Absentem Laedit #### Ebrio qui Litigat

[Rexim]

...di, coeptis (nam vos mutastis et illas) 
adspirate meis primaque ab origine mundi
ad mea perpetuum deducite tempora carmen!
-Ovid, Metamorphisis

The light of the moon gently caressed the battlements of Kotir, tinging the sandstone a beautiful light pink. The light sparkled off the dewy grass into a million fractured rays, and the leafless trees sighed gently in the wind.

No one thought to ask nature why she had gone through so much trouble to beautify Kotir on this particular day; even if they had, she would not have deigned to reply. However, nature did in fact have a reason, one that would have been of special interest to the fox named Rexim. Unfortunately, he was engaged in other, more important affairs.

?...and you know what the worst part ees?? he asked as he waved a bottle at his companion.

The mink in question took a swig out of his own bottle before answering in the negative.

?No bloody veexeens! Can you belieeve eet? Teen bloody seasons away from home and I haveen?t laid eyes on a seengle female of my species.?

?Poor bugger.? The mink, who went by the name of Alan Blacktip, tried to pat the fox?s back sympathetically and missed.

?Aye.?

They lapsed into silence for a bit, then Alan asked, ?What exactly are we drinking, anyway? Tastes like bad vinegar.?

Rexim shrugged. ?So eet?s not just me theen. Good to know that I haveen?t completely keelled my seense of taste yet.?

He peered at the label and grinned. ?Heh, look at thees. Thees stuff would cost an arm and a leg back home.?

?Probably more for you, on account of missing parts,? snickered the mink.

?Oh, very bloody funny. What I?m sayeeng ees, they?re good for one theeng down een thees backwards hellhole. Wine. And that?s eet. I don?t theenk they eveen had houses before we arrived. Leeved een trees and that. They deed those crazy rats a favor by wipeeng theem out.?

?Say,? asked Alan, ?do you know if it?s morning yet??

?Doubt eet. Ees hard to tell down here, but I theenk we steell have a few hours to go. Why??

?Eh, I was just going to tell that Forst kit that I was going to ask that female mink he's been eyeing to go to the feast with me. It?s great watching him get all steamed up.?

?Don?t meention Forst een my preseence again,? said Rexim as he searched the racks of bottles for a more agreeable drink.

Alan drained the remainder of his bottle and asked, ?Oh? There some bad blood between you two??

?You could say that. Eet would be one huge, terreeble understatemeent, but baseecally true.? Rexim opened another bottle and took a sip, then grimaced.

?But I got heem een the eend,? he continued. ?Meester Forst doesneen?t know quite everytheeng about hees castle.?

?Are you by chance referring to that escape tunnel of yours?? asked Alan.

A bottle slipped out of Rexim?s paw and shattered on the floor. Thankfully, it wasn?t a very good one. ?How een the name of the almighty Lord Vulpuz deed you find out about eet??

The mink waved a paw. ?Radish knows everything.?

?I knew I should?ve keelled those slaves,? said the fox.

?I think the wolves might?ve had something to say about that.?

Rexim rubbed his chin. ?True. They have yet to compreheend some of the subtler points of the art of archeetcture.?

?Well, I?m off to get a couple hour's sleep. I?m going to need it for tomorrow,? said Alan, rising from the upturned barrel that he had been using as a seat.

?Here, take thees for later,? said Rexim, handing him a bottle. ?Real Southsward veentage. No idea where the wolves found eet.?

?Thanks, mate. See you around.? The mink ascended the cellar steps and went out of sight. Rexim turned back to the walls of bottles remaining in the cellar. He, on the other paw, had a few more things he needed to do tonight. Like find the location of that bottle of seventy-five-season old blackberry wine that he had seen on the cellarmaster?s expense reports.

***

Rexim stomped up the stairs, clutching the best bottle he?d been able to salvage. Thankfully, whoever had taken half the cellar for the feast didn?t have much of a sense of taste, because there were at least a few other bottles down there worth sampling. He had a feeling that he was going to need several stiff drinks later.

?Builder??

And there was one of the many reasons for the previous statement, right on cue. The fox slowly turned to face the speaker.

?Ahhh, Meestress Zacari. And what are you doeeng walkeening around the castle at thees time of night??

The wolf healer touched her forelock in greeting, but did not reply. The slow-worm curled around her neck answered for her. ?We could ask you the same question, Mister Rexim. But since you are here, I feel I should warn you that for yourself, the omens are not good.?

?I deed not graduate weeth honors from the Bueelder?s Gueeld to be takeen weeth your supersteetion, worm. Meestress, eef you have sometheeng to say to me, do eet without your? pet.?

Zacari held up a paw to forestall the reptile?s inevitable outburst. ?If you so desire, Builder. Salishan?s omens have been very troubling of late--?

?Water, Builder,? interrupted Salishan. ?That is what I see."

?And you bother me for that?? Rexim threw up his paws. ?Forst may have done an infeerior job bueelding thees castle, but notheeng short of the lakebed refeelling could posseebly be a probleem, and eet ees not eveen the proper season for floods. Tell your worm to peddle hees lies somewhere else.?

?If you will not heed our warnings, Builder," said Zacari, "then I apologize for upsetting you on this day of feast. We will be leaving now.?

You know, she?s not as bad as the others, thought Rexim as the odd pair headed off down the hall. Maybe if I could get that worm off her neck for a little while? A wolf is basically a fox anyway? He mentally slapped himself. You?re drunk, and you?ve been down here far too long. That?s just... disgusting. Like something Alan would do.

He happened to catch a glimpse of the moon through one of the rare barred windows and was suddenly aware of how tired he felt. It really was late. And while he didn?t technically have any official function at the feast, the only real work he had been given had been completed seasons before Tirian?s arrival, and he had a feeling that Mistress Ula would not be happy if he slept the whole day through.

On the other paw, his room was several flights of stairs from here, and he doubted he could handle that in his current condition. Rexim yawned and tripped over a floorstone, then decided not to get up again. While not as comfortable as his bed, it was here, and he was? so... very... tired.

The moonlight streaming through the window illuminated the fox?s slumbering form. Curled up in a dusty corner, he cradled the wine bottle like a doll and occasionally whimpered. As the saying goes, ?In pace requiescat!?