If I Had a Hammer

[Bellona Littlebrush]

"Nowhere to look, but inside
where we all respond to
pressure!"


"Nona! Birch! Rugger! Fox! To me!" Bell hollered as the Srechrrl began to close in on all sides. She'd seen Venril fall -- not unexpected, but still inconvenient -- and now nobeast defended their right side. Curse his incompetence.

Thrust up and left. Pull right. A weasel cried piteously as he fell to the ground, a diagonal slash pouring blood across his upper torso. Take the shaft hit, pull, and duck under, then slice up. Bell liberated a ferret's paw from its owner and sent it sailing through the air, still gripping his spear. He shrieked and back pedaled, flailing wildly at his comrades and causing three to trip and fall back in a heap.

The dormouse was about to rush forward and start attacking the others further on when she recalled the situation. She swore. This sort of fighting was not Bell's specialty. She liked to be able to move through the enemy ranks and cause chaos, not have to defend one position -- not that it would matter much at this point. She saw no real escape for the ever-dwindling search party; could only hope that Medjool was more honorable than Eliza and managed to get the mushrooms to the surface.

Cutting open a rat's face, the warrior chanced a look behind and saw, to her chagrin, that it was only the marten stuffing mushrooms into a bag. The lizard had vanished.

Cowardly blackguard!

Bell redoubled her efforts, stabbing a ferret in the stomach and twisting her dirk mercilessly before kicking him off and back into the mob. She was going to die here -- die defending a marten that she hated, a fox that she loathed, and three creatures that she had known for less than a fortnight. The latter three, were, of course, less pathetic to die for, but Eliza and Matukhana? It made her fur crawl to think of it.

"Iyi!" A voice rose above the growls, clicks, and screams. "Srechrrl! Arreck!"

The vermin, quite abruptly, froze in place. Bell took the opportunity to gut a weasel who had managed to skin part of her shoulder with his axe. He fell, but no others moved to avenge him.

"Well, well, well!" the same voice, now comprehensible, sounded from above and to the left. Bell, Matukhana, Rugger, Nona, and Birch looked over. Eliza had the good sense to continue collecting whatever mushrooms she could get her filthy claws on. "I didn't expect such a diverse group to come looking for her..." A pine marten stood on one of the ledges scattered throughout the cavern. He was clad in the furs of other creatures. Beside him stood a vixen, dressed as his equal.

"The slavers, I presume?" Bell intoned as the marten was opening his maw once more.

"Our reputations precede us, love," he grinned at his female companion and descended from the ledge with a graceful leap. The Srechrrl scattered to make room for him and pulled away with an almost pious reverence as he approached the spot where Venril's corpse lay. He nudged the stoat's body with a footclaw and managed to turn it over. Venril's head lolled to one side while the contents of his stomach spilled out and slicked the stone. One of his arms had gone missing during the battle.

"Blast. This simply won't do." The marten whirled on the Srechrrl who all fell back. "Ri skweck vikvi? Chakan!" Nobeast spoke, so Bell decided to.

"Look, marten, we just want to?"

"Yes, yes." He waved a paw dismissively, curling a lip into a sneer. "I know what you want and I just came to tell you that she'll be perfectly fine. I'll be taking care of Eliza and her kits from now on, so you needn?t worry your little heads in Dark Forest over her condition."

"What?" Eliza had stopped being sensible and now stood, glaring at the male marten. "You are not taking care of me and I most certainly do not have kits!"

The male blinked a few times. "You're Eliza?"

"Of course, I am, Furball! Eliza Lacrimosa." She flicked her tail and raised her chin.

"Yes, an' we're very proud o' 'er," Matukhana interjected, grimacing in pain. "Now why don' ye tell us wha' yer blabbin' on about, cully."

"Kelly," the marten called, looking back and forth between Matukhana and Eliza, "I do believe I've found our mirror doubles. Only... it seems they've been thrice whacked with a stick of hideousness."

"Hah! I see what you mean, Adriak," Kelly descended from the ledge in much the same way as her partner and approached. "Oh, but see how they have matching scars on their faces. Isn't that romantic?"

Bell could see the retort forming in Eliza's mouth as her chest puffed out and her tail bristled. "We're not here to save anyone named Eliza, we just want the mushrooms," the dormouse preempted the loathsome marten.

Adriak quirked an eyebrow. "You came to this cavern not once, but twice for the sake of a bit of soup?" He snorted.

