This is my thread. (Reviews, yo.)

[carelesswhisper]

Since Day Two hasn't started yet, and I can't seem to make concise overall comments on each person from week one, you're getting my stream of consciousness impressions. 

Rexim!

What is the translation of the (I'm guessing?) Latin? 

I hate to say it, but the fact that I'm feeling labored when I read Rexim's dialogue makes me feel like he's labored when he talks.  You're not going over the top or anything, I don't think - it's just that it takes longer to read and decipher the spellings.  I felt like there were some words ("Seengle" versus "Single") that were too similar to even bother changing the spelling, as the change in pronunciation was hardly noticeable.  Anyway.  I don't mean to pick on you for this, I understand that he has an accent and you want to convey it.  I just wish it flowed a little better.  But maybe that's what you're going for!  In which case, good on yer. 

I almost felt like the dialogue was too perfect.  It didn't feel like a real conversation.  Everything they said had a point, furthered the plot, made sense - which sounds good, right?  It just doesn't feel genuine to me, considering that people don't actually talk like that and they're drunk.  That said, yay on already having established relationships with other characters!  I was worried that a lot of people would be like, "Yeah, he/she's already at Kotir, but he/she only showed up yesterday, so he/she doesn't know anybody yet..."  Considering that halfway through your first post, there are already three characters who know each other, I am much less worried about this. 

The wolf healer touched her forelock in greeting, but did not reply. The slow-worm curled around her neck answered for her. ?We could ask you the same question, Mister Rexim. But since you are here, I feel I should warn you that for yourself, the omens are not good.?

wat

Wait, it's a snake?  I feel like I would have been much less confused if you had called it a snake, and able to appreciate that it's a cool idea that her snake talks for her.  Once you establish it's a snake, you can call it whatever you want.  (Also, rereading this, I realized that I really like the worm/snake's dialogue!  But I was too busy trying to figure out what it was the first time I read through, so I didn't notice.)

What I very much liked:  We have setting, we have interesting character dynamics, and we have plot movement.  There were moments of humor, and you have some interesting descriptions.  I feel like I would like a little more in-Rexim's-head perspective, but I think you can incorporate that pretty easily.  It's not easy to be the first post, and I think you did a pretty good job of starting things off. 

[carelesswhisper]

Alan!

This has nothing to do with your first post, but when I saw the title to your second, I instantly got "These Boots Are Made For Walking" stuck in my head.  Now my boyfriend will hate me for singing it all the time.  Anywayyyyy.

Oh!  Continuation of story.  I love how you basically picked up where Rexim stopped, but not in a way that was awkward or made me have to re-read dialogue. 

I feel so bad for Airya.  I like how you tried to make her kind of unlikable by giving us only Alan's perspective of her, but I still really like her. 

I felt like you could have taken the humor a step further.  I don't mean making it push the rating - I think you could probably do some pretty enjoyable humor without relying on dirty jokes.  I just get the sense that you're trying to play the comic relief card - and I approve! - but I'd like if you went a little more all out.

[carelesswhisper]

Rousseau!

This is not bad, but it took me a while to realize the first part was a flashback.  I'm so used to letters being in italics that I immediately freaked out and was like, "Agh, what if EVERYTHING ELSE will be in italics and only letters will be normal?!"  I was much calmer when I figured it out. 

I really like how you gave her interpretation of the letter by giving her reimagined version, but it felt very modern.  I know you were going for super blunt, but it was a little jarring. 

If you made up the name Terramort, SO LOVE. 

In an odd sense, trees didn?t seem to fret over what others thought of them, shedding their only coverings and exposing what was beneath it all in an instant only for the sheer reason that they could.  A flower, however, wouldn?t discard her petals, or she would simply die of embarrassment.  In a way, the captain felt trees were similar to her. 

I kinda feel like she's giving them credit they don't deserve.  Winter undresses them!  I think it's a cool idea to personify them and then make the simile, but it was slightly clumsy. 

Beasts moved to and fro, sporting over-the-top frock coats and dresses with intricate designs that were expertly implemented by some great seamstress into ruffled atrocities that dragged behind them like second tails.

This, on the other hand, is awesome. 

I LOVE the interactions with Clutus.  I want to see much, much more of these two. 

[carelesswhisper]

Rallentando!

Really liking that you included Radish.  I feel like NPCs are far more interesting and effective when they're not used by one person alone.  ...and now I love it even more.  He's like Radar from MASH! 

The dialogue is so much fun to read.  I feel like you really have a good grasp of your characters and their personalities, and I really appreciate it. 

I don't know why, but I thought she was a mouse until I got to a place where you refer to her as a rabbit.  My bad for not reading applications, I say. 

I don't have much to say, but I really liked the whole thing, and I will probably go read your application soon.

[carelesswhisper]

Tobias!

?O Captain, my Captain!? the mink cried, and waved his arms. He knocked three beast?s heads and one of their drinks before he stopped when Alan stood in front of him.

ohai I get it

You've got some minor punctuation problems throughout; I saw one place where you closed a line of dialogue with a period when a comma would have flowed better, and another where you didn't begin a line of dialogue with a quotation mark.  They're little things, though, and definitely not anywhere near bad enough to bother me much. 

I think you could use a little polish, but I really like Tobias, and I like your writing.  I think you have potential to go far.

