The First Annual Secondary Awards!

[TNT]

Here's the official voting thread for the secondary writing awards for this contest. I'll try to run them as close to the main voting as possible. To vote, fill out the form below and PM it to me. Obviously for awards asking for particular lines/moments and such, please provide the line/moment and the title/author of the post it was taken from. If your choice is a longer scene, describe the particular scene and the post it comes from, so I know which one you're talking about. Some of these will be ongoing votes that will be announced at the end, but others will be weekly affairs. As in, you will vote for the ongoing ones weekly, but won't know the results until the end. And PLEASE feel free to add your own comments to any and all of these! Your comments will be anonymous unless you say otherwise.

Oh, and please fill out as many of these as you can! Though obviously you're not required to do them all. But it would be amazing if you did. And I had to throw in some silly ones for variety. Obviously there are going to be a lot of different answers for the more specific categories, but do I care? No, sir, I do not care. You can vote for the same line/scene/character/etc. for as many different categories as you feel it fits. These should be fairly self-explanatory categories, but let me know if you need some clarification.

And yes, contestants are totally allowed to vote for these, too. But don't vote for yourself in every category. Unless you feel you really are that amazing. :P


Weekly Votes -

Best Overall Post:
Best Overall Moment:
Best Written Moment:
Funniest Moment:
Most Cray-cray, WTF Moment:
Most Dramatic Moment:
Best Anachronism:
Squickiest Moment:
Biggest D'AWWW! Moment:
The Desmond Levels of Jerkitude? Moment:
Most Shocking Moment:
Best Action/Fight Scene:
Most Shippable Moment:

Ongoing Votes -

Most Improved Writer:
Most Consistent Writer:
Floweriest Writer:
Most SPAGgiest SPAG:
Most Developed Character:
Funniest Character:
Most Tragic Character:
Most Heroic Character:
Most Evil Character:
Greyest Character:
Best Portrayal of Other Characters (as in, every other character besides their own):
Best Duo:
Best Trio:
Best Overall Writer:
Best Overall Character:

[TNT]

So, since this is all pretty new, I'll take votes for week one until the end of the day, PST, July 15th. Also, if you have any suggestions for categories, now's the time to suggest 'em. :)

(I'm going to regret "Most Shippable Moment," I know this already. XP)

[Aleisou]

Most shippable moment?  Am I the only one who thinks this is so painfully obvious that it doesn't even need to be voted on?

All I'm saying is,  there's a reason why I made Vanessa and Istvan's smileys facing each other ...

:istvan: *smooch* :vanessa:

[TNT]

I hadn't even read the last few posts before I made that category! Who knows? There can be plenty of other shippable moments! :P

[TNT]

Just a reminder: you've got less than 48 hours to send in your votes! I've gotten a few already, but I could always use a few more. Oh, and you can vote for the ongoing votes as well as the weekly ones. Also, I should mention for the ongoing ones, you can vote for eliminated characters, if you still think they were the best in the category. But not for the weekly votes, for obvious reasons. Or should we just do those votes at the end? I dunno. I just wanted the eliminated characters to still be fresh in everyone's minds, but eh.

[TNT]

Woo! We have some results. And not quite as many multi-way ties as you might think! Some of the quotes were submitted, others I picked out (and hopefully they were the ones people were thinking of). So without further ado, the results for week one. In reverse order, just because!


Most Shippable Moment

Winner: Istvan/Vanessa (duh)

"Bloody ?gates, yer really scairt, ain?t ye? Dinnae worry laddie, Ah'll hold yer paw. At least, ye better hope Ah will. Hahahaha!"

That was that, then. Nothing left but to consign himself to the paws of the All-Mother. And those of Guardsbeast Vanessa.

Istvan thought wistfully of bodies strewn across a mountainside, and wondered why life couldn?t always be so simple.

?Come on everybeast...let's give these two some 'alone time...' At least they'll be keeping each other warm...?

Halfway through ridding herself of her tunic, Nessa paused, the marten?s comment registering.

?Wot...? Och ye.. ye didnae dare! Ye bottlebrushed, snake-tongued, spit-nosed... slanderer! Ye?ve not heard the last of this, Zevka!?

   Under her fur, the ottermaid was beetroot red, though it wasn?t clear whether it was from anger or embarrassment- or both. She swept up the thin layer of snow settled on the ice into a tightly packed ball, launched it directly at Zevka and scored a direct hit on her neck, stopping the marten's laughter short. But her satisfaction lasted just until Cookie?s wry baritone reached her.

?I wouldn't feel bad steering her rudder, if y'know what I mean.?

?Istvan an? Nessa sittin? in a tree...? An impudent voice piped up from Poko?s general direction as Nessa ground her teeth savagely.

?Will ye stop et, bunch o?... Who was that cat-callin???

