Reviews Schmeviews

[TNT]

Pepper Steak - Istvan

I find it interesting/amusing that Istvan currently seems to be the most hated by everyone else, when he's a woodlander, a guard, and lives by a strict moral code.

"Nyika sees dead beasts," said the pine marten from behind them.

I read that in a whisper, just because. :P

I was honestly a little underwhelmed by this post. After what was one of the best written apps we got, in my opinion, I kind of expected a lot more out of Istvan. Unlike Goragula, who is definitely a villain, Istvan seems a little too withdrawn from the rest of the cast. He's either away from them or reacting to them, usually quietly, which isn't terribly interesting. I know his life is devoted to serving this higher power, but I'm afraid this could keep him from some valuable interactions with others. I dunno. I was expecting a lot more out you, Istvan. I shall have to see what your second post this week has in store.


The Art of Flying in the Snow - Noonahootin

Other than the extra line break between paragraphs and some SPAG issues, this was an all right post. A bit slow at the beginning with all the recapping, but I'm glad you found a way to keep Noonahootin from flying off back to Yew for help other than just, like, breaking a wing or whatever. I had been wondering how you were going to handle his obvious advantage in this setting ever since you were voted in. Noonahootin is kind of an endearing character. I like him. His name is still silly as all get out, though. :P

[TNT]

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes - Nyika

Nyika cursed the world for pitting everybeast against her.

Had they abandoned her? There didn't seem to be any sign of them outside. Feeling alone, Nyika turned back towards the fire, the glowing embers casting a more radiant light than was natural but the cat didn't think of the oddity. They were still warm and she sat close by, wrapping her arms about her legs to mope. Why would they leave her like that? She huffed, whiskers drooping, ears pinned back against her head. Such as well. Nobeast ever wanted to keep her around once they found out her inconvenient gift. Zevka hadn't believed it, but now the pine marten was becoming unsure. No wonder she packed her bags and left. No wonder they left her to die alone on this miserable rock. Superstitious or not, nobeast wanted ghosts trailing in their wake and who was there to attract them but Nyika herself?

Ohhh man, teenager much? XD

This post was good, if a little fluffy. I get that there probably wasn't a lot to cover, plot wise, but it still seemed to have a lot of filler. Also, not sure I liked the use of the word "butt." It just seemed out of place. XD

I like how youthful Nyika is, and that she's definitely more her old self now as opposed to her first post. I get the impression that the author is someone a lot closer to Nyika's age than I, or just intentionally trying to sound like a young author. It works, though, either way. Nyika is adorable with just about everyone.

[TNT]

Campfire Colloquy

Can't really do too much of a review, as this was collaborative and I don't know who wrote what, exactly.

"Yeah, but that's like ? bad black smoke. This is to-bac-co. Beasts have smoked it for years."

Well. Technically they won't be smoking it until at least the Redwall equivalent of the 13th century, but... ;)

I have to wonder whether or not Istvan has any fellow followers of the All-Mother. From the way he's treated, it sounds like he's fairly alone in his beliefs.

Um, hmm. I dunno what else to say about it, really. The perspectives jumped around a little, but for the most part it was pretty omniscient. Not a terrible lot happened in it, but it was nice seeing the characters interact some more, I suppose. Here's to hoping the second half of the week has a bit more action in it. :)

[Nyika]

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes - Nyika

Ohhh man, teenager much? XD

This post was good, if a little fluffy. I get that there probably wasn't a lot to cover, plot wise, but it still seemed to have a lot of filler. Also, not sure I liked the use of the word "butt." It just seemed out of place. XD

I like how youthful Nyika is, and that she's definitely more her old self now as opposed to her first post. I get the impression that the author is someone a lot closer to Nyika's age than I, or just intentionally trying to sound like a young author. It works, though, either way. Nyika is adorable with just about everyone.

Aww, I'm glad you liked my post! Most of it was spent tying up loose ends, like resetting Nyika's arm and doing a little bit of resolution from all the deaths of the landslide, so that might be why it felt like it had a lot of filler. Still, I like to think that I did a good bit of character development for Nyika, so I'm sorry, but could I ask what you felt was filler to me? I'd like to know if I rambled too long in a section or wrote some unnecessary stuff, like what Stonewall mentioned concerning the beginning of my first post.

Also, what does it mean to be a "young author"? Does it mean inexperienced? 3: Or more like a writer with a Young Adult style of writing? :3

Thanks again for taking the time to write reviews!

[TNT]

I dunno, the post mostly consisted of the dream and batting at Noonahootin. Those scenes were nice, but they didn't really move the plot forward, so to speak. But like I said, you had a bit of a stagnant spot in the posting, where they're all going to bed, so I can't really blame you for writing some cute fluffy stuff. (EDIT: Not that the dream was cute and fluffy, but you know what I mean. XD)

In terms of the young author comment...I dunno. It's just a feeling in your writing, a youthful feeling, and your word selections sometimes. Yes, like "butt." XP It doesn't mean inexperienced at all! Your writing is very good. And if you ARE a lot younger than me, then I'm doubly impressed. It was just a vague observation, really. I didn't mean any sort of criticism by it! :)

[Balmafula]

I don't really see this post as being filler. A lot of the magic in these contests comes in little things. Watching characters build relationships and seeing them grow and develop. Yes, