Saffers' reviews

[saffy]

Okay.. might as well contribute my two cents on the people that got in.  :D Thanks for the encouragement, Damask!

Bellona Littlebrush

The first thing I noticed was a fragmented sentence. ^^; Luckily, that was the only one, and the rest of the app progressed without complaint. I got the feeling that this was once a humongous app, and you had to cut it down to size, since most of the sentences were short and to the point. :)

Characterization for the most part was pretty good. I couldn't determine the age of Bellona based on her actions and personality, which is okay, I guess, but slightly unusual.. Um, she's a warrior, and I would've liked to know more about what she's fighting FOR. I think it's similar to the situation at Marshank, but based on her thoughts, she doesn't really like the actual fighting bit; she's more out there to prove a cause and to protect her friends.. only if we could know the cause. ^^;

Also, the character reminds me of Raine :(, which is odd, because they're very different. Raine deals with war trauma by hiding it, putting on a cheerful mask, and trying to help others; death impacts her in an opposite way from the dormouse's, aka she's more affected than Bell . Bell's more experienced, but it seems like she's put up a wall between what happens and her emotions... Reminds me of Hei, except no one's as detached as him. >.<

/end comparison.

[saffy]

Revel

Yay, my favorite name got in!  ;D

Short, sweet and to the point. I like it. She's a common vermin murderer but she has "feelings"? Very canon. Reminds me of Dexter.. XD Um.. .not much to say here. The style reminds me of a fellow contestant but I won't say who. :) Again, it looks like the app's been chopped up to fit the word limit; well done!

I wonder if Revel had something in her past that made her like this; I sure hope so. Dark and Traumatizing Pasts are always wonderful to read, provided they aren't too dramatic!

Last sentence: Could she be talking about Mossflower/Redwall?  Wow, foreshadowing!

[saffy]

a very long time later

Okay, I'm just going to review all the posts I've read now (which is up to, I believe, Revel's second post)

Note to everyone: I just noticed that this contest has a way smaller word p/ post average than the other ones I've put on FF (Midnight Mossflower and redscape) Only a few went beyond the the 2k line, but the writing didn't have filler, though, so that was good.

Damask

I really like the character! You took a turn from the usual by being the least "romantic" or "cool" or "fanservicey" of the contestants, but his quirks and personality really shows through. :)  I can see all sorts of possibilities for him in the near future. Good word choices, also. One thing that you should keep on doing is showing all sides of 'im. Really makes a character round....

Bellona

Okay, I have to say this. I really have to. She reminds me of Riza Hawkeye...so much. Okay. There. ^^; They're both loyal, trained soldiers, but each has their individuality and independence. :)

She also doubles as his voice of reason, keeping cool in heated situations and scolding him when he allows his emotions to get in the way.

-wikipedia, Riza Hawkeye
Their relationship between their superiors is pretty different though, although they're both lieutenants.

Anyhow, she's probably my favorite female character thus far. Your writing is also succinct yet implying detail.  The way posts tie together is seamless! 0_0

One note: I was confused about the leftenant. Is that a unique term you made up for the story, or am I missing something...?

[Eliza Lacrimosa]

I'm not Bell, and I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I think "Leftenant" is a British way of pronounced "Lieutenant."

That's how I've heard it in one or two odd radio plays, at least...

[saffy]

That's what I thought...

[Bellona Littlebrush]

Ah, yes. Thank you Eliza and thank you for the reviews, Saffy! Leftenant is just the pronunciation. I didn't realize it would cause so much confusion. I suppose I'm a bit used to British television if that isn't telling too much.

[saffy]

Extremely Bundled Review

for all characters- I've read up to Damask's post in Week Three

Bell- consistency seems to be your thing here, and that's great! I like how you don't overdescribe anything, and how Bell is basically known to everyone now as a rock in times of hardship. Your first post in week three really shows her weaknesses as well.  Um.. can't think of anything else right now, but her character dynamic with the other contestants provides some interesting conflict. Really keeps an audience going, conflict.

Deadtail I like the idea of a veteran that wants to stay alive more than anything, but your character fluctuations between obedient and somewhat sensible to plain cruel, and that's kind of confusing. I understand he's supposed to do anything to survive, but his personality just isn't very interesting. Sorry.

Damask Aww, I found his infatuation with Eliza really cute. You're really turning a character that most people would've thought couldn't go anywhere development wise into a real person, if you know what I mean. Not flat at all. :)  And lucky for your author that s/he is great at composing poems...  :D

Eliza Again with the character consistency in RV 5 ^^' The main problem I have with Eliza right now is that she isn't going anywhere, characterwise. I mean, she really displayed her arrogance and what she's used to in terms of standards of living in Week Three, but it's like she's clinging to those personality traits, know what I mean? At all other times, she's just a whiny brat, and that needs to go somewhere, fast.. I think her obsession with physical beauty should also change, hopefully to the point where she just doesn't are anymore. Because even societal ladies can change, at least on the outer shell of their personality.

Venril Truth to tell, you are probably the most appealing character to me personally on RV 5. I can really understand his desire to be in charge and yet, his incompetency doing it, and while his personality needs some stitching together (for example, sometimes he's a bit too arrogant to be believable) I found myself cheering him on, especially his new relationship with Eliza. I know, I know, I'm a shameless shipper.. XD and this is funny because I know who you are and you're probably facepalming at this point.. Not again.. ;)

Rath Okay, so he's, like, this extremely good fighter. But he doesn't want to kill people when it's unnecessary. Anything else? Oh yeah, and he's apparently someone special, according to the Fritteriks.. mind giving me a hint on that? I was reading the text on my mp3 and I might've skipped over a few hints..

Revel She is absolutely adorable. I mean, characterwise, you have so much to show and tell us. The different facets of her personality are explored, and further character development is coming when her pregnancy gets more pronounced.. I can hardly wait  :D

[Damask the Minstrel]

Thankee. ^.^

I foresee more infatuation, more conflict, and yes, more poetry in Damask's future. So I doubt you'll be disappointed.

[Eliza Lacrimosa]

Eliza Again with the character consistency in RV 5 ^^' The main problem I have with Eliza right now is that she isn't going anywhere, characterwise. I mean, she really displayed her arrogance and what she's used to in terms of standards of living in Week Three, but it's like she's clinging to those personality traits, know what I mean?

Thanks for the review, Saffy!

Though, I must admit, I'm not actually sure what you mean. But if you think there are ways that Eliza could change for the better, I'm all ears. :p

[Sycamore]

Or one and a half!

Zing!

[Revel]

Don't worry about Sycamore, Liza. We can fix your ear with staples and construction paper!

Yay, I'm so happy you like me, Saffy! Aren't I just adorable? :weaselly:

[Venril]

Yay!  Glad to know you enjoy Venril's chapters...speaking of which, there is a real chapter from Venril coming...I, uh, just posted it out of order.  Once the direct preceding post is up, mine will be posted as well.

[Bellona Littlebrush]

A bit late in coming, but thank you again for the reviews, Saffy! I really appreciate any words from our audience. I'm especially happy when they like what they see.:) I hope you'll continue to enjoy Bell as she grows and evolves throughout the contest.

[Venril]

Okay, new Venril chapter is now up, and has been for several hours.  Enjoy.

[saffy]

-is caught up-

OHMYGAWSH  :o

That was awesome :D
Can't wait to see the rest of the epilogues  ;D