Lights Down, Take A Bow

[Eliza Lacrimosa]

Inhale. Beat. Exhale. Beat. In, out, in, out. Do not stop.

The torch was dying.

Eliza blew at the ragged flame. It flared briefly, and then began to wane once more.

She coughed, scattering warm droplets across the floor. Looks like I?m dying too.

The pine marten stumbled on paws of lead, staggering back towards the side tunnel. A glistening trail of saliva spilled from the corner of her lip. She was briefly infuriated by this, and tension stiffened her neck. She wanted to bite things, sink her fangs into something soft and warm, let the blood well up around her gums. Maybe then they would stop itching. She tried to maneuver her lips against them, but the itch did not subside.

Eliza growled at nothing specific, letting the bass tones rumble along the passageway. She could feel the blind fury lurking at the back of her mind, searching for a way in.

Can?t let that happen.

She?d seen what happened when the fury took hold, watched the infected beasts die in battle, their bloodlust and fury driving them into the enemy spearpoints without a second thought. Then the stupid squirrel had gone insane, and the dormouse, and Revel. Eliza had snapped right back at them, and, just for a moment, things had been a blur of instinct and irrational reaction. Somehow, she?d managed to stagger upright, grab the torch. Somehow she?d found control. Without control, there was nothing but tooth and claw.

Everything seared to the touch, and somehow it was also wet. Everything tasted of warm saliva and dripping blood. Though the filter of torchlight, everything was a portrait in black and amber. It was as though she?d somehow slipped from the tunnel and wandered straight into the Hellgates.

She wearily rounded a bend in the tunnel, and broke into a sort of lurching half-run. The delta?s close. It has to be.

The craggy walls became a blur, whistling past Eliza?s head as she picked up speed. Her breath came in ragged gasps, trying to fuel the unquenchable fire in her lungs. The torch flickered, barely able to illuminate the curves in the tunnel in time for her to negotiate them.

Adrenaline rushed into veins, stomping down the pain. She felt invincibly strong, though in the periphery of Eliza?s mind she was dimly aware that she was very, very ill. Her paw struck an outlying stone, and a current of rage surged into her consciousness. Every stone was hostile, every shadow an enemy to be crushed and shredded apart in her claws. She wanted to kill, and shred, and ravage, and... No! Run!

She ran, trying to shut out everything.

Out of the darkness, two pathways opened up. Eliza slowed, panting. Her chest was on fire.

Which way?

There was a faint blackish line scrawled along the wall of the tunnel on the right. Staccato thoughts blipped across her mind. Black line. Revel. Not that way.

She started down the left passageway, and suddenly, everything went black. Well, not everything. The torch was still burning, it just didn?t, for some reason, cast any actual light. She could see herself, but nothing around her. She looked down. Her footpaws appeared to be standing on nothing at all. Somehow... that didn?t seem odd. It was as though it had always been that way. She couldn?t remember it not being that way, come to think of it. 

?Hello, Eliza.?

No. It can?t be. It can?t possibly be...

The ferret?s eyebrow arched in an expression which could have been amorous or amused. It was hard to tell, underneath the crusted blood.

Eliza staggered back. ?Verand??

A wicked smile split the ferret?s ragged whiskers, revealing a mass of cracked fangs. ?Miss me??

She didn?t say anything. Couldn?t.

Verand casually flicked some dried blood from his claws. ?I thought not.?

Noting her expression, the ferret adopted a querying tone. ?Oh, but you thought I was dead? Please, lass. What a preposterously ignorant conclusion, even if it is completely unsurprising, coming from you. I?m very much alive, despite the valiant efforts of yourself and my former ?Captain.??

How could he possibly be alive? Venril said he was dead, said he?d disposed of the body...

Verand smiled knowingly. ?Mmm, but that insipid little twerp could hardly be expected to do things right. It takes a special level of incompetence to murder somebeast incorrectly, wouldn?t you say??

