Don't Cry For Me, I Have My Own Tears

[Alan]

The memory can be a terrible thing.  While it can often comfort with soothing, happy, pretty pictures and warming thoughts, it can rip the very soul from your chest with just a few well placed words.

Alan walked.  

That is, he moved down the hallways by some movement of his paws far below him.  He was Captain.

He was In Charge.

He was not allowed to Upset The Troops.

"When you're Captain, they're always watching you.  You have to lead them, no matter what." Konner's voice echoed in his head.

"Shut up," he muttered.   He was going faster now, away, anywhere, seeking somewhere where there was no one else.

A hallway.  A nook.  A closet.

There.

Alan sank to his knees in a small recess, half hidden by a hanging tapestry.  Paws clenched on either side of his head, he let out a silent scream of agony, his sword scraping on the floor as he rocked back and forth.

The noise of metal against the rough stones echoed in his mind, calling up the cold thoughts of chains clinking against rocks as he and Konnor moved a group of slaves through the crouded woodlands towards Kotir.

________


The sky overhead was heavy and dark.  Heat pressed in on all sides and insects buzzed heavily around a group of beasts as they rested on the woodland floor.  The scene should have been quiet, lazy.  The opressive humidity blanketing all in a smothering cover of silence.

"When my father finds you he'll tear your arms off!  Let me loose if you're so brave and I'll show you what real woodlanders are made of!  Cowards!  Barbarians!  I'll-"

Alan turned to Konner, wiping the sweat out of his eyes.  "I swear if you don't shut him up, I'll kill him."

Konner looked over to the weary slave chain.  Most of the beasts were quiet, subdued by the clinking metal around their paws.  But two stood out, not just in attitude, but by sheer mass and height.  Two beavers stood chained on the far end.  The female was silent for the most part, her rebellion portrayed in her dark glares and muttered curses.  Her son on the other paw, hadn't stopped talking since he'd waken up in chains.  He was a huge specimin of his kind, his burly shoulders bulging with muscles.  He would be invaluable in dragging heavy loads of stone from the quarry to the building site.

"I don't think a day of pointless threats from a woodlander is going to kill you Alan."  Konner looked back at his brother.  "Just because you're a Captain doesn't mean you can go around killing whoever you want to."

Alan rubbed his head.  "It's been a week and the bloody creature won't shut up.  And when we get back to Kotir, Kovari will keep us at breaking them in for another week, and that cursed beaver is going to take even longer!"

Konner barked a laugh.  "What's your big hurry?  You couldn't be missing that little femme of yours could you now?"

Alan sighed.  "Oh Abigale, goddess of my dreams, my love, my wife, and it's been a blasted week since I've laid eyes on her!"

Konner pushed a leaf into his mouth.  "I think I like listening to the woodlander better."

"You spawn of Vulpuz!  May the badgerlords of old rein down the bloodwrath upon you!"

Alan spat out the leaf.  "You do, really?"

Konner sighed.  "What do you propose we do?"

Alan grinned.  "Nothing much, just... you know, make him shut up and behave."

Konner looked over the land.  "It's only one more day of travel before we reach Kotir."

Alan groaned.  "Really?  You want to endure another day of nonstop chatter and descriptions of our dear old mum?  Not to mention all the work we'll have to do once we get back to Kotir if you don't want Yvo to kill him on sight."

The older mink looked dubiously at the line of slaves.  The other guards stood watch, weapons at the ready for any funny business.  

"Come on Konner," Alan begged.  "What could possibly go wrong?"

Konner sighed.  "I just don't like it.  You know that."

"But we'll have to anyway, and if it's done here and now, I can actually take Abby on that picnic I've been promising her."

"Do you ever think about anyone other than yourself?"

Alan pretended to ponder, raised a claw, stopped and then shook his head.  "Nope, just me."

"Let's not be modest."

Alan motioned one of the slave drivers over to his side, and took the whip that was used to speed stragglers along.  He put it in Konner's reluctant paw.

"They're just woodlanders, and if we break him in now, Yvo won't do dreadful things to him later."

Konner grimaced and nodded.  "Very well, but I want you to know that I don't like doing this."

Alan grimaced back.  "No one ever does."


________



Alan slammed his fists into the cold stone floor.  Another silent scream ripping from his mouth.  

"Stop," he whispered hoarsly.  "Vulpuz make it stop."


_________



Konner's broken body lay bloody and still in front of the young beaver, the whip now held in the young beasts paw.   Alan stared up at him, and drew his sword.

