Reviews Schmeviews

[foxpen]

I second that motion. Any objections? Motion passed.

Aaaah yiss.

[TNT]

Liver: I might have an--

SILENCE!!

[Rexim]

I feel like it would be appropriate here to resurrect a certain old smiley:
:norf: 

[TNT]

Noooorf! Aw, I wish Geo was here. Silly raccoonface.

[TNT]

Okay, here be my reviews for the story. Some will be short, but generally that's a good thing, I think? A lot of the time it means I don't have a lot to critique you on. Or sometimes it's because I'm busy and my tired brain just can't find the words. Kind of like today. XP

For full disclosure, I do have access to the contestant board, though I am contacting the contestants through one safe thread, mainly. I don't read the plotting or the pre-posts unless I've been asked to.

The Fall - Poko

More disclosure: I was asked to read a draft of this post before it went live. I think my one disappointment was that I was under the impression that it was only the beginning of the post that I was reading, and that there was going to be more. I know, I'm being a massive hypocrite for complaining about a post being too short, but I was just left wanting more than I got. I'm not sure what else could have been covered, though. So...this has been the least helpful review ever, probably. I guess I'll have to wait for the second round of posts before I really can make up my mind about Poko. As I told the author already, though, it was wonderful to see her out of her element for once, and as I said in Stonewall's Happy Poem Fun Land, I think killing off the parents was a smart move. I don't think it has to make her angsty. She comes off as kind of bratty anyway (to me), so I just don't see her emo-ing out for the rest of the story.


Death on the Snowfield - Nyika

"Zevka?

"Zevka, wake up.

"? Zevka."

"Hello, Link! Wake up! The Great Deku Tree wants to talk to you! Link, get up! Hey, c'mon! Can Hyrule's destiny really depend on such a lazy boy?"

(SORRY.)

Anyway. OMG Nyika and Zevka are adorable together. Zevka's like a stern mother to her and Poko. Very cute.

One thing I'm not really feeling are the two sided conversations with the dead. I kind of liked only seeing Nyika's side of the conversation. Though I guess it did confuse a lot of reviewers initially, which I guess is why you're being more obvious about it. It's a little too Sixth Sense-y for my tastes.

Did you. Really. Make "Soft Kitty" a thing. In your post. I don't even know what to say. It's funny, but. I would've preferred something more original, rather than you taking a geeky song and changing one word in it. :P

"We're here."

The words floated across her consciousness like a leaf on a river, just out of reach and drifting farther and farther away.

Very nice imagery. :)

Overall, it was a nice opening post, and I'm glad Nyika's in the cast. I feel so bad for her! She's not having a lot of luck right now. Well, none of them are, really. XP

[Nyika]

"Zevka?

"Zevka, wake up.

"? Zevka."

"Hello, Link! Wake up! The Great Deku Tree wants to talk to you! Link, get up! Hey, c'mon! Can Hyrule's destiny really depend on such a lazy boy?"

(SORRY.)

CORRECT.

I stole this from A Link to the Past.

I'm actually really happy you caught it! =^.^=

Sorry about Soft Kitty, haha, but in my defense I don't watch the show, so when I first heard it I had no context. I just thought it a sweet song and it had to be stolen.

Thank you for reviewing!! I'm really happy you liked my post despite all my thievery!

[TNT]

Haaaaah, it's been a while since I played that one, but at least I got the series right! :P

[Risk]

The Legend of Zevka: A Nyik to the Past  8)

[Nyika]

Context for everyone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5o94LV5gG0#t=19s

One thing I'm not really feeling are the two sided conversations with the dead. I kind of liked only seeing Nyika's side of the conversation. Though I guess it did confuse a lot of reviewers initially, which I guess is why you're being more obvious about it. It's a little too Sixth Sense-y for my tastes.

I appreciate that! Truthfully it was always my intent that if Nyika got in to display the ghosts as real and physical in her posts. With the different perspectives in the chapters, Nyika's focuses more behind her eyes so I want to show everyone exactly what she's seeing and what she's hearing. The application was more experimental, to introduce the concept that this is something not everyone can relate to, which is why I took it from more of an outside perspective.

