The Castle of Stonewall's Reviews

[Stonewall]

Woodlanders Code

A hog named Sue?

I have the exact same reaction to food being all mushed together and being soggy, so once again, Suellyn and I see eye to eye. I love how Suellyn tries to drag herseld out of despair, even though she has legitimate problems (good angst= real problems) and how she doesn't dwell over much (bad angst= rehashing the same problem over and over again), but she has troubles along the way. She still misses her husband, and that's understandable, and although she wants to overcome, she still has problems coping. Wonderful complications and layers= a good character. It would be so easy to write Suellyn as a one-trick pony, but she has so much going on in her noggin that I find her to be intriguing and want to root for her all the more.

I also enjoy how you write  your description in passing, commenting on things as they come up, rather than giving us lists of what things look like. I'm more interested in Suellyn than, say, how the house looks ramsacked, and you did that wonderfully, keeping the focus on her reaction, rather than the environment. Because her shock at the blood and how her father-in-law has been hacked into tiny bits is far more effective to creating the feeling of the scene than, say, talking about how cupboards are torn off and the table is overturned, etc. Very well done.

I have some issues with the ending, in that it seems a bit... contrived? Not that Suellyn doesn't kill Revel; she's never experienced something like this before, and when you're in that kind of situation for the first time, you don't necessarily have a direct plan of action, especcialy when violence is foriegn. But the way Sue decides that Revel has been wronged by a gang comes out of thin air. What does she have to raise this thought, other than Revel's pregnancy? Expecially because Revel doesn't say a whole lot, making Sue's deductions and decisions (They're going to find their husbands? What spurred this on?) come out of left field. If Revel had made something up and hoodwinked the innocent hedgehog, I'd have an easier time buying the whole thing. Of course, they need a reason to go out and adventure, but the cause and effect of the whole affair is a bit shaky. Not much you can do about it now, of course, and I doubt it'll happen again.

[Stonewall]

Oh boy, am I falling behind.

Almost Easy

Well, you solved the problem of ditching the things keeping Keane in one place. It happened a bit fast (who is that chick in the first bit, anyway? And what authority does she have?) but it was necessary, so I certainly won't hold it against you.

I enjoy how the narrative is from Keane's own point of view, and his descriptions are very much given in how he sees them. Especially in describing his mother. Things like:

she didn't seem worried for his welfare.

Her paws, greedy, snatched it away from him.

Describe the mother perfectly without having to go into her head. So cool.

Something that worries me, though, is that a lot of Keane's character still relies on his job and his drug dealing. He's slightly self pitying, but it comes off more as exposition of an uncaring world. Aside from being irate at the begining, we don't have a lot of emotion from him in the rest of the chapter. Right now, it looks like there's not much to him, after abrubtly solving his Mom issues. Personal opinion, but if he had been a bit more shaken up over it, I think it would have given Keane some interesting angles. Of course, that's just my opinion, and it certainly isn't definative of what you should or should not do to Keane's character. I'd just like to see a bit more depth and a few more angles out of him, just so that the dealer-gimmick isn't all he has going for him.

[Birch]

I dunno. I like the fact that Keane is relying on his job and making it a large part of his character. I know he's all "boo-hoo the world is against me" but why shouldn't he be? After all, he's in a very illicit profession. Why shouldn't he live in a world that's more at fault than he is? And then his potential to interact with other characters, oooh! Keane, I see that allusion you made with Rath becoming a possible customer. I think that's fantastic, and I hope the latter totally picks it up. That would be so much fun to see play out. I'm almost imagining the ferret caught in the throes of addiction, and Keane all like, "dangle dangle dangle". *squeals*

I want to see this played out until it's rotten.

[Stonewall]

I dunno. I like the fact that Keane is relying on his job and making it a large part of his character. I know he's all "boo-hoo the world is against me" but why shouldn't he be? After all, he's in a very illicit profession. Why shouldn't he live in a world that's more at fault than he is?

He should be. I said I like that. But I don't want him to rely on a job to replace character and personality. It's like when writers assume that making a character an "assassin" or "thief" is a character trait, which it is not.

[Sparrowhawk]

Kind of inclined to agree with you, Stonewall, about reliance on gimmicks that is - and that was the reason I was wary of Keane based on his application, more than anything else, even canonicity (or supposed lack thereof).

