Notes from Ardis

[Ada Veen]

(My personal feeling is that the more you explain outside of the story, the less credibility you give to your writing.)

A winnerrrrrrrrr. And the less you have to explain outside of the story, the better.

I just felt like the Eliza we saw in the application was somewhat...empty-feeling? Drifting, almost, without anything to ground her but a fairly typical depiction of society and its trappings. And, like I said, I wish you had focused on the Eliza that was going to be in the contest-- while you are arguably setting her up for the competition, Eliza post-accident is a far more compelling, conflicted character.

[Sycamore]

But, hey. My feelings are that we know now what Eliza was like pre-contest. Now we don't have to shift through flashbacks and other junk that might take away from the here-to-now.

And THAT is what I think makes Eliza even MORE compelling to see, because now we're like, well crap, how is she going to handle it?

I've been viewing these apps as a "first post" before the first post.

[Captain Ashpaw]

(My personal feeling is that the more you explain outside of the story, the less credibility you give to your writing.)

I just dropped by to agree with this, though sometimes audiences are a bit thick, I'd point out.   :)

_{Also I <3 John Hick.  Ada's sig FTW.}

[Damask the Minstrel]

... Wah!

And here I was, interacting with the audience so much.

[Ada Veen]

(Eliza, I started doodling you and Revel between classes today. I felt you should know because there are copious amounts of ruffles. For you, not her.)

John Hick is fabulous. And I'm not just saying it because he's a welcome respite from Anselm, who had me frothing at the mouth. But you and I generally agree.

Okay, where am I...

Deadtail

Clear, capable, very smooth prose. I have nothing much to say about the technical qualities of the writing. It flows well. It's sharp. That works.

I feel like "faceless hordebeast" is what you're going for, but I'm finding Deadtail very passive and boring. He's about the fight to survive. I get that. Maybe, if "faceless hordebeast" is the point...play into that. Maybe Deadtail is scrabbling for survival so much that he's turned into an automaton.

Everything else is crisp, memorable-- I absolutely loathe reading fight/battle scenes because clashing swords and flying arrows usually don't accomplish much plot-wise until someone important croaks, and I still paid attention to your application. And I remember specific details, too, like the badges in the dusk, and I think I should note that I read this at seven-something, without my daily americano or anything, after a night where I woke up about four times and ran into a wall maybe two. But as for Deadtail himself...nothing comes to mind. He's a passionless, actionless observer, a removed narrator rather than a character.

Just...I'd ask that you do something?

[Ada Veen]

et voila

http://i615.photobucket.com/albums/tt232/aurochsandangels/Photo292.jpg
http://i615.photobucket.com/albums/tt232/aurochsandangels/Photo293.jpg

Of course, as the day goes on the quality of terrible little scribbles gets exponentially worse (often, I admit, on purpose). This is a proven fact.

http://i615.photobucket.com/albums/tt232/aurochsandangels/Photo294.jpg
http://i615.photobucket.com/albums/tt232/aurochsandangels/Photo295.jpg
http://i615.photobucket.com/albums/tt232/aurochsandangels/Photo296.jpg

I also forgot what a dormouse actually looks like. And most other animals depicted.

[Damask the Minstrel]

Wow...

I want to know what those captions are, by the by.

[Captain Ashpaw]

*huffs that he never got goofy sketches in QBV*

On the other... paw... I'm not sure something that you'd sketch of Ashy (and Cally, ha) would've been Terrougable.   :P

I find the Revel one far too hilarious.  I blame the sleep deprivation. 

[Eliza Lacrimosa]

*feels special*

Thanks for the lovely depictions, Ada!

[Sparrowhawk]

Is... is he covering Nine Inch Nails?

(damask if you manage to work a legit Redwallian interpretation of a Trent Reznor song into one of your posts I swear I will never ever vote for your death*)

*or maybe just applaud you loudly

[Ada Veen]

Yes.

Yes he is.

[Bellona Littlebrush]

Those are very cute, Ms. Veen, m'am. The silly doodles are especially enjoyable, the DRUGS sailor kitty made me giggle. And I look like this, so I'd say your dormouse is a lovely (if bizarre) approximation for having forgotten how we look.

[Damask the Minstrel]

*screams* ... you like an animal!

Or maybe not. You reviewers, always giving me awful ideas. You lot are like the stereotypical devil conscience in cartoons.

[Revel]

OMG I love it! But what is she saying at the bottom above "Cravings"? I think that's Revel too, is it?

:mspacman: Hurr durr ~ Rev