?Don?t look at me.? Nyika?s face was the picture of innocence- but the ribbing continued, most of it from a certain ferret who was going to have a very bad day as soon as she could get her paws on him.

?Think it looks good now, wait'll she comes out of the water!"

"Hell's fang, Corporal, ain't you just as handsome as the jill!"

This was just unbearable. It didn?t make it any better that Istvan looked just as embarrassed as she did- more so, in fact. The male Guard seemed to be at loss where to look and she had a sudden, unreasonable itch to punch him on his tattooed nose.  She ignored it and slipped her last item of clothing off, shutting her eyes tight against the whistles and calls.

In an attempt to calm herself, Nessa closed her eyes, recalling her father?s long-ago lessons on swimming in cold water. Calm your mind, focus on your breath and feel the air going in and out. Then fill your lungs slowly and slip in.

?Oy, when the kits come around, can I name them??

Comments:
"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...a tattooed pup with fetal alcohol syndrome?"
"I demand fanart. Immediately."


Honorable Mention: Zevka/Risk

"The Risk?" came Zevka's voice from above. "Risk the Cutter?"

Risk's ears flattened. "Shout it why don't you? Maybe Swirl-face will hear, then."

"Is it true? About the badger prince?"

"Aye. He was four. A blind, crippled weasel could've done it."

"And the, and the, and the- the Battle of New Marshank?"

"'Battle' is a funny word for it. More like 'Massacre'."

"They sent assassins after you..."

Risk just grunted and passed up a jar of jam.

"You killed them all! And then you came after the fox who hired them... I had a figurine of you-"

"Ah...? What's a figurine?"

"Like a doll, innit," said Gashrock.

"Champion," said Risk, unsure if he should be pleased or not. He'd met a strange monitor lizard, once, and sometimes had unsettling dreams about it. Dolls were just things he didn't want to think about anymore.

"Er, not of you, I just used it for you, to represent... in the battles that... I used it for other beasts, too... anyway... But then you just vanished!"

"Can't imagine why I'd want to do that, now..."

Comments:
"Zevka and Risk, with the former being an adorkable fangirl and the latter being just like LOLWAT"





Best Action/Fight Scene

Winner: Noonahootin and the snowy owl

He had been meaning to teach young Wingchut these winter passages. It was easy to get lost in the beauty. Perhaps that is why Noonahootin did not hear the wing beats until they were right behind him. His swivelled his head, looking as far over his shoulder as he could, and his eyes widened to the size of tea saucers.

Talons black as the night were stretched out towards him, and her wings, vast and reaching, were pure white save for a few black specks along her primary feathers. The snowy owl's black beak was wickedly sharp and her eyes, yellow as fear and as wide as full moons, were set upon him with deep, fixed hatred.

Her talons locked into his shoulder where his wing met with his body, and one snagged his cheek, ripping the flesh and snagging painfully on his cheekbone. He hastily kicked out, hoping to gouge the large snowy owl while screeching in her face, but only managed to trap his broken toe within the white wraith's feathers.

?I'M NOT HERE TO HARM YOUR NEST! I'M-AUUUG-JUST PASSING THROOHOO!?

The female clenched her talons and braked hard in flight, her legs stretching out with the inertia. Noonahootin broke from her, losing a chunk of feather and flesh from his shoulder, his broken toe on fire with pain, and his face slit to the bone. The tundra bird would not let up her attack, slashing at him with her talons, and with great alarm Noonahootin realized the female was not defending any nest.

He barely had his wings folded to quickly dive into the trees and she was after him again, eerily silent save for the sound of her wings faintly slicing through the air. Noonahootin twisted, first his head to check his position and then his body as soon as he felt he had gained a distance he was comfortable with. Determinedly, he had remained close to the white attacker but still far ahead enough to have a chance to breathe and, when she grew too close, he beat his wings as hard as he could against the pain to charge at her, screeching a distressed battle cry. She met him a second later, her body colliding into his and knocking the wind out of both predators. Noonahootin grabbed her leg within his talons, beating at her face with his beak, stabbing at her with his wounded foot. She lashed back at him with her wings, scoring blow after blow, and together, spiralling uncontrollably, they fell.

Noonahootin leaned back to unlock his nails from her, and the snowy owl suddenly spread her wings to abruptly slow their descent, jerking the captain up and unlatching his grip from her prematurely. She flew up and Noonahootin followed, but felt a sudden seize in his wing as he tried to pursue her. The silent white owl noticed his hesitation and swooped down, tackling Noonahootin out of the air. He tumbled, quickly slamming into the top branch of a tall spruce tree, and barely managed to right himself enough to glide wobbly into a small open patch of grass. The snowy owl passed above him, intent on doubling back and making sure the job was done. Noonahootin took the brief opportunity to drag himself into nearby brush cover at the foot of a tree, and flattened himself against the trunk, staying stalk-still. His striped feathers hid him against the bark of the tree, and there is where Captain Noonahootin remained until the snowy owl began to search broader circles around where he had gone down, a sign that she was confused and could not find him. Eventually, when the darkness became thicker and the night had a firm stranglehold on the mountain, the snowy owl hunting above him deserted her search in favour of returning home.

