Avatars & Reviews

[Poko]

Zevka later saved Oko

Good ole' Oko  XD

[foxpen]

Oko ockets

[Rascal]

"What do you mean I got Dark Side points? Sacrificing that baby mole saved someones life!"

[Vizon]

"Travelers"





Jarl

I like that we have a cat. Just one, but it helps with species variety. Unfortunately Jarl is not exactly arena material, though he would go with the "running from something" theme Airan has mentioned that many many of our applicants (and Nire himself) fit. He won't be able to run in the arena (except in circles), but he'll be extremely motivated to find a way out and will cooperate with other cast members in any such attempts, I'm sure. Certainly he's got some weight on him, but if any of you have ever met up with a cat of great girth, they are still powerful beasts with sharp claws. I don't know why the lightning reflexes would be any different from a skinny cat either. Just maybe can't zip away as fast. He's certainly lacking in confidence and accustomed to a high measure of luxury (similar to Lacey), which won't serve him well at first, but creates a lot of room for character development. Jarl will need to adapt and learn to hold his ground or he will die. In the crater, I think he could be a "fun uncle" figure to others - at least until he sees an opportunity to feed them to the boars as a distraction while he makes his escape. :D

If Jarl gets in - hurray! A cat! Beef him up. Turn that weight to your advantage. Most of all though, I want to see Jarl grow some guts. And, as I keep saying, connections connections. Even if Jarl ends up betraying the other cast members to save his own hide, it will be that much more impactful if he befriends those he betrays first.
Oh and make sure he ends up fighting a wolverine.

Favorite line:  In the chaos that ensues Jarl uses the warrior spirit flowing through his veins to make a hasty retreat out the back door.




Komi Banton

Komi seems harmless enough at first, playing her flute and sneezing at the kitchen mice. She just wants a place to sleep, right? And then trouble rears its ugly weasely head and Komi hacks it off (okay not literally. Komi prefers evisceration). Maybe it wasn't the best idea, weasel guy, to confront and irk a former horde captain about her failings. Tsk tsk. A well enough written app. Another very verminy character. Much like Lacey. I feel similarly toward Komi as I do Lacey. The app was well-written, but with Komi reviling woodlanders as well as any vermin who recognize her, she might have some difficulty making friends. Well, except maybe with all the other vermin. But thinking of all the other vermin applicants, I can't really see Komi bonding with any of them unless they form a band (Kali can play the lute, Thrayjen can play the tambourine that he secretly buried, and Faye can play the fool).

If Komi gets in, make friends. See if she can overcome that ugly streak of speciesism (or not - could make for an interesting dynamic). Try to develop her softer side that appreciates music?

Favorite line: The stoat minstrel played on and on until the crowd reached a point where music no longer did any good and Komi noted another stoat giving her a drunken eyeful.




Diamond

One thing I can say for this app - it definitely was NOT predictable! And I think I like that. I like surprises. I think Diamond is very interesting and am in the Airan camp regarding her potential. I like that she's sweet rather than gung-ho macho, and that, in a sense, she is an artist (sculptor?). XD
I liked Jarl simply for being a cat, and even though Diamond is "yet another fox," she is so unique that it really makes her stand out. And she will continue to stand out in the arena. Question is, with such probable instant acceptance from Nire and the crowd, will she get the chance or have the motivation to bond with other gladiators? Airan and I were chatting a lot about Diamond in the arena the other night, and there are a lot of pretty cool scenarios that would be fun to see. Especially that struggle and realization that fame in the arena comes at too high a cost.

If Diamond gets in, keep it up. It's true Diamond could be sucked pretty quickly to the "dark side" of the arena, finding an audience that loves her muscles and "feats" of strength, but I hope that she doesn't go completely Darth Vader. I hope that her sweet side prevails - that she ends up using her strength to fight "the man" and benefit those who are not as strong. Lots of room for drama and character twists and turns and growth.

Favorite line: The weasel luckily recovered a second later, but there existed a moment where that idea could have literally killed a beast.

[Rascal]

Hey vison, how big is the usual forum Icon? Im going to try my hand at making some pixel art. About tge only skill in drawing I have is making those little rpg maker sprites c: I dont promise how many I will make but I want to make a battler sprite for the top ten at least :3

[Tooley Bostay]

Not Vizon, but if you mean the avatars, then the max size is 125 x 125. If you mean the little emoticons like: :goragula:, then I don't know if those have a limit. Those small ones are 20 x 20, but some are bigger like  :weaselly:, for example.

