Zevka’s Death Panel

[Zevka]

Top 30 Reviews
Hello, hoomans!  I'm Zevka (aka Nallmian).  A few things about me:

I wrote Zevka (MO1), Nallmian (Midnight Mossflower 1) and Venril (don't remember the contest name).  I also ran a small contest called Redscape back in the day.

Compared to most people here, I read a lot more nonfiction/journalistic writing, but less fiction.  I tend to prefer clarity and sharpness over eloquence or flourishes.

Things I like: Worldbuilding, species-specific things that distinguish this from a story about hoomans, great villains, elaborate fights.

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Wildcard


Rynn

Overall Impression: Rynn reads to me like a beast with PTSD or some other psychological issue, rather than a "traditional" berserker.  We don't know if she kills beasts routinely or at all, she seems to be just angry and ill-at-ease.  Zali has apparently been friends with her long enough to know she keeps going off and then coming back, but she seems to be very angry with him over something he did but doesn't connect to her being angry.  I wonder what it was — it implies that she tried to do something uncharacteristically kind but that he undid it somehow.

If You Get In:  Rynn's anger issues can be very useful, but only if they still allow beasts to get to know her.  If she hates everybeast around her, it will limit her character development and relationships with other characters.  Also, a bunch of mercs is unlikely to be as patient with her as Zali — punching one of them is likely to have more serious consequences

Bottom Line: Solid writing and lots of interesting backstory built in.


Seamus Blackquill

Overall Impression: Seamus seems like a bookish bird way out of his element among the otter crew.  Despite that, he is able to manipulate the The Imp quite effectively — he may not be strong or confident, but he is not helpless.  I expected him to try to manipulate The Imp into giving him more "smelling salts," which I didn't necessarily interpret as HAVING to be cocaine — could be just a fantasy world drug like Nallmian's brown powder.

If You Get In:  I would advise -not- telling the entire story of how Seamus (presumably) escapes the ship and joins the others right away.  It seems like an obvious progression of events, but it will also consume an inordinate amount of your first/second post with events only tangentially related to the main plot.  Show the end of his escape — specifically, the part right before he shows up in the main story — and reveal the rest in bits and pieces or flashbacks later on, once Seamus is more established and has interacted with more of the crew.

Bottom Line: Another strong contender.


Zandir

Overall Impression:  Zandir is the skillful guardian of a nomadic tribe/group that serves beings called The Chosen by acting as custodians of The Burden — which is suggested to be desirable but also very dangerous in the wrong paws.  He seems a little arrogant, but also like a beast ground down by too much time spent protecting The Burden and the tribe.  Granny seems more gungho about his mission than he does, although he is clearly a skilled fighter who takes his duties seriously.  Lots of built-in backstory story here, and an obvious segue into the wider plot — Zandir finally decides that holding onto The Burden is just too dangerous for everybeast else, and decides to take it somewhere.  Also, I love pine martens.

If You Get In:  Comes with a built-in quest of his own.  Find a way to make this quest into something that all (or most of) the party also cares about.  Otherwise, you run the risk of spending too much time on Zandir's solo pursuits when everybeast else is engaging with the main plot.

Bottom Line:  There is obviously a very interesting backstory here.


Decision:  All three are very strong, but I'm leaning towards Zandir or Rynn at the moment.  I'd be happy to see any of these get in, though.


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Assassin


Brother Hawthorn

Overall Impression:  I was a little confused the first time I read this — wasn't this category for assassins, not healers?  Which was why I was genuinely caught off guard when Hawthorn killed Bursoot so suddenly.  His words and honorific imply that he really is (or used to be) an Abbeybeast, but his actions seemingly show that he now serves a different master.  The squirrel courier's behavior like he knows of Hawthorn, at least by reputation, and Hawthorn's nonchalance and age imply he has done this before — a lot.

If You Get In:  The app's strength is it's surprise and subtlety, but it sounds like the main plot revolves around a more straight-up conflict.  You need to find ways to make Hawthorn useful to the others — his healing skills will likely be more central to the story than his assassin skills.

Bottom Line:  I very much enjoyed this app.  Great use of misdirection, and lots of interesting little hints.