Comments:
"As sudden and strange as the snowy owl's appearance was, I rather enjoyed the aerial battle between her and Noonahootin in his first post."





Most Shocking Moment

Winner: Goragula realizing the moles want them all dead.

?Never lie to a toad. We always know.? Goragula took a long, steady look into the mole?s bulging eyes. There was a protracted silence as he mulled over the creature?s words. There had to be more to it than that.  The landslide, the snowy owl, the crows, the moles ? all coming in quick succession, as if each one were trying to recompense for the failure of the others to finish them off. Goragula tightened his grip on his knife as a thought struck him.

He did not know how many beasts out there wanted him dead, and frankly, it was a waste of time to worry about it. But this was not about him; this was all of them, and that was a harrowing thought. Why the Guards? The acting troupe, the children, all the motley merchants and their servants? Who would go to the trouble of ?

For once in his life, he was lost even for thoughts.

Comments:
"...probably Goragula's realization that something, somewhere, was actively trying to kill them. He put it really succinctly."
"Goragula?s second post. EVIL MOLES."


Honorable Mention: Goragula's reappearance

?NO,? croaked a deep bass voice as the ground itself shifted and opened into a mouth. Vanessa yelped in surprise and Nyika hissed. Poko believed for a moment that the otter Istvan had been right all along, except that the All Mother was actually the All Father, and none too happy about the gender discrepancy. But then a head pushed through the dirt, followed by a mud-encrusted body. ?This was neither nature nor providence.? The shape stood and opened its slit-pupiled, amber eyes.

It was the toad.

The Desmond Levels of Jerkitude? Moment:

Winner: Poko's brattiness in general, or, more specifically, her being mean to Nyika during training.

?Okay let?s try it!? Poko shuffled through the snow to Nyika and seized hold of her wrist, grinning as she sunk her sharp claws into the cat?s skin. Nyika yelped and tried to pull away.

?Don?t pull back,? Zevka advised, ?That?s the worst thing you can do ? step toward her and then go against the thumb ? it will throw your attacker off-balance.?

Nyika did as instructed and Poko?s thumb and fingers snapped together as the arm was yanked free. Nyika gave Poko a glare.

?What if they grab you with both paws and the thumbs are facing different directions?? Poko grabbed Nyika?s arm again with both paws, one turned up and one turned down. Nyika tried to yank away again, but Poko held on, using all of her body weight to drag the cat?s arm down. Nyika hissed, obviously not enjoying the training session.

?Hold on, this isn?t?? Zevka was beginning to see that this was not going to work.

Nyika tried again to come forward and jerk her arm from the ferret when Poko relaxed her grip. The cat ended up bopping herself in the nose with her own paw and falling into the snow. Poko laughed loudly at the absurdity of it all, pointing at the distressed and snow-covered feline.

?Poko?? Zevka scolded tiredly.

?What ? I didn?t do anything! She hit herself!?

Comments:
"Well.. maybe not quite Desmond levels of jerkitude, but she's still young."





Biggest D'AWWW! Moment:

And we have our first three-way tie!

1st Winner: Anything with Nyika and Zevka

[There are just too many quotes to choose from. I am sorry. ;_;]


2nd Winner: Nyika and Istvan

The otter wasn?t sure why, but following those words he lifted the wildcat up in to the air and squeezed her tightly until her miaows of distress brought him back to his senses.

?I?m sorry,? he said, setting her down. ?I?m not sure what came over me.?

Comments:
"*WIBBLE*"


3rd Winner: Gashrock's play getting shot down by Zevka

"I don't know what you're babbling on about."

"You said you wanted to be like Wrexholm! Makin' his own ruddy theater in the snowbanks!"

"I said I wanted to go to a proper theater. And have damson wine and little playthings at the ready, all of the nice luxuries of villages."

"You--don't want a play?"

"In the middle of this?" Zevka spread her arm wide. "You'd have to be mad."

Gashrock stood still, waiting for the ferrets to catch up with her, thoughts crumbling like the snow.

Comments:
"It was so sad watching her deflate after getting all into the play."





Squickiest Moment

Winner: Goragula tortures the mole

Still gripping the mole?s throat with one hand, Goragula gave a hefty pat to the deep gash on the creature?s thigh. ?Nasty wound that. Perhaps I can help clean it up.? He slid the knife?s tip under the mole?s skin and twisted the blade only a fraction of an inch. The mole gurgled in horror as the skin buckled and began to peel back.

