Rat-a-tat-tat

[Cricket Argyll]

?Help us,? Tassle demanded of a nearby vermin who turned away with a scoff. Fishface Kelsey had to be ?properly buried? according to stupid woodlander tradition and the shrew and her little buddy, Ragears Roger, were turning to one of the crew? They really are denser than Cookie?s stew when it goes cold. ?Help us?please,? the last word was grudging. Cricket could hear that in the shrew?s voice and see it in the way her teeth ground together as she spat out the syllables.

The ratmaid supposed Spikey had good reason to begrudge the crew given one of them had killed Fishface not one day after they had all joined up again. Cricket had a mind to go find Meanystripe -- the oaf had wandered off somewhere while she was watching the exchange between Tassle, Brooga and Ashira -- but a sudden memory made her turn to Tassle and Roger.

?I?ll help ya.?

-----

?Cricket-Cricket
Born in a thicket
Dumb as hay
And gots the rickets!?

?Bandy-Bandy
Weak as a dandy
Eats pond scum
And steals candy!?

?Gale-Gale
Scraggy tail
Ugly as toads
Can?t get a male!?

?Ebony-Ebony
Handsome as heaven-ee
Fates I love him--
Ack!?

The bony, young vixen nursed her head where a bump was rapidly forming. Cricket Argyll loomed over the seated creature with a fist raised to strike again while the other vermin children snickered. ?S?called the insults game, Gale,? the ratmaid growled. ?Ya ain?t playin? right if yer complimentin? Ebony. Tch! But what c?n ya expect from a vixen wot?s about as clever as a woodlander.?

?Nice one, Crick!? Bandy, a ferret lad in a brown vest and cap gwaffed.

?Cheh!? Cricket stood a bit taller, though it made little difference as Gale rose a good head and shoulders above the rat when standing. Still, the fox knew her place and it certainly was not to cross the leader of the disreputable gang. ?Anyway, s?not like Ebony?d ever like ya, Gale,? the rodent continued to address the vulpine in cruel tones. ?Yer not smart, pretty or rich?On?y a poor fool?d take ya fer a mate.? Gale really was one of easier targets in the group -- Always such a crybaby! -- given that she never fought back and was what a vermin would have to deem ?sweet? and a woodlander ?tolerable?.

?Yeah,? the vulpine conceded with a sigh, then locked eyes with the taunting rat, ?but at least my father didn?t leave right after me mother birthed me. I hear tell your papa took one look at your ugly face an? took t?his wormy tail.?

?Hahaha! Good ?un Ga?? the congratulatory laugh caught like a hairy spider in Bandy?s throat. Cricket?s cold eyes were fixed on Gale who stared back with similar intensity. Then the rat smirked and everyone let out the breaths they had been holding only to gasp again as the rodent fell upon the vulpine and scarred her decently pleasant face for life.

?Chiichiirruup!? Cricket cackled all the while as Gale screamed and tried to shove her off without harming the rat in return. To fight back would mean death rather than just a beating. ?Be calm, Saibre! Chiichiichii!? the ratmaid shrieked as the rest of the vermin children slinked off. ?Be calm afore ya break ?em 'cause it hurts more! That?s what my papa tol? my mama afore he left! Chiirrup! Words o? wisdom! Chiichii!?

-----

The burial was brief and as dignified as it could be considering Tassle and Roger kept throwing suspicious glances at Cricket every 30 seconds or so as they dug a rough hole in the sand near the south eastern corner of the courtyard. ?Why are you helping us?? the shrew demanded for the umpteenth time in the six minutes they had been at work.

Cricket sighed in what she hoped was an exasperated way. Sometimes woodlanders were a little too clever for their own good. ??Cause I ain?t got nothin? better t?do ?cept kill Meanystripe an? that c?n wait.?

?What would make you want to kill Ulrick?? Roger queried with honest curiosity before adding with a scoff, ?As if you could.?

The rat glared at him and the mouse stared vacantly back with a goofy smirk until the vermin sneered and turned back to digging. ?Slug-brained, flop-eared idiot,? Cricket grumbled. ?I?m gonna kill him ?cause he killed Cookie.?

?Who?? Tassle interjected.

?Cookie! Zin Typha! He?s the one what stewed up the slaves when the food got scarce the last few days. Taught me everything I know ?bout cookin? an? cuttin? an? killin?,? she explained adding a calculated note of pride. The woodlanders might not like the content of the ratmaid?s lessons, but they could appreciate the idea of a mentor, even for a vermin. ?Meanystripe killed Cookie when ya slaves scarpered off. Graywhiskers told me so.?

?There was a lot of killing, Cricket?? Tassle let the sentence hang and Cricket sensed a story on the tip of her tongue. Ugh! I ain?t goin? that far fer this.

The rat stood so abruptly the shrew twitched and the mouse jumped, arms flying up to a defensive position. ?Hole?s deep enough. Let?s finish this ?cause I?m bored,? an? yer boring.

