Everybody's Screaming For The Encore...

[Eliza Lacrimosa]

Apostol?s northern forest was always dark, here. Even in the middle of the day. Things thinned out a bit further on, near the clifftops. The trees shrank back from the unstable rocks there, because there wasn?t enough soil for them to establish durable roots. Here, though, the leaves and needles choked out the light. Eliza could barely see her paw in front of her face. She?d chosen this dell specifically for the darkness, and also for the remote location. Nobeast from Apostol came up here, unless they had to.

Pawsteps crunched through the leaves.

?Hello?? called out a feminine voice, descending to an amorous purr. ?Are you there, Johnny??

Eliza smiled. The note had worked, perfectly.

?Jonathan?? the voice called again, this time with a trace of annoyance.

Eliza stepped into the open. ?Jonathan?s not here, Parvati.?

?Lacrimosa?? the ferret hissed. ?Where is he??

Eliza noted the ferret maid?s attire with satisfaction. Lace, and not a lot of it. Harlot.

She adopted a tone of mild innocence. ?He?s at home, I expect. Or, possibly, he?s out hunting for wild curlew. Clayten De Lorenzo and some fellows are going out to the north forest for them, and he told me that he was thinking of joining them.?

?You wrote the note asking me to come up here, didn?t you? You wretched little tramp!?

Eliza raised a mental eyebrow. Parvati had put two and two together remarkably fast given that she could never figure out which spoon to use for desserts.

?Yes, I did. I wanted to talk to you. Alone.?

The ferret sniffed nastily. ?About what??

Eliza took a deep breath. ?I want you to leave Jonathan alone.?

Parvati gave a snort of derision. ?Oh, really. Is that all? You dragged me all the way up to the northern forest to tell me that you want me to stop making eyes at the most eligible male in Apostol? This is a new level of pathetic, even for you.?

?I?m being rather kind,? Eliza said patiently. Kinder than a prissy wench like you deserves. ?I could have let you wander around up here in that flimsy little nightdress until dusk, and then, as an added bonus, sent the Guard up here to fetch you back. I rather think Captain Heidik would enjoy watching you try to explain what you were doing tramping about the forest in your underclothes, hmm? Instead, I?m asking you politely. Leave him alone.?

The ferret huffed, brushing some pine needles from her bodice. ?What?s it to you, anyway? Unless... Oh...? Parvati smiled wickedly. ?Oh, I see it now. You?re jealous.?

?Don?t be stupid.?

?You?re blushing. You fancy him yourself!? Parvati broke into high-pitched mocking laughter.

?Shut up!? Eliza snapped.

?Really, Eliza. Such uncouth language! Though I suppose that?s to be expected, due to your, shall we say, ?humble? origins. But, really, my dear girl, you and Jonathan? He?s a ferret. You?re a pine marten. Do I really need to explain the intricacies to you??

?You don?t love him!? The words were out of her mouth before she could clamp it shut.

Parvati smirked and turned away, swishing her tail at Eliza. ?I?ll be going now. And, since you?ve been so kind, I?ll do you the monumental favor of waiting to tell the other girls about this embarrassing little scene until tomorrow night?s ball. Though I rather doubt you?ll be attending, since Apostol seems to be fresh out of males desperate enough to court you.?

Eliza leapt at her, claws bared.

With an outraged cry, the ferret struck Eliza between the ears. She clung on, wrestling Parvati to the ground. The harlot broke free, and ran... in the wrong direction. Towards the cliffs.   

Eliza gave chase. The branches clawed at her neck as she ran, scratching against her throat like... like... paws.

Her eyes snapped open.

Something clawed at her neck again. Eliza shrieked, and struck out. Her paw connectedly solidly with something small and soft. It let out a sharp mewl.

Eliza sat bolt upright. One of Revel?s kits writhed on the bunk, stubby little paws flailing.

Hellgates.

Six days, she?d been forced to live with this indignity. After an impassioned discussion with Captain Urgly, Eliza had managed to procure a room in the hull for herself. However, she?d been forced to share it with Revel and her savage companion, which almost made the prospect of sleeping in a cramped hammock among the brigands a desirable option. Revel had plopped her little maggots into a sagging chest of drawers next to Eliza?s bunk, and the little wretches had kept her up half the night, every night, with their squealing and scrabbling. And now one had crawled onto her bed. She frowned at it.

Eliza looked at the other bunks. Despite her shriek, the moronic stoats both appeared to still be sleeping. She gingerly picked up the squirming little monster. It mewled again, and tried to bite her. Eliza plunked it in with the other two, who were sniffing and tottering shakily about in the drawer. All three of them began mewling in chorus.

Revel began snuffling. Eliza elected to vacate the premises before the moronic stoat woke up.

She wearily made her way to the deck, recoiling as the harsh morning sun beamed into her eyes. The pine marten leaned casually against the rough wooden deck rail, looking about for any sign of land. The sun peered down from a wreath of whispy clouds, casting a golden sheen upon the shimmering sea. Some beasts, ignorant and stupid ones, probably, would have said it was beautiful.

?Wotcher lookin? at??

Eliza turned from the deck. Some filthy little wharf dweller, probably one of Captain Urgly?s minions, grinned at her.

She stared pointedly down her snout. ?Go away.?

?Wot??

?I said, ?go away,? you greasy little snot-snouted...? Eliza paused. Stoat? Weasel? Ferret? ?...thing.?

?Why?? The wretch inserted a grimy claw into his ear and twisted it. Something brown trickled out.

?Because I don?t enjoy talking to snivelling little deckswabs, that?s why.?

?Sod you, then,? the urchin grunted, and squelched off.

?Bit harsh on him there, lass.?

In Eliza?s peripheral vision, a rangy hare leaned casually against the rail.

Eliza sniffed. ?He?s a disgusting bit of wharf rubbish.?

The hare nodded sagely. ?Aye, most of these blighters are. But, I s?pose he was only jawin? at you because you looked so flippin? lonely.?

Despite her better judgment, Eliza took the bait. ?Do I, now??

?Pardon me for sayin? so, but, yes. Starin? out at the bally sun, with a look on your gob like a forlorn frog who?s lost his newt.? He extended an oversized paw. ?Quentin Quincey Quinton, at your service.?

Eliza stared doubtfully at him, not returning the pawshake. ?Quentin... Quincy Quinton?? That has got to be the most ridiculous name I?ve ever heard. 

?Quinc-ey Quinton. With an ?e,? doncha know. My old mater, y?see, had five leverets all in one go, one after the bally other, and just when they thought it was over, whoops, out came lil? ol? me. ?Look at that,? said the midwife ? though not quite like that, on account of her bein? a bally mole ? ?that one?s right on cue.? Course, my mum was hard of hearin?, and she thought they said ?Q.? Like the letter, y?see. So they named me all in Q?s, and only found out the truth later.?

Eliza blinked, slowly. Oh Fates, he?s a story-teller.

?Rest of the family?s got the last name Rosenberger. Bally odd, that.?

?How nice for them,? Eliza said, regaining her stride. 

?And you?d be...? he said, leadingly.

?Not in the mood for a conversation.?

The hare scratched his nose pensively. ?Well, if not a conversation, surely you?d be keen on gettin? yourself some brekkers??

?Brekkers?? Eliza repeated incredulously.

?Yep,? Quentin said, smiling. ?Can?t abide the thought of a lonely lass wastin? away to nothing.?

?Really.?

She couldn?t have poured more sarcasm into the sentence with a ladle. Quentin didn?t appear to notice and kept right on droning. ?Aye, that?s me lot in life. Noble, gallant hare, got to keep the perishin? beauties fed, wot??

As if on cue, Eliza?s stomach grumbled. ?No, thank you,? she said, cursing her traitorous innards.

The pine marten turned away, attempting to become fascinated by the wretched dawn. After an uncomfortable interval, she spoke without turning around. ?You?re still there, aren?t you??

Eliza could hear the grin on Quentin?s face. ?Yep!?

She rounded on him, jabbing a finger into his chest. ?Leave me alone, you buck-toothed lout!?

The grin didn?t waver. ?Come now, Button Mum. I?m only tryin? to be friendly.?

?What?? Eliza spat. ??Button Mum???

Quentin?s eyes twinkled merrily. ?Oh, aye. ?Button Mum.? You wouldn't introduce your-bally-self, wot, so I thought Button Mum was a spiffin' title. Y?see, there?s a flower called the button mum. Beautiful little thing, blooms a lovely shade of green, just like that dress you?re wearing.?

?Do not call me Button Mum,? Eliza said frostily.

??Fraid I?ll have to, marm, unless, of course, you were t?give me your real name...?

?You?re an idiot.?

?That?s a silly name.?

?Look, Bucky. I don?t want to have breakfast with you. I don?t want to talk to you. I don?t want to be friends with you. I don?t even want to look at you. So why don?t you just hippity-hop along and find yourself somebeast else to annoy?? 

?Right, well, I?ll nip along, then, an? leave you to your winsome starin?. But ?twould be a horrible shame if you were to miss out on eatin?. Ol? flabferret?s got t?gether with the cook for these Proklyan chappies, and they?re cookin? up a storm.?

Eliza watched him saunter off.

She waited, until it seemed that enough time had gone by that not even an idiot like Quentin would believe that she?d decided to follow him. Then she waited a bit longer, just to be on the safe side. Her stomach gurgled again as she picked her way across the deck.

A tantalizing aroma was wafting up from the galley. Eliza followed it into the aptly-named mess area, where an assortment of green-clad vermin were stuffing their faces.

Kirby bustled by with a soup cauldron, and began ladling into a weasel?s bowl. ?Right, messmates, we got gull eggs, cooked light?n?fluffy, an? we?ve got breakfast stew made outta last night?s supper stew wi? some new bits added, an? biscuits without any weevils in.? 

Eliza managed to obtain a portion of eggs, and made her way to a relatively empty section of table. She scooped up a small yellowed bit, and to her surprise, they were very well done. She chewed slowly, savoring the taste.

Quentin?s shadow loomed over her. ?Mind if I sit down, wot??

?I do, actually.?

?Capital!? he said, depositing himself on the bench beside her. ?I always say, it?s a horrible shame for a lady to dine alone. Got to say, though, I?m surprised you didn?t sit with that stoat friend of yours.?

At another table, Revel was dunking one of her kits into the stew in an apparent attempt to get it to drink.

?She?s not my friend.?

?Really? I would?ve thought, after all you lasses had been through you?d be thick as thieves, if you?ll pardon the expression.?

?She?s thick as a stump. That?s why we?re not friends.? In fact, Eliza thought, as her mind conjured up an image of Venril, I rather think that pine martens and stoats make for a wretched combination.

Some time after that, a green-clad searat clomped down the steps, proclaiming that the lookouts had spotted Crittenden off the port bow. Eliza grimaced, as relief and trepidation fought each other in her mind. Crittenden, the scummy little port town where all of this madness started.

From Crittenden, she could catch another ship, which would take her back to Apostol.

It was time to go home.