efficient and useful manner.

Priideep Needs to lean into the proactive from the defensive.
Priideep Needs a reason to move forward now that her charges are dead.

~*~

Name: Shahin
Species: Hare
Age: 23

- Shahin is a morally grey "archivist" who is obsessed with artifacts / stories of the past.
- Shahin is very charismatic: convinces a constable holding him at swordpoint to let him go and run away with him.
- Shahin feels deeply: the midpoint spin of him obsessing over the buckler's significance, his ending promise, etc.

Shahin Wants to honor the past: buckler story / stealing, leans on the importance of his history with Etienne.
Shahin Wants to protect what/who he deems important: "I'll keep you safe. I promise on my life."

Shahin Needs to respect the rules outside of his goals: graverobber vs "archivist" conflict.
Shahin Needs to keep his promises or risk losing what/who he cares for.

~*~

Name: Sheercrest
Species: Merlin
Age: Middle Aged

- Sheercrest is a hunter of noted skill: lines illustrating her noticing wind patterns, the terrain's shift, etc.
- Sheercrest now has a (guilty) conscience: "She would save his life. She would make things right. And whatever the cost, she would pay it."
- Sheercrest is very considerate: not puncturing the bag this time, standing between the wind and Bray, etc.

Sheercrest Wants to atone for devouring 2/3rds of a family, despite it being her instinct.
Sheercrest Wants to protect those who're wronged without just cause.

Sheercrest Needs to find a new source of food.
Sheercrest Needs to realize that she can't save someone who won't save themselves.[/spoiler]

Brigands

[spoiler]Name: Antonia St. Myra
Species: Mouse
Age: 31

- Antonia is the leader of a company bringing justice to a patriarchal oppressor.
- Antonia is a swordsbeast of skill: narration illustrating what the ferret should've done, calculated movements in the fight, etc.
- Antonia is a former noblebeast sentenced to isolation for daring to have a say in her own life.

Antonia Wants to see those who'd unapologetically hold others down removed from existence.
Antonia Wants the thrill of combat: She stepped back, barked out a laugh. "Good, excellent! Fight for it!"

Antonia Needs to realize an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Antonia Needs to make sure her bloodlust does not override her convictions...or not!

~*~

Name: Kiri
Species: Sparrow
Age: 22

- Kiri is part of a successful robber band of mixed species composition.
- Kiri is a skilled painter/makeup artist: the app's first half of her blending colors and line to affect a younger sparrow.
- Kiri is extremely blunt / impatient: her every reply is a dismissal or a challenge, "waiting was the hardest part."

Kiri Wants the goods! Her primary motivation is robbing efficiently and on her terms.
Kiri Wants respect: she snaps back at anybeast that trash talks her methods.

Kiri Needs a like-minded ally to foster and/or respect her creative abilities.
Kiri Needs a productive focus for her talents.

~*~

Name: Smooths
Species: Weasel
Age: 30s

- Smooths is part of some recently-unsuccessful gang which goes after "marks."
- Smooths is a caring soul: the entire app is trying to help a dying beast that's helped him before.
- Smooths is either slow or in denial: keeps asking Muli questions, keeps saying things will be alright.

Smooths Wants to take care of those who take care of him.
Smooths Wants to save his buddy!

Smooths Needs a new line of work as his current clearly isn't panning out.
Smooths Needs a way to employ his sharp sense of smell and dutiful nature.[/spoiler]

Assassins

[spoiler]Name: Brother Hawthorn
Species: Mouse
Age: 52

- Hawthorn is deceptive: placates the mark/patient with candy, tales, leading questions.
- Hawthorn works for a shadow organization: the letter he receives from the scared recruit.
- Hawthorn's eyes are very active: "A pair of eyes stared...", "...eyes disappearing once more...", "His eyes quickly centered..."

Hawthorn Wants maximum efficiency: all words and actions are in service of his goal.
Hawthorn Wants to satisfy his orders: spins from helping Bursoot to killing him at a letter's notice.

Hawthorn Needs control, as an abbey-situated assassin is doomed without cover.
Hawthorn Needs a point of connection: who he is, and what he's capable of, matters little without a connectable personal goal.

~*~

Name: Robin Merriweather
Species: Fox
Age: 28

- Robin is a noble fiance who cares little for ancestry, the whims of "great men," or the health of her impending husband.
- Robin is a passionate beast: intro of how she's practicing her wail, flirtatious comments even if they're insincere.
- Robin has quick instincts: wine-to-stabbing adjustment, kidney-to-face stabbing adjustment.

Robin Wants her fiance dead, though it's unclear why.
Robin Wants to protect her image: chooses her garb and movements carefully.

Robin Needs to think beyond the immediate: her Plan B isn't a Plan B so much as a panic stab.
Robin Needs a new life, as I assume the most recent chaos canceled her current one.

~*~

Name: Siobhan, Codename: The Mantis
Species: Fox
Age: 28

- Siobhan is an accomplished assassin of bad husbands who daylights as a courier.
- Siobhan's sense of justice fuels her abilities: lists past kills then "Siobhan's heart quickened, anticipation running through her body. The world grew sharper: each sound was magnified, the smells more pungent, her vision sharpened."
- Siobhan is a practical beast: kill spot considerations, how she treats Arwydd's wounds, why she leaves.

Siobhan Wants to free those who cannot free themselves from horrifying circumstances.
Siobhan Wants to keep herself safe at all costs: abandons job and home before any hint of danger.

Siobhan Needs more support, as assassinating, treating the suffering, and keeping up a facade alone may prove too much.
Siobhan Needs a new home / base of operations: as the literal end of the entry indicates.[/spoiler]

WILDCARD

[spoiler]Name: Rynn
Species: Ferret
Age: 23

- Rynn is a resident of a secluded village somewhere to the north.
- Rynn has a teenager's temper that she delights in employing: "Standing at the door frame, admiring the mess she had made..."
- Rynn despises her village and has made several attempts to leave.

Rynn Wants to leave her village because "I'm sick of this! I'm sick of you! I'm sick of everything!"
Rynn Wants to destroy what she deems unworthy: wishes she had matches, demolishes her friend at a disagreement.

Rynn Needs to find a focus / target for her destructive tendencies.
Rynn Needs to accept help / input from those around her.

~*~

Name: Seamus Blackquill
Species: Raven
Age: 17

- Seamus is a contemptuous raven lookout who was continually passed from post to post.
- Seamus is full of himself: high-minded thoughts about other beasts, cleansing with literature, etc.
- Seamus is an impatient liar: the entire 'magic book' scene towards the end.

Seamus Wants books, which indicates he wants to escape his transient reality / himself.
Seamus Wants freedom from those he deems beneath him.

Seamus Needs to chill out, as he gives maximum dramatic reactions to pretty much everything.
Seamus Needs to be pushed outside of his bubble(s): hyper focused on his mother, woe is me mentality, etc.

~*~

Name: Zandir Firesage
Species: Pine Marten
Age: 26

- Zandir is part of a long line of protectors (Chosen?) in charge of the Burden.
- Zandir is a fighter of great skill: sizes up an ambush, cuts down a fair number, we're told it's happened a lot before.
- Zandir is a deep thinker: goes off on a ponder walk, comes up with a solution for the Burden, etc.

Zandir Wants to protect the Chosen by taking away the Burden.
Zandir Wants freedom from the cycle of predictable bloodshed.

Zandir Needs to live on his own terms: his every action is in service to his upbringing / charge.
Zandir Needs a lasting solution for the Burden, as just carrying it away still endangers him.[/spoiler]

[Matra Hammer]

Airan's post on character pairings (linked below) got me thinking about cast composition.

http://redwallsurvivor.com/forums/index.php?topic=1884.0

There are so many unifying themes between a lot of these characters, and one need not look too close to discover viable cast arrays. So, I'll jot up a few examples and a little graph about why this squad works so well. I'm guessing a lot of these won't be viable given the author overlap, but I'll live in hope.


The Right(eous) Thing

A group of relatively decent folk who join in the Nest Defense simply because they know what it means to care deeply for a cause / person / lifestyle.

Duel: Elliot- holds personal honor high and plays fair despite the skill imbalance.
Zerk: Chitterfang- holds her beliefs high and gives beasts a chance before striking.
Scheme: Lucan- holds Redwall cred high and wants to fight "evil" vermin.
Hunt: Ashtad- holds their duty as baddie eater high and measures their responses.
Sea: Novak- held their trade as a fisher high and could find a righteous path in Nest.
Mark: Unga- holds many opinions on beast manners high and shows restraint.
Guard: Sheercrest- holds her redemption train high and suffers on another's behalf.
Brig: Antonia- holds equal rights high and gives cartbeasts and the mark a chance.
Assass: Siobhan- holds equal rights high and exhibits patience and care in her moves.
WILD: Zandir- holds his duty over the Burden high and thinks of the group over himself.


Chaotic Helpful

A group of addled beasts who carry their own goals close and may (or may not!) service others along their respective paths.

Duel: Fiyero- goal of being a big time story cat, and would join Mekai for the sake of credventure.
Zerk: Ilka- goal of being the arrow of another's desire, and would join Mekai if the pitch was right.
Scheme: Elsabeth- goal of restoring her family honor, and would join Mekai for building allegiance lines.
Hunt: Old One- goal of a hunt worthy of his current capabilities, and would join Mekai to die at the Suneater's feet.
Sea: Bise- goal of hot coin to relieve a debt, and would employ her pirate scouting exp if Mekai could cough up.
Mark: Flauros- goal of showing off / gaining coin, and what is more lucrative than Mekai's war?
Guard: Shahin- goal of honing artifact equipment / caring for Etienne, and would help Mekai for Nest secrets.
Brig: Smooths- goal of phat loot and band loyalty, but he's a deep softy who'd gladly Merry Man for Mekai.
Assass: Robin- goal of securing her place as an heiress(?), and what better way to subjugate Nest than "helping" from within?
WILD: Rynn- goal of leaving her village / adventure, and she'll use her tantrum powers in service of Mekai.


The Evil Within

A group of self-serving beasts (some a lot more than others) who'd view Mekai's naive recruitment attempts as a foothold.

Duel: Bhito- this bird wants a fight for fight's sake, and he'll find glory breaking beasts on Mekai's behalf- "ONGK!"
Zerk: Elias- a crazed hare who sacrifices his troop because revenge / ghost voices. Nice preservation instinct, Mekai.
Scheme: Merrill- she's in control at the moment, but she's a few bad encounters away from blowing up the Nest and then herself.
Hunt: Kew-Kew- week 1 to 3 he'll eat any birds in the cast and then wander off because who needs the Nest when Kew-Kew is the best?
Sea: ????- Seafarers are too goodie goodie so any one of them will prove an easy mark for the rest of the cast.
Mark: Siler- either the worst "dating" sim imaginable or he sells out the cast to the Suneater week two.
Guard: Priideep- grog interests above all else. At the start of week four she'll turn Nest into a swamp.
Brig: Kiri- driven completely by looting and briganding. "Sure, we'll help" says Kiri as she sizes up Nest's worth.
Assass: Hawthorn- highly likely he'll kill Eula, one of the cast members, or whoever he's told to, and then vanishes.
WILD: Seamus- current captain trades him to Mekai for a barrel of saltfish and the raven just complains the entire time.


The Kids Aren't Alright

The youngest in the spread are about to learn some very harsh lessons very fast as the Suneater draws closer.

Duel: Fiyero- 27 isn't too young, but he's a youngster's bravado that'll crumble against a literal army.
Zerk: Chitterfang- 23 is the year of "actions have consequences!?" and absent-minded bat folklegends have no immunity.
Scheme: Lucan- 16 and the embodiment of "oh you sweet summer child." Rolls into Nest all "Redwall is great!" and the scouts look at each other knowingly.
Hunt: Kew-Kew- I doubt he even knows his own age, but any adult within a mile is just fed up with his smell and self-aggrandizing.
Sea: Dawl- Today in Mossflower News: 18-year old otter gets huffy with badger marm Eula and gets his ears boxed in, more at 11.
Mark: Unga- 29 is not young, but she'd spend the entire contest telling these misfits how a beast should act.
Guard: Shahin- 23 and definitely the cool older brother of the group who is inwardly panicked because he does not know what he's doing.
Brig: Kiri- 22 and definitely the bratty sister who loses her mind when someone touches her makeup.
Assass: Siobhan- if Kiri is the bratty sister than Siobhan is the caretaker older sister who never fights and spends all the time cleaning up after people.
WILD: Seamus- I've never seen a character so 'woe is me' in my life, and 17 is pretty much the perfect age.


The Old Guard

The older beasts of the spread who're going to have big and conflicting ideas about how their foe will be met.

Duel: Elliot- week one Elliot challenges the opposing army's captain, wins, and instead of scattering the army they just become more wild and dangerous.
Zerk: Elias- pulls a Rick Grimes by week two, screams "get owt, GET OWT" before going ham, and then in season four all his efforts are negated by deus ex machina.
Scheme: Merrill- she spends the first three weeks building a moat around Nest. Briefly considers an explosive suicide vest that'd turn her into a shrapnel bomb.
Hunt: Old One- by week three Old One is so full that he can't move, and is rolled into the moat to be the alligator.
Sea: Novak- the defense is looking grim as the enemy is using stuffed Old One as a bridge, so he makes a rope bridge network in the trees to escape. Nobody follows.
Mark: Flauros- gives a long and philosophical speech on how Nest is doomed by Fate...and then kills the Suneater with a casual knife toss.
Guard: Sheercrest- feels mighty guilty about all the clean-up killing and spends her down time planning an orphanage.
Brig: Antonia- gets wind of Sheercrest's idea and ignites the forest in resisting the urge to torch the orphanage. Still calls it a moral victory.
Assass: Hawthorn- spends weeks 4 through 7 unsure of what to do as the Suneater was his final mark. He's picked off by his shadow org for letting Flauros get the kill.
WILD: Zandir- at the end he reveals that the Burden is in fact Mekai herself, so he offs her to free himself. Everyone is into it after what she put them through.


The Oddballs

We've some weird species choices and character types that'd create beautiful chaos if shoved together.

Duel: Bhito- Untitled Nest Game, where Bhito hornks stuff from the opposing army and they just chase him around the entire contest.
Zerk: Chitterfang- she starts holding pieces of slain beasts in her mouth to see what happens. Gets an offer from BBC to star in the remake of Orphan Black.
Scheme: Lucan- cosplays as the Suneater and royally messes with the enemy. Bhito is fooled and pecks Lucaneater to death on one of his hornking runs.
Hunt: Ashtad- in gobbling foes he discovers his body elongates with each meal. Plays Snake and gets caught by winding around too many trees.
Sea: Bise- spends the entire contest wondering why she doesn't just steal Nest's treasures and fly away.
Mark: Siler- as the only fully irreverent character, he builds a brothel to unify Nest and Suneater's Army. It doesn't broker peace but everybeast has a good time.
Guard: Priideep- spends the entire contest spawning in the background. At week six she hops into the fray with thousands of flipper-made frog warriors.
Brig: Smooths- spends the aftermath of the battle talking to deadbeasts. The twelfth one death rattles, so he thinks he's found a new friend.
Assass: ????- there's nothing particularly odd about any of them, but whoever gets in will be the audience's "Are you seeing this mess too?" character.
WILD: Seamus- watches Bise steal all the Nest goods and fly away despite the load. Imitates, fails, and writes emo poetry about how the world is unfair to him alone.

[Hethrin]

Lol, Ashtad playing 'snake' made me chuckle. Good one!

[Vizon]

I don't know why, but this one made me laugh the most:

Hunt: Old One- by week three Old One is so full that he can't move, and is rolled into the moat to be the alligator.

[Matra Hammer]

These are my reactions to each character in each category.

Many of these reactions will be craft forward, whether they're positive or negative, but some reactions are very driven by personal preference. Does that make the authors of those characters bad / unskilled / unworthy? Gigantic No. I am one person, one vote, and one perspective. You're in the Top 30 for a reason.

If you want to fight, or have any follow-up questions, then drop a line here.

Edit: formatted and credited the correct reviewer.

Duelists

[spoiler]Elliot is a Proof Of Concept presentation on the author's fight writing ability. The fight is extremely well done, but the character does not back up the action. This is a problem because a character's Cool Moves and Combat Grace doesn't sink deep unless we understand why they're doing them and/or where they've earned them from. We know so little about the character's desires that I can fit a description of him, and the app as a whole, into a short line: a titled fox duelist, who is measured in his dealings, is called fat and old. If you move forward then start heavy with a personal oath (or something) which drives them towards the contest's plot, or find a pal able to egg out the character's history.

Fiyero is cat bravado incarnate who tells Big Tales and makes Sweeping Gestures for attention. Is this compelling on its own? No, and that'll be a problem moving forward. What gives Fiyero a pass appwise: we're seeing the precise moment where Fiyero's nonsense is directly challenged, and we see him make the choice to give up the game and face the threat. "But isn't this just like Elliot?" You're right! The difference is we see directly what Fiyero's legacy means to him in the attention he lavishes and the tales he tells. On the flip side Fiyero is a tavern app (I'm on the "it's a cop out" team) and "I am bard" incarnate is offered with no interesting take(s) on the trope.

Then there's Bihto who slides somewhere between the two of them. The motivation for this goose is very clearly defined in the second graf "Bihto had come to make his name." Cool. And then we see him peck the hell out of a foe to satisfy the motivation. Cool. So this character has more goals than Elliot, and is just as glory hungry as Fiyero. What's the difference? Construction: "Bihto honked,flapping" "Elyenora took a swipe. Her claws raked his chest. Bihto hissed in pain." Stark and simple descriptions are fine on their own. Beside a singing, sass-mouthed cat? Reads pale. I suggest the author Let Loose The Inner Goose should they move forward.[/spoiler]

Berserkers

[spoiler]Chitterfang is a wholly unique and challenging app that fits a ton of intrigue into a small space. In 600 words the author introduces: a local legend, multiple character choices, a bug trance system, bug trance system variations, a chain of unanswered memories for the character including lost associations / family / tribe, a fight scene, an implied fight scene, a summoning ritual, worthy stakes via the NPCs, etc. Removing any one of these parts detracts from another, and whether this is to the author's credit or demerit is POV. I consider it a credit as the character has depth as illustrated by her actions/reactions, she's active avenues to explore post app, and the pacing/progression is solid. Also the app is very on theme for the contest considering the Nest's spiritual bent and Chitterfang's own strange devotions. Would def like to see them clash / meld.

Elias is a well-written app hobbled by an incomplete / unsupported concept. The author very clearly demonstrates how someone builds tension: the leadup which humanizes the redshirt hare, the early hints of Elias' irrational drive, and the payoff in the counter ambush by the vermin. But there's foundation missing. What is at stake throughout this app? Why is his wife special? What's left now that he's found revenge? These aren't "oh, can't wait to see" questions so much as "this is missing" observations. And there are answers - his life is at stake, love makes his wife special, he has to start over because he shirked duty. However, they're not interesting because we know so little about who s/he was/is and where he's coming from besides "I love my wife Insert Revenge Rage."

Ilka is a Hellcat in her title and entirety. Not a lot of talk about how evil this feline reads while Siler gets the ultimate scrutiny - the ye olde violence vs carnal desire debate, best saved for later. The author took a giant risk not only by illustrating everything in a static walk-n-talk scene, but in letting so much character weight rest on the closing lines. This cat knows what a disaster she is, and she relishes in the opportunity she presents an in-over-his-head toady. However, it is a static walk-n-talk scene for a category about breaking face. There are neat dressings like the bag of heads, or the NPC being clergy, but there is no real opposition, no drastic choice made, and no promise beyond the intro promising she can indeed wreck house. Someone I spoke with offered "she's an atheist going into a contest about belief" and that I can get behind. Would've loved to see that as the app focus, or in moving forward.[/spoiler]

Schemers

[spoiler]Elsabeth reads a lot like Ilka, and I'd put money on them being the same author. Not a lot, but some money. Like Ilka, the scene is static but loaded with implications and weight. Again, the author relies heavily on the NPC developing the main character as the scene is strictly a negotiation between two powers. Again, we don't see the character making any real choices of weight in the moment beyond "stab y/n?" Despite this the character is still interesting because of the running internal dialog / hard-insert thoughts / narration dissecting the in-moment reactions. She also gets a lot of points because Elsabeth, unlike Ilka, has a clearly defined goal: I need to restore my title's honor. With the added bonus of a hint at some mother daughter conflict! She could make a great villain or a redeemed hero.

Lucan is a great idea wrapped in a mechanically unsound app. SPAG and construction issues are usually third on my list of things worth talking about behind character motivation and attention to detail. However, this app contains missing words, point and click narration, and bloated phrasing like "They screamed as their campfire flared brightly." When is a flared campfire not bright? "The three rats screamed in terror and fled into the trees." Where's the color - let's see them howl or stumble or smash into each other! "Lucan strolled up to the ghostly pile." Why do we need to see him strolling when he's already climbed down from the tree? To the author's credit: people love this concept so much because it is indeed extremely cute and full of potential. Yet, for me, the writing is prohibitively clunky.

Merrill is an example of an author attempting to cram as much as possible into the limit but not sticking the landing. A lot of this can be blamed on the inconsistent pacing and murky focus. We start with a stutterstop intro where critical character details - her occupation, the exile label, 'torch the shop' - are given once without extra attention...and then when they're brought up later they're meant to be bombshell moments. I agree with Laurence's point on the introduction paragraph, and how cutting it would've made space below for making those one-off important details stick. The concept of a scorned and overbearing alchemist trying to do what (she thinks) is right? Pretty interesting as she's baked-in flaws, motivation, etc. The writing as a whole? Pretty darn good. Yet, the mishandling of the important elements made for a clunky read.[/spoiler]

Seafarers

[spoiler]Bise is a lovely portrait of loyalty's weight (as all of the seafarers are,) and it's only a few changes shy of outright excellence. Throughout the app she endures slander, rudeness, and intrusive thoughts (and chooses Grace) all for the sake of an off-camera character's debt. What a great and sympathetic concept. What hobbles the approach for me are two factors. 1- how is she going to join Mekai if her assumed debt is so massive / would Mekai really approach pirates for help? 2- why should we care about Bise's self-imposed situation? We don't know anything about the person she's suffering for (other than they're being held hostage should Bise refuse,) and as such I cannot feel deeply for Bise's predicament. A line or two of Bise responding to Splitshank's taunt, or recalling why she endures the crow nest's cold, would've done wonders.

Dawl Dredgemast is a direct example of what I mean by developing a primary motivation. By the second line we see Dawl struggling with the transition to captainhood, and throughout the app we're given parts about the importance of what's missing (parents, money, good work, etc) via his interactions with Till. However, the narration cuts away from the Call to Action's impact. Lines like "The kind of work a beast could easily find if he had the stomach for shedding blood – or at least the appearance of it." are way too on the nose when the app contains other examples of handling information with tact and intrigue attached. "It ate at him, that look." Show, don't tell. It's not complete sabotage to the app but it's a large enough flaw to notice.

Novak is a distilled version of Dawl, complete with a few Telling narration problems like "Novak spat upon the deck to stop his doubts cold." There are fewer trappings as we don't see his captain, what he's like outside his trade, etc. Yet, almost every line and description is in service to building Novak's world and the app's sympathetic turn. We see Novak choose rose over clove and it illustrates his gentler soul. We see him calculating pup chances and know it's something he worries about. We see him hyper-focusing on the steps of his duty in honor of his old captain, in worry over whether or not he'll do this right. And then the twist hits and it resounds because all those previous details now ring as warnings. I would've liked a more concrete direction at the end, but the ending payoff shows Novak's heart and mind quite well.[/spoiler]

Hunters

[spoiler]Like Ilka and Elsabeth, Ashtad is a vowel-loving character who talks with an NPC in lieu of an action-forward scene. MO:V is a tale of warriors, which the admin made clear through the prologue. What Ashtad presents is a large, smart, and sassy snake who is opening up to the idea of being more than a village's pet. It is an excellent character setup with some mighty fine writing throughout (the dialog especially.) It is not, however, a character I can imagine defending a secluded village, or wanting to fight at all. Ashtad has no overt needs and wants beyond respect and privacy. They're points we can connect with, but they're not calls to action. Elsabeth barely squeaked by with being part of uniformed service, which let me know she's the capability and motive to contribute combatwise. I read Ashtad and go "A person like him will slither away when things get hot."

Kew-Kew tires me out. There is SO MUCH in this app (in a good way) to react to that I've been unsure for 20 minutes where I can start. I'll start by saying Margaret is an excellent choice on the author's part. Like I just mentioned with Ashtad, this is very much a scene where an NPC reflects the best parts of the character back with little action or choice - which is fine. The difference is the author capitalizes on the juxtaposition by making Kew-Kew so over the top, and then punctuates with an action-forward choice of using Marg as bait RIGHT when Kew-Kew becomes sympathetic. It really is very powerfully done. So much so that I push aside obvious problems like "how does Kew-Kew work for Mekai?" and "why would this solitary hunter with Big Eagle goals work with anyone else?"

Earlier I've pointed out lazy narrative choices over putting in the scene work to bolster a character. Old One gets a gigantic pass on this factor simply because the narrative expectation is set immediately (that ancient storytelling vibe,) endures, and matches the tone of the character portrayed. I also don't give a single squat about whether or not he'll fit into the contest mold or how he'll work with others. The author, in taking this risk and constructing something beautiful and unique, has earned my trust moving forward. Old One can fight, Old One is sympathetic in his care over the kill, and he's active motivation in a factor we can all appreciate: time's dauntless march. If I have any criticism for this app it's that this narration style cannot endure. It'll prove interesting at first since it's an entity's observation of the foreign, but it'll eventually mean too much distance as the action becomes intimate.[/spoiler]

Guardians

[spoiler]Priideep is one of my least favorite apps. No, it's not anything about the writing as the dialog is fun and the world they're building is neat. What clunks is the scene's progression, which sabotages the character: "let me tell you about my people, oh a fox, all the kids are dead from pollution." There are no character choices (beyond her telling someone to hold,) and there is no call to action beyond the inferred "uh oh pollution!" Graver still, the turn at the end of the tadpoles dying holds so little weight. I know a muted reaction - stunned in her case - is natural, but it's not compelling. Also, frogs in nature drop a TON of eggs because they're naturally defenseless, so they play the numbers game and expect deaths. Is this different in this author's view of frogs? Are there only a few "man-sized" eggs? Whatever the answer, the app needed a developed turn instead of a happenstance conflict - insert fox and pollution. My response is so severe because the potential was enormous, and the writer's skill apparent, but the delivery was just not there.

Shahin really takes the walk and leads off by spending nearly fifty words on describing a crypt. I've no issue with a lengthy scene setting, but what catches my attention is how much the author allots to any given piece. The dialog is often information dense, there is a lot of attribution like "She let out a massive sigh." where the words could convey the feelings, and the pace flips from winding to racing very fast. These are passing complaints a second reader could catch. What matters, and what brings me all in on Shahin, is the archetype. The concept of charismatic, possibly villainous, archivist isn't new, but the author's choices of sprinkling in mysticism (Shahin hearing the artifact's call) and a sudden life oath (promising to guard Etienne) raise the trope to another level. Greater still - and this one is important so pay attention - it honors the proposed setting as Mysticism and Forging Paths Against Doubt are major players in the prologue. Dying to see how Shahin messes with-I mean-helps the Nest.

Sheercrest is very simple. A guilty bird takes care of her ungrateful charge, and the question revolves around whether or not she'll keep up her duty. Another concrete layer would've ramped up the character - perhaps her mate did the killing and she's paying the price, perhaps she acted in self defense but she can't bring herself to tell the child her parents earned their deaths, etc. There's promise in what's there, but I must work to imagine a scenario where she joins Nestquest 2018.
Also Sheercrest's author uses a very particular sentence pattern a great deal.
"Sheercrest tore across the lower sky, her silver wings grazing the snow-capped treetops."
"Ruffling her feathers, she cast a fierce glance down at the frightened creature."
"When she had finished securing it, she pointed a wing towards the north."
These are not incorrect in any way, and they do not distract from the effort. I point them out because every split lead presents a chance for stronger verb usage and a cleaner read.
"Sheercrest's silver wings tore across the sky and grazed the snow-capped treetops."
"Her feathers ruffled as she glared/leered/scrutinized the frightened creature."
"She pointed north after securing the lead."
This is general advice to be taken or left by anyone reading this segment. I feel this creates an active and cleaner read instead of demanding a halt at each bit of color. Don't be afraid of putting NAME/PRONOUN1/PRONOUN2 at the start of a sentence! A reader won't notice unless literally every sentence is "Sheercrest ate an apple. Sheercrest regretted her choice. Sheercrest missed eating mice."[/spoiler]

Marksmen

[spoiler]Flauros is a prime example of "took the easy way out." So the premise is a mouse of legend, who pays lip service to the concept of fate, interrupts a traditional execution by pontificating to the masses. Then the author decides "do you know what might be funny?" and offs the person Flauros saves to illustrate the character's greed. And I ask everyone: "was that joke worth it?" My POV says No. Flauros is extremely interesting for the first 3/4ths of the app: an inconsiderate braggart who has a big spiritual bent regarding Fate and a beast's destiny? Awesome, and contest-setting appropriate! Now pit the previous against what the app actually is: a loudmouth distracts a crowd by lying, and then kills a prisoner for money. Not so awesome. Funny sells if that's the entire intention. There is some hint of Flauros' flippant nature in him not remembering the prisoner's name, but it's not enough on its own for a noteworthy payoff.

Siler is a creature of base desires. He doesn't want to work in the dark, he enjoys toying with his mark in the name of "justice," and he's all about warming bedsheets. Base desire stuff does not bother me in the slightest, and out-and-out villain can be great characters. But I ask the author to consider Goragula's app from MO1. There are flash moments in Gorag's app where we see a bit of history, and we see him offered chances at mercy / doing the right thing (which he never does.) The difference in Siler is the power dynamic. Every "foe" in Siler's way is either disabled or not given screentime to show resistance. There is never a counterbalance in Siler's actions beyond Falfred recognizing their past friendship and treating the mouse as an equal. Even then Siler's reaction is so merciless and uneven that I do not find myself saying "Oh boy I can't wait to see what Siler does next!" Instead I'm just asking "what's the point for Siler?"

Unga Underbite reminds me of an ex-girlfriend. She'd gotten into a brawl with another student over standing in a laundry line, and called me over to patch her up since I'd medical training. Her lip was cut, her nose bled, and scratches riddled her arms and back. Despite her condition - despite calling me, a trained EMT, for help - she spent the entire time criticizing my actions and talking trash about the woman she fought. The Ex in ex-girlfriend was well earned. The point of all this is: these people exist. People who can be at the dirtiest end of the stick, have nothing left, and yet they'll still blame everyone else around them but themselves. Things aren't like they used to be! Snaggy is just young! The Tribe would never act like this! This is 100% bias on my part, but I cannot wait to see Unga smart off for a week or two and then get utterly destroyed by someone she can't outwit or stop. I want to see her learn the lesson, broaden her mind, and use her talents for more than herself.[/spoiler]

Brigands

[spoiler]Antonia's alignment does not matter. What I see in this app is a goal-driven mouse who knows exactly what she wants and exactly how the game is played. This is an action-forward (read: important for a warrior's tale) character full of manic energy who will undoubtedly affect anybeast she encounters. The app firmly illustrates all of her wants and needs, she's sympathetic in her past imprisonment and in offering daddykins a chance, and she's simultaneously WTF in her battlelust and heavy "justice" paw. She could easily be a hero, a villain, or an entity of destructive change few beasts understand, and that flexibility combined with cutting dialog and a big personality? Yes please. My biggest complaint for this app is Antonia's dialog. You'd have to either be a radio announcer from the 50s or an auctioneer to keep your breath and tempo through her judgments. I imagine her with the voice of Paige Sinclair from the newest season of BoJack Horseman, but even then it's exhausting to read her judgments.

Kiri makes me sad because I love the feel of the character, but her direction is aimless. This character is like Antonia in showing exactly what she's good at, what she wants, and how she handles the messier end of a physical encounter. What's missing is the path forward. Why is her little band together at all, and why are they all pointedly stoats? What does she crave the most from these heists besides loot? Why is her camouflage important enough to maintain against the ridicule of her peers? There are so many lingering questions that I'm sure Kiri's author has answers for, but none of them make it onto the page. Which is a dang shame because the writing is wonderful. I love the makeup detailing. I love how the author made sure to the size difference was noted. And I love the flow of the band's banter. Kiri, should she move forward, can be redeemed by serving as an audience POV character - "Are you seeing this Nest stuff!?"

Smooths is another app I cannot get behind because it's pure Pathos with little else attached. A doofy weasel carries his dying buddy after a raid gone bad, le fin. Now, absolute credit where credit is due: I want to hug Smooths for sticking with his mate until the end and doing his best despite his own pains. He's sympathetic to the max, and the writing is subtle and powerful in respecting the NPC's death, etc. However, I see this app a lot like noticing someone else's kid crying because they dropped their ice cream cone. Because there's no buildup seen, because I don't see how the attack went wrong, because I've no hint of what comes next for Smooths, because we've no reason to feel bad for Muli's death, the weasel drops his figurative ice cream and I move on.[/spoiler]

Assassins

[spoiler]Brother Hawthorn's writer has some high goals in mind. It's really ballsy suggesting a shadow organization that'll get brought into the contest. Even ballsier to have the assassin associated with a certain abbey. They're risks which pay off because the writer goes through great lengths to build the tension, which is primarily handled through the hedgehog's mounting discomfort. Hawthorn is perfectly poised for causing all manner of chaos in the story proper. But do I connect with Hawthorn at all? Big No. This mirrors Priideep for me in that the concept as a whole is extremely interesting while the character offers little on their own. We know Hawthorn has some medical skill, we know he's manners, we know he's decisive and merciless. We know little else. I think it's forgivable in this instance. One: because the writing is strong enough for me to trust the author's progress. Two: because shadow org direction provides a million different choices for Hawthorn to make.