I love the idea, though! Hope to see what you come up with. =D

[Rascal]

Neat! Thanks tooley! I dont expect people to use them anywhere but I figure, why not xD Its either that or draw people stick figures o.o

[Airan]

I can do a rough bit of pixel art. I made the medals for the Mini Contests and I've got a couple of other medals I'm working on for the forum. If you do end up making pixel type stuff, tell me and I'll add them to the emotes.

[Rascal]

They are actually sprites made in an rpg maker character customizer, and then edited to look like contest characters. Imagine ye old Final Fantasy 1 characters...which I would show you if my computer didnt just freeze and eat everything I did :p

[Vizon]

"Beast with a Secret"

Right off, I?d like to apologize to Jasmine?s author. My sincerest regrets. In my late night attempt to not make my objections be solely about the gore, I thought I would try to focus on other small nitpicks. Bad idea, as it turned into an all-too-long and grossly unfair list of tiny issues that really didn?t need to be elaborated on to such an extent. Really I am sorry. I am not by nature a very ?gentle? beast, and struggle daily to be less blunt and more tactful/caring. I failed in that regard with my review, which I should not have been in such a rush to post. I knew it was unusually long and not as friendly as I slogged off to bed, but growly Chak was tired and her filters were at low capacity. Still not an excuse, I know. So yes, very sorry. I?ve edited my review to hopefully be more constructive.



Black Jasmine

Right off I wonder "Why is it 'Black' Jasmine when she goes by Jasmine?" I mean, is "Black" not her first name? Is it a nickname? Is it her secret nickname? :D

There are many things that jumped out at me about this app (har har), though it is well constructed and the timing and the hints are very well done. First, she's HUGE and she's only 15! Is this implying that she is only going to grow larger? Does she suffer from giantism? That would be an interesting character trait.

Next, am I the only one that noticed that there are TWO apps that mention cabbage? Kind of funny.
http://i.imgur.com/rlAldLX.gif

The next note I?ll make is that all of Jasmine's friends knew about her "problem" (secret?) and were okay with it, working with her to combat her viscous cannibal side. Wow ? good friends. Caring friends. I hope she can find this sort in the crater.

There was a lot of creative alliteration, which I appreciated, though it is a little unbelievable that so many beasts names start with the same sound. Not so much the pastries because that sells. Hit me up with some fruity ferrets any day! I wanted to point out the "mince pheasant sweeties" too, as a point of interest, as it is considered barbaric to eat birds in Redwall, yet this seems to be a common/familiar/recognizable pastry in the world of this app. I am starting to wonder if this is a super advanced vermin town? Carrigul of the future where birds are seen as an inferior and edible race? I don't know, but a fully vermin town would explain why Jasmine's mental illness is "redirected" and "discouraged" rather than her being locked the heck away in an asylum (a la Leota). The young fox that gets shot later supports this theory. It?s not vermin vs. woodlanders here. It?s vermin vs. vermin.

Also, I like how the villains use the term "bellringers" in reference to the guards/townsfolk. Like a reference toward Redwallers ringing the Joseph Bell. A vermin insult, if ever there was one!

There is this odd detail in the middle of things: "The youngest [stoat], missing most of his fur, broke away to find their largest." Is this supposed to imply he has mange? Or that he is so young that he hasn't grown all his fur yet (but he'd totally be a baby then with his eyes barely open). It threw me off a little, wondering what the significance of that was.

And last, the descriptions of gore ? as has been mentioned elsewhere. Just a little too much, if you ask me, and I'm not usually one to flinch from violence. I know it?s important to the app as it builds to see the horror. It?s the climax, after all. But the first could have stopped at ?two shorn limbs, still twitching? and the bit about the split tendons I feel is unnecessarily specific. Just maybe be a bit more reserved should you make it in.

All in all, not my favorite character type personally, though I did think the repeating "Darkness" lines were fitting and well done. In fact the whole horror build-up is really fantastic and well-crafted. But you can have horror without copious gore. Or gore that is vague and horrifying without being so specific (a la Evil Dead).
That said, she really was a fun avatar to make.

If Jasmine makes it into this contest, try to be more tactful/reserved with the descriptions of gore. The arena is going to be horrible and violent enough even with very little description, and violence and death should be tragic and moving, potent and intentional. If you can keep that reigned in, I think a hulking, capable monster rat could be very interesting to see in the arena, though it might be tough to bond with others very closely if Jasmine eats anyone.

Favorite line:  Each cookie took the shape of a savory stoat, or a fruity ferret, or marshmallow marten.





