Reviews from an Evil Ferret Lass

[Jarrtail]

Hm. Odd.
Y'know, I think it would be interesting to set up a donation type thing for this site. Maybe just to help Tara pay for the hosting and whatnot.

[Opal]

XD

Yeah, I am ridiculously overqualified for that job anyway, but still. It was money, and I'm one of the many people that don't seem to be having much luck getting anything better at the moment. :P

I considered setting up a PayPal link on the donation page of the RSGC, but the hosting's only $20/year, so it's not exactly breaking the bank. I may set one up anyway, just because I like it when people give me money. ;D

[Jarrtail]

Who doesn't?

[Ashira]

Revel:

Admit it, you were trying to scare people with that title, weren't you?  While it might've been a fun move, it could have backfired on you a little bit.  I, for example, was reading your post, all primed to see how you would died and then, of course, it never came.  Not that I was surprised, but posting right after the vote certainly makes you think that they died anyway.  As a result, I might've missed some things that made your post a little bit more confusing because I do not have the time to go back and read.  Nothing very serious, obviously, just thought I'd let you know.

This post was good and certainly longer than anything else you've given us, but as I was reading...the whole thing really, something struck me as a little out-of-character to Revel.  I'll tell you what this post reminds me of and that's William Faulkner's 'The Sound and the Fury (that's not necessarily a compliment either, that incoherent piece of junk) and it's more about the idea, if I remember correctly, of trying to nail down the subconscious.  Thankfully you were considerably more coherent than Faulkner but in your attempts to sorta show us what goes on in Revel's mind, I thought you might have contradicted yourself a little.

Let's start with what we know Revels thought process is in comparison to your post.  She pokes Sue awake to ask her if she thinks and distorts the hedgehog's response to, "I was right, she's just an idiot."  Then she goes to gloat about it to Eliza and in that conversation Eliza promises her a pretty dress like her own.  Any normal beast would've immediately assumed Eliza was lying and tell her to go jump in a lake.  But Revel is obviously not normal and even less educated with a considerably different thought process than anyone else.

Also, from what I gathered from the post, she has no idea where babies come from.  She said she'd never let one near her, which to me presumes that she thinks babies pop out of thin air or something like that.

Then she wanders off and waxes philosophy.  What kind of character with the simplicity of Revel's mind can actually ponder life as we know it?  Or at least as she knows it.  I did notice that you were able to put it a little into context with what we'd expect from Revel, a sorta simplistic worldview that does not take into account anyone else.

Still, I kinda expected her to sound more confused than she actually was.  I mean, not her thoughts confused, but a little less straighter than any normal characters might be.  Unless you're actually trying to pass Revel off as normal, then you have to remedy what you've done the last couple of posts where she....doesn't know the consequences of her actions (despite many obvious repulsions to her behavior).

I'm starting to wonder if this review isn't all just a jumbled mess, trying to capture the thoughts that I had as I was reading your chapter.

Oh well, take this for what you will.  You're in neither my bad standing or good standing.  Okay, maybe a little closer to good.

[Rath the Whirlwind]

Sorry to bother you, miss Ashira, but you never gave Deadtail or I reviews.  I understand that you are past them now, but perhaps just a sentence or two of what you felt would be very nice.

[Nallmian]

In Redscape, the death post comes in the middle of the next week rather than at the end of the current one.  Keeps the audience on their footpaws.

[Sparrowhawk]

that incoherent piece of junk

hey, hey. Maybe incoherent at times, but not junk. :( (since when is the subconscious coherent anyway)

well okay, it's subjective, I know, but I thought there was something there. Intense pain and confusion, I can understand, even if inherited Southern legacy dramaz are considerably far from my experience.

Similarly, with Revel, though I doubt her intentions are as lofty as all that.

[Ashira]

Rath:  Yes, I know.  I didn't have time to review them when I read them, so when I got to Revel's I just skipped ahead.  I'm sorry if that bothered you, but I did mention I was very busy.

I'll give you something though.

Rath:

Your writing is still excellent and you're still in my top three.  There really isn't much to say that wouldn't be a bunch of compliments heaped upon you.  Your scenes are fairly original and you write excellent fight scenes which, if I remember correctly, you did in your original app too.  I'm usually not one for writing only complimentary reviews since I feel a little criticism is necessary to keep you on your toes, but I have nothing.  Excellent job.

Deadtail:

You're eh.  If I had to describe what your character makes me feel in one word, that would be it.  I really don't feel anything from you at all.  What you wrote was...good grammatically but really lacked some punch.  I am glad that Deadtail actually limped away rather than immediately hopping to his feet and charging into battle, but I actually didn't realize until Rath's post that the other woodlander group actually charged into the clearing.  

How convenient for our poor...well, woodlanders. (This isn't a criticism lobbied against you as much as...well, all of you.)  The other group of woodlanders charging in just when Bellonna and the rest of Martin's Shadow needed them is a plot device much in the same way that Suellyn's sudden motivation to find her husband was.

I kinda wish it wouldn't be so obvious, but those are the constraints of contests like these and any other way of Bellonna and the rest making it out of their without dying are even less realistic.  

Oh well, I'll try to sit back and enjoy.  My English classes are corrupting me and I'm only getting a minor.