The small creatures lifted Kelsey with ease given the tough young otter?s emaciated state. Tears glimmered in Tassle?s eyes as she stared down at the dead beast?s face. Roger put a comforting paw on her shoulder. Eesh! I like cheese, but even this is too much fer me! So, Cricket dropped her end of the perfect waste of a hunk of meat into the grave and began covering it.

All the soup we could eat? she thought wistfully as the shrew and mouse lowered Fishface?s top half gently to the earth. Nah, she?d prob?ly taste like rotten carp.

The entire process took no more than 15 minutes as the grave was a shallow one. There was an unspoken agreement among the trio that Kelsey would enjoy her final rest close to the surface, but for very different reasons. Tassle and Roger wanted to be sure the otter?s spirit in Dark Forest would know her body would not lie in the under dark with the monsters of the islands and Cricket was not keen on creating a hole that the monsters might crawl out of one day.

?You were strong, Kelsey,? Tassle said softly as she stuck a piece of driftwood with the riverdog?s name carved roughly onto its surface at the head of the small mound. ?I?ll never forget that. Thank you.?

?You helped me learn proper knots and saved me when I almost drowned,? Roger placed a paw on his heart. ?I can?t be strong like you, but maybe I can be helpful. Rest well.?

They looked expectantly at Cricket who stood dumbfounded for several seconds. What gobbledygook d?they want me t?spew out now?! ?Ya stepped on my tail a lot,? the rat finally intoned with a wry smile. ?I stepped on yers when I shoved yer carcass in that pit. Guess I?ll never see ya again, Fishface, ?cause I ain?t headed fer Dark Forest. That?s fer sure.? She wandered away to find Ulrick and kill him while Spikey and Ragears did whatever it was woodlanders did when not chained up.

-----

She had looked everywhere she could think of for the badger, but the giant ogre proved to be surprisingly stealthy. Thinking she could at least take out some of the frustration she was now feeling on the island rats, the little vermin stalked back toward the courtyard, but stopped when her large ears picked up the sound of familiar voices.

What?s Meanystripe doin? with Silus? she wondered and sneaked closer to the closed door to listen. Luckily, the guard nearby was snoozing after having worked on the barricades yesterday and all the excitement this morning. Plus he looks like an old? Cricket held back a snort. It was Bluefang, the kitchen philosopher. Silus was cracked if he trusted this slack-jawed dung-eater with guarding his office. Never mind. There was plotting.

-----

Cricket did not quite comprehend the enormity of the agreement the badger and weasel reached at the end of their discussion, but she did understand that Meanystripe was as good as double-crossing the slaves and Silus was helping him out with it. What sparks would fly when Tassle found out! There were heavy footsteps and the eavesdropper dodged away to the door entering onto the courtyard. Then she hid behind it, breath becoming fast and senses more keen as her paws found the knotted rope around her middle and unwound it.

Tassle need not know of the deal because Meanystripe would be dead before it mattered. One good whack t?the back o?the knees t?get him down, then go fer the head! she thought wildly. I c?n do it. He can?t catch me!

The vermin heard Ulrick?s heavy breathing, and then he was out the doorway and passing by without noticing her. Perfect! ?Fer Cookie ya frog-spawned rump-kisser!? she hissed as she flailed the rope at the badger.

He turned in surprise and annoyance, then snarled in pain as the thick knots hit his thigh. ?You foul little demon,? he rumbled, turning full around to face the rat. ?I should have dealt with you earlier.?

Then his paw was in motion and Cricket dodged, feeling a brush of air against her backside as she did and knowing that was far too close a call for comfort. Undeterred, the combatants readied their new strikes, Cricket twisting her rope around her arm and twirling it before launching it at the woodlander. It hit the paw Ulrick was leading with and he snarled in pain once more as both heard an audible crack from somewhere on the appendage. This time, though, he grabbed for the rope with his good paw, claws sinking into the coarse weave and catching.

Caught. Cricket had time to think, Oh, Hellgates! before she was airborne, arm pulled nearly out of her socket as the badger swung her over his head, attached to the rope as she was and released at the peak of the arc. The ratmaid cut a comical figure flying through the air and flailing before landing hard in the sandy courtyard and rolling a few feet.

?Huh?I would have said I trusted you as far as I could throw you, vermin.? Ulrick gave a short bark of laughter. ?But that?s much too great a distance for faith in one such as you.?

Curse him t?the darkest depths o? Davy Jones? locker? Cricket tried to push herself up and failed on the first attempt the second was no better, but the third proved the charm as she found herself staring at the woodlander a full three badger-sized lengths away. Her shoulders screamed at her, she was winded, and the rat knew well enough that retreat was in order for the time being. That was something else the woodlanders had taught her. Push it too far and things really do break. Meanystripe had yet to finish her off so either he was being wary or he had lost interest for the moment.