Robin Merriweather

Overall Impression:  Unlike Hawthorn, Robin clearly -hasn't- done this before.  I laughed at her practicing her reactions in the mirror, and turns of phrase like "a fatal case of being stabbed in the face."  A few things here don't really make sense, though: stabbing straight through bone requires a lot more force than into flesh.  Not sure how somebeast who doesn't seem that experienced with a dagger is able to build up that level of force while also pivoting to stab.

Also, I thought Robin's plan was to kill the fox in a stealthy way like poison.  Stabbing him in front of a room full of witnesses while wearing a fancy dress and armed only with a dagger seemingly guarantees her own death, but she doesn't appear to think about this at all. 

I am not so clear on Robin's motives, either.  If she's trying to take the castle for herself, why do it before they're married?  Why not wait until they're alone together later and -then- kill him.  It doesn't make sense for her to be motivated by money — or else why try to stab him publicly?

If You Get In:  We need a better sense of why Robin kills.  What does she get out of risking her life this way?  What is her relationship with the target — is she trying to kill somebeast she already had some kind of relationship with, or did she seduce him after deciding to kill him?

Bottom Line:  I liked this app on the first read-through, but a lot of it doesn't really make that much sense when you really think about it.


Siobhan

Overall Impression:  Siobhan stabbing her friend's abusive husband was very vividly described — you get a clear sense of everything Siobhan was thinking and feeling at the moment.  I like the writing and the concept, as well as you taking the time to name all of her past targets.  One thing I'm not clear on: does Siobhan -only- kill abusive males?  Or does she take other jobs to pay the bills and fund her more personal mission?  If she does only kill abusive males, then how does she support herself — that makes her seem more like a vigilante than a traditional assassin.

If You Get In:  Give is more backstory on how Siobhan learned to fight and her motives.  Was she abused herself?  Did she watch somebeast get abused and be unable/unwilling to stop it?  Is this how she "makes up for" other, financially-motivated killings?

Bottom Line: A very solid app these can go in lots of different directions.


Decision:  Hawthorn, decisively — no other app I've read has thrown me for such a loop, and I like the idea of an "older" assassin who must rely on stealth and his knowledge of a legitimate trade in order to prevail.  The other two were good, but Hawthorn is one of my favorites in the Top 30 overall.


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Brigands


Antonia

Overall Impression: This is an interesting alternative take on a concept similar to Siobhan's:  We never really get much discussion of whether arranged marriages are a thing in the Redwallverse, which tends to have higher gender equality than similarly-developed human societies.  However, the writer makes it work pretty well here.  Antonia comes off as more of an adrenaline junkie than Siobhan — smiling and laughing during the fight, and seeming like she genuinely enjoys it.

If You Get In: Antonia's overall goals may have to evolve/expand slightly, as they seem very calibrated to a fairly specific situation.  Also, embrace the fact that you have written an adrenaline junkie — show how this shapes her actions and her relationships with others.  Do they rely on this trait of hers, or consider it a liability — maybe a little of both?

Bottom Line:  Every contest needs at least one cheerful adrenaline fiend.


Kiri

Overall Impression: Kiri has a very specific and very useful skill set, as well as being part of an established group.  She and the stoats seem pretty familiar one another, and you get the impression they have this down to a routine by now.  The makeup seems practical, but there's also the implication that some of it is a matter of personal appearance.  We also learn that Kiri, while far from repentant about her thievery, is not a cold-blooded killer.  She seems to want to take the oath of least resistance to getting what she wants.

If You Get In:  Don't just forget about Kiri's NPCs.  You don't need to bring them with her if you don't want to, but give us a few looks back to how she fell in with this specific duo, what their relationship was like, etc.

Bottom Line:  It's good to see a character with what seems like fairly solid preexisting relationships built in.


Smooths

Overall Impression: D'awww!  I'm a sucker for vermin friendships — even ones that, as in this case, end badly.  This app reminds me both of "classic" vermin hordebeasts and of something out of an old war movie.  It also tells us quite a bit about Smooths — he is determined and persistent, and he is capable of genuine friendship and loyalty in the face of adversity.  I can see him being the "emotional rock" of the party.