Sparrowhawk

Yes, as you said, my opinion.  And it was junk to me.  All it really it really gave me was a headache and I never want to see the face of that book ever again.  The only way I knew what was happening at all was when my teacher actually told me.  Got an 'A' on the test by virtue of actually paying attention and not reading the book at all.  Oh, I tried.  I read all of Jason's part and the end, but Quentin and...whatever his name was made no sense and I wasn't going to punish myself more than I had to.

I think I kinda implied when I called it 'junk' that I didn't think Revel's intentions were all that lofty, but we were getting a tour through her mind and it was not a plain narrated tour, it was...showing us what was in Revel's mind.

Like an idiot, Full of Sound and Fury.  Signifying nothing.

[Sparrowhawk]

Personally, I really enjoy Revel's prose and narration style - her "gimmick", now revealed to extend past crazy-cannibalism to being a creature more animal than anthropomorphized, just plain works for me. It interests me, which is really all that decides my vote in the long run. I can see where you're coming from on consistency problems though, mayyybe...

The biggest difficulty she may face, I think, is in terms of plot, and perhaps by consequence character development. Revel, as she states herself in this post, prefers to simply be. She's not a "doer", or strictly speaking a "thinker" like some of the other characters, and as such it will be difficult for her to propel the storyline directly, no matter how much her author may be contributing behind the scenes. So. She risks losing the audience's interest in that sense, at least, but I look forward to seeing how she'll hold up.

I know I know I should be posting this in my own thread instead of stealing Ashira's, but I don't want three consecutive posts that just seems like bad luck :(

[Ashira]

I love making my own characters at least slightly animalistic, too, Sparrow.  I think what bothers me largely about Revel is not the fact that she cannibalizes other animals.  As I said waaaaaaay earlier in my thread, meat is meat is meat (not that I'll cut up some human being.  I'm not crazy!  Or at least not that crazy.), I think my worries had more to do with the construction of a contest. 

I didn't want Revel to go and do something that would mean her death and end up getting off because...she's not allowed to die yet.  I think that's my biggest worries with these contests.  The characters don't actually meet their natural death--whether they're supposed to or not.  And I beg the writers not to take advantage of this.

[Revel]

Interesting and pertinent discussion! Nice.

Still, I kinda expected her to sound more confused than she actually was.  I mean, not her thoughts confused, but a little less straighter than any normal characters might be.

I may have messed up there. I'm not sure. At first I was just trying to get her thoughts down in words and then I forgot to really make sure it's something she would think. A lot of her "thoughts" is mostly just infodumping. I don't have a much better excuse than that. There was a lot of mental ground to cover that I hadn't tackled before. Revel herself is a creature very much more concerned with where she is than who she's with or what she's doing. You can almost see the phases in my posts.

The Shaping of a Helpless Joy: This is Revel in her natural habitat, familiar in every way with her surroundings. Her circumstances are unusual, but she has no need to sit around and ponder her life.

With a Sure and Hopeful Smile: This is Revel lost, more interested in her new surroundings than the beasts around her. She's confused, but only about where she is, not what she thinks.

Then I Close My Eyes: This is Revel who has had some time to come to terms with where she is, though it is still very unfamiliar. But now she's also confused about the ideas she has been encountering in the past few days. She finds need to confirm herself while she attempts to ease into a new life.

I'm sorry if this was too explainy, I hope I didn't just give away a secret I should have been keeping for later. I'm not that familiar with Revel myself. If she contradicts herself, that's me learning something new about her. And aren't we all a little contradictory to ourselves? Let's say that's one of the few parts of human nature she has left in her.  ;D

As always, thank you for reviewing, Ashira and Sparrow!

:mspacman: ~ Rev

[Sycamore]

In Redscape, the death post comes in the middle of the next week rather than at the end of the current one.  Keeps the audience on their footpaws.

IN SOVIET REDSCAPE, DEATH WRITES YOU!!!

[Ashira]

Damask:

Great chapter, wonderful chapter.  I love the fact that you're moving the story along and taking it into a new direction, to hopefully inject a little bit of interest into this story more than vermin vs. woodlanders that we've seen a hundred times.  Well written, as always, although I didn't find the riddle Damask made up for the fox especially convincing, but that's okay.

Because you're actually posting!  

It has been four days since Sue finally died and you had your post up just one day after.  Where the heck are the other contestants?!  If you keep posting first every week like this, I don't think you'll ever get a vote from me.  You really seem to care about the story rather than just writing to save your hide from the voters.  So thank you!

[EDIT: Minor language.]

[Jarrtail]

...thank you very very much. Where are you people? It's like Redscape all over again!

[Cairn Destop]

In Redscape, the death post comes in the middle of the next week rather than at the end of the current one.  Keeps the audience on their footpaws.

Cannot remember which week it was, but in QB-2, the week's first post and the week's last post were both death postings.  Since the contestants got the vote a day before the new week began, some of us had it ready before Shorstar posted the vote. 

I like the idea of the first post being the death post, but there is no hard and fast rule.  Here's an idea to consider.  The person voted out makes their second post for the week their death post.  Can you imagine the audience wondering and then when all made their first post no deaths?

Vengence for the contestants.