This is my thread. (Reviews, yo.)

[carelesswhisper]

Clutus

This isn't really directed toward you so much as everyone: The way Mirdros is portrayed, I find it hard to remember why they're holding onto him.  Don't get me wrong, I still love him, and at this point I realize that they can use him for leverage against the water rats, but sometimes I feel like he's just a gag.  I know I was one of the ones begging that he have a continuing role, and I want him to still!  I just want to be able to remember that he has a valid reason to be around.  

Clutus tongue caught in his throat at the mention of Rousseau, he managed.  ?She is dead too.  Was horrible waste of potential, killing that one.  She was able to transform blank pieces of canvas into entire worlds, and your tribe killed her without a second thought.  In one moment, all her talent was washed away with blood.  That is the trouble with your kind, you never consider the consequences of your actions.  Your completely impulsive, barely even-?

Clutus cut himself off as he heard the kit's soft snoring.

I loved this  so much - a very Clutus-y way to deliver a bedtime story!

Clutus bobbed his head in return, and shamelessly replied.  ?Indeed, that wondrous call belonged to me.  Your response was so heavenly that I mistook as my echo, upon first hearing it.?

Perfect.

The whole section with Licium was amazing.  Pardon my absent-mindedness, but I can't find the words at this moment to describe especially what I loved about it.  I'll come back in a few hours and give it another go.  Overall, though - excellent, excellent character development.  

EDIT:  Licium, and the reason that entire sequence was awesome: it was heartbreaking to see Clutus faced with the reality that even though he prides himself on being an owl, he has no choice but to live as a grounddweller - and as a result, has adopted some of their mindset and beliefs.  There is something very relatable about handicapped characters, particularly when it's something that generally would define them, such as in the case of a bird that can't fly.  The longing to be "normal" and attain as great heights as their peers is something I think almost everyone can identify with.  What we see here is the stark truth: sometimes we can't.  Clutus can't.  No matter how hard he tries to act like an owl, he doesn't have the freedom to be that way anymore. 

I'm bad with words.  But I loved this.

[carelesswhisper]

Rousseau

I was a little disappointed that Morleo turned out to be a pretty run of the mill villain.  Sometimes that's what's needed, I suppose, but I do like it when people push the boundaries.  He seems less religiously motivated than Caractacus, and more just a bully (though I do understand that he has religious motivation.)  I just hoped for a little more depth.  

What interested me the most about this post is how serene Rousseau was every time she was hurt/threatened/about to be killed.  I can see it just being her way of being defiant and courageous, but there are points where it sounds like she honestly wants to be dead, and of course, that is something I want to read more about.  Then again, now that Will's taken her place, she has more motivation to try harder as a leader.  

I guess I'm really starting to feel the word limit.  I was one of the supporters of it, I should note, but I'm beginning to understand how it can honestly be a handicap.  I feel like in order to crank out a really fabulous post that is under the limit (can't remember the exact  number) the contestants would probably need more time to construct, write, and edit.  As it is, you still have the time constraints of a normal contest, and have to cover events in the same fashion, but don't have the freedom to explore to the same depth.  Introspection, character development, witty narration - all must take second place to "Cover x events without going over the limit".  I think it can be done, but I'm also getting the feeling that at least some of the writers are not really the type who write best in a short space.  

I mean, I'll be honest - I love writing short posts.  I feel like I've done my absolute best work when my wordcount was lowest.  I love trying to see how much I can do within that limit.  But I also know that I've written longer posts, and sometimes it was necessary; there simply wasn't any other way to cover events, character development, and attempt witty narration within the time constraints I had and do it all in a 1000 word post.  

So - not sure what I'm saying.  And this isn't directed toward Rousseau.  More just a general rumination.

[carelesswhisper]

Rexim

I didn't have too much to say until the end; if Rexim is just now catching on to the fact that the rat's want their lake back, then it's a tad bit disappointing.  But I can't tell if you're actually hinting at something bigger yet to be revealed, so I'm giving you the benefit of doubt. 

