This is my thread. (Reviews, yo.)

[Alan]

Sorry about htat, it was supposed to be in italics, and when I copy pasted, I didn't do it right.  It's fixed now... I apologize...

[carelesswhisper]

Not a problem!  I figured it was a simple formatting error.  ;)

[carelesswhisper]

Augh, the suspense!  Be warned - the closer things are posted to voting, the less likely I am to have the time to read and vote.  Which, technically, could be very favorable to one of you.  So I guess that can be my gift to you.  :P

(p.s. I realize things are probably incredibly chaotic for you guys, given Christmas is right around the corner, and I hope you know I'm not nagging!  Just impatient.  :P)

[carelesswhisper]

I am watching a tiny, high on sugar individual, so bear with me if I seem distracted~ 

Clutus

Clutus+Mirdros is GENIUS.  I love this. 

I want to note to all the writers that I'm really, really liking the way Mirdros's dialogue is written.  There's very little syllabic spelling, but thanks to the grammatical errors in his speech, I can still easily tell he's a kit and imagine his voice perfectly. 

Really didn't have much else to say!  I thought the plot progression was great, I'm loving Clutus's development as a character, and his interactions with the others continue to be interesting and fun.  I like how you're balancing light and dark; while you use humor, and Clutus's pretentiousness can sometimes be laughable, his actual thoughts and feelings are far darker.  Keep it up!

[carelesswhisper]

 :D New posts!  So happy.

Tobias

The beginning was a little confusing - I don't know if I just missed previously shared details, but it took me a good while to figure out where he was and how he got there.

...and then we find out it's a dream sequence, so scratch that.  Nitpicky me would suggest italics to make that slightly more clear sooner, but I'm guessing your intent was actually to make it a bit more confusing.  (Not the word I'm looking for.  WHAT WILL I DO IF THIS POST TURNS INTO A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM?)  

The water rat?s words were crushed and broken.

I want to love this, but it's *just* over the line of intriguing personification and creeping into "I don't get it ._." territory.  (Is personification the right word?  I don't know.  Today is weird.)  EDIT:  I am an idiot, it makes perfect sense now.

?Sling stones travel farther in the air than arrows,? Toby said.

?What??

?Small stones cut through the wind more easily than wooden arrows. Plus, there is a slight breeze against us.?

Is this for real?  'Cause if so, Today I Learned!

I love Toby as a character.  His perspective is so easy to identify with, and I can't help but feel an emotional attachment to the character.  I personally would like you to take the depression/"am I crazy" to extremes, BUT, I doubt many others would agree with me on that.  So probably not listening to me on that one is good.  ;)

[carelesswhisper]

Rousseau

And, Rouss. Before I close this letter, I?ve thought about what?s happened and the bad blood between us both, and I do not wish for anything like this to happen again.  You seem to be making good progress, so you should be home soon.  When you return, maybe we can discuss what happened to us.

This.  This was so excellent.  Just from the way Reginald writes, I can tell he's a pretentious jerk; where does he get off addressing her by a nickname rather than her proper title?  I love that you were able to show that JUST through a letter without ever writing about him in person. 

The return letter from the weasel, a simple sentence that said Rouss, here's the letters you asked for, was made of broken and clumsy letters, much like the scrawl of the child that sat with his arms crossed behind her.

...confused.  Were the "his" and "her" supposed to be "his" and "him", or are you just being incredibly politically correct?

There is some awesome character development going on this week, and Rousseau is no exception.  I feel like this was the perfect time for you writers to start delving a little deeper. 

[Rousseau]

Thank you for the review :)

...confused.  Were the "his" and "her" supposed to be "his" and "him", or are you just being incredibly politically correct?

I had one of the fellow contestants say that that quote was confusing as well.  I tried to fix it up in the editing but it apparently didn't help much. The his and her were meant to be there just to show that Willump had a messy pawwriting almost like the child (Mirdros) who was sitting behind her.  Basically though, Mirdros was sitting with his arms crossed behind Rousseau is what it was saying.

I'm glad you like the letter as well, as usually writing his letters are very entertaining to me and I have a hobby of developing characters through unconventional means.  And trust me, I've got a lot planned for Reginald.  Bear with me for now :)  And thanks again.

[Tobias]

The beginning was a little confusing - I don't know if I just missed previously shared details, but it took me a good while to figure out where he was and how he got there.

...and then we find out it's a dream sequence, so scratch that.  Nitpicky me would suggest italics to make that slightly more clear sooner, but I'm guessing your intent was actually to make it a bit more confusing.  (Not the word I'm looking for.  WHAT WILL I DO IF THIS POST TURNS INTO A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM?)  

The first scene is actually Toby's part of the rescue that happened in Rousseau's first post. I can totally see why you thought it was a dream, considering that that scene is so far away from the main rescue post and the next scene starts with Toby waking up, so I apologize for that.

?Sling stones travel farther in the air than arrows,? Toby said.

?What??

?Small stones cut through the wind more easily than wooden arrows. Plus, there is a slight breeze against us.?

Is this for real?  'Cause if so, Today I Learned!

It is! When slings and bow and arrows were the main range weapons, slings were usually favored for their range until the composite bow was developed. Toby's explanation (which is probably only one factor) came from my limited knowledge of physics. I'd also guess that you could launch a sling stone faster than an arrow shot from a bow.

I've been tossing a few ideas around in my head concerning your penultimate sentence, so we'll see what happens with that :)

Thanks for the reviews!

[carelesswhisper]

Rousseau:  Ohhhh.  I get it now.  Sorry!  I feel like I'm a total dumbell sometimes.  I think what ultimately led me to confusion was that I missed "THE child that sat behind her" and instead saw "A child that sat behind her".  I also always misread "Open House" as "Opera House", and I am always disappointed. 