I would, too. Eliza grimaced, staring at the hideous ferret. His face was a mass of bruises and scabbed-over lacerations. Verand?s pupils were large and dark, and she could clearly make out the reflection of her torch, burning deep within his eyes.

He clapped hollowly. ?Incidentally, I owe you a ?Brava,? my dear. You really are quite an exquisite actress. I did truly believe that you fancied me, right up until dear old Venril dropped a slab of rock on my head. Imagine my surprise when my intended paramour began hurling insults at me, punctuated with a series of rather churlish little kicks.?

?I...?

?It?s too late for ?I?m sorry,? Eliza. Besides, you?re not sorry in the slightest.?

?I wasn?t going to say-?

?Yes you were.?   

?How did you-?

Verand rolled his eyes. ?You are, despite my previous mistake, disgustingly predictable. Incidentally, you would ask, ?What am I going to say now?? except that I just said that you would, so now you won?t.?

?What-?

?...Except that you?re a contrary little wench and will say it anyway. Don?t try to be clever. It doesn?t become you.?

Eliza harrumphed at him. ?What do you want, Verand??

?Besides the obvious?? The dark pupils twinkled lecherously. ?Oh, I suppose I want revenge, probably. Who cares what I want? What you want, on the other paw, is far more interesting. Tell me, Eliza, what do you want??

I don?t know what your stupid game is, ferret, but I don?t want any part of it. ?I want you to get out of my way.?

?Stop evading the question, my dear.?

Anger boiled in Eliza?s throat. ?I?m not-?

?Yes,? Verand said firmly. ?You are. You always do, when the question is too difficult.?

Eliza shifted awkwardly. This conversation had taken an incredibly uncomfortable turn. She should run away. Would have, actually, if there?d been any semblance of an ?away? to run to.

?Tell me what you want, Eliza.?

?Why do you care what I want? Other than the fact that you?re a creepy, predatory marauder??

For just a brief moment, he looked... concerned. ?Because you don?t know what you want.?

Eliza curled her lip disdainfully. ?Of course I know what I want! I want to get some miserable little mushrooms so that I can prevent myself from dying.?

?To what end??

?To the end of continuing to live, thank you very much.? 

?And, chasing the pathway of that thought to its logical destination, you want to go home. But, what in the Hellgates for? Do you honestly think that the stuffed-shirt vassals of pomp and circumstance will welcome you back? You?re nothing but a wretched, contemptible, hideously scar-faced little baseborn tramp. Look at Eliza Lacrimosa, they?ll say. Look at how wretched she is. How miserable.?

?Shut your mouth, ferret,? Eliza growled.

?How pathetic!?

Eliza screamed at him. ?Shut up!?

The ferret?s voice rose in pitch, his accusations clanging and bonging in her ears. ?How hideous! How pitiful!?

?Shut up!? she shrieked again.

Verand?s voice became smooth again. ?They?ve always said it, Eliza, and you?ve always been able to write it off as the jealous griping of the envious. But, now that you?re hideous, you?ve got to face the possibility that maybe, just maybe, they?ve been right about you all along.?

The ferret?s words struck Eliza like a slaver?s lash. ?No,? she whispered.

?Yes. Stop pretending, Eliza Lacrimosa. Do yourself a favor and, just this once, be honest with yourself. You don?t want to go home. You?re afraid to.?

?Eliza??

Eliza turned. Revel was ambling towards her, one claw busily rooting up her nose.

?Revel? Where did you come from??

?I followed you down the tunnel, actually.? The stoat snorted mightily, examined her sticky clawtip, then licked it. Smacking her lips, Revel looked about with obvious confusion. ?Who were you talking to??

?I was talking to... him.? The last word came out with entirely too much hesitation. Verand grinned.

Revel blinked. ?To who??

?Verand.? The ferret waved condescendingly.

Small wrinkles furrowed Revel?s snout. ?There?s nobeast there, Eliza.?

Eliza exploded. ?Of course there is! He?s right there! He?s waving at you, you idiot!?

Revel stiffened as if she?d been struck. ?How dare you! You stupid, insignificant wretch!?