"No." Bell bared her teeth at the smug blackguard. If he took any notice of her hostility, he gave no indication. "We came to find the cure to the plague those cursed Fritterik gave us."

"You've all caught the plague?" Kelly asked, curious.

"Aye. An' we're tryin' t'be rid o' it, Scrubrush," Nona rejoined. "S'leave us alone an' we'll catch the next wind blowin' outta here."

"Interesting," Adriak commented, and then snapped his claws.

"Look ou?!" A spear connected with Bell's head before she could finish her warning.

= ~ = ~ =

Dirk. Bell's first thought upon awakening as she reached a paw down to her side. Unfortunately, the weapon was gone, along with her knife. The dormouse groaned and opened her eyes. She saw that she was in some sort of mini-cave that had only one entrance with a weasel Srechrrl standing guard. He glared at Bell, but did not move to attack when the dormouse raised herself to her footclaws.

Captured with an angry, unintelligible vermin... lovely.

"Funny-lookin' mouse."

Talking of trouble...

"Ugly-looking stoat."

Of all the creatures she had expected to wake in a room with underground, Revel was not one of them. In fact, what was the stoat even doing here? Bell looked around until she saw the vermin huddled in one corner, paws bound, coat laid out beneath her, and dress squirming -- doubtlessly filled with her sightless, pink spawn.

Just as Bell was about to inquire as to how Revel had been captured and if she had any weapons on her -- slim chance though that might be -- the stoat began talking.

"D'you remember what you said to Venril, about 'im knowin' where kits come from?" Revel asked.

"Yes." Bell mentally added 'oblivious to more pressing matters' to her list of Revel descriptors.

"They came from inside me," the stoat whispered slowly.

"...Yes."

"But 'ow did they get there?" She sounded genuinely confused. "It's like... I didn't eat no stoat eggs or nothin', so they didn't 'atch inside me an' then come out..."

"You..." It was a bit horrifying, a creature like this giving birth. "You really don't know, do you?"

Shaking her head, Revel said, "I was gonna ask Venril but I didn' see 'im get brought in." She motioned toward the mini-cave entrance that looked out onto a larger room with some sort of carved throne in the middle.

Bell fell quiet for a moment, thinking. She didn't particularly like Revel or feel any sort of obligation to inform her of the 'facts of life'. However, having a creature so painfully ignorant -- the dormouse shook her head.

"Stoat, I don't know why your mum never told you this, but there?re certain things we all learn when we're old enough..." She spoke slowly, plainly, and Revel's expression grew more and more horrified with each passing word.

"I'm gonna kill Nivard!" the stoat's outraged cry cut off the dormouse's awkward explanation halfway through. "'Cept 'e's already dead! Oooh, I'm gonna kill Venril, then! I knew I shouldn'ta hugged 'im! It's all 'is fault, they came out right after that!"

"That's..." Bell held up a paw to stop the idiotic vermin. "That's not how... It doesn't work like?"

"An' then I'm gonna kill... whoever touches me next! No, no, I won't let 'em touch me. That's so... so... so stupid! Males are so stupid! They shouldn't be allowed t'do that t'me!"

The stoat kicked her bound footpaws angrily.

"But where do kits come from inside them? H'come I'm th'one who gets fat? If th'kits come from them, why aren't..." Revel stopped, eyes staring wide. "Oohh. That's h'come I never seen any female ferrets around Kirby!"

Before Bell could even begin to form a response to this lunacy, the guard barked, "Chakan ihnin!" Revel fell into a seething silence and the weasel came forward, warding the dormouse off with his spear and reaching for the stoat's chains with his free paw. Bell briefly considered grabbing the spear and using it to brain him while he was preoccupied with Revel -- she kept trying to bite him as he unlocked her manacles. Glancing out into the larger cavern dismissed the tactic from her mind, though. Several other Srechrrl guards had emerged from additional mini-cave recesses, bringing with them her fellow prisoners. If she had had her dirk, she might have chanced it, but she was only a dab-paw with a spear. They'd kill her long before she had a chance to free the others and run... somewhere else.

The guard finally succeeded in freeing Revel and pulling her to her footpaws. The stoat snarled, "Don' touch me!" at him and grabbed at her stomach to hold the squirming mass beneath her clothing in place. She picked up her coat, put it on, then began pulling kits from under her dress and stuffing them into the pockets. The weasel pointed out to the larger room with his spear.