I think you'll get enough one-sided conversations from others' posts, heehee. =^.^=

Also! Thank you for pointing out that leaf line! I was really proud of it. *purrs*

[TNT]

Yeah, I suppose there's not much of a different way it could be done, short of you writing all of your posts from another character's perspective...which wouldn't make much sense. Oh well!

At the Mountains of Madness - Zevka

The post so nice, you named it twice! ;)

But seriously, I'm not sure what to make of this post. Not only is it long, it feels long, and not a whole lot happens for the majority of it. The flashbacks, while informative, brought the action to a grinding halt, and I was sorely tempted to skim over them. I think perhaps a more effective way to bring the audience this information would be to do it through their conversation, or in quick snippets while Zevka is in thought. I dunno, it just didn't seem like a very smooth transition to me, but hey, that's just my opinion. Also, nitpicky, but I didn't care for the first flashback being in Nyika's perspective. Maybe it's because I'm tired, but at first I didn't know who the wildcat or fox were, and why Zevka was nowhere in the scene at first, and I found it kind of confusing. Maybe that's why the transition seemed jarring to me. I dunno.

Yeah, and. The hare at the end...came completely out of left field. I'm no medical expert, but wouldn't someone with a sword through their stomach, all feverish and close to death, have trouble finding the voice to scream so loudly? I understand the delirious and crazy behavior, but eh.

Well, if anybeast sees me like this, I can say goodbye to my intimidation factor! Zevka thought, but she didn't force Nyika away immediately.

Oh man, this was cheesy. Funny, though. Aww. XD

Zevka ignored Nyika. "Look, I'm sorry you're dead! Really, I am! If we could help you, then we would, but this isn't Yew. Out here, Nyika cannot get in touch with your loved ones, or take care of your kits, or do anything else for you! Leave her alone! Go find a house to haunt! Go sneak into theatres without paying! Go give some kit who isn't stranded in the mountains some nightmares! But please, do it somewhere else!"

I think this was my favorite part of your post. The bit about sneaking into theatres was great. XP

Overall you need to watch your SPAG, though. You were a bit wobbly with missing commas and periods, as well as unnecessary commas.

no, get a grip Zevka!

Needs a comma after grip. I can't be bothered to copy and paste them all, but this happened several times throughout.

?Zevka's the name. Zevka Blackbriar?

Missing period. Again, happened at least once more, or I probably wouldn't even bring it up. XP

Finally, yes, I caught the Biara reference. Obviously we have an MM1 enthusiast in our midst. ^^

Wait, not finally. This finally:

My Exquisite Darling Flower Zevka,? she crooned in an exaggeratedly saccharine voice, rolling her eyes.

The marteness returned her voice to normal. ?First of all, Mekad and I are not a couple. Second, if we were a couple, and he sent me a letter this sickeningly sweet, I would go to Carrigul, punch him in the nose and ditch him. And he knows it. Anyways, he goes on for a few sentences about our imaginary romance, and then includes this little gem.?

You do know that by saying this, and then following it with this...

There are way too many beasts out there who will slip a knife between your ribs for a copper, so when you find a beast who won't, you need to hang onto them, Nyika, because that's a rare thing."

The marteness leaned back. ?That's why I have to get Mekad. Our tails have been tied together since we were both much younger than you. And this...? she flipped the coin in her paw to Nyika. ?Is why you're going to help me. There'll be more where that came from when I find Mekad." The marteness narrowed her eyes and leaned forward

...is just going to make people ship them even harder, right? ;)

(Oh hey, there was the other missing period. Found it! ^^)


Misty Mountain Hop - Risk

Risk is so much fun. From the very beginning, when he referred to some weasels as being "aerodynamic," I knew I was going to enjoy this post. I like the way you play with words and experiment, like with the alliterative "rotten rhubarb" and this:

Suddenly he couldn't think of anything further to say. So instead he cussed- and the wind cussed back, bitter and sharp as any old sailor, spit-fleck snow scalding his cheeks.

I sometimes forget about something being so cold it feels white hot. This was great. And it's great because I almost didn't like it at first, because it was just odd, but it grew on me. Which is kind of what your character did initially!