Robin falls into the Elliot slot of "cool series of events, nothing backing said events." There's no answer for why this elaborate assassination scheme is in place. We know the woodlander at the end wants to take down a tyrant, but is that Robin's goal? Does Robin want an inheritance? Is she a freedom fighter who is putting woodlander rights first? Does she even find a new plan and escape her life? How does she even paint herself - a noblewoman - as a fighter Mekai would hire beyond the obvious of "runs away to start again as a mercenary?" The action presented, the character interactions, and Robin's sneaky swerve are all very entertaining, but it's only cotton candy if we don't know a lick of why she does any of this. Yes, that's the ticket: Robin's app feels like someone cut it from a larger story about Robin, and not as though they wrote it for the contest.

Now Siobhan, donglecode: name, hits the right notes for me as a writer. The app is very cleanly sectioned between three parts and each bolster Siobhan's foundation in different ways. The first shows the caretaker (sympathetic) end of our assassin vixen, as she treats, listens, and makes a decision to handle business. Section two is action-oriented, and even more impactful because it shows Siobhan as a calculated and accomplished killer who may or may not revel in the justice she brings. Section three forwards the action and opens Siobhan up for adventure in a sensible way. Is the app exciting? Not particularly: it's predictable, the character faces one challenge, and she exhibits no real flaws beyond Murderer Vibes. Does the formatting I praise, and the choices she makes, keep her compelling? Absolutely. I trust this author with handling their role in the contest plot because Siobhan is presented in such a careful way.[/spoiler]

WILDCARD

[spoiler]*puts on the scratched Seinfeld record* What's the deal with Rynn? Rynn facts: she has a temper she likes employing, she wants to leave, she's tried to leave before, and she treats her friends like garbage. What does her village look like? What does she do for a living? What is making her leave or come back? Again, we do not need complete answers for every little thing about a character, but some hint we can connect with would be very, very nice. The complete lack of something to root for, or expect, is very noticeable. Someone pitched to me "Rynn is pure energy; a blank slate for a reader to project and wonder upon." Fair point - the punchy dialog and the energy of the narration supports this! But this is a warrior's tale where characters with big personal goals are going to have to work together for a common good. As Rynn stands, by app alone, I see a ferret who throws fits and destroys things via tunnel vision. It'd be fun seeing her smash, but literally 9/10ths of the cast can smash with noted intent.

Seamus' writing is solid, and the neckbeardiness of the bird's high-minded judgments is entertaining - as is the Imp, who is little kid annoyance incarnate. However, Seamus is the opposite of Rynn in providing too many avenues. There's a drug abuse allusion, there's an escapism motivation, there's a hunger for knowledge, there is a "woe is me I can't be the problem I was simply passed around too much" victim mentality, there are possible mother issues, he's a certified liar and seeker of the arcane. And so on. And so on. The content makes me think of a bloated (in more than bodyweight) Siler in how Seamus is without a scrap of sympathetic tissue. There are fun possibilities one could imagine but none of them are important or deep...and the character is extremely unattractive. Ugly can be compelling if we understand where it comes from, but mommy issues and annoying kid foils are not enough.

So, if I'm reading Zandir right, he is one of a line of sworn protectors who guards the undefined Burden. This Burden is sought after by bandits on the regular, and Zandir is legendary for how easily he dispatches foes. Yet, the constant attacks on Zandir's people weighs heavy on his heart, so he suggests to an elder "Let me take the Burden and go so our people may finally know rest." Call to action? Check. Defined goal? Check. Character choices? Check. Warrior capabilities? Check. This is a meat and potatoes app with the occasional spice in how Zandir defies the "Argrent Band," in how he speaks up against the elder's insistence...but it's tepid. It's a complete concept, yet none of the app either A- makes me root for Zandir's quest (too nebulous, too generalized,) or B- makes me say "I can't wait to see what Zandir brings to the Nest." I'm sure the author plans on tying the Burden to the Nest, but wouldn't it have been cool if that was explicitly implied in the app? If you move forward then try subverting expectations and showing creative facets of Zandir's character that're both functional and interesting - hobbies, skills, points of view of the world, etc.[/spoiler]

[Hethrin]

Way to go on getting through all these and doing the reviews as well as the character combos!

[Twyla]

I couldn't stop laughing when reading the oddballs.      ;D