If You Get In: Smooths is one of the more unambiguously sympathetic characters I've read so far.  Use this — make him a core hub of the relationships among the cast, someone who can keep them working together and away from each other's throats.

Bottom Line:  Poor woozle.  I hope he finds another mucker.


Decision:  Probably Antonia, but Smooths is a close second.

[Airan]

Zevka! It's so good to see you. Thanks for popping in and sharing your thoughts :)

[Zevka]

Marksman

Flauros

Overall Impression: "Maybe Fate wants him to st—SIX coins?  Sorry, mate, gotta kill you."  The sudden reversal is darkly funny, and also shows that, for all of Flauros' semi-philosophical rambling, he is still a mercenary at heart.  Maybe he -wants- to be more, but he can't resist the allure of a bet AND a chance to showboat first everybeast assembled.  Also, he's not so good with names.

If You Get In:  Keep using this kind of dark humor, but make sure Flauros has motives other than just money.

Bottom Line:  A brief spot of hope for Cordy, dashed by six coins.


Siler

Overall Impression:  Siler has gotta be one of the nastier apps in the bunch — a hired killer who will bang his old buddy's wife and then beat him up and kill him.  The app shows him to be intelligent and calculating when he needs to be — it describes him keeping close watch on
targets to learn their habits.  However, he is also clearly prone to sudden bouts of impulsive behavior, such as tossing the body through the red door and then abruptly inviting himself inside to, uh, celebrate the completion of his mission.  He also seems to be working in some sort of at least quasi-legal (or at least socially acceptable) fashion, given how he bothers to rattle off a very detailed list of legal offenses and complainants.

If You Get In:  Don't run away from Siler's horribleness, but don't make him a one-note villain who is unrelentingly horrible to everybeast, all the time, no matter what.  Doing that will limit your options and your relationships with other characters.


Unga

Overall Impression: Despite being only 29, Unga read to me as a somewhat older beast— a seasoned merc who has been around the block a few times and has nothing left to prove, either to herself or anybeast else.  Her efforts to keep advising Snagwort even as he (incompetently) robs her also made me chuckle.  If anything, she seems more hurt and disappointed then angry.  Darts and atlatl are interesting weapons choices.  Also, even though it doesn't fit the setting, I imagined her voice having a Southern (US) accent.

If You Get In:  I can see Unga becoming the de facto leader and/or "den mother" of the party.  This is a great role to have, and you should embrace it fully.  Invest lots of time and ink getting to know your fellow cast members — befriending the more social ones and gently keeping the more sociopathic ones, if any, in line.

Bottom Line:  This one is another favorite of mine — tons of potential and well written.


Decision: Unga definitely gets my vote, but I wouldn't be disappointed at all if Siler got in, either.


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Guardians

Priideep

Overall Impression:  Priideep gives us an unusual setting and concept, but pulls it off pretty well.  The importance of guarding the tadpoles is immediately clear, as is her relationship with her two assistants.  We also see her nurturing side.  However, I'm not sold on how well this will fit with the overall plot.  It seems like such a specific, narrowly-scoped mission that it doesn't really make sense for her to wind up as a mercenary protecting a totally different community.  And, bluntly, if she has problems dealing with a DUCK, I'm not sure who would even hire her as one.

If You Get In:  Priideep's empathy and kindness will make her a good team peacemaker and "heart of the team" type.  Your challenge is going to be that Priideep will be totally out of her element, fighting adversaries far more dangerous and effective than anything she has ever trained for.  You need to balance making her a credible threat to them with not turning her into NinjaFrog in the blink of an eye.

Bottom Line:  A good app, but maybe not a good fit for this specific contest.


Shahin

Overall Impression:  Shahin is an unusual case of a repeat thief explicitly motivated by something other than money.  Etienne is probably the best built-in NPC I've seen in any of the apps, too.  It's clear they really do care about each other, but that Shahin is also not above taking advantage of that to steal shinies.  While stealing shinies is an immediately sympathetic motive to any mustelid, I also question whether or not "going straight" will be as easy for Shahin as he thinks.  He is not in it just to earn a living — he clearly derived considerable satisfaction from his graverobbing.

