Avatars & Reviews

[Vizon]

Seeing as we only have  a  few days until the deadline, I'm going to go ahead and start my avatar thread. I enjoyed pairing avatars with reviews last contest, so I think I will do it again. I will kick things off with an avatar of our esteemed new big baddie, Nire Borean:

More to come once the apps show up.

[foxpen]

I love it! I love that he's a grinning GIF, too! XD Your avatars are always a treat, Vizon.

[Zevka]

I love your art, Vizon, and this is no exception. I still look at the stuff you drew of Zevka and Zash!

[Istvan]

Oh my, what a handsome fellow! Fantastic work as always, Vizon

[Vizon]

Thanks, guys. It's always fun. Now if only I could make fan art my job.

[Vin]

So just in case anyone still doubts Vizon's abilities (I know, I know? crazy people, anirite?) look no further than my own incredibly detailed and realistic avatar, in which he perfectly encapsulates the character that was Vin the otter.

Seriously though, I love your avatars. That gif is a step up too.

[Tooley Bostay]

Glorious work, Chak Vizon (dang, gonna have to get used to calling you that now). Is this an indication that there might be more animated avatars this time around?

And your avatar is a national treasure, Vin.

[Vizon]

Glorious work, Chak Vizon (dang, gonna have to get used to calling you that now). Is this an indication that there might be more animated avatars this time around?

Possibly. And you can keep calling me Chak. I don't mind. I still call Foxpen Noony every now and then.

[Vizon]

It begins!

Going to start with "The Silly Beast"




Malukh

My first impression was that this application seemed more in line with "The Beast that May or May Not be Crazy" than "Silly," though I suppose crazy can also be silly in regards to absurdity. An absurd and comical application with a funny, albeit forboding (for Malukh) ending.

Malukh has very poor judgment, from the look of things, and with such a gigantic chip on his shoulder, I wonder how well he can play off the other contestants. I think it would be difficult for the author to garner sympathy with this character, unless his sanity returns and he recognizes that even if he really is some sort of royal heir, the arena is no place to claim a throne. If this character gets in, I would encourage his author to bring him back to reality quickly, as his present state of mind will not allow for much (if any) deep connections with others. The character reminds me very much of Thaddeus Churchmouse in the last contest's top 30, and similar to that character, I think that although Malukh offers a measure of comedy, it is ultimately not a character trait that will help him survive.


Favorite line: ?While I do appreciate the help,? he said, trying as gracefully as possible to extricate himself from the beast?s grip, ?you should know how impetuous you?re being by laying your paws on me."





Kali


This character is quite endearing, and I enjoyed reading the application. I love Kali's positive attitude and enthusiasm, as well as the funny little details (thumb up). I think she would fare well in the story - maybe not so much as a fighter so much as a character that can garner audience sympathy. There's a lot of potential for connection, and I think in the midst of all the drama and death and carnage, a positive, even humorous character definitely has a place and would help to lighten the story.
If Kali gets in, her author might want to adjust the writing style to fit that of the story (past tense rather than present tense). I would also advise the author to keep in mind that fruit bats (flying foxes) are foreigners (might need a backstory for how she ended up so far from the tropics) and are not like other bats that use echolocation. Hopefully you already know all this. :) I am very glad to see a bat app, incidentally. I think they're pretty cool creatures. Best of luck.

Favorite line: He laughs nervously as he gets Kali quickly to the door because the things vermin throw are much sharper than rotten fruit.

[Rascal]

My amazement for your art is only seconded by my amazement at how quickly you produced it o.o

The apps came out just today man xD You work fast! I can't wait to see what you have created for the other categories!

[Vizon]

My amazement for your art is only seconded by my amazement at how quickly you produced it o.o

The apps came out just today man xD You work fast! I can't wait to see what you have created for the other categories!

Oh that's nothin'! I'm sure I'd have had all 7 up already if I didn't have kids and dinner prep and work and visitors.

[Tooley Bostay]

Aaaand already I'm vastly impressed. Your avatars are a highlight of these contests, Chak, and I can't wait to see your further interpretations of the Top 30.

[Vizon]

"The Beast Who Makes Things"




Aldridge Moor

A wonderful read, albeit odd in regards to perspective and tense. A peaceful stoat working hard among a village of other workbeasts with a variety of skills (carpentry, baking, smithy, dyeing, healing, hunting, apothecary and more!). Mostly just wants to be accepted, and is content at having broken through whatever barrier he'd been up against as a newcomer. It's easygoing, descriptive, and most of all - personal. Aldridge worked very hard to gain his peace, so I wonder how he will react to the arena where he not only has to start over again with building relationships (which doesn't appear to be easy for him), but he has to fight and kill and destroy beasts who might otherwise be his friends. There's a lot of potential here for this character, and it feels like the author has a lot more in mind for this beast in regards to past, motives, and character interaction.

If Aldridge makes it into the contest, I think his author will need to change the perspective, but other than that, I think they have a pretty great start to what could be a very strong character that will be interesting to follow.

