This is my thread. (Reviews, yo.)

[carelesswhisper]

Sorry guys, these are probably going to be short.  Trying to power through.

Clutus - The Home Front

However, while an expert swordsbeast could make the blade an extension of his or her body, the birds' beak was not an extension, but an actual, physical part of his or her body.

Nitpicky.  I dislike when "his or her" is used without cause.  (Yes, yes, political correctness, I know.)  It's a matter of opinion, though, and doesn't sway me. 

The post is a little fillericious, but it was good to see how Clutus reacts in crisis situations.  The ending saves it from being too much filler, though, so I can't really complain.  Enjoyed.  Would read again.

[carelesswhisper]

Alan - The Death Of Innocence

...I have been gone too long?  Yeah, I know, but... Tirian DIED?  I don't remember reading it.  ._.  Anyway. 

Alan tilted his head.  "I told you I'd get her first."  He grinned nastily.  "You'll love her, she's magnificent."

Appropriately titled post. 

I was actually a little surprised that Toby decided to go for it.  I suppose that's foolish, in retrospect, but up 'til now he's been so completely locked in that it was a surprise to see him break a little bit, especially when seen from someone else's perspective. 

[carelesswhisper]

Toby - Remembering Can Be A Pain

The swordfight was a little weird, to be honest.  I can't tell if I'm just having a bad day concentration-wise or if it's actually kind of foggy, but I felt like I was seeing everything through a blur.  I'm willing to work with it because at least I feel that Toby is also seeing everything that way, but I wanted more detail.  I wanted to see glimpses of the memories, feel Toby's wrists giving out, whatever else could be fit in.  Given that the majority of the post covers the scene, I feel like it could have a little more punch in it. 

Overall, I like the writing here, but I'm left wanting a little bit. 

[carelesswhisper]

((Toby, I will be rereading your post on the morrow, because I think I am just bleh today.  Apologies to you and anyone else I might mis-review because of it.))

Rousseau - Blindness

I read the title and instantly wanted to listen to heavy metal.  I do not know WHY.  Humph. 

Rousseau looked around until she found her sketchbook, ripping out one of its blank yellowed pages.  She grabbed a short pencil off of her easel and handed it and the blank page to Mirdros.

?That should entertain ya fer a bit. Drawin?s only sort o? different from paintin?. Now go sit down an? shut up, will ya?? Rousseau said. 

Mirdros happily padded over back to his perch on her bed and began pondering what he would create on the blank page.

I realize that this is Redwall and fiction and Mirdros is quite precocious, but I couldn't help but snicker a little at this.  His reaction to being given drawing tools is just a tad too grown up to me.  BUT.  Again.  Redwall.  Human development really has no bearing on how things play out. 

The speech to her crew was great.  It's good to see her stepping into her role, and I'm interested to see how well she fills it. 

[carelesswhisper]

Clutus - These Broken Wings

Barn owls are not built for stealth, at least not in the claustrophobia-arousing corridors of Kotir.

I feel like it would have been smoother to say "Claustrophobic corridors", even if not as technically correct. 

I love that Clutus really has come to care about Rousseau and she refuses to believe it - though I'm wobbling on whether it's due to his behavior or her insecurity or both.  My one regret is that there wasn't more buildup to this moment.  As has been noted, I am horribly forgetful, so I could be completely wrong here, but I don't remember a lot of heart-to-heart moments between the two of them.  They've spoken, they've spent time together, but there was nothing to point to this (that I recall.)  Still, it's always excellent to see character development, and I think you handled it well here. 

Rousseau found her tongue first, and it sounded sharp as she replied. ?I don't care if ya actually worry about me or not. Will's always been my only friend an' ya can't stop me from tryin' t' save 'im. If I see 'im, I will fight my way through a hundred beasts t' save 'im. An' Clutus? I've already told some other beasts, so I don't see any harm in tellin' you too. The last time somebeast said they cared about me, they gave me a necklace o' pearls an' a knife t' the eye. That was the mistake I made, Clutus. I trusted somebeast I shouldn't have. An' with my duties t' my crew an' Will gone, I ain't got time t' make new friends.?