If You Get In:  So, I'll tell you a variant of the same advice people gave me for Zevka's app — don't let Etienne get too much "screen time" early on, because it will be tempting to spend too much time focusing on her (and their interactions) rather than on Shahin interacting with the cast.  I am not saying you should shunt her out of the story — you've written a good NPC with lots of potential, and an interesting "Dating Catwoman" (See TVTropes) vibe.  But introduce that slowly and gradually over time.  You also need a clear reason for Shahin to be involved in something like this, since he doesn't read as particularly combat-oriented.

Bottom Line:  This one made me smile.


Sheercrest

Overall Impression:  I love the way this app explores the implications of being an obligate carnivore in a world where most of the prey is sentient.  A bird's gotta eat...but on the other paw, it's a lot harder emotionally to do this when your prey talks and cries and begs for mercy.  Unless, you know, you're into that kind of thing — I don't judge.  Anyway, you can tell that was a deeply traumatic experience for both Sheercrest and Bray, and one that has tied them together without actually bonding them.  She's the guardian angel he doesn't want but does need.

If You Get In:  Everything I just wrote about Shahin and Etienne applies to Sheercrest and Bray.  You've written a great NPC here, but don't let him take too much of your time (or Sheercrest's time!) away from getting to know the setting and the other cast characters.

Bottom Line: A delightfully thought out case of carnivore confusion.


Decision:  Leaning towards Shahin, but could go with Sheercrest.  Priideep is a good character, but probably not a good fit for this specific contest.

[Zevka]

Hunters

Ashtad

Overall Impression:  Geez, that unnamed dormouse just -cannot- take the win and call it a day!  I suspect, though, that Ashtad knows deep down that most of what he's saying about the adder being a glorified pet is true.  Likewise, Ashtad has read all those books, and probably is intrigued by the chance to put some of what he has learned to practical use.  I notice that neither the dormouse's name nor his alleged crime were specified, which is probably a smart choice: you can tailor the situation to fit into the story as it develops.

If You Get In:  I'm actually -not- going to give you the advice about not letting NPCs take up too much screen time, because what is important here is not so much the dormouse as a character, but rather his case.  Keep Ashtad focused on his goal — he may be slithering into a fight, but he's doing it very specifically for the purpose of solving a mystery.

Bottom Line:  A fantastic concept, and well-written as well.


Kew Kew

Overall Impression:  This wearer is clearly Kew Kew for Cocoa Puffs — by far the craziest, most off-the-wall beast I've seen among the apps.  I get the impression that he is genuinely lonely, but is unwilling to divert himself from his "quest" (such as it is) even in the name of lessening this loneliness.  His isolation manifests in his speech, his awful hygiene and his bizarre appearance.  However, while he may be both crazy and uneducated, he is also clearly not stupid — the elaborate traps he sets up are proof of that.

If You Get In:  Kew Kew needs to learn (or relearn) how to be around normal beasts again.  Being out in the wilderness all by his lonesome hunting eagles has clearly done a number on his mind.  You will need to "civilize" Kew Kew fast enough to let him interact with other cast members, while still showing what a challenge this is for him.

And let his fur grow back, for Vulpuz' sake!  He's a wearet, not a naked mole rat!

Bottom Line:  Very original, and also very crazy.


The Old One

Overall Impression:  The Old One is a past-his-prime wolverine with an atavistic, almost animalistic mindset who wandered down from the North for warmer weather and easier prey.  The writing style feels like a piece of folklore, and is oddly beautiful, but I am not sold on the character.  This is the only app I can remember seeing for a long time that doesn't contain a single line of dialogue — indeed, it is not immediately clear that The Old One even speaks the same language as everybeast else.  His motives appear limited to eating and...and...well, that's about it.  Sure, we know he has some kind of song to send his prey on to the afterlife, but that is not enough.

If You Get In:  You need to spend like, -all- of your first two posts establishing the fact that The Old One is willing and able to engage in basic social interaction with other beasts without eating them.  What does he think about them other than "Yum, meat"?  What does he want other than his next meal and decent weather?  Can he really keep hunting forever in a place where is smaller and weaker but also sentient and heavily armed?  I can easily see The Old One falling into the trap of just floating along in his own little bubble as a strong, silent character who grunts a word now and again but doesn't otherwise interact much — and if he does, that is a one way ticket to a death vote.