"Shrip go," he commanded.

Bell strode out, taking in the new environment while the Srechrrl poked along a reluctant Revel. This new place had many entrances and exits, though she suspected most were just recessed chambers like the one she and the stoat had been held in. Eying the throne, Bell moved toward it to get a better look, but a paw grabbed her before she could get very far.

It was Adriak. He dug his claws into her wounded shoulder, but Bell refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her in pain. She spat in his face and he smiled before releasing her shoulder and back-pawing her.

"Vex me not, my dear," he said, moving past her and seating himself atop the furs piled on the throne, "or I shall have your most peculiar tail sooner rather than later." Bell picked herself up from where she had fallen and retreated to Birch and Rugger.

"Weapons?" she muttered. Both creatures shook their heads. A few moments later, Eliza and Matukhana were shoved forward to stand with them while Revel sulked behind.

"So, here we all are," Adriak began.

"Where's Nona?" Bell demanded. The otter was only conspicuous in her absence.

"Hmm?" Adriak hummed, smirking. "Would that be your little otter friend? Where is that delicious riverdog, then, love?" He looked past the search party and Bell followed his gaze to the vixen.

"Oh, I thought I could use a new skirt," she replied blithely. "After all, you're getting your ermine vest soon. It only seemed fair. And I thought we could celebrate our guests with an extra special meal tonight."

Blackguards! Bell's hackles rose at the implication. Nona had been slaughtered for her fur and flesh. What kind of sick, twisted creatures were they dealing with here?

"Of course, of course." The marten licked his lips. "Now, there's the matter of these mushrooms?"

"Oi!" Birch's cry set the dormouse's senses tingling as she prepared to fight. "That's my hammer!" The squirrel pointed accusingly at a stolen tool on Adriak's belt. She tried to rush forward, but two Srechrrl guards held her, then a third joined them when that wasn't enough, followed by a fourth and fifth so that all of the squirrel's writhing limbs were pinned to the ground.

"Quite a bit of spirit in that one," the marten commented, nodding his approval. "But enough of that for the moment. Now, tell me who the leader of your little band is so we can have a chat about where things are to go from here."

"I am," two voices rose in unison. Bell shot Matukhana a poisonous glare. He refused to look away. So, she did what came naturally: she attacked the split-faced, scraggly-brushed Chickenhound.

Bell leapt at Matukhana, clinging to his side and using her sharp claws to score his festering face anew. The dogfox howled in agony and managed to throw her off; the dormouse was ready. On the ground, she swept a leg around, catching the corsair's footpaws and causing him to trip and fall. Bell used the second it took for the vulpine to right himself to climb onto his back and begin scratching at his face again.

"Enough!" Adriak cried and the dormouse felt herself hauled off and away from Matukhana before she could gouge his eyes out. The captain remained on the ground a moment, and then managed to pull himself up, shaking with pain and, presumably, anger.

"I make the decisions," Bell informed the grinning marten. She felt her blood pumping hot in her veins, but kept her tone neutral. Matukhana did not object this time.

"Quite right!" Adriak sounded as if he were about to start giggling at any moment. "Then I should love to hear your decision on this matter: I have decided that the Srechrrl need a fuller cultural education about their master's world. I used to attend the gladiatorial matches in Southsward when I was procuring new stocks for the slavelines. Ah! Those were the days with the likes of Kerriden the Mace, Brikal the Seastorm, and Rath the Whirlwind. I sorely miss them. But, you know, my favorite matches were the free-for-all fights where the winner was the one beast left standing after five or six had entered the ring. Hah! What a thrill!

"I should enjoy watching such a fight again," he continued. "So, you have two options, darling: one, fight such a free-for-all with the winner gaining the mushrooms Kelly and I used to cure our sickness and free passage out of our territory, or two, refuse and die right here, right now. Of course, I expect you little woodlanders to fight and kill each other, as well. No team spirit here."

"We'll fight," Bell decided immediately. It was a simple choice and everybeast knew it. A mock battle bought them more time to think of a way out of this situation... and it also provided ample opportunity to dispatch some of the more troublesome members of their search party. "Will we have weapons?"

"I. Want. My. Hammer!" Birch snarled, then coughed.

"I'll think about that..." Adriak grinned, twirling the blacksmith's favored tool and weapon in one paw.