"In the end, you're just as lonely as me aren't you?"  Clutus managed.

Clutus's line here is pure genius. 

I can't help but ask, after reading the end, if the elimination was voluntary.  I understand if that can't be shared, but I will say this: if indeed this was a way to start writing Clutus out of the story, it is very smoothly done and makes perfect sense for him as a character.  If this was NOT the plan and you had intended to remain in the story, then generally making moves like this is a bad idea.  I think Clutus's fatal flaw throughout the story has been to remain too detached and elusive.  I understand that as a character, it makes sense for him to behave this way, but part of the art of these contests is to weave yourself into the story in a way that makes sense for your character. 

Anyway.  I like this post.  Despite all my nagging and harrying at people to be involved and engaged, I really do like seeing Clutus on his own simply for the sake of introspection.

[carelesswhisper]

Alan - Don't Cry For Me, I Have My Own Tears

I'm going to be infuriating and use the old, "I don't have much to say!" 

The flashbacks were good.  The loquacious, justice-bent woodlander was a little cliche, but it served its purpose.  I don't think it makes me like Alan any more than I did previously, but it's definitely enlightening and gives us a better understanding of his perspective.  Also, Radish.

[carelesswhisper]

Clutus - Flight Of The Valkyries

I'm not very clear on how the escape mechanism actually worked, but that aside, this was an excellent moment for Clutus.  I'm sad to see him out of the story, because I had a lot of hope for him, but I can't imagine a better way for him to go.  I very much hope you keep writing, because you have a lot of potential.  And I want to read you again.  :P

[carelesswhisper]

DAY SIX.  That's right.  I'm almost caught up.  TAKE THAT. 

Rousseau

It seems weird to me that Reginald has an accent when his letters are well-written.  Does he use a scribe?  WAS THIS ALREADY COVERED AND I FORGOT?  *sob* 

Anyway:  The Flashback.  I was :D

I'm probably just being dense, but I did NOT expect Reginald to be the eluded to One.  I adore being surprised, so that was awesome to me. 

Reginald is disgusting in the best possible way in person.  The whole scenario, actually, was just awesomely shudder-inducing. 

Rouss blaming herself for Clutus's death is nicely in character, though I feel like she's a little too detached without actually being numb, if that makes any kind of sense.  She's NOT numb, I mean - she's experiencing all of her emotions - but she's not showing much of a reaction to them, and isn't making any effort to hold them in.  I don't know, I guess I kind of just go "..." when something shocking happens, but up 'til now, Rousseau has seemed more overt.  You know her far better than I do, so I'm sure you had your reasons. 

[Alan]

Tirian died?  No...  he was simply taken captive that we know of....

[carelesswhisper]

Tobias

AGAIN I AM TORN.  Why must you do this to me?!

Part of me desperately wants Adrian to be lying to him so that we can see Toby once more crushed when he discovers the truth.  But another part of me thinks they're adorable and wants them to live happily ever after.  I don't know why I want to see Toby suffer so much, seriously.  

I really liked the flashback.  Like Alan's, it wasn't ":o WHAT?" so much as just giving us another dimension of Toby.  (When I don't have words, I default to reactions.)  Good job on the character development, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

[carelesswhisper]

Tirian died?  No...  he was simply taken captive that we know of....

...

I may need to reread the whole week tomorrow.  >.<

[Clutus]

Just wanted to say thanks for all your reviews.  I've looked forward to reading them throughout the contest, and they've been very insightful.

In regards to the my exit from the contest, it was not technically voluntary.  I was legitimately voted out.  However, I was 99% sure I was going to be voted out, and I was actually hoping that I would be.  RL was getting the best of me, and I needed clear my schedule a bit.  So I wrote as to make my exit as smooth as possible, and left the rest to the audience.  Whether or not this was right thing to do, I'm not sure; but it's what ended up happening.