Bottom Line:  The writing is stylistically grand, and this would be a great NPC, but I am skeptical about The Old One's ability to fit in with the cast.


Decision:  Ashtad, by a mile.


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Seafarer

Bise
Overall Impression:  Bise is an indentured servant (or possibly "indentured" servant — who enforces the rules?) who has been pressed into service on a ship.  Someone close to her apparently is responsible for this situation, and it appears she still cares enough for this person to be used as a "hostage" to keep her under control.  Also, Splitshank...I love ferrets, I think they're arguably the most adorable creatures known to man, but I have no doubt they can be smug little SOBs when they want to.

Anyway, I still think being assigned to scout landing zones and such is an awful lotta power to entrust to somebeast working under duress.  What's to stop her from "accidentally" running them aground?  If anything, it seems like they each have a hostage, but her hostage is bigger and made of wood and canvas.

If You Get In: Bise seems to come with a whole crew full of NPCs.  You don't need to get rid of them if you don't want to, but make sure Bise spends some time early on far away from them — maybe on a scouting mission that brings her into contact with the rest of the cast.  Being sold into "indentured servitude" by somebeast she obviously trusted will probably impact her ability to trust others in the future.

Bottom Line: A solid app, but make sure she spends the first few weeks incommunicado with the corsairs.


Dawl

Overall Impression: Dawl is a big softie trying to step up and take care of his little sister, and eaten by all kinds of insecurities about his ability to do so.  He's big, but not an experienced fighter or killer, and he'll probably be a lot more scared of the other cast members than they will be of him.  Most Redwall mercenaries seem to be in it at least partially for adventure, ambition, ideals or because they are misfits.  Dawl just wants to earn enough to take care of his sister unless/until his parents are found.

If You Get In: Dawl's size may get him in the door, but he will still be very much out of his element and surrounded by beasts who will in many cases be seasoned, hardened killers.  He'll probably want to make at least one friend as soon as he can, since he would be lonely and scared, but he will likely view at least some of the cast with some mix of awe and revulsion.  There are lots of ways you can play this. Also, he needs to get the combat training he presently lacks, but without telegraphing to everybeast the fact that he lacks it.

Bottom Line:  Big tough otter on the outside, cute and cuddly water woozle on the inside.  One of the most sympathetic apps.


Novak

Overall Impression: Novak strikes me as somebeast who secretly is uncomfortable with what he is doing, but wants to excel at it anyway to demonstrate his worth to others.  His discovery that the sealions are sentient now throws into doubt his own life as well as that of his unnamed mentor, whom he clearly looked up to and admired.  I love the concept here — the marine mammal oil and meat trade was a huge part of the transition into industrialization in the real world.  It makes sense that mustelids would go after sealions instead of, say, great white whales.  The rose oil is a nice touch as well.

If You Get In:  Guilt and shame can make people withdraw in real life, but don't make that be Novak's response.  He seems headed towards cutting himself off from his prior friends and crew, so finding him new ones should be a top priority.  Also, expect him to be somewhat skeptical of authority, and questioning of what he is told — not being skeptical bit him on the cute and fluffy tail.  As with Dawl, Novak doesn't strike me as a hardened fighter, so he may also looking for beasts to help protect him from the rest of the party.

Bottom Line:  Great app, great concept.


Decision:  Leaning towards Novak, but Dawl is still in the running.

[Zevka]

Schemers

Elsabeth Van Riften

Overall Impression:  This is one of my favorites from the Top 30 so far.  Crooked supply and logistics officers have been a problem in basically every army since the age of chariots.  In fact, the "ghost soldier" scheme Elsabeth cooked up is a mainstay in many third world armies even now.  Elsabeth's brain is working a mile a minute, but her sleaziness has finally caught up with her, and tossed her into a very different situation than anything she is used to.  Her greed and arrogance make her unlikeable as a beast,  it the application itself was very entertaining.

