Remembering Can Be a Pain

[Tobias]

Toby gripped his sword tightly with rage. He tried to ignore Alan?s aggravating behavior, he really did, but every shortsighted thing he did kept building up until Toby didn?t know why anybeast had not called him out on it.

?Do you even know why we?re doing this?? Toby said, keeping his voice controlled.

?Absolutely,? Alan replied, ?because you can?t take that Adrian like me better.? He smirked.

?Not that! I mean why we?re still alive, Alan. Have you lost sight of that??

Alan twisted his sword by the hilt a few times. ?Of course not! I never have.?

?Are you sure? Because last time I checked, you retrieved your brother, who might as well be dead, in the middle of a battle, which risked your own and Rousseau?s life. It?s a miracle she was traded back!?

Toby wasn?t thinking about what he was saying, but he was sure it needed to be said. Maybe this was what Alan did.

?Why do you have to be so damn selfish, Alan? This isn?t about just you; it?s about all of us. There are five of us left, and we decide whether everyone lives or dies. I thought you?d begin to take that seriously, but you?ve continuously proven me wrong.?

Toby took a breath. He was surprised Alan hadn?t interrupted him. The captain?s eyes wished death upon him.

?I'm selfish? I'm the bloody selfish one?!? Alan yelled, stepping towards him. ?Yes, we're the ones who apparently decide whether everyone lives or dies, and forgive me if I think that Konnor is just as important as everyone else. What, Rousseau can run around like a kit playing hero and that's okay because she's saving beasts, but I rescue my own brother and I'm a sinner? No wonder your father abandoned you here to rot.?

Toby took a step forward as well, wanting to be in swinging range. ?My father did not leave me here to rot! He left because he knew I could take over for him, and once Kotir is finished I will go home. Unlike you, I?m actually putting in an effort to live so I can get out of here because if I knew I was going to die now, I might as well have died when I was sent to this wretched place! And you're making that a whole hell of a lot more difficult by putting everyone right in front of Hellgates a second time.?

Alan blinked in bewilderment. ?I'm the one putting beasts in front of Hellgates?! Who was it that almost got an entire platoon killed this morning from sheer idiocy?!?

Toby almost got himself killed, not the platoon, but that didn?t help his argument. ?It worked, didn't it? At least I was here to direct them.?

?Are you saying I can't do my job?? the captain said, then grinned. ?Because Adrian certainly seemed to think otherwise.?

Toby really hoped Alan was lying, he really couldn?t tell. The architect remained calm. The way Alan would lose this was getting out of control. All he had to do was outlast him.

?I?m saying that instead of doing your job you were distracted?as you often are?and in this case trying to get with Adrian, even though you have your own damn wife who is somewhere other than here for some reason. At her own choosing, perhaps??

?Leave Abigale out of this, she's none of your business!? Toby knew he hit a nerve by the other mink?s immediate response.

He hit the nerve again. ?She is if you?re trying to pursue Adrian because of her. Where is she, Alan? You still haven?t answered that.?

?I don't know. Curse you! As for chasing a tail like Adrian over her? Don't be vulgar. Abigale is ten times the female a petty soldier like Adrian could ever be!?

?Then why isn't she still here with you?? Toby asked simply.

Alan hesitated. ?Because I sent her away, alright?! Why do you keep asking, this isn't about me, remember? I'm the reason we're all dying off, according to you.?

?I point back to your ?rescuing? of your useless brother.?

Alan stepped closer, now in swinging range. ?You want to say that again??

Toby smiled and tightened his grip on his sword. He had hit another, more sensitive nerve.

?Did you not hear me correctly? I point back to your pointlessly valiant rescuing of your. Useless. Brother.?

Alan swung his sword at Tobias's head. ?My brother was ten times the beast you will ever be, you pathetic excuse for a builder! And if it hadn't been for that river scum beaver's brat, he'd be alive today to keep me from killing you!?

Toby deflected the swing and ducked so it continued above his head. ?To be honest, I?m surprised he?s still alive, but I don?t think he?ll last much longer,? he managed to say as Alan recovered.