?You will tell me everything you know,? the toad said, slitting upwards. A thick strip of skin dangled from the mole?s thigh, exposing the raw flesh below. As Goragula?s knife hovered above the wound, ready to start again, the mole began to tremble, his eyes rolling in a blind panic as he waited for a second blow that never came.

They were many beasts out there who liked to think themselves skilled at the art of ?extraction? ? but who always pushed too hard, too soon. They thought it was all about the pain. They had no idea of the mind?s defences, which Goragula had seen first-hand. Some creatures had an astounding capability to shut themselves away from consciousness when the trauma became too much, their minds drifting away to a calm, safe place where the agony of reality was nothing more than a far-away droning. That was why beasts screamed, but still did not speak. Fear, on the other claw ? the mind has no weapon against fear. To give a beast a sharp taste of agony, and then to leave them hanging, waiting endlessly for more until they could stand it no more, was the real skill. That was the key. Not pain, but anticipation.

Goragula held the strip between his finger and thumb, dragging with just enough pressure that the skin was on the brink of tearing. The mole took a sharp intake of breath, hissing through the pain. ?Th? tree! Ee gurt pine ? above ?ee. We be a-diggen? up ee roots, t? make et fall an? block th? way.?

?What else??

?All along ?ee road ? agh ? sink?oles, an? ? lan?sloides ? stop, stop!?

?Tell me,? Goragula lifted his blade, his eyes glinting with menace. ?Who has put you up to this??

Terrified though the mole was, the question seemed to startle him, even anger him. Goragula?s vicelike grip around his throat suddenly meant nothing. With an almighty wail, the mole thrashed his entire body in a desperate attempt to throw the toad off him. Like a beast possessed by demons, he took no heed even when Goragula?s knife plunged into his thigh ? he lunged forward, his digging claws raking through the air and straight into the toad?s outstretched arm. Three scarlet gashes flashed in Goragula?s flesh for a single heartbeat before they filled with blood, and by instinct, Goragula shot his hand to staunch the flow. The mole broke free, stumbling to the ground under the weight of his injured leg.

He made a last ditch effort to shriek for help, before the toad?s fist cracked against the back of his skull. Goragula felt the shock reverberate through him, a jolting pain rushing from his knuckles through to his shoulder-blade. The toad pulled his hand away, his claws seizing up as every bone from his wrist downwards began to burn with a deep, excruciating throbbing.

The blow had dazed the mole enough to buy him some time. With his good hand, Goragula seized the knife, grabbed the beast by the scruff of his neck, and slit his throat. He dropped the corpse face down into the mud and stared at it, the bloodied knife if his paws trembling as his arm coursed with adrenaline.

Honorable Mention: Risk cutting his arm, "Pepper Steak"

[I looked and looked but couldn't find the quote. Sorry! ;_;]


Honorable Mention: Risk digging around in his wound

Risk leaned back and stretched his stomach to get a good look at the wound. He dug a claw into it and twiddled it around, searching for stray bits of bark or nettles. There was nothing. Good. He rolled up one of the rats' knit-cloth caps and used one of their belts to keep it against the hole. He sucked the blood off his claws.

Comments:
"Risk digging around in his stomach wound for bits of pine needle squicked me out."





Best Anachronism:

Two-way tie time!

1st Winner: Nyika's rendition of "Soft Kitty"

At some point she collapsed, curling into a little ball and rocking back and forth, her paw gripping her broken arm in a vice-like grip. She focused on the pain; it kept the wailing at bay, the jeers and the cries from all the beasts that had died. She sang to herself over and over the quieting little song that the vixen seer had sung to her since she was a kit.

"Soft Nyika, warm Nyika,
Little ball of fur.
Happy Nyika, sleepy Nyika,
Purr, purr, purr.

"Soft Nyika, warm Nyika,
Little ball of fur.
Happy Nyika, sleepy Nyika,
Purr, purr, purr."

Comments:
"Whyyyyyyy. XD"


2nd Winner: Zevka's figurines

"Hey, you make it sound like all we do is carouse! I'm all about a good book every now and then?and, uh, using little figurines to re-enact the battles in them." Zevka glanced around in the sustained silence. "Nobeast else does that but me?"

Comments:
"The whole figurines thing with Zevka, it just seems so consumerist and out of place XD"
"XD Really?"





Most Dramatic Moment

Winner: Nyika overlooking the cliff

Turning away from the wagon, Nyika walked to the edge of the ledge. The noise was overbearing. She had to see.