[Alan]

I just have to say... I love you for this. 

He's like Radar from MASH!

Because that was totally my intent.

[Rexim]

Wait, it's a snake?  I feel like I would have been much less confused if you had called it a snake, and able to appreciate that it's a cool idea that her snake talks for her.

Actually, no. Slow-worms are a type of lizard that just look like snakes. Here's the Wikipedia page if you're interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slow_worm

As for the rest of your review: yes, I know that the accent is a bit of a problem. You're not the first person to mention this, and rest assured that I'm working on streamlining it so that it's easier for everyone involved, but still makes it obvious how foreign Rexim is. Because quite frankly, it confuses even me sometimes.

I am very glad that you seemed to like my post overall, but I have to ask about your complaint about my dialogue. They spend a good portion of that scene discussing wine and females; the only part that's plot relevant is Rexim's tunnel, and that is only mentioned in a couple of sentences.

And because someone finally asked for it, the Latin translations:
Title: "To quarrel with a drunk is to wrong a man who is not even there"

Quote at the beginning (there are several different translations, this is the Charles Martin one): "O gods above, inspire this undertaking (which you've changed as well)/ and guide my poem in its epic sweep/ from the world's beginning to the present day."
^I thought it rather appropriate for the first post.

Last phrase: "Rest in peace."

[carelesswhisper]

Oh!  I'm so sorry then.  It's my fault for not looking it up!  I take all of it back, and applaud you for introducing me to a new aminal.  

Discussing wine is relevant because they both seem to be alcoholics, so you're furthering character development, and discussing women is relevant, because you're introducing a subplot which will be continued in Alan's and Tobias's posts.  I'm sorry if I seemed mean at all - it really wasn't the subject matter that was a problem for me, it was more just the forced feeling I got from the dialogue.  Everything sounded so calculated and well thought out, when as far as I gathered, they were both drunk.  

Wow, I love the opening title, now that I know the translation.  

EDIT:  Also, I apologize for comments on his accent.  I haven't read any of the other reviewers' threads, so I didn't realize it had already been touched on.  Don't mean to harp on!

[Rexim]

You don't need to apologize for mentioning the accent- I need to know how many people see it as a problem. That's how I know that I really need to work on it.

I'm sorry if I seemed mean at all - it really wasn't the subject matter that was a problem for me, it was more just the forced feeling I got from the dialogue.  Everything sounded so calculated and well thought out, when as far as I gathered, they were both drunk.

You don't sound mean at all! Actually, I'm really interested in what you have to say here, because I try to make my dialogue as realistic as possible. If you could provide some specific examples or a more detailed explanation, I would very much appreciate it.

[carelesswhisper]

Sure thing!  I'd be happy to go over it again and point out lines that I thought could use a little work (and also lines that worked really well.) 

[Rexim]

Awesome! Could you pm it to me once you're finished, to avoid cluttering up your thread here?

[Rousseau]

Thank you for your reviews, sir/maam :)  About the italics, usually in survivor contests like these italics are for thoughts and flashbacks, or for really emphasizing something.  As for the name of Terramort, I didn't come up with it, it was the name of the island Gabool the Wild ruled in Mariel of Redwall, and I felt it would be a suitable location for Rousseau to be from.  Anyways, thank you again for your reviews, and I'm glad you like my character so far :)

[carelesswhisper]

Rexim:  Sure.  Probably won't be 'til tomorrow morning, as I'm about ready to lay down. 

Rousseau:  Oh, facepalm.  You can tell I haven't read a Redwall book in almost a decade.  And yeah, I totally get the italic use now - I was just confused initially, because I didn't realize it was a flashback because I'm so used to correspondence being in italics to set it apart from narrative, and when it wasn't and the narrative was (which made total sense when I realized it was a flashback) I prematurely freaked out.  Entirely my fault!  I completely understand why you did what you did, and I probably would have done the same. 

[Opal]

You can blame me for Salishan and his weird species-ness. I created him, but never had a chance to introduce him or Zacari. I don't feel to bad though, because Rexim did a fabulous job of introducing them instead. Anyhoo, really glad you're reviewing! :)

[carelesswhisper]

ZOMG, I just discovered that when I simultaneously left and right click on my laptop, it opens the link in a new tab!!!  

Clutus!

There are a few minor spelling errors throughout; "Dieing" instead of "Dying" and "Prey" when you meant "Pray" are the two I can remember off the top of my head.  I don't vote based on SPAG unless it's bad enough to dominate the post, but I do appreciate when writers take a little extra time to do last minute editing.  I'm absolutely loving your descriptions, though, and I definitely notice a lot of good things that completely override the few small errors.  

I don't usually like to write or read recap, but you handled it excellently, pretty much exactly how I would have done it.  (Not that I do everything right or anything, I just approve)

The end is great, too.  Teasing!  Cliffhanger!  

EDIT:  One last note.  I REALLY liked the narcissism that Clutus displayed in Rousseau's post; I want to see a little more of that in your own posts.  I mean, I can definitely see it - the way he believes owls/birds are superior to everyone, and comparing dress gowns to tailfeathers, because he automatically thinks that the vermin are emulating birds.  I just wish it was slightly more overt in both the dialogue and narrative; I wanted it to read a little more like a love letter to Clutus.  Don't be afraid to go all out!