?What?? Eliza?s tail bristled.

The stoat?s face was hard and mean. ?You?re an idiot! Verand isn?t here! There?s nobeast there!?

?Don?t be a fool! He?s ?? She looked back. Verand smiled at her. 

?You?re hallucinating.?

Eliza was momentarily surprised. Polysyllabic words had always seemed hopelessly beyond Revel?s grasp. The stoat could only have picked up a gem like ?hallucinating? after several seasons of constant repetition. But she was definitely not seeing things. Verand was there ? right bloody there! ? and Eliza said so.

?No, he?s not.?

?Watch this, then, Flabgut!? To illustrate her point, Eliza snatched up a small rock, and hurled it at the grinning ferret. It passed right through him. Verand regarded this incident with an indifferent blink. 

Eliza gawped. This... this doesn?t make sense.

?Of course it doesn?t make sense!? Revel butted in. ?You?re going mad! The stupid disease is getting into your head.? 

?No!? Eliza protested.

Revel folded her arms doubtfully.

No... it?s... it can?t be...

?Revel?? called out another voice. ?Eliza??

?Leftenant??

The battle-scarred dormouse stumped into view. ?Hmph,? she sniffed, as though she wanted to chastise the pair of them for leaving her behind, but had since thought better of it.

Eliza nodded a welcome to the Leftenant. The dormouse glared back. ?Do you have any idea how hard it was to catch up to you in the dark??

Revel sniffed, paws akimbo. ?I?d watch out if I were you. Eliza?s talking to invisible beasts.?

The dormouse gave Eliza a dubious smirk. ?Really??

?I am not! I was talking to Verand.?

?Verand?s dead, Eliza.?

Verand began laughing.

?No!? Eliza felt like strangling the pair of them. ?He?s standing right there!? 

The dormouse?s face softened. ?Eliza... are you having hallucinations??

Eliza stared at the void where Verand had been. She couldn?t really be mad... could she? Wouldn?t she know if she was insane? Everything was confusing. ?I... I don?t know. I might be.?

?She was,? said Revel.

The Leftenant shook her head. ?No, Eliza. I mean right now. Are you hallucinating??

Eliza stared curiously at the dormouse, as the pieces of a very odd puzzle began to click into place. ?How did you get here??

The woodlander sniffed airily. ?I followed you and Revel, back the way that we came.?

?But I was running. You two couldn?t possibly have caught up with me this quickly.?

Revel waved a dismissive paw. ?We ran too.?

?In total darkness, you ran, without running into anything? For that matter, why weren?t either of you breathing hard?? 

The dormouse frowned. ?What does that have to do with anything??

She?s evading the question. ?You?re not actually here, are you??

The Leftenant began to sputter an argument, but Eliza cut her off. ?What?s your name, dormouse??

?Leftenant,? the dormouse huffed.

?No. Your real name.?

?I...?

Eliza smiled triumphantly. ?You don?t know it!?

?...Because you don?t know it,? the dormouse finished. ?And if I?m a figment of your imagination, I only know what you know. And that?s why Verand knew everything that you were going to say.?

?And why I know how to speak polysyllabic words without sounding like an idiot,? said Revel.

?You?re not real...? Eliza whispered.

Revel and the Leftenant grinned.

And suddenly she was alone.

Just ahead of her, the tunnel opened up, into a cavern.

Her head was pounding like blazes. The adrenaline had gone, and her various injuries began to throbbingly bemoan its absence. Eliza stumbled into the opening, holding a paw to her aching ribs. Water splished about her paws.

This new cave was huge. Its roof arched up beyond the reach of the torch, but there was a dim ray of light, filtering down through the gloom. She couldn?t quite make out its source.

In the radiant shaft, there was a large chunk of stone, which, when she looked at it just right, matched up with the crags of a rock formation behind it to form... a bird. Eliza approached it. It looked, actually, a bit like Damask. Or rather, how Damask might look with no wings, and a calcified slab of rock where the bill ought to be, and with a curvy sort of neck, like serpents had. Duck, burbled her thoughts. ?s a duck. Stone. Stone duck. Mushrooms.