Peering over the ledge Nyika looked down the cliff face, her tail bottle brushing at the sight before her. Never had she seen so much death in one place at one time. It was horrifying. The wildcat paled watching the dead wander about, discovering their deaths and seeking reasons for it. She watched them mass together like a growing hive descending upon the weak, tormenting those close to death. They were ruthless. Nyika fell back, gasping, once more rolling into a little ball and rocking. Back and forth, back and forth. What if they scaled upwards? What if they found them? What would she do? What could she do? She was losing her mind. Her breath came in short, quick gasps, the lines of her little song coming out unnerved and shaky. She was losing her mind.

Taking one deep, shuddering breath, Nyika screamed.

Honorable Mention: The mountain giving way

Further discussion was cut short by a disturbing creaking, like the sound of a frozen lake beginning to thaw. Zevka grabbed what immediately fit in her paws and started running back to the treeline. Gashrock was out of the cart in a trice, but took a moment longer to wrap her goodies in a sling of silk before limping off after the marten. Risk, not wanting to leave the crate of candy jars behind, got flat on his stomach to try to pull them up. The edges of the crate kept catching on the cart's torn planks, and jars began to spill. Holding the crate up in one paw he began to unload the jars by gently tossing them over his shoulder into the snow.

The creaking grew in intensity- Risk felt the ledge drop a few inches, and his insides began to rise of their own accord. Zevka was shouting. Gashrock was shouting. His footpaws kicked up a flurry as he tried to pull back from the cart. Too much of his body was over the edge. He roared and twisted around to grab at the wood to haul himself up. He could see Gashrock and Zevka waving to him before vanishing behind some trees, but ignored them. He took off his rat-skin cloak and laid it out to begin piling the jars inside it. He closed it like a bindle and started toward them.

His going was slower than it should have been, he could barely breathe- lying on his stomach had done him no favours, and the pain was reaching up through his spine to the back of his neck, like somebeast was trying to choke him from behind. The ledge dropped another foot, and he fell, cracking his chin on his cargo.

"Leave it!" Zevka was screaming, along with a few choice obscenities and opinions regarding his intelligence. Risk couldn't see Gashrock anymore. He got back up and continued, trying to ignore what was happening behind him. He could hear trees snapping and rocks scraping against the cliff side. The entire ledge was giving way, like a plate balanced on the edge of the table. For a second or two he felt the ground rise instead of fall.

Something dark in the shifting snow caught his eye, and he shoved the rat-skin bindle at Zevka, who was holding her arms out to him.

"Cookie- Risk, what are you doing?"

Risk didn't have time to explain. He kicked at the snow, flailing at it with all four paws, snapping at it with his teeth, coughing blood at it all the while. Where, where- there! His paw closed around the rat's tail, and he gripped it with all his might, tugging the rest of the rodent out of the snow.

He turned back to the treeline, but it was gone. He couldn't breathe, couldn't see. There was nothing under his footpaws but air. But there was something in his left paw, something soft and smooth- silk! His claws dug in. His descent halted. His arms strained and he couldn't squeak out barely more than a whimper.

There was a final explosion of debris and ice below him, and then the mountain was quiet save for a distant booming echo across the valleys. He swung and spun lazily, facing a wall of sheer rock, then the charred, clouded skies, then rock again. He could have sworn there was a hole below him, but when he blinked his eyes, trying to free them of grit, it was gone.

Most Cray-cray, WTF Moment

Winner: Zevka killing the hare

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Everybeast except Nyika jumped at the horrific scream that burst out of the ground next to Zevka. The marteness leapt up, paws instinctively scrambling to find a tree branch, and failing. The whole effect was rather undignified.

The source of the scream was a hare in a Yew Guard outfit. They had all seen him, but taken the sword through his stomach as a sign that he was dead. Apparently he wasn't.

?AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHFATESHELPME!? The hare screamed. ?TAKE IT OUT PLEASE! TAKE IT ALL OUT! I'M BURNING UP, PLEASSEEE!!!? He tried to grasp at the sword, but screamed as the motion caused a sharp, broken bone to tear through the flesh of his arm.

Everybeast stared at the hare. Even Nyika. All three of them walked over to the hare, Nyika trying to comfort the stricken beast, Poko gnawing at her fist as she stared at the wounded beast, unable to look away, and Zevka's eyes hardening.

...

"But Mama, I don't want to go yet! It's too early!" the hare said with a whimper, before letting loose another scream. He managed to choke out another sentence. "Why can't I stay without it hurting?"

Zevka moved into position.

Poko threw her paws over her eyes and turned away, bending over as if to retch. Nyika crouched at the hare's side, grabbing his face and forcing their eyes to lock as Zevka moved in behind him.

"Look at me," the wildcat said. "Look at me. Everything will be fine. You're in good paws. We'll ease your pain, comfort you, help you." Tears shimmered in her eyes, but the hare's screams had quelled to a whimpering. Closing her eyes, the tears sliding down her cheeks, Nyika pressed her forehead against his and began to sing a lullaby.