If You Get In: Elsabeth, by her own admission, is not much of a fighter.  To stay alive and useful to the other characters, she'll need to find other ways to make herself valuable.  She also needs to keep her scheming limited to a level that is not going to make everybeast else not want anything to do with her...or worse.  Skimming from whatever faraway ruler owns that fort got her sent up north.  Skimming from mercenaries during a war could get her killed if she isn't careful.

Elsabeth seems distinctly sheltered, and I can see a lot of the other Top 39 characters being shocking to her — but also maybe a little bit interesting because of it.  Also, she is going to be in a situation in which the title of "Lady Van Riften" is going to mean absolutely zero to anyone around her — which does not seem like a situation she is accustomed to living in.

Bottom Line:  I loved this app!


Lucan

Overall Impression:  Lucan wants to be a warrior, even though his personality and skills seem clearly better-suited to thievery or the theater.  His current scheme is pretty harmless, but the way he smiles at the memory of the lawful of flour — which is incendiary and probably really hurt somebeast when he threw it — hints at something darker inside him.  At sixteen, Lucan is also one of the younger and more sheltered beasts in these applications.  His cleverness is a useful tool, but his apparent propensity towards mischief may get him in over his head.

If You Get In:  Lucan may be good with tricks and illusions, but he's still basically a kid going off to war.  He needs protection and guidance if he's going to be able to survive and adapt in a very different world than anything he has ever known before.  Also, I expect he's going to at some point start being scared as he realizes just how dangerous his situation is.

Bottom Line:  Tons if potential, but don't forget that he's a teenager with no combat skills.


Merrill

Overall Impression:  I'm a little confused by this one.  Merrill is a self-proclaimed witch...but also a miner/prospector?  Whose mate — presumably the beast in the locket — caused some kind of big disaster or something?  The illusion Merrill uses seems more elaborate and more implausible than Lucan's, and I feel like there's a good backstory here, but I still find this to be one of the harder-to-understand ones.

If You Get In:  Merrill would presumably be getting a fresh start from whatever event(s) soured relations with the local villagers.  She's obviously a good -magician,- though not an actual -witch.-  I wonder how well her trickery will work on beasts not already prime to be skeptical of her.  As I've said about several other Top 30 characters, Merrill will be a non-combat character in what is likely to be an unusually combat-oriented party.  Her first order of business will be proving to them — for her own sake — that her skills are worth them keeping her around.

Bottom Line:  There's potential here, and lots of creativity, but it's not enough in such a strong category.


Decision: This was perhaps the strongest single category so far.  I love both a Elsabeth and Lucan's apps, and still haven't chosen definitively, although I lean towards Lady Van Riften.


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Berserker

Chitterfang the Wrigglekin

Overall Impression: Huh.  I'm...not really sure what to make of this one.  Chitterfang seems to be the goofy-but-formidable guardian of a farm community.  But apparently, feeding her bugs makes her hulk out and kill everybeast?  That doesn't make sense on multiple levels — aren't bugs her main food?  Isn't this like a human character who goes on a murderous killing spree every time he bites into a slice of pizza or something?

Also, bats aren't usually depicted as ground combat characters for a reason — their wing membranes and light bones make them vulnerable.  It wouldn't take that much to, at minimum, cause her some real problems with flying.

If You Get In:  We need a clear sense of where Chitterfang's "powers" comes from and how they work, and what she can and cannot do under their influence.

Bottom Line:  This app reminded me of a video game where a character gets some kind of upgrade and suddenly gets much stronger for a short duration — and in this context, that is not a good thing.


Elias

Overall Impression:  Elias is a great example of how personal combat skills do not always equal command ability. He is a fearsome warrior, but emotionally unstable, insubordinate and reckless with the lives of his troops.  Elias strikes me as somebeast who is going to get kicked out of the Long Patrol and become a mercenary for the chance to kill vermin.  He has no real endgame, he just wants to kill vermin until he dies.  Which is going to be a real issue, given that some of his fellow cast members will likely be vermin.