Favorite line: A trip to the blacksmith for a branding tool and a trip to the dyers for just a tiny bit of blue, and now a small bluebell motif rests at the tip of the bow, and a pawful of sky-blue hempen cord in my beltpouch.




Strathcomb Piccadilly

A mole app! Burr hurr! An honorable beast heads up a revolt of sorts. A strong, extra tall mole ("a full head taller than his peers"), able to wield a tool too heavy for others to lift. Sounds like a decent fighter, except that he seems predictably decent and dangerously selfless. He reminds me of Robert Rosequill a little which makes me wonder how they differ. Is Strathcomb also a family beast? It wouldn't surprise me. So what does a beast like Strathcomb/Robert do in a situation like the arena? Something tells me neither would last long, as they'd trip over their morals pretty early on the moment they're told to kill a beast that doesn't deserve to be killed. Yet having a character in the mix who does have strong, unwavering morals might keep the story from spiraling into back-stabbing chaos, at least.

If Strathcomb makes it in, I'd advise his author to consider what weaknesses the mole might have and what might make even a morally sound beast fight against his will. And for the love of Martin, dig a tunnel the heck outta there!


Favorite Line: The moles churned in place like a boiling cauldron as Strath climbed the iron staircase.

[Vizon]

"The Beast Who May or May Not Be Crazy"
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Azalea

This was actually a pretty fun read, and maybe my favorite of the three. I especially love the way it ends, and the tiny suggestion that slavers are nearby to explain how Azalea might end up captured. Very clever. A few things bother me like the modern silly fangirl lingo ("so soft and cuddly!" "squeals in delight" "M?kay?" "You sSSsoooooo cheated!") and the number of misspellings, but the ditzy silly girl dialog fits the character and the grammar can certainly be dealt with (with help from fellow contestants). I realize not everyone has an editor nearby they can run their writing past, after all.

If Azalea makes it in (which I wouldn't mind), I would advise her author to try to fit the world a little better. See if you can keep that flitty silly (crazy) pattern of speaking without the modern-day edge. When writing for the contest be sure to post your draft in the pre-post board earlier rather than later so that the other contestants have time to look it over, pitch in, and help you out with spelling and grammar so it comes out polished and shiny for the audience.

Favorite line: Before he can argue technicalities, Azalea begins to devour him?Alive.




Leota Nettlekin

Ah, Nisky. I mean Leota. (I could not help but compare Leota to the other elderly squirrel app in MO3)
I just couldn't stop wondering "HOW?" throughout this entire app. How does an elderly old squirrel take down/acquire all of these beasts? How can they let her eat fellow prisoners? How can she stir a teacup with something as large as a femur? (That's my anatomy and physiology speaking. Mice shouldn't be that much smaller than squirrels after all. I must assume then that it is a baby mouse femur, or a smaller bone like a metacarpal). In the end, though, I can only assume she is a lot more capable than she lets on, and certainly has the stomach for performing surprisingly gruesome acts of violence. Perhaps it is her grandmotherly persona that allows her to get close enough to surprise beasts with a knife through the ribs. Or maybe she poisons their tea...
It's all very dark and a bit fun in a twisted and freakish way, but I have to wonder how Leota would actually fare in an arena environment. She seems active - but in a crafty, industrious way. Is she actually a fighter? Or even more important - will she be a danger to her fellow contestants? Will she be able to bond with them? I am sure she might try, but any sane beast would not want to be associated with Hannibal's grandmother.

If Leota wins this category, I would advise her author to... uh... hmm.

...

I guess go the way of a pacifist Dexter? She can't help having a taste for flesh, but at least she only eats beasts after they're already dead. Maybe she sees carving bones as a way of memorializing friends. Like how in the past people used to cut the hair off the dead and pass out the pieces as keepsakes to family and friends.

Favorite line: "He had the most delightful wild mushrooms growing in his cell to eat, so he?s quite tasty, not stringy like most of his kind."




Kentigern MacRaff


A valiant effort at an accent. I do find Kentigern a bit difficult to sympathize with. Not that my pirate slaver Chak was exactly sympathetic in my application. I didn't even like him myself. But there was a lot of potential for growth, and I think there is plenty of room for Kentigern to grow as well. He is capable of affection, so if he is able to overcome his bias, he might even be able to befriend vermin characters later on. At the moment, however, I am more sympathetic with his wife. The overflow of "kens" and the absurdity of having a bonny wife named Bonnie (or is it bonny wife named Bonnie?) are a little bothersome to me personally, but I think Kentigern has plenty of room for growth if he wins the category.

If he does make it, I would advise his author to do even more research on the accent (maybe read some Vanessa Fern posts from MO1). Be sure to show the audience why he is so biased so that the audience doesn't think he's just a jerk for leaving his family behind to enter the arena (of all places). Work on that sympathy.


Favorite line: "If you come back, you?ll wish you died in that arena, I can guarantee you that.?

[Rascal]

Miss Leo's face right there...that is by far the most epic face of epicness I have seen so far.