I don't know much but I got feelings

[Sparrowhawk]

AUGHHHH I JUST WROTE FOR AGES AND ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT ALL

anyway. why is the title of this not some classic blues song? It would make me look very cultured if it were :(

I don't consider myself an authority on writing or canon (I read all of the books except the most recent ones, but it's been a while since I've been on the ROC). So this isn't really professional criticism, per se. I don't even want to call them reviews. This is just a place to store my idle thoughts as they relate to the story. sometimes I might say something useful, who knows?

Skipping right along to the stuff that matters (namely past the applications and prologue because I just have nothing to say about them):

ACTUALLY NO WAIT THIS

To control the water was to control life itself.

Dune reference I see you! heehee.

And For His Encore... Damask

I like bird as spy! I think. I like that he gets a rush out of it.

I dunno about Sailpaw's accent, though. Seriously, preeshus?

your writing doesn't seem to be as strong here as in your application. Some of the action sequence at the beginning read awkwardly, at least for me.

More helpful stuff for you later. Maybe.

Brave Tin Soldier Bellona

oh, the jaded veteran! I like this one too.

But wait, the accents are still weird, even Gideon's and the vermin scouts'. I feel like they could be toned down quite a bit and still maintain their integrity, but maybe that's just me.

Kind of fond of Bell already, I think. So that's a good thing.

The Shaping of a Helpless Joy Revel

These vermin in the beginning talk as vermin should! I like their little dialogue.

Also it just occurred to me (TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH) when she nicked the eggs, the irony that she's considered a freak for consuming things that it would be natural for her species to prey on in real life. Ha. You silly vegan vermin don't know what you're missing.

I also like that she's sort of a Hannibal Lecter type when it comes to food ("I ate him with fava beans and a nice Chiaaanti..."), not a raving savage.

her energy felt boosted with each accidental bee she inhaled

whaaaaat. I thought this really only happened when traveling at high speeds. Like on a bike. Unless she has great luck or just runs around sucking bees into her nose like a vacuum cleaner

MMMMM-MMM HEDGEHOG STEW PRICKLE-LICKIN GOOD

Desertion Deadtail

Not sure if this is common for survivor contest first posts, but it seems so far that almost all the characters are kinda being defined by their "gimmick", for lack of a more positively connoted word. Revel eats things, Bellona worries about her rookies, etc. Deadtail avoids death. Which is good, but I don't know how long it'll hold my attention.

I actually kind of tuned out the whole exposition part at the beginning concerning horde politics before I went back to read it again. probably wasn't your fault, but anyway.

and now we have another reluctant officer. Which does make things interesting, I think.

[Opal]

To control the water was to control life itself.

Dune reference I see you! heehee.

Really? I've not read Dune, actually, so I guess it's just an accidental Dune reference. ;D

[Sparrowhawk]

Really? I've not read Dune, actually, so I guess it's just an accidental Dune reference.

Aw, man. I don't feel as smart now. Just delusional.

I guess it's a Dune reference in my mind, then. But I am pretty sure they say something along those lines in the book. Like, on every other page. It's probably pretty intuitive for those who live in the desert, now that I think about it

[Sycamore]

I don't consider myself an authority on writing or canon (I read all of the books except the most recent ones, but it's been a while since I've been on the ROC). So this isn't really professional criticism, per se. I don't even want to call them reviews. This is just a place to store my idle thoughts as they relate to the story. sometimes I might say something useful, who knows?

Dude, we should totally join forces and RULE THE WORLD.

[Bellona Littlebrush]

Accents still weird? >< *dies a bit* I'll work on it, good Sparrowhawk. Thank you for the review!

[Damask the Minstrel]

RE 'preeshus': I tried to make it as phonetic as possible. He's using a mocking tone, and the accent is tough, so... I tried my best! Still, must button down on these details!

Thanks, glad you like it!

[Sparrowhawk]

Dude, we should totally join forces and RULE THE WORLD.

I AM FOR IT. The join forces part, at least. I don't know if I quite possess the ambition required to rule the world, but maybe if I believe in myself extra hard~~

Also hi you two! yeah the accents probably aren't that big of a deal. I just wrote it down because it was one of the only things about your post(s) I could form a coherent, assured opinion about, though it likely won't carry a heavy influence on my voting decision. that's how I operate sometimes. A lot.