But then again, it seems to be a danger to most survivor contest participants, characters defined by their application "hook", their tagline: the cannibal, the average joe, the snotty aristocrat, the mad scientist, etc. I suppose it's somewhat necessary due to the briefness of the application and the need to attract the attention of judges/audience, and for some characters it mellows out and takes backstage to the actual development, but for others...

[Birch]

He should be. I said I like that. But I don't want him to rely on a job to replace character and personality. It's like when writers assume that making a character an "assassin" or "thief" is a character trait, which it is not.

Hmm, I got the impression that you were worried about it, which I drew from here:

Something that worries me, though, is that a lot of Keane's character still relies on his job and his drug dealing. He's slightly self pitying, but it comes off more as exposition of an uncaring world. Aside from being irate at the begining, we don't have a lot of emotion from him in the rest of the chapter.

But you're right. Keane does need more angles. I'm not saying he should rely on the drug thing by itself, because that makes for a flat character.

That being said, how is making a character an "'assassin' or 'thief'" not a character trait?

[Balmafula]

I don't know exactly what you want from Keane.  If he had dropped the drugs completely, then you'd be complaining about him not being realistic and while you may not like it, it is his job.  And at the moment it ties into his personal life and is a source of stress, so of course he's going to be thinking about it.  Just expecting him to suddenly not care doesn't make any sense. 

I can understand being upset; we've seen enough 'sneaky thief' types to be wary of them forever.  But I have no worries that Keane will be just fine, particularly when he's away from his stressors and free to think on other things. 

[Birch]

You know, you're right. It is post number one, after all, so we haven't yet seen the full scope of Keane's character. It may not be the whole drug thing, but that's all we've seen so far.

Now, something I've been thinking about that totally made me fall for the character. I know I said Keane needs more angles, but I think that was peer pressure talking. So, what if Keane doesn't take more angles? What if drug dealing is all he's got?? That's AWESOME. And that will create angles to be clamored for.

[Sparrowhawk]

Now, something I've been thinking about that totally made me fall for the character. I know I said Keane needs more angles, but I think that was peer pressure talking. So, what if Keane doesn't take more angles? What if drug dealing is all he's got?? That's AWESOME. And that will create angles to be clamored for.

oh. I kinda thought by "angles" you meant things like weaknesses, strengths, backstory, personality traits, etc. Things that add depth and intrigue to the character. Which I'm sure Keane most likely has more of stored away somewhere, like the rest of the contestants, and is preparing to develop them further in subsequent posts.

Now I'm not really sure what you mean, lol

[Stonewall]

I don't know exactly what you want from Keane. 

Something that worries me, though, is that a lot of Keane's character still relies on his job and his drug dealing. He's slightly self pitying, but it comes off more as exposition of an uncaring world. Aside from being irate at the begining, we don't have a lot of emotion from him in the rest of the chapter. Right now, it looks like there's not much to him, after abrubtly solving his Mom issues... I'd just like to see a bit more depth and a few more angles out of him, just so that the dealer-gimmick isn't all he has going for him.

[Balmafula]

If you were expecting an immediate change from the first post, I would say that's a tad unfair.  It's obvious there's going to be more development when the story really starts, but you can't just drastically change the character in his very first post.  Unless Keane really doesn't have any character development stored away, which I believe is highly unlikely, then it's obviously going to be happening eventually.

Now I will say that I also wish we had seen a little bit more of him, but this was just a set-up post, really.  I'm sure we'll be seeing the goods (figuratively, I hope!) in the next post.

[Stonewall]

I don't expect him to undergo drastic development in his first post. I said I want to see change in future chapters, based on what I have read in his first chapter, and that I hope he does not rely on just being a drug dealer, which he probably won't.

[Balmafula]

Agreed, then!

[Magical Fish]

If I may...

I really didn't get a sense of any "woe is me" attitude from Keane. What I got, and what I liked, was a rather blase, matter-of-fact approach to his business. Yes, he was forced out of town, but he knows he can go back once some time passes. Until then he can spend his time drumming up business in bars. I feel that he's someone who just knows how the world works, which gives his rather unstable lifestyle an illusion of security. What I am looking forward to is his reaction to being taken away from all of that. There are all kinds of paths that Keane's author could take. The only thing that disappointed me was, as Stonewall pointed out, the improbability of Keane's Mommy issues coming into play again, and I was quite fascinated with them in his application.

[Birch]

I said I want to see change in future chapters, based on what I have read in his first chapter, and that I hope he does not rely on just being a drug dealer, which he probably won't.

Ugh, am I the only one that does, then?