My only other things are that it seems like Rexim never has to work very hard to get what he wants.  Information at his fingertips, beasts at his whim (provided he can talk them into it, which doesn't seem to be hard for him) and really no barriers that he has to work against.  The only thing close to a flaw that I can see in him is that he's foreign and doesn't always understand the customs or culture of the others.  Even that... really doesn't seem to deter him much.  He complains about how things are different, but that's about it. 

I really want to see him struggle against something.  I think it would help bring out his character and develop it further, and it gives more credibility to him as a character. 

I did like how he's trying to work his way up by whatever means possible.  I just want to see a little more of him; motives, goals, plans, trials, failures, anything. 

[Rousseau]

Sorry for taking so long with replying to your review.  I've been traveling for the holidays and have been having trouble getting internet.  But I'm here now.  Thank you for the review :)

I was a little disappointed that Morleo turned out to be a pretty run of the mill villain.  Sometimes that's what's needed, I suppose, but I do like it when people push the boundaries.  He seems less religiously motivated than Caractacus, and more just a bully (though I do understand that he has religious motivation.)  I just hoped for a little more depth. 

To be honest, I tried to give him more depth than him being a normal run-of-the-mill villain and I had thought I had succeeded.  Although he does want to eradicate the heathens, Morleo still, unlike most Redwall villains, actually cares about his people and even his prisoners.  He had Rousseau's injuries taken care of, if you remember, and replaced Cefin, a Grandson (as in not purified by the lake's), cutlass.  Also, although he simply wants Mirdros and the Lake back, he is doing it for his people as well.  Morleo isn't much different from Caractacus, besides the fact that he takes far more actions and acts a bit more out of impulse.  And do remember, this is his first post where his character is being established.  We do have a few days to go and flesh him out more :P

What interested me the most about this post is how serene Rousseau was every time she was hurt/threatened/about to be killed.  I can see it just being her way of being defiant and courageous, but there are points where it sounds like she honestly wants to be dead, and of course, that is something I want to read more about.  Then again, now that Will's taken her place, she has more motivation to try harder as a leader. 

All of this will be addressed in my next post.

About your word count comment.  This was the first post I've had to where I've actually struggled with it, as I realized while writing it that I was simply trying to cover too much, i.e. Rouss' exchange with Will, establishing Morleo as a villain, establishing as much of the Children of the Water's customs as possible and their motivations, and establishing their plan, while also trying to get Rousseau to develop among it all.  I actually ended up going over the word limit (2500 words by the way) but Tara gave us a loophole we could use if we desperately had to go over the limit.

Anyways, thank you for the review again. :)

[carelesswhisper]

To be honest, I tried to give him more depth than him being a normal run-of-the-mill villain and I had thought I had succeeded.  Although he does want to eradicate the heathens, Morleo still, unlike most Redwall villains, actually cares about his people and even his prisoners.  He had Rousseau's injuries taken care of, if you remember, and replaced Cefin, a Grandson (as in not purified by the lake's), cutlass.  Also, although he simply wants Mirdros and the Lake back, he is doing it for his people as well.  Morleo isn't much different from Caractacus, besides the fact that he takes far more actions and acts a bit more out of impulse.  And do remember, this is his first post where his character is being established.  We do have a few days to go and flesh him out more :P

Well, that's where I was torn.  I could see that he was concerned in a protective way about his tribe and his son, but I didn't feel like he was emotionally attached to any of them.   The fact that he cared for her injuries is a valid point, though I couldn't understand why, after seeing all his further actions toward her; it really just felt like a way of keeping her from dying before he could use her for anything, not because of any respect or consideration toward her. 

Morleo just seems far more anger driven than Caractacus, and it makes sense for him to be angry, but I'm not seeing a whole lot else.  He uses threats instead of negotiation, isn't willing or able to see his enemies as anything but heathens who deserve to die. 

You're right, though.  There are definitely some notable traits about him that set him apart; I guess it's really coming down to wordcount again.  I would have liked for there to be time to develop those even farther.

[carelesswhisper]

Tobias

Toby sighed. They weren?t much better off than before, except that the four left to complete the mission were in the castle. They should get back on that soon?

I can't tell if Toby's purposefully not counting someone or if this is a slip. 

I like the pace of your writing.  I feel like things move along pretty much exactly as fast as they're supposed to, and I don't feel rushed or like you're lagging.  Very awesome. 