She was still singing when Zevka said, "It's done."

Comments:
"Completely out of left field. Suddenly, crazy, not quite dead hare!!"


Honorable Mention: Nyika describing the spirits of the dead

"Oh, Zevka," Nyika said, her voice shuddering with her own sobs. Tears glistened in her eyes. Her claws came out, piercing through cloth and fur alike, burying deep into Zevka's flesh. The pine marten winced but she allowed it. Zevka was real, physical. She wasn't dead; she was still alive. They were both alive. So many were not. Nyika buried her face in Zevka's shoulder. "I don't know what to do."

...

It was a long, lonely trek back to the wagon and despite Zevka's advice, Nyika found it difficult to ignore the ghosts that persisted along the route. The bitter ones had gathered into a group, blocking her path, but with eyes glued to the ground and a song in her head Nyika trudged through the masses. These were ghosts she could not avoid, the ones that knew her for what she was, and after spying what she could do to the ferret jill, they demanded she help them rest as well. With a stoic heart she ignored them. She could not help them now and it enraged them to find her so callous and unmoving. Nyika sang to herself, fresh tears in her eyes as she accepted their jeers, shuddering as she felt their claws rake her flesh.

Comments:
"I thought it was only like ~10 beasts that got killed, but apparently it was a lot more..."


Honorable Mention: The appearance of the snowy owl

[See Best Action/Fight Scene.]

Comments:
"Suddenly, evil snowy owl out of nowhere. I know it'll probably be explained, but it's still wtf-ish."





Funniest Moment

And it's our second three-way tie!

1st Winner: Gashrock describing the play

"Right, then," said Gashrock. "Blackbriar says she'd like us to put on a play."

"An' you're listenin' to her?" said Cookie.

"If we can impress her, why not? Better her than a ruddy old bird and a couple of otters, innit."

"So what are we going to do?" Poko asked. "We don't have anything."

"That's all right, I've thought it out. Lemme know what you think." They plodded along, Gashrock trying not to look down at her leg or the snow. Just staring into space, quietly whispering the plotline so as not to give anything away to passers-by.

"This is my very original script, which I only play-jerized just a little bit.

We start off with a brother and sister named Hans and Greta. They are definitely not father and daughter, on account of I don't want Poko to break down and break the fourth wall. I dunno exactly what that is. But it's bad luck to break it, so.

Hans and Greta live with their grandmother, who is very old and infirm, and is so sick that she does not come down from the rooms upstairs, and so they are always yellin' up to her and she ain't callin' back, on account of there ain't any more actors. Unless I climb upstairs an' hide only I don't wanna do that.

So there they are, and Hans is nice to his sister, only what he wants is a nice silver bow, innit, for shootin' beasts. So they're playin', and he only goes and finds a silver arrow! Except there's no bow with it.

And then he's all sulky, and he don't want to play with the little kids no more. And so one day he finds the snow lady, which is me, and I'm wearin' a ruddy old fur coat, on account of it's cold. And so I says to him, "oy, you have my arrow," and he says "aye," and I says "I've got a whole arse-nal of those, back in my palace," and off he comes with me.

Then Greta is sad, and her grandmum thinks Hans got drownded, but she won't believe none of it, so off she goes tryin' to find him. And she treks around, and keeps lookin' up and talkin' to sparras and crows and owt, and they're like the grandmum bein' all high-up, only on account of them bein' birds, not infirm or anything like that.

So she follows the birds, and sure enough she comes to find the castle. And she pokes around the arrows and owt, and finds Hans, and hugs him a bit, and suddenly he can think straight again. But he nicks a silver bow, afore they head out, so there's that.

And I forget how it ends so we'll make summat up. We should have songs and Hans showin' off his strength. There's a bit about how they ain't kits no more, when they get back, but I'm not puttin' that in on account of Hans is already big, so that wouldn't make sense. And I forget what the point is about bein' big compared to little, bein' little's more of a lark iffen yer asks me. And not just about rats bein' small. Anyway that's the play, only there's not a script on account of I ain't got no paper. Any questions?"

The ferrets blinked at her for a moment before Poko asked, "If you ain't got no paper, how're we gonna memorize it?"

"Oh, you just, make it up as you go. It's like tellin' stories. I'll be crawled up somewhere yellin' at you most of the time, so just follow along with my lead."

"Who's the snow lady? Some kind of hypnotist?"

"A hip-notice?" Gashrock repeated. "Nah, she's just a lady."

"Well is she bad?"

"Aye, she is. On account of, she's got...too many arrows? Or summat. Iffen we had more beasts I'd've put in more scenes with her, but...ah, we make do."

"How do they defeat her, then?"

"When Greta hugs Hans or owt, it snaps his arrow in two, and then...maybe she's out, doin' business, and they just run away? I dunno, I'll write in a little fight. Beasts like fights. Only yer not fightin' in this scene, on account of you don't know what you're at."

