Comments From a Simple Treedog

[Sycamore]

Cuties you mean! Or I'll have your head!

[Sycamore]

I'm working on reviews, never feel.

...

Fear.

But Eliza's title reminded me of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdVseljx2UU

[Sycamore]

Back! I'm continuing my reviews of the Top Nine Apps. I hear some don't think it's necessary and I think that's silly, since this is our first observation of the character and it seems that all of them have taken it as an initial "first post" to the story. If it's a matter of time and laziness, that's one thing, but to claim that there's no point? I heartily disagree.

Deadtail- This one was rather weird to me, I'll be honest, because it looked like you were half putting Deadtail in a vermin horde and half in the Long Patrol. That's cool! Don't get me wrong. But my canonicity is getting in the way again I'M SORRY. Badges and metals in a vermin horde? I'll buy it, if only because I have to.

I love the way Deadtail is all like surrounded by idiots and he's perfectly cool with it. You've established well his desire for survival, which is a good thing in something like this. I'm worried, however, if it might get in the way of his ability to interact with other contestants. Deadtail is very much a loner. There's a lot of things about him we don't know anything about. Things we wouldn't understand. Things we couldn't understand. Things we shouldn't understand. We don't want to get mixed up with a guy like him. He's a loner, Dottie, a rebel.

Bottom line is, you've established Deadtail into a survivor very well, but I'm curious how you'll attach him to folk while remaining in character, because, lets face it, companionship is key to surviving these things. It's not necessary, of course, but if the relationships around you are developing at a better rate than you are, there might be some who will vote for your death to preserve the relationship, even if you're a major player in the plot.

Venril- You're such a Vulpine Imperium-er, but that's okay. Truth is, that's the conclusion I leapt to because I've never thought about the idea of a clerk in the Redwall series. I wonder if Verdauga ever had such a character... However, I do notice the whole Baron title, and I might want to draw your attention to Ada's post concerning such things. I don't know if it's relative in this case; I'll admit that I'm not too well versed on British society when it comes to such things, but with an initial observation, it does seem out of context. Now, I do understand the whole "extension of belief" bit when it comes to fantasy, but we might as well try to learn something. It's not something I'm faulting you for, nor would I even if I understood it myself.

Now, on to Venril himself. I want to point something out.

For a brief moment Venril had a fantasy of some unusually conscientious hordebeast coming to his defense and dressing down the insolent mustelid.

This has got to be my favorite line, because not only does Venril have a real-life-experienced-it-myself type fantasy about putting somebeast in his place, but he's not even the protagonist of that fantasy. He wants somebeast else to do it. He doesn't even have the self-confidence in his fantasies. That speaks volumes about the character. I love these lacking self-confidence types, because you have so much room to grow over the course of the contest. Sandrose lacked self-confidence. Meadowbrook lacked self-confidence. I am drawn to these characters.

Now some silly things that will make you hate me.

?So I?m you are new captain and now we?re going to start acting like proper hordebeasts.?

?Two days grog ration says it?s one week!?  another hordebeast called out (and then immediately thereafter came)

?My knife says he gets killed the first time out!?

Polish. I know it's hard in the middle of the contest, but you have weeks to spend on an application if this wasn't send in a few days prior.

But you're cool! I like you! Keep it tidy, though, because it's obvious you're competent as a writer. I'll keep someone alive with better prose than one who doesn't. BE FOREWARNED.

Damask the Minstrel- You're so pretty. That first paragraph was so delightful I didn't want it to end. And then it did and I was sad.

Some things I'm confused about. Do bird have claws, or are they generally talons? I guess talons would be more bird of prey-ish, but I've generally thought that all birds have talons, and claws were reserved for those of the paw variety.

-5 POINTS

Otherwise, fantastic. From an initial observation, I'm not entirely sure what this letter will portray, though I have been keeping up with the story, so I know he's all spy-novelist-type. What I like about him is that he's afraid. Afraid to be killed, afraid for his family/himself because he's trying to put food on the table. That's cool. He's not all suave savvy bard type. He's much more of the spoony variety.

I'm not really sure there's much more I can say. You've set him up very neatly. He's ready for character interaction and he's got something to live for that will keep him alive for the duration of the contest. This was almost like an easy choice on the judges' perspective. As such, I have high hopes for you. DON'T SCREW IT UP.

And your use of a tavern? Totally a VI player.

...

I'll end this post now so our eyes don't bleed.

[Damask the Minstrel]

Weeeeell...

If I use both claws and talons for Damask, it would be to add variety to the writing, but I find that talons are usually reserved for teh_rapt0rs and other killing-type birds. Lil' robin-face here only gets measley claws. Poor thing.

EDIT: The almighty Wikipedia directs me from 'talon' to 'claw' and says that talons are reserved for birds of prey. I'd say it's up to interpretation, myself. So, if you want to deduct points for imprecision, that's all up to you. ^.^

EDIT 2: Woot! Plus-points!

[Sycamore]

ACCEPTED EXPLANATION

+3 POINTS

And you should totally throw in hand just to make my head asplode.

...

Tarsus.

[Sycamore]

Wrath the Whirlwind- I mean Rath. I totally know how you got your name.

You are another delightfully set up character, and I'm trying find things that may help you but I almost think you don't need any of it. Maybe if I start rambling I can come up with something.