If You Get In:  I see two central obstacles for Elias to overcome.  First of all, as mentioned above, he'll be fighting in a mixed woodlander/vermin group that is likely to contain some fairly shady characters.  Does he antagonize his new teammates, or does he somehow summon the self-control to swallow his distaste for them?  The second is that Elias is used to being in charge, but there is zero guarantee that he is going to end up being the leader of the party — if indeed it really even has one.  He is not going to like having to talk beasts into doing what he wants when "because I balky outrank you, wot wot!" is insufficient.

Bottom Line:  Interesting app that could go in a lot of different directions.


Ilka

Overall Impression:  Ilka is an interesting case of a berserker who has figured out how to monetize her "bloodwrath."  She's not afraid to negotiate over it, and she's very clear on what work is and isn't in her contract.  However, I'm a little unclear about about the part at the end where she basically asks Wulter to work with her — I don't quite understand what she is asking him to do, nor why.

If You Get In: Your writing is solid, and Ilka is pretty scary, but you need to develop a clearer and more specific picture of what her motivations are.  Is she a punch-clock killer motivated only by money?  Was she already stuck with her berserker-ness through no fault of her own, and this is just her trying to make the best of it?  Is she just crazy?

Bottom Line:  It's not a bad app, but it is also not enough.  You need to show more about Ilka's motivations and drives.


Decision:  Elias.  Gonna be honest, this was the weakest category overall.  Elias, though, has enough built-in character challenges to at least be fairly interesting.

[Zevka]

Duelists

Elliot

Elliot must have been an extremely formidable warrior in his prime.  We can see that in how he plans and predicts his opponents' actions, and in the complex techniques he can use while managing multiple younger, fitter opponents.  However, Elliot is clearly having a very hard time admitting to himself — let alone to others — that he is no longer in his prime.  If he keeps dueling like this, sooner or later it's going to kill him, and deep down I think he knows it...but he doesn't know what to do with that knowledge.

If You Get In:  Elliot should do what champion (fill in activity-doer here)s do when they are past their prime but still capable, namely helping to train the next generation.  This goes double if the cast includes some beasts who are -not- experiences combatants and who are probably going to be desperate to learn as much as they can as fast as they can.  This gives you lots of ways for Elliot to serve as a mentor and/or protector to other cast members, while also finding closure regarding his own career.

Bottom Line:  I can imagine Christopher Lee's voice coming out of Elliot's mouth.


Fiyero

Overall Impression:  Fiyero is a giant ham who clearly relishes being the center of attention.  The fact that he reinvests most of the coins he receives into buying everybeast else a drink confirms that, while he might indeed make some cash from this, his primary motives are attention and affirmation, not financial gain.  This might also be why he ignores an obvious way out when challenged by the pine "martin" — "Good sir, did you think I was actually claiming that the Bracken Beast is real?  This is just a song and dance I do for fun.  Lighten up, dude!"  However, his dancing and the fact that he goes ahead and fights back (rather than running away) suggests that he really does possess some level of athletic and/fighting ability.

If You Get In:  Fiyero is an extrovert who wants to be the center of attention.  Getting him to socialize will not be hard.  The challenge will be taking those relationships past a fairly superficial level.

Bottom Line:  I enjoyed this one, but am concerned by the writer's apparent inability to correctly spell the name of the most magnificent of all creatures.


Bihto Snowridge

Overall Impression:  Umm, what?  He's a goose who somehow beats up a wildcat by...hissing, pecking and hitting her with a wing?  Sorry, but you're going to need to do better than that to make a goose taking out a wildcat believable.  Show us some kind of unique weapon or stratagem or something.  And give Bihto some richer characterization— compared to most of the other apps, his personality comes off as a bit flat.  You tell us he likes fighting and doesn't fit in well with other geese...that's not enough.

If You Get In:  This is a war, not a prize fight with what is apparently the worst wildcat ever.  Bihto could play the role of a brash, pugnacious beast who suddenly finds himself in a scary and unfamiliar environment that he thought he could handle, but can't.  Show us how this shakes him up and forces him to reconsider things.  Force him to rely on creativity or cunning to survive.

Bottom Line:  Not as good as the other two.


Decision:  Trying to decide between Fiyero and Elliot.  Lean towards Elliot, but not sure.

[Sycamore]

You tell us he likes fighting and doesn't fit in well with other geese...that's not enough.

Dude, that's literally what a goose is, haha.