2nd Winner: Risk scaring everyone for a laugh

They held their breaths, ears perked to the sound of the ferret's pawsteps. They grew too quiet to discern from the cracking of the burning wood.

"Cookie?" Gashrock called nervously.

There was no reply.

Then, distant and distorted, a gurgling moan erupted from the crack: "Grrraaaaa ? OOROOOWWWOOGLE ? ooooawwwgh?"

Poko leapt into Gashrock's lap, musking a little. The rat shoved her off in disgust. Nyika yelped and held her ears flat against her head, and the otters shared a look that was perhaps the first kindred thing between them apart from their species.

"Keep calm, keep calm!" Noonahootin shouted, his good wing spread wide while his gouged face twisted into forced dauntlessness. "We must stand firm! Hold the line!" He hooted frantically a few times, a warning noise that grew steadily in volume with every note.

"It ? it could've not been Cookie," said Gashrock. "I mean, I seen beasts go up against 'im in a bar brawl, right, an' they ne'er?"

"Something comes forth from the abyss!" Noonahootin was squinting, his normally wide eyes mere slits upon his face.

Risk returned, squeezing sideways through the crack once more. He was picking his nose, looking very disinterested in the whole ordeal.

"Ain't nothin' there," he said, admiring his pine-nettle-infused booger for a moment before flicking it away. "Stop scarin' the kit, cat."

"Och, but jus' what was that blitherin? noise then?" Vanessa blurted.

"Ah?? Oh. I guess that was me."

"What in Hellgates would you do that for?!" Zevka demanded.

The ferret grinned. "Thought it'd be good for a laugh. Lighten up!"

The side of the marten's mouth twitched slightly in a hint of a smile.

3rd winner: Risk thinking Goragula was going to eat the rats

"That's my rat you've skinned."

"Ah. You want 'im?"

The toad scoffed. "Not much use to me now, are they?"

Risk glanced over at the corpses far off at the edge of the firelight.

"I'd think mayhaps a little more, now."

"...Elaborate."

"Ah... But they're a little big for you, aren't they? Can't really... see how that would work."

The toad just stared over the fire. Risk sighed and fetched the fleshless one, dragging it over by its tail. It left a trail of darkness on the snow behind it. Risk dropped it beside the toad. He sat down and went back to work. The toad continued to stare at him. Risk grunted in mild annoyance.

"You need my knife?"

"You have completely lost me, ferret."

It took Risk a few moments to figure out the gap in communication.

"You didn't claim them for eatin'?"

"I'm not a savage. Didn't think your lot believed in that, anyway. I could do with the skins, though."

"You ain't met many clowns."

Best Written Moment

Would you look at that, another three-way tie!

1st Winner: Vanessa diving into the lake

A furious growl slipped from her muzzle as Nessa?s footpaw stamped the ice so hard as to cause a small spiderweb of cracks, any semblance of calmness vanishing instantly. Realizing that the longer she stood out of the water, the more she was exposed to the jibes, the irate ottermaid threw breathing exercises to the four winds and plunged directly into the hole, her not-so-smooth dive sending a wave of freezing water to soak Istvan.

    For a second, she was only aware of the overwhelming cold. The dark substance surrounding her didn?t feel like water. It felt like a snake, winding around her body, crushing her breast, paralyzing her muscles, trying to squeeze a gasp, a yell, any loss of breath from her. Panicky, Nessa kicked out, her natural reflexes taking over as she used all four limbs and rudder to propel herself somewhere, anywhere, as long as it was warmer. After a few seconds, she could think again and opened her eyes. Freezing water was rushing past her muzzle but it couldn?t reach her any more. Her warm blood felt like fire as it rushed through her veins, sending a thrill throughout her entire body. This was what she was meant to do. This was her element.

2nd Winner: Gashrock describing the play

[See Funniest Moment.]


3rd Winner: The opening of "The Snow Queen"

Being a grown beast meant that one picked up on subtleties. Any kit could hear "It's time for dinner now" and scramble to be fed, but it took maturity to understand "I say, the sun's gettin' a bit in my eyes, and those supplies are awfully heavy, don't you think" and appreciate the nuance of the invitation.

Fortunately for Gashrock, despite her size, she was very much a grown beast. And when Blackbriar casually happened to mention Wrexholm the Warlord, who had led his threadbare army through the frigid mountains during dismal days and windcursed nights with little food and scarcer drink, relying on their good spirits to make up for their absence of savory spirits, and even going so far as to play the fool--literally--in a one-act play that boosted their morale, she knew how to take the hint. Just so long as it wasn't Istvan's sort of morals that needed boosting, a short play would certainly be the thing to stir the hearts of her comrades.