I like what you did with his eye. I'm a fan of those injuries, but only when it's on paper or a movie. Otherwise it's pretty gruesome. Reminds me so much of my little Vesania. Are you going to eyepatch the thing, or just kinda leave it out in the open to fester and scare away anybeast that takes a good look at him? I really hope its a permanent injury, because despite Rath's ultimate-fighter-no-one-can-beat-me-cause-I'm-the-best, you have given him a huge weakness by taking half his vision. What eye was it, did you specify? But look what you did - no more depth perception, and it's so much easier for somebeast to sneak up on him. Play this out, totally play this out. An injury like this has so much potential.

There you go, see what rambling can do? I ended up gushing to you like an unadulterated fanboy.

Keane- My canon sensors are tingling. So Keane's a drug dealer? Watch it. That's all I'll say. You must play the VI, too.

Keane, ears flattened against his head, attempted to keep his irritation from showing.

Hee! Animal tendencies! You skyrocket in my book. However, I'll point out the same things to you as I did for Venril.

?I ate already.?  He hoped she gave up quickly (but)

She tried again.  ?How is business??

I'll be honest. I won't say I openly dislike Keane, because I don't want to. But right off the bat you've chosen something to me seems very controversial and therefore might be an impediment to your survival. So work me. Make me like what you've chosen to do. It's clear that Keane doesn't like what he does but tries to rationalize it, so that makes for good conflict. I also see that you've taken Keane from a strictly feline society, so that makes me a little curious about his past and whereabouts.

Listen, I only dislike Keane because I dislike his profession. You're on the same page as Eliza with me and it's just something I'm going to have to get over. Or maybe you do want me to dislike Keane so you can blow my socks off when I actually get to see him in action. That would be cool.

Do that instead.

~~~~~

So there are my impressions of the applicants. I consider myself a very canon person, so I get annoyed when others don't appease me. After all, this is a "Redwall" contest unless otherwise specified. Most, if not all of you, have at some point been in touch with the Vulpine Imperium. I can be wrong about that, but your apps say otherwise.

Therefore, I offer you my Canonicity Rating!

Bellona - You might have been taken straight out of a Redwall novel.

Susie - You as well.

Rath - You're like the ferret form of the Wearet and I liked how you pitted him against a weasel in your app. You've created a cage fighter, which is different from the one on one battles we see in hordes that lets the loser end up dead. I don't suppose it's that unRedwally, if you squint your eyes and use your imagination a lot.

Revel - I'm docking you canonicity points because Jacques would never have something so animalistic in his characters, but that just means I love you all the more.

Damask - The character is Redwally, but you put him in a Tavern.

Deadtail - The character is Redwally, but he's in the Vermin Long Patrol. You and Damask are pretty much equal because while you have a non-Redwall concept, Damask has a non-Redwall locale. I GUESS I put Damask ahead of you because while you can leave the locale behind, an army has a larger area of influence and can move around much easier than say, random town.

Venril - The clerkly profession brought you down, but I suppose even Verdauga might have had somebeast like you. What did Ashleg do, does anyone remember? However, you're not any higher on the scale because the character is surely somebeast to be written in the VI.

Keane - Your drug dealing ways and feline society puts you near the bottom.

Eliza - You reek of Vulpine Imperialism.

Please don't take these to heart; I'm only having a little fun here. If you have been offended by my ranking, we can discuss it over tea and scones. I'd offer crumpets, but scones seem so much more Redwall friendly. ^^

[Captain Ashpaw]

I consider myself a very canon person, so I get annoyed when others don't appease me.

But... but... you love me, right?

*gives Sycamore puppy-dog eyes*

[Suellyn]

*gives Sycamore puppy-dog eyes*

ew . . . poor puppy.

[Sycamore]

I consider myself a very canon person, so I get annoyed when others don't appease me.

But... but... you love me, right?

*gives Sycamore puppy-dog eyes*

Oh my goodness. *fawns*

You, my dear sir captain, are a special case, and not just because I might sleep with a printout of your art under my pillow.

[Revel]

You do that too?

[Cairn Destop]

And just one more character to post.  Everyone else should have their next upload ready and awaiting our tail-dragging gladiator.  Then again, maybe it would be a better strategy to upload that post just before voting opens.  It prevents anyone from improving their status.

Decisions - Decisions - What cha gonna do?

[Birch]

Well, you have to admit it's a heavy ax.

I heard that the first week is extended, so I wouldn't worry about a lack of posts when it comes to voting. Yet . . .

[Damask the Minstrel]

Well, I plan to go ahead and upload in the next few days, gentle readers.

Hopefully, I'll be memorable enough it won't matter.

And double-hopeful it's a good memorable, not a bad memorable.

[Cairn Destop]

Well, I plan to go ahead and upload in the next few days, gentle readers.

Unless the rules have changed, you cannot post a second time until everyone has made one post.

[Damask the Minstrel]

Oh, I know. I'm waiting on Rath's revisions, then I do my revisions, and there's another poster that has #2 nearly done. I'm not jumping the gun, don't worry; I just don't plan to hold off 'til the weekend for "strategy's sake". (That, and my 'net went out last weekend. So I don't want to risk it again.)