"I'll kill you for that," he whispered.  "Oh you will pay."

The beaver looked at him, his eyes wide.

"I didn't mean to... I mean...  he's evil... but... I..."

Alan lunged at him, slashing at the creatures head and chest with his sword.

"You killed my brother!" he snarled as the beaver hit back in an attempt to defend himself.  "You disgusting woodlander!"

The beaver screamed as Alan's sword slashed deep into his chest, and another voice screamed with him.

Alan looked over to see the other beaver standing high and charging at him, dragging beasts behind her on the slave chain.

"Leave my son alone!  He's just a kit!"

Alan ripped his sword free, but not before the enraged mother was on top of him, scratching at him with her heavy paws, her muscular tail raised to give him a blow that would do major damage if not kill him.

"Captain!"  

Alan glanced over to see one of the guards throwing something through the air.  It landed beside them, and the mink could make out the shape of a dagger against the dry leaves of the forest floor.

The mink scrabbled beneath the beaver, ripping at her soft underbelly with his claws and teeth.  Her heavy coat was thick and musky, stifiling him, making it hard to breath as she pressed down against him, crushing him into the earth.

Alan squirmed a paw out, reaching for the dagger.  He screamed as her overlarge teeth bit into his ear, tearing a long gash through it.  Kicking as hard as he could against her, his paw felt the dagger and closed around it, pulling it towards him.  

"Get off of me!"  Struggling, Alan twisted, digging the point of the dagger into her heavy pelt.  She squealed and jerked back, giving him the opening he needed to plunge the blade into her chest.  

As she fell away from him, Alan scrabbled backwards, searching for where his sword had fallen.  He found it and turned back for another mad charge, but the beaver simply lay, staring at his dagger embedded inside of her.  There was a final whimper from the young beaver, that startled her from her revery.  She dragged herself to him, and draped her body across his, stroking his still face with what little life was left in her paws.  As her son breathed his last, she looked over at Alan and spat.

"You are vermin!"

He ignored her, stumbling to where Konner's still body lay.  Overhead, the clouds darkened further, and an ominous rumble heralded the first drops of rain.

Alan cradled his brothers head in his arms, stroking the bloody face.

"I didn't mean it," he whispered.  "Come back, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... Please..."

There was a shallow rattle as Konner took in a shaky breath.  Alan pushed his head against his brothers chest, and listened hard.  Slowly, faintly, the sound of a heartbeat reached him.  He looked up, his paws clenching into fists.

"You and you!"  He pointed at two of the guards who had held the other slaves back during the fight.  "Unchain the river scum!"

Without a word they moved to obey.  Alan pulled Konner's body into his arms and stood, holding his brother like a baby against his chest.   He glared at the slave who stood at the head of the line.  It was a young mouse, a couple seasons short of adulthood.

"You, there, whatever your name is, mouse.  You keep the others moving.  You tell them if any of them fall behind, they'll be killed without mercy."

The mouse stared at him, looking first at his face, then the still body he held close to his heart.

"Radish."  He said.

Alan blinked.  "What?"

"Yes sir.  And my name is Radish."

"Do I look like I care?"

"No sir."

"Then shut up and do as I told you."

Alan turned back to the other guards as they dragged the dead away from the living.  A stoat, Kurt, turned to him.

"What should we do with the bodies sir?"

"Leave them.  Let them rot where they lie."  The mink took in a shaky breath.  "Now listen all of you.  We make it to Kotir by morning at the latest.  Do you understand?"

There was silence.

Alan narrowed his eyes.  "If Konner dies, you all do as well."

Then turning, he led the way back through the woods towards Kotir.  


_______



Alan fell back onto his haunches, leaning his head back against the stone wall.

"Why us?" he whispered, looking up at the ceiling.  "What is so important, Vulpuz, that is worth all of this?"

He closed his eyes, trying to block out the sounds of the world around him.  Somewhere there had to be a place without all of this.  Without pain.  Without death.

There was of course, death itself.  

He recoiled, repulsed.  Vulpuz was hardly a beast one wanted to spend eternity with.  Peace or not.

The sound of pawsteps echoed in the hallway, and Alan opened his eyes, scrambling to his feet.  Around the corner, Rousseau and Mirdros appeared.  She pushed the little rat forward.

"'s yer turn."

Alan sighed and nodded as Rousseau turned to go.  Pausing, she looked back.  

"You all right?"

Alan let a grim smile cross his face.  "I'm the Captain," he said.  "I'm always all right."