The end had me going ":o NO, DON'T STOP" so congratulations.  The suspense!

[carelesswhisper]

A note to all contestants:

I feel like an absolute jerk for asking this.  ._.  Here goes. 

I understand that this time of year is the absolute worst for having free time, but hopefully that should calm down in a couple weeks or so - which leads to my question. 

Are there any plans to start aiming for two posts a week per contestant at some point?  I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring for this, because again, I know you all have real lives and that this comes last to all of that.  And that's fine!  But I do think that more posts might help with a couple things. 

1. It would be easier to avoid the "rushed" feeling that's pretty prevalent in a lot of posts if there are more posts to cover the necessary action.  You could even break things up a little more; say, since there's five contestants this week, there will be five notable plot happenings.  Instead of dedicating one post to each event, you could have two people cover said event, provided it's made to be covered in a little more length and depth (also, I would think, kind of forcing the characters to work together a little more.) 

2. It would be easier to dedicate space where each character can have some introspective alone time/time spent that isn't completely geared toward moving the plot along without it impeding the flow of the story. 

LET ME SAY AGAIN:  I am not at all trying to pressure any of you into doing this.  I completely understand if everyone is simply too busy to dedicate more time to writing.  I'm really just curious if there are any plans to start writing more than one post per week at any point in the future. 

[Alan]

There are, (*I* just posted again thank you VERY much.)  And I know another contestant has another post in the works.  But as you said, this is a very hectic time of year, and I think all of us have been walking the thing line between RL and writing adorable furry fiction.  I think from now on, we're going to try to squeeze more posts in, but no promises.  Sometimes we can only get one post up and we're done.  :p

[carelesswhisper]

Not a problem at all!  Either way, I look forward to reading the rest of the story.   ;)

[carelesswhisper]

Alan (week four)

I swear.  I have made like five attempted comebacks in which I tried to review this post, and it always goes as follows:

1. Love the opening
2. The dream feels very authentic and is well played out.  
3. I feel like Radish's capture could have been a little more dramatic, but I suppose getting into the actual event would have taken too much time and too many words, so it's forgivable.  

From there:  The ending is deliciously creepy.  I'm not allowing myself to get my hopes up, what with this being PG and all, but I still enjoyed the feeling there.

[carelesswhisper]

Rousseau (week four)

I like the exchange with Vulpuz, but I'm unclear as to whether it's actually dialogue or if Rousseau hears voices.  (Don't worry, I have nothing against people who hear voices.) 

?But I didn?t mind helping? ?em. It felt good, ya could say.  An? so I ask fer some favors with a rat who had caught fancy with me..."

I absolutely love this for no explainable reason. 

I like her resolve at the end.  I can't help feeling that it stands for multiple things - not just that she's going to rescue Willump, but that she's moving forth, she's taking charge, she's taking control, and from now on, she will deal with things instead of hiding from them.  I mean, it's not the end of it all.  But it's a very good first step, and I'm cheering.

[carelesswhisper]

Rexim (week four)

?Aye? I suppose. Great Vulpuz, thees ees turneeng out to be a horreeble week.? Rexim accepted the mink?s proffered paw and stood up.

I laughed aloud.  Nice use of humor, sir, very nice. 

The end was excellent and fitting.  The last line... my hat is off to you.  Good show, and I hope to see you around again.

[carelesswhisper]

Before I get to Day Five, I have one quibble about Day Four: the under-involvement of Kovari and Tirian.  I'm hoping this is cleared up in Day Five. 

Tobias

I have very little to say!  Except that I love Toby's protectiveness over Adrian, and I feel like the story is really coming together.  It's running smoother, everyone seems to be on the same page, and it's just gelling very nicely. 

[Rexim]

Thank you very much for your review. I'm glad that you liked my post, especially the end bit. I spent quite a while thinking of the last line, and it's nice to see that it's going over well with people.

[carelesswhisper]

T_T

I forgot.  I just FORGOT.  I did not have real life stuff happening.  I'VE HAD TIME.  I forgoooooooooot. 

But I have all day today. 

And I'll be danged if I don't make myself sit down and read/review.