Comments:
"It suits her, and it?s just so well-written."





Best Overall Moment

And now we have a good old-fashioned two-way tie!

1st Winner: Istvan and Vanessa stripping

"Weel, Ah'll show ye as we go along. But first, we need tae git rid of this."

Istvan took a step back looking rather flustered as Nessa? uniform slipped off, leaving her in her slim-fitting tunic.

?What are you doing??

Nessa paused, looking at him like he was wrong in the head.

?Stripping, o? course. Ye?d better start too, Ah?m nae goin? tae hang aroond waitin? on ye.?

The other otter?s look was rather hard to read.

?Stripping? I...?

Nessa continued cheerily.

?Or ye can go in fully dressed an? sink like a rock. An? if that doesnae kill ye, paradin? aboot in a freezin? wet uniform will.?

[And etc. See Most Shippable Moment.]

2nd Winner: Nyika and Noonahootin's conversation in "Campfire Colloquy"

[Again, not sure about which quote is being referenced.]





And finally...

Best Overall Post

Winner: Risk, "Hots On For Nowhere"

Comments:
"I love the way Gashrock, Zevka, and Risk interact with each other."


Honorable Mention: Gashrock, "The Snow Queen"




That's all for this week, folks! Stay tuned for week two's voting dates. Would have voted differently, or think we missed summat that deserved a shout out? Well, then vote next time, silly. :P

[TNT]

The mister and I are away on an anniversary trip this weekend, so let's have voting from now until...the 29th, midnight, PST, blah blah. Bob Loblaw. Should be a lot easier finding those passages this week, with half as many posts to go through. :)

[TNT]

Haven't gotten any votes yet, so I'll be extending this vote as well. You have until Wednesday the 31st, midnight, blahblah. If you don't vote then, I guess my votes will all just win by default. ;)

[TNT]

Well, since we could use some more votes and I'm gone this weekend, feel free to send them in until Sunday night. Do iiiiiit. :)

[TNT]

Due to lack of participation, I think we're gonna hold off on this until closer to the end. I still really want to do this, though! So keep things in mind, collect quotes and bits you really like, and we'll have a big ol' vote at the end. :)

"Hey, I grew up wrestling a wildcaaaa---!" Zevka's eyes widened as Nessa was able to flip her over and pin her again.

Wouldn't Risk just love this... Zevka thought, as, after a few moments of struggling, she decided to tap out. Zevka suddenly felt a small surge of sadness well up in her at the ferret's absence. She would have never imagined that she would actually miss the kind of crass humor in which Risk had specialized.

The moment passed as Nessa helped the marteness stand up, a smirk hovering on her muzzle. "Ah told ye so..."

"So, let's try this again!" Zevka said, trying to look stern.

"Careful what ye ask fer, Zevka!"

Zevka swung her scabbard "sword" at Nessa, who dodged the initial swing, but didn't quite manage to escape the secondary flick of Zevka's wrist that sent the tip of the scabbard scoring across Nessa's hip. The otter stepped inside Zevka's next jab. Zevka managed to avoid the two punches that Nessa sent at her face, although she might not have been able to do that if Nessa's paws had been moving at full speed. The marteness leapt back and managed to score a very solid hit across Nessa's left forearm, but before she could try to repeat the move, Nessa had stepped in, grabbed Zevka's shoulder with her right paw and swept Zevka off her balance. The marteness crashed down into the snow, and this time Nessa was faster about pinning her.

"Ah win again."

(For the record, I was shipping this this week. :P)

[Poko]

Due to lack of participation, I think we're gonna hold off on this until closer to the end.

Awww.

[TNT]

So, I suppose it's time to vote! Take a look at the categories and get your choices in to me by the 10th. If there are any ties, we'll have run-off votes. Contestants are strongly encouraged to vote as well. You've all done great, so now it's time to give each other a little pat on the back for your efforts.

And just a reminder, here are the categories:

Best Overall Post:
Best Overall Moment:
Best Written Moment:
Funniest Moment:
Most Cray-cray, WTF Moment:
Most Dramatic Moment:
Best Anachronism:
Squickiest Moment:
Biggest D'AWWW! Moment:
The Desmond Levels of Jerkitude? Moment:
Most Shocking Moment:
Best Action/Fight Scene:
Most Shippable Moment:
Most Improved Writer:
Most Consistent Writer:
Floweriest Writer:
Most SPAGgiest SPAG:
Most Developed Character:
Funniest Character:
Most Tragic Character:
Most Heroic Character:
Most Evil Character:
Greyest Character:
Best Portrayal of Other Characters (as in, every other character besides their own):
Best Duo:
Best Trio:
Best Overall Writer:
Best Overall Character:


You don't have to vote for every category, and if there are other categories or shout outs you'd like to give individual contestants, feel free!