I think if I had one critique, it'd be that you sometimes get a little too caught up in being funny and quirky that I start to forget what's actually going on. Maybe that's my fault as a reader. I dunno! But I've gotta give you something. XP

Finally, I think Risk and Goragula are going to make an interesting pair.

[Rousseau]

At the Mountains of Madness - Zevka

The post so nice, you named it twice!

I don't know what you're actually referencing with that, but the first thing that popped into my head was the American Idol winner Phillip Phillips who used "A boy so nice they named him twice" as his slogan. Anyways, this is super off topic, but Phillip Phillips is from my hometown... he also came through the drive thru of where I work last night. Yeah....

Also, I just noticed Risk's signature and I need to love him forever because of it. Glad to see other people on this forum have played Bioshock Infinite.

[TNT]

Oh, no, it was just me poking fun at them titling their post that, then including the post name at the top of their post as well. Which, to be clear, wasn't really part of my actual review. If that were a death vote worthy offense, then I'm a terrible audience member. ;)

I don't watch American Idol anymore, but hooray for minor celebrity sightings!

[TNT]

Deal With It and Keep Walking - Vanessa

I don't honestly have much to say about this post other than it's one of my favorite ones I've read so far. Vanessa was actually not as close to the top of my guard picks as she was for the other judges, but I'm really very glad she's gotten in. I'm not craaaazy about the accent, but I'm at least glad it's consistent. And really, accents are just. Personal annoyances for me. I like to imagine them and not be just. Handed them, verbatim. I guess a lot of people like that, though, so eh. What can I do. But Vanessa is fun, and I liked that she's actually kind of excited about these circumstances. I'm guessing she'll probably be the only one, which could lead to some interesting interactions.

Anyhoo, the only problems I have with this post are fairly nitpicky, like the odd varying paragraph formats, and I think there was a missing quotation mark somewhere. That's all, really. Really excited that you guys are focusing on character interactions so much.


Golden Fools - Gashrock

Ah, Gashypants. My favorite app of the bunch. Though that's probably not all that surprising, as you were a judge pick. XP

She hoped it had something to do with improv-ement,

Quick question. Is this Gashrock not knowing the word "improvisation" exists, or the author? Based on what I know of the character so far, I'm guessing the former, but it just struck me as a bit of an odd line. I think it was the first 'e' in "ement" that threw me off. Or am I missing an improvement double meaning of sorts? This is also a definite possibility. XP

?And the rest?? The merchant wouldn't have known who to inform Gashrock about, and Poko looked too numb to pass along any sort of news.

?Ah'm nae sure?? Fern began.

?Then do yer not think it'd be a fan-tastical idea to get sure??

Sassygashypants! XD

I don't have much in the way of comments, but I really enjoyed this post as well. Gashrock has a useful and probably underrated skill, and I like that it's being put to good use. Yey!

[Aleisou]

Quick question. Is this Gashrock not knowing the word "improvisation" exists, or the author? Based on what I know of the character so far, I'm guessing the former, but it just struck me as a bit of an odd line. I think it was the first 'e' in "ement" that threw me off. Or am I missing an improvement double meaning of sorts? This is also a definite possibility. XP

"She'd just have to make like a proper actor and improvise. That was what they always said. She hoped it had something to do with improv-ement"

Hmm. I think it was a play on the repetition on 'improv' in improvise and improvement. I thought it was pretty clever pun actually!

Oh and ... I need to review. I will! At some point. Maybe today. Or maybe tomorrow.  ... But I will!

[TNT]

Ah. Yes. I meant to say earlier, I think I get it now. I thought it probably was a double meaning, but I just didn't quite pick up on it.

Also, I'm sorry if my reviews are short, but I just want to make sure I get through everything before voting.

Respect Is Earned, Not Given - Goragula

I have no real complaints here. This was great. THANK YOU for having him be a clear villain from the get-go. Please let him stay that way. I love this. Develop him, have him form relationships with the others, but please don't lose that ebil! Goragula was not my highest scored app, but I just can't see him not being in the cast now! Well done, toadles.