The captain swung from the other side, abandoning speech and instead issuing a loud, angry grunt through his teeth. Toby had to stop the full force of the sword, and his grip weakened considerably. He stepped back quickly.

?You should have saved the effort and left him in the infirmary, Alan. He?s no more than a paperweight now; I really don?t know why you went back for him.?

Alan approached him with a new wave of ferocity, attacking with a downward stroke and a scream of rage. But in that scream was a strain of anguish. He?d heard that before.

Toby barely blocked the chop, twisting the captain?s sword to the side so he didn?t lose his grip. A wave of sickening realization hit his mind. Damn you, Alan.

?Alan, stop! Stop!? But he swung again. Toby couldn?t block another shot, his wrists were sore already.

?Alan, I understand. Damn it, I understand!?

?No you don?t!? He swung straight down for Toby?s head. He stepped back, and the tip of the blade swung inches from his sternum.

?Yes I do, Alan! Just stop, please.? The memories kept coming, some snippets, others longer. All terrible.

Another downward swing, another backwards step. Only Toby had reached a wall.

?Let me speak!? The architect heard desperation tainting his tone.

?You?ve said all I need to hear,? Alan said surprisingly coldly and another swing came. Toby blocked, dropped his sword, and raised his arms. Why didn?t he just stop? Why didn?t the memories stop?

?I would have saved him too.?

Alan raised his sword, but then let it drop to his side. ?You wouldn?t have.?

?When I was almost fifteen seasons old, my mother got sick and died after a few weeks.? Toby was surprised he put it so bluntly because there was so much more to say, but he had little time.

?Why do I care?? Alan said, still seething.

?If she was in the infirmary, I would have gone and rescued her, alright? I would have made the same stupid mistake,? Toby said, feeling a hotness prick the corners of his eyes. He fought it down; not in front of Alan.

?Konnor was a great Captain, and it?s a damn shame he?s not awake,? Toby added truthfully.

?He was,? the captain affirmed, sheathing his sword. ?At least your mother wasn?t your fault.?

Alan turned and walked down the hall. Toby almost called back for him, but he figured leaving him alone would be better. He?d come back.

Toby leaned back against the wall and sighed. He needed alcohol.

*   *   *   *   *

He smelled the cellar before he saw the door, but it wasn?t a sour smell. It was a dead smell.

A fresh blast of the stench perfumed him when he opened the door. Toby wrinkled his nose in distaste. What in Hellgates was down there?

He stepped in and immediately saw the source: a row of dead bodies, most in Kotir?s armor. A living guard sat at one of the tables.

?What is this?? Toby asked, gesturing to the corpses.

?Captain?s orders,? the fox said, and took a swig from a bottle of wine. ?Couldn?t throw ?em out, an? this place is cool an? dry for ?em. Won?t bother anybeast much.?

?Unless they come down here for a drink, which I imagine is a popular activity as of late,? the architect responded. He wondered how many of them even thought they could defeat the rats, because Vulpuz knows they couldn't sustain a siege.

?Well maybe they?ll ward beasts off. We?re not s?posed t?be drinkin? anyway.? The fox smiled and tapped his snout. ?Got hit in the nose, can?t smell nothin? but blood.? His voice did sound a little nasally.

Toby walked to the nearest rack and chose the top bottle, intent on leaving right away. But a body near the end of the row caught his eye; it wasn?t wearing any armor. He stepped closer. It was a fox, with a torn ear?

Only four of us left now, Toby thought as he viewed Rexim?s arrow-riddled body. He raised the bottle a little in mock-toast.

?This one?s for you, my friend, even though you didn?t do a very good job inspecting those weak points.?

?What??

The mink turned back to the guard and gave a dismissive ?Nothing.?

Toby looked around for a bottle opener, and then remembered that he?d seen Rexim use one a few times. He inspected the body and found the small tool in an outer pocket. Toby uncorked the bottle and took a drink. One or two of these should distract him enough, he thought.

He grabbed another bottle and left.