Thrayjen

Sorry, if it seems brief by comparison, but I did not find quite so much to object to in this one. The app starts us out with another potential horror-story which turns into a gleeful bedtime story about heroes triumphing over pirates.

Whew again.

The hedglings are adorable and their cutesy speech is not so overly sweet as to make one nauseous. I cannot help but wonder when the boy says "I uses a spoon to eat oatmealies!" whether he actually does mean "oatmeal" as we would presume, or whether he means oat mealworms. That would be a perfectly acceptable breakfast for hedgehogs, after all.

The babe speech is not annoying, but the nan's is a bit to me. First, this line doesn't make sense to me:

?How?s the soup, Nan??
 
?You naughty rascal!?

Wait - why is he naughty for asking about soup? Because he knows it's really tea? Is that a tease/joke? If so, it doesn't seem like one. The final "Naughty rascal" also seems forced, but maybe Nan just likes calling him that. That's the best I can figure.

At the end of the app, I was so sure that Thrayjen was going to do something terrible to Nan. Like, now that he knows she knows, he's going to have to shut her up. Smother her in her sleep or something (of course, he would apologize while doing it). I was actually surprised when he did not do this.

It's this line that really pushes the idea though:

?What?? Surprised that the palsied old hog knew anything, Thrayjen?s eyes widened for but a moment before narrowing.

Thrayjen really is a mystery. He could be bad or good, as has been said. He seems to genuinely care about the hedgehog family though, and I'm going to go with the idea that he was a slave rather than a pirate, and would never hurt the hedgehogs who helped him when he was most desperate, and will do anything to ensure their safety. Because I want to believe that.

If Thrayjen makes it into the contest, keep it up. I believe in you, man.

Favorite line: ?Thank-you,? Thrayjen quietly said around a sip of tea. ?For helping me.?




Nokki Avaartin

Okay now for Nokki. When I first saw the name on the list of apps received, I was so sure this was written by a kid I knew who entered the contest, since his brother's name is "Nachi." But alas, he informed me later that he did not make it into the top 30. So who knows how it is really pronounced. I'm sticking with "Nokki" that sounds like "knocky" though.

I pretty much agree with Foxpen and Airan on this one. It's like Nokki doensn't want to be noticed the whole app, but then we realize that actually he misses being notorious (or at least doing notorious and fiendish things). I think Airan is right that he's hit some sort of mid-life crisis - like a green beret coming back home from the war, expected to revert right back to domesticated/civilized life again where people don't kill you in your sleep and where you don't shoot people on a regular basis. He's tasted a more exciting way of life and can't stay settled. He's all ready to cheat on his wife/family, but not in the traditional way.

So Nokki is kind of bad on multiple levels - bad history, bad family man, and seeking something dishonest to take him away from his family. Bad isn't always a negative thing. Chak was bad. There is hope.

If Nokki makes it in, I'd advise his author to maybe go the villainous route. Nokki is obviously a beast with a reputation for harming others and perhaps accumulating enemies. With the way he seems to despise his family, it might be difficult to redeem him. So maybe just go the route of turning him into a dastardly villain that we all love to hate.

[Vizon]

A final note - I realize that not all of these avatars may be quite in line with what the author imagined or even what they might wish to represent them in the contest.

As with previous contests, I would like to reassure all of you that you can make anything your avatar. These are just for fun. If you like yours and want to use it for your character, I would be delighted. If you don't, well that's up to you.

There is another option, however, if you are not pleased with your avatar and have made it into the top 10, you can PM me to change it. I'm open to that. Wrong fur coloration? Lame pose that doesn't quite embody your character (sorry Nokki)? Wrong tattoo designs (sorry Jarl)? Just let me know. Tooley did it. Crue did it. I'm glad they did.

Hope you all enjoyed the images and reviews, at least! Best of luck to everyone vying for the contest. It's a demanding and challenging endeavor, but oh so much fun. Remember that we are a community here and everyone wants to improve/do their best. We are friends, even when we are in a contest "against" one another. So let's not ever lose track of that. Help each other out. Stick around even if you don't get in and keep participating. Contestants need/love an audience, and value any and all feedback. Also there are mini contests and writing games (and an art room), so don't feel like the contest is the only way to take part!

[Komi Banton]

Vizon, I just wanted to say thank you for the wonderful avatar. It's fantastic and I've been eagerly waiting an opportunity to say so publicly!

[Minerva]

Aye! Indeed, lass. Ye captured my good side beautifully.

[Thrayjen]

Nothing fits quite as well as a custom avatar. Thank-you!

[Kali]

Mine is perfect. THANKYOUSOMUCH!