?I?m gonna tell?tell Tassle yer a?a two-timin? sneak!? she puffed. Ulrick was unfazed.

?You heard that?? he raised his brows. ?Hmph?the walls here are thinner than I thought. Do whatever you want, rodent, but stay out of my way or I really will kill you. You?re lucky I?m feeling generous at the moment.?

?Generous? Chah!? even Cricket had to laugh at that. The badger was a selfish git, perhaps even as selfish as she was, and they both knew it. ?Yer jist afraid I?ll take out that other paw o? yers, Meanystripe.? She did not say the dramatic, tacky line: ?And I will another day!? because it was implied and like Ulrick?s blatant lie, they both knew it.

-----

?You tell one heck of a tall tale, Cricket,? Tassle rolled her eyes as she went about picking through the discarded weapons in the main hall looking for something suitable. They would give her no new weapons, but at the very least she could have something to use as a club if the Big Evil came or the island rats revolted?or the crew double-crossed them as the rat was now implying. ?Why would Ulrick, who hates vermin, if you hadn?t noticed, make a deal with Silus??

?So he c?n get off the island!? Cricket was growing tired of the shrew?s continued disbelief. ?It?s the only thing he cares 'bout an? ya know it.? There was a split second flash of doubt across the woodlander?s face, but it was enough for Cricket to know she could now make Ulrick?s life a thoroughly complicated and annoying mess by turning his former allies against him. Gotcha! ?His own hide is the only thing he?s cared ?bout since he was brought aboard. Never thought a lick ?bout his oarmates an? believe me I seen him with the first oarmate afore that vole. Little mouse he ran t?death, sure as ya like.?

?Small lies interwoven carefully with truth make both more potent, Cricket,? Cookie had explained once. ?Just as the tiniest bits of spice if you put them in right make your food better than before.?

?Why should I trust a beast who?s lied and double-crossed me before to sound out another sneak?? But Cricket was ready for this question.

??Cause I ain?t got much t?gain by lyin? an? ya got everything t?lose,? the ratmaid smirked. ?Think ?bout it Spikey. Think real hard ?cause I know this is taxin? on that pea-sized brain o?yers. Tch! Can?t even figure out when yer bein? cheated by one o?yer own kind. That?s jist stupidity, Spikey. Plain an? simple -- Don?t point that thing at me!?

Tassle no longer looked exasperated, but annoyed and worried. She held a chipped and rusted dagger near Cricket?s chest and chittered angrily, ?Would you just shut up, you annoying little pest? Fates! It?s like a mosquito buzzing in my ears. Fine. I?ll go and talk to Ulrick if you?ll just leave me alone. And you?ll see you really do have nothing to gain except a well-deserved cuff with your tomfoolery.? She dropped the weapon to her side and stormed out with her shrewish rage piqued.

Cricket smiled after her unpleasantly and knew there was one more creature she needed to involve to tighten the web she was weaving about those who had caused her such misery.

-----

?Doctor Lowri?? Cricket found the pine marten in his customary office and looking the worse for wear. His once pristine clothing was rumpled and his appearance was that a truly famished beast. The little rat held back a disgusted snort. This was a pitifully weak creature pining -- That?s a really stupid pun? -- for his dead daughter. No wonder Silus had taken over. The marten was not fit to command himself let alone a crew, but he would serve a purpose. They all will, whether they like it or not?even Ashira an? Broo-haha if they?re still alive. I?ll be one o? the three Whacky said would be gettin? off this rock.

?Doctor Lowri,? she approached his desk, paws folded and head bent sorrowfully, ?I?m Lookout Saibre Argyll?s daughter, Cricket, an? I?m awful sorry ?bout yer daughter. She was nice t?me some when my mama died.?

?Argyll?? Despite looks and pining, Lowri was still a fellow with his wits about him. ?I remember Dyera mentioned Cook Typha took care of you. I?m sorry in turn that both your mother and friend are dead, Ms. Argyll. Those are two great losses for one so young. Why are you here though, truly?? The marten smiled when Cricket?s head shot up and she saw that he was handsome despite his condition.

?Everybeast seems to think me a fool for my poor captaining and outburst,? he sighed. ?Even a little one like you would try to deceive me. Ms. Argyll, I am an educated beast in more ways than one. Books fascinate me, but I have enough years to be wise to the world and few enough to still be clever. Speak your piece or be gone from my office. I have few visitors, but I would have none if all came with deception in their hearts.?

Cricket dropped most of her act, but not all. She had misjudged the good Doctor. He was not an idiot, merely a fellow ill-suited for the circumstances. All the better that he have some intelligence. ?I think ya should know what?s been goin? on, Doctor Lowri. All o? what?s been goin? on.? Cricket told him and when she was finished and he asked her to fetch Silus at once, she knew he would be more useful than she first thought.

An? now t?watch ?em squirm. Chiichiirrup!