I'm glad you enjoyed reading about Clutus.  It's been an adventure, and I can't wait to see the end.  :)

[carelesswhisper]

Thank you for the story!  It's been a blast to read and comment on. 

I definitely know where you're coming from on schedule-clearing.  Whether or not it had any bearing on the vote, I do feel like it was a good choice for Clutus, development wise - not dying, but planning his departure, so I guess I really don't disagree with it; I'm just sad to see him go. 

[carelesswhisper]

Alan

I'm happy to see everyone planning, though it's kind of weird to see them all working fairly well together.  For the most part, I felt like this was a very "meat and potatoes" kind of post; what needs to happen happens. 

The back and forth between Alan and Toby was awkward, but I think it's awkward in a way that makes sense, considering.  Though I totally 'o.0'd at Toby's "If you were a girl" line.  Mostly because I started to think about it too much.  IN ANY CASE. 

I can't help but think that Morleo being The One will be a bait and switch, because it just seems too obvious and matter of fact otherwise.  Then again, Mirdros being It would be pretty obvious as well.  At this point, I believe I need to quit analyzing, sit back, and enjoy.  So I shall.

[Rousseau]

You are a trooper.  Thank you for staying with us for so long and getting all these reviews caught up.  And now it's time for my reply.

...I have been gone too long?  Yeah, I know, but... Tirian DIED?  I don't remember reading it.

You actually skipped reviewing my post "And we all come marching in..." which is the post that Tirian is last seen struck on the back with a club by Morleo.  It might have been possible that you missed this chapter or simply forgot that it happened (I didn't do a good job for that scene as I needed to fit it in with the word count, so it was rather abrupt)

Rousseau - Blindness

I read the title and instantly wanted to listen to heavy metal.  I do not know WHY.  Humph.

Actually, the title of the chapter is the name of a song, but it isn't metal.  It goes down as one of my favorite songs of the moment and some parts of it fit the chapter rather nicely.

Also, I'm glad that you liked this post.  This was one of the posts I've was dying to write ever since I thought of it, and so I'm happy that it came out as well as I had hoped.

As for the review of the next chapter, I'm also happy you enjoyed the flashback in it.  The Reginald scene was one of the more interesting scenes I've written and I thoroughly enjoy writing jerkish, into-themselves kind of characters.  But Reginald is more fun to write, because everything he does is just unsettling, and so I'm happy that I got that across well enough.

It seems weird to me that Reginald has an accent when his letters are well-written.  Does he use a scribe?  WAS THIS ALREADY COVERED AND I FORGOT?  *sob*

Actually, this WAS covered in my first post of day one, where Rousseau herself questions his letters, thinking they're far too proper for how he actually is. 

Rouss blaming herself for Clutus's death is nicely in character, though I feel like she's a little too detached without actually being numb, if that makes any kind of sense.  She's NOT numb, I mean - she's experiencing all of her emotions - but she's not showing much of a reaction to them, and isn't making any effort to hold them in.  I don't know, I guess I kind of just go "..." when something shocking happens, but up 'til now, Rousseau has seemed more overt.  You know her far better than I do, so I'm sure you had your reasons

This goes hand in hand with this next quote:

As has been noted, I am horribly forgetful, so I could be completely wrong here, but I don't remember a lot of heart-to-heart moments between the two of them.  They've spoken, they've spent time together, but there was nothing to point to this (that I recall.)  Still, it's always excellent to see character development, and I think you handled it well here. 

When I wrote this scene, I tried to write it as if Rousseau were confused about what to really think about it.  As you said, they never had any heart to heart moments (or at least she didn't realize how much Clutus cared about her) and so she was unable to know whether to flat out cry over his death or not. In the end, she didn't let out all of her emotions because she didn't know which ones to let out.  She wasn't obvious about it, because she herself didn't know what she was feeling or how to react to it.  Though, in the end, I believe that she did realize she cared about Clutus somewhat, at least in a mutual trust term, as judging by her tears at the very end.

Anyways, I salute you for getting caught up with these reviews and I'm glad you've been enjoying the story and Rousseau.  We'll be sure to keep up the good work.