Tobias:  No problem on the first scene, just wasn't sure precisely how/why we were getting recap right then.  And awesome about slingstones!  That's so cool.  I NEVER KNEW. 

Like I said before... I would worship your feet if you turned up the depression aspect, but I know that it's a fine line to walk, and there are probably others who would find that boring.  I don't want you to get voted out for it!  I'm sure whatever you decide will be best, but sadly, there is a certain element of pleasing the masses here that sometimes prevents the writers from fully exploring their potential. 

[carelesswhisper]

Final thoughts on Day Three:  (should note that I don't always have these.) 

Alan:  If you make it to the next round, character development is a must.  Also, I don't know if it's just been this week or if I'm just remembering wrong, but I keep feeling like you skirt around the actual action.  You lead up to it and you come down from it, but I'm having trouble remembering a post where something of importance actually happened in one of your posts, as opposed to just being cliffhanger'd at the end. 

Rousseau:  I honestly feel like you've got your stuff together.  My one suggestion is to go even farther, because I still feel like you're holding back a bit.  Understandably, many times writers will wait 'til near the end of the story to begin really getting into character development, but I think the effect is best achieved if you build up to that point by giving a little here and there in the beginning.  Honestly, I trust you to know when to tell what. 

Rexim:  I feel like you're the most guarded of all the contestants.  I really want you to try to break Rexim free from his shell.  Whether that means hinting more at the secrets of his past, doing some character development, or introducing a new, important element of the plot that involves Rexim heavily (but not on his own!  Having your character spend the majority of their time alone is almost always a recipe for disaster.  There are exceptions, such as Revel from RV5, but it's very difficult to pull off.)  I'm honestly routing most for character development, because I don't feel like I know very much about Rexim.  Of all the characters, he's the one that I feel I know the least. 

Rallentando:  I understand you didn't have the time or ability to write for this week, and I can definitely sympathize.  That said, I feel like your writing and character in the previous weeks will probably be enough to get you by.  (I hope.  I would be desolate if not.)  I know I'm beating a dead horse, but I really want to see Ralle do something important plotwise.  I know it's not in her character to go do adventurous things by herself, but I could definitely see her guiltily eavesdropping on Mysterious Conversations, getting blackmailed by one of the other members of the cast (or an NPC, for that matter) and having to work as a double agent, or any number of other things that simultaneously give her a more driving role without compromising her personality. 

Clutus:  Honestly, I liked your post this week.  I think you could go a littler farther, both character-wise and plot-moving-wise, and I hope you find a way to do that next week.  I'd love it if you turned up the light/dark element, focusing both on Clutus's longing to fly and live as a real owl, but having to make the best of life as a ground-dweller, while still portraying him in a bit of a humorous light to the others.  I DO kind of want Clutus to be a little more evil, but I'm not sure if it suits him. 

Tobias:  Whether or not you decide to take his character further into the depths of despair, I feel like a little more involvement with the plot and the other main characters would be beneficial.  I love Toby, but I sometimes feel like he's a little detached (which I both love and hate, because it WORKS for him to be detached emotionally, but at the same time, I think he'll ultimately need to be more of a driving force to survive.) 

Good luck to all of you.  Have some fudge.

[carelesswhisper]

Just read through tdcpresents' thread, and I wanted to clarify my own opinion on Alan and character development:

I'm not asking for a huge revelation or change.  I want more bits like the one I pointed out, where he just kind of lays down his head and gives up for a minute.  He doesn't drink; he's just done.  The subtlety and conciseness is what made it so perfect, and that is what I want to see more of.  Not even a lot of them!  Just a few moments here and there where we can see into him a little bit. 

[carelesswhisper]

Alan

?That?s for murdering children!?

Rousseau slapped him again. "Wot in Hellgates are ya goin' on about?  Get yer head together an' call a retreat!"

Alan snarled, his paw rising to hit her back when a grinning water rat?s head appeared behind Rousseau?s shoulder.  He punched him instead.

?They killed Rail?  They killed Rall?  Ra?  Rabbit.  They killed the stupid rabbit!?

She stared at him.  ?Wots that t? you??

Alan met her gaze and sneered.  ?Because she was nice to me, all right?  And thank you so much for preventing me from killing the leader of this disaster!?

This is exactly what I asked for, and done pretty excellently; we see some changes in Alan (he feels the need to avenge Rallentando) yet still is himself (how he responds to Rousseau and guilt trips her for getting in the way.)

I like the return of Konnor, as well.  It's a very pivotal part of Alan's character, and after a couple days with no appearances (though, it's obviously difficult to work that in between saving the world as we know it :P) I was a bit worried he would get left out.  

Again, a good cliffhanger ending.  I would like to see you give more definition to the end of your posts, though; nothing big, just maybe a final closing sentence that ties it all together and kind of tl;drs the whole post.  The last line for this one was close - I guess I just wanted a tiny bit more.  You put a lot of thought into the beginning of your posts, and I'd like it if you put a little more into the ends.  

[Alan]

Thankee.  I would like to say something in Ralle's defense to your morning post that I saw.  Sadly, It's more than just a brief absence.  And All of us contestants are very sad too.  She was one of my favorites.

[Erethas]

Aw, it's sad that Rallentando was cut short like this, and just before Christmas too. She has/had a lot of potential which I was hoping to see more of. I hope things turn out okay for her.

[carelesswhisper]

Well, I was ranting at the voters, not Ralle herself, but I do understand, and that's why I took the post down.  I'm still grieved!  But no sense ranting at people who don't deserve it.