Comments From a Simple Treedog

[Rath the Whirlwind]

Apologies.  You will most assuredly be seeing something from me tonight. 

[Sycamore]

Rath, you remind me of marching band.

?Water you looking at?? The cat chortled at his own play on words.

"WATER WE DOING ON THE THIRSTY-FIVE YARD LINE??!"

ALSO!!!

The ferret lay back and closed his eyes.

Did you not heed my rant earlier? Let me refresh:

I like what you did with his eye. I'm a fan of those injuries, but only when it's on paper or a movie. Otherwise it's pretty gruesome. Reminds me so much of my little Vesania. Are you going to eyepatch the thing, or just kinda leave it out in the open to fester and scare away anybeast that takes a good look at him? I really hope its a permanent injury, because despite Rath's ultimate-fighter-no-one-can-beat-me-cause-I'm-the-best, you have given him a huge weakness by taking half his vision. What eye was it, did you specify? But look what you did - no more depth perception, and it's so much easier for somebeast to sneak up on him. Play this out, totally play this out. An injury like this has so much potential.

Needless to say, that should be eye. And pick one. I'm at the point of switching it so often I'm now imagining him blind.

That's right. I only break my review train FOR YOU.

[Rath the Whirlwind]

Why did I ever not notice that?

It shan't happen again.

[Sycamore]

Good.

*lowers bow and arrow*

[Revel]

Now, on to Venril himself. I want to point something out.

For a brief moment Venril had a fantasy of some unusually conscientious hordebeast coming to his defense and dressing down the insolent mustelid.

This has got to be my favorite line, because not only does Venril have a real-life-experienced-it-myself type fantasy about putting somebeast in his place, but he's not even the protagonist of that fantasy. He wants somebeast else to do it. He doesn't even have the self-confidence in his fantasies. That speaks volumes about the character. I love these lacking self-confidence types, because you have so much room to grow over the course of the contest. Sandrose lacked self-confidence. Meadowbrook lacked self-confidence. I am drawn to these characters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOoUteabhgc

[Damask the Minstrel]

...

I was thinking of the exact same scene! Someone else who loves Scrubs!

(Are you in my brain, psychic stoat lady?)

[Revel]

No, but if you hold still and wait for the frying pan to heat up, your brain can be inside me!

:mspacman: ~ Love and Kisses!

[Cairn Destop]

Just got to read the last post.   Just the one rough edge there and as I mentioned earlier, or in another thread, the contestants have the luxury of editing their posts.

?Water you looking at?? = I do believe this should be "What."  Then two SPAG issues.  One, the first word should be capitalized.  Two, dialogue is to be a separate paragraph.



And now I'll wait for the inevitable respones of it being an "accent."  This "accent" gaff happened in QB-5 and my pointing it out got me several barbed comments via PM. 

Speaking of which, who will be the first to say "SPAG isn't important" or something similar?

[Revel]

It was a pun, not an accent.  ;D

Speaking of which, who will be the first to say "SPAG isn't important" or something similar?

Me! Almost.

SPAG is important, but if a reviewer is just going to harp on grammar faults and spelling errors you can count on me to be the first whacking them with a sack of bricks and telling them to enjoy the story. It's like going to a movie and sending a nasty letter to the director every time you spot a camera reflected in a car window. Sit back! Enjoy. Relax. Have fun. Please. If you want perfection, go read a professionally published work.

Cairn, I also want to tell you that I very much appreciate the time you're putting in to read and post! That's fabulous! I'm sorry if I jumped on you too fast about this or that. I'm just protective of my fellows! I'll jump on anyone if they get too snarky or use red font. They're like my own kits, they are.

:mspacman: ~ Rev

[Sycamore]

?Water you looking at?? = I do believe this should be "What."  Then two SPAG issues.  One, the first word should be capitalized.  Two, dialogue is to be a separate paragraph.

First word should be capitalized? What do you mean by that? It was a pun, as evidenced by the next line, "The cat chortled at his own play on words."

Actually, I don't get your SPAG issues at all. Could you clarify, please?



The pun thing reminds me of something I had Liam do in QBV. Hold on while I find it...

*edit - Here it is!

?Your awake!?

The otter froze, immobilized by the hare?s apparent joy.

?Well, I mean t?say, that you are awake, not ?you? possessive, that is, that just doesn?t make sense! Although, unless we?re talkin? ?bout your state of being awake. That would make sense, now wouldn?t it, wot??

[Cairn Destop]

Regarding SPAG:
Apparently, my screen had the word "water" and not "Water."  Note that the second one has a capital "W," which is correct.  So that one I'll blame on my display.

As to the second, dialogue is to be set aside as a separate paragraph for each person speaking.  Since the verbage before the quote is descriptive text unrelated to the character talking, the line should be set apart.


And your quote from Liam is the very line I referenced.  SPAG-wise, it is incorrect.  The proper term is "You're" and then the hare could crack wise on the word play. 

[Sycamore]

I was under the impression that if the paragraph was about the character, then it was all right to put dialogue in without opening a new paragraph.

As for the Liam thing, what if he meant, "your" and not "you're?" That's really what I was going for. That Liam said specifically the possessive form of "you" and had no intention of speaking the contraction. As for the accent, if I was the one that sent you that PM, then I shouldn't have mentioned anything about an accent, because it's not.

Have you ever spoken something so incorrectly that would look like a vomit of letters on paper? I do it all the time.

[Sparrowhawk]

the contestants have the luxury of editing their posts.

Do they really? I was under the impression that it was forbidden, or at least frowned upon after a certain amount of time has passed and the reviews have started to appear. And considering that the date and time of any edits are clearly recorded on the bottom (with the exception of edits made in the first minute or so, I believe), it'd be kind of hard to do it on the sly.

Someone who is in the know tell me the general policy on this!

Speaking of which, who will be the first to say "SPAG isn't important" or something similar?

I'll be the second... to say it's not important to me unless it detracts from my understanding/enjoyment of the story (it'd have to be pretty bad I think)

[Damask the Minstrel]

I'm on the fence (where else would a birdie be). SPAG is important -- as Bells pointed out to me earlier -- but it shouldn't be everything. For instance, I'm fine if you use fragments for emphasis, especially in speech/thoughts. Not everyone speaks proper grammar, for sure.

Syc: Why would he even think he was saying the possessive the first time? His next line seems to clarify that he was explicitly not speaking the possessive. Seems a bit confusing to me.

(But, yes. Water. Bad pun. Really bad pun. Animaniacs-level bad pun.)

(RE Editing: It's considered really bad form, at least in my eyes, to go back and edit after even a few hours. Before that, maybe you mis-typed, or copy-paste missed something. It's understandable -- could have been a computer issue. After? It was probably your mistake and you should just own up to it.)

[Sycamore]

Syc: Why would he even think he was saying the possessive the first time? His next line seems to clarify that he was explicitly not speaking the possessive. Seems a bit confusing to me.

Ah ha, but he has to clarify because he did speak the possessive. Again, I'll ask if anyone has ever said something so incorrect it looks like a vomit of letters on paper. I will frequently switch words around in sentences, and even letters in words. If that was down on paper, would my author be yelled at for SPAG and typos?