[Revel]

The Shaping of a Helpless Joy Revel

These vermin in the beginning talk as vermin should! I like their little dialogue.

Also it just occurred to me (TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH) when she nicked the eggs, the irony that she's considered a freak for consuming things that it would be natural for her species to prey on in real life. Ha. You silly vegan vermin don't know what you're missing.

I also like that she's sort of a Hannibal Lecter type when it comes to food ("I ate him with fava beans and a nice Chiaaanti..."), not a raving savage.

her energy felt boosted with each accidental bee she inhaled

whaaaaat. I thought this really only happened when traveling at high speeds. Like on a bike. Unless she has great luck or just runs around sucking bees into her nose like a vacuum cleaner

MMMMM-MMM HEDGEHOG STEW PRICKLE-LICKIN GOOD

Thank you for the review!

Yes, she was getting very lucky with those bees. ;D I was trying to get across how she was running and having a giddy time of things while forgetting all about Bruscus again and being happy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqypt3HnPng Just think if that animal were human sized and running around at that speed, wouldn't she get an awful lot of insects in her grill?

[Sparrowhawk]

Woodlander's Code Suellyn

So after all that fuss about anorexia she turns out to be only a picky eater? pah, what a let down. ;P

No seriously I think I do like this post quite a bit. Mostly I like that Suellyn and Revel are paired together (the one who eats everything and the one who doesn't eat anything! nice and neat). And Revel's big reveal-y twist thing! Exciting.

Her sympathy for Revel seems a little abrupt, almost contrived - I mean I get that she is an honorable, softhearted 'hog and doesn't kill sleeping pregnant things, but you'd figure the trauma of having seen her in-law's mangled corpses seconds prior would have her wavering just a bit longer. Also that is quite a jump of logic for her to assume that Revel, though caught at the scene of the crime, is probably completely innocent. I guess she's only trying to convince herself but man.

BUT. the whole naive, trusting goodbeast part has the potential to be played well, I think, and provide for lots of good plot turns. We'll see.

on a slightly related note, my mom claimed never to have cravings during any of her pregnancies. Now I wonder if she was sneaking out at night or something. :S

[Suellyn]

First of all, Sparrowhawk, I want to thank you for giving us your opinions. If nothing else it helps us'ns to view our characters in another light.

I will try to explain further what triggered her sympathies as I go on. I'm glad you liked the post, though.

I guess you've never met someone who was so severely picky that starving was preferable muscling something past the gag reflex.  It's not so 'pah' as it first appears. But again, I hope to show that more in the future so I won't go into it here.

[Sparrowhawk]

Oh don't worry! It wasn't actually a let down (hence the ;P). I just thought it was a funny development after that whole stir about the definition of anorexia, writing mental disorders and so on. It won't factor into my voting decision or anything

i guess you might have noticed that probably more than 75% of what I say here is facetious and not terribly constructive. Maybe I should make it less professional-looking with the bold headings and stuff, I feel like I'm leading people on. :P FROM NOW ON, BULLET POINTS

[Ada Veen]

Woodlander's Code Suellyn

So after all that fuss about anorexia she turns out to be only a picky eater? pah, what a let down. ;P

it can be a symptom :3

Bullet points? Dude that is so business presentation. Make Powerpoints available for download, where every other slide is a landslide of clip art.

[Sparrowhawk]

I mean like, you know, messy and disorganized bullet points:

-LOL CANNIBALISM
-LOL ANOREXIC HEDGEHOGS
-vague comment on someone's writing style
-unrelated remark

yeah? I definitely like the powerpoint idea though, that's doable... I should totally try to "review" in a different medium each week. Obnoxious image macros, awful MS paint sketches, MST3K-style riffing... the possibilities are endless!

someone who is more industrious, creative and hilarious than I am needs to join me in this endeavor. By which I mean do it for me

[Revel]

Do a stand-up comedian sketch. And film it. Please?

[Sycamore]

someone who is more industrious, creative and hilarious than I am needs to join me in this endeavor. By which I mean do it for me

I'm on it.