Her ears were full of clanging and dripping. Her paws were unstable, causing her to sway slightly. She sank to her knees, and the moisture soaked into the front of her skirt. She felt very tired.

Nono. Mushrooms. Need ?em. Gotta gettem.

She forced herself up, staggering towards the rocks. They had to be here somewhere.

Verand appeared, leaning casually against a bit of geological avian anatomy. ?Give it up, Eliza. Just go to sleep.?

She wanted to. Hellgates, she wanted to. But the mushrooms were here. Had to be. Somewhere by the stupid ruddy duck, they should be...

There.

Just at the edge of the sunlight, a few blue-speckled sentinels rose from the lichen and stones. She snatched one up, and, as a momentary warning blared in her head, checked the gills. Yellow. Safe.

She ate it.

It was grubby and dirty, it smelt of dank caverns and musty squalor, and it tasted like dirt. She didn?t care. She ate another, and another.

?You think this is real?? Verand said.

Eliza nodded, her mind beginning to slowly descend from the heights of panic. ?If it were a dream,? she decided, ?the mushrooms would taste better.?

He smiled, and began to fade away. ?Clever.?

?I always am.?

=~=~=~=~=

Eliza?s footpaws still ached, as she headed down the passageway, following Revel?s scrawl. Her chest still felt bruised and crushed. Her throat was still miserably raw. But she was alive. And there were things to do.

The torch crackled. She?d tried feeding it some little bits of moss, but there hadn?t been much that was dry. She kept it alive with some bits of material torn from the hem of her skirts, which the fire devoured instantly. Watching the fabric curl and burn had been a remarkably sobering experience.

In her other paw, the pine marten clutched a small clump of mushrooms. Not enough to cure all of the rabble, but it?ll do for Revel and the dormouse.

She hesitated. ...Assuming they?re alive. Assuming they?re not howling and drooling and that they don?t try to tear my face off the second that I come around the bend.

Biting her lip, Eliza tip-pawed to the corner. No snarling phantasms leapt from the blackness. The torchlight caught the two figures, sitting slumped with their backs to opposite walls, right where they had fallen. They didn?t appear to be moving.

There was a faint snuffling sound coming from the shadows.

Eliza edged closer. Her footpaw encountered something small and furry. It let out a plaintive mewl. She lowered the torch. One of Revel?s kits twitched its nose at her.

?Stupid,? Revel murmured, eyes still closed.

Eliza looked up. ?What??

?Told ?em t?go, but they just totter ?round an? whine. Stupid things.?

?Revel,? Eliza said patiently, ?wake up. I found the mushrooms.?

?Don?t wannem. Want otters.?

Eliza smacked her across the face. ?Take the mushroom!?

Revel?s eyes snapped open, and she rubbed her jaw. ?Why??

?Because you need it. It?ll make you better.?

Glowering, Revel took the fungus and chewed it up. ?Tastes yucky.?

?I know.?

?M?head ?urts.?

?You?ll feel better soon,? Eliza tossed back, turning to the dormouse. The woodlander?s head lolled to the side. A long tendril of drool hung from her chin.

?Dormouse,? Eliza tried, shaking the Leftenant?s shoulder.

One reddened eyelid slowly cracked open. ?Freyr.?

Eliza paused.

?Freyr,? the dormouse said again, staring into empty space.

?Okay... Freyr. I got the mushrooms. Here.?

The dormouse sighed absently, her ears drooped. One frail paw took the mushroom. The Leftenant chewed slowly.

Eliza attempted to fill the stretching silence. ?So... your name is Freyr.?

The dormouse shook her head.

?No??

Another shake. ?Mm-mm. Bellona.?

?Bellona.?

That?s a nice name, Eliza thought, easing herself to the ground.

You know what else is nice? Sitting. It would be nice to sit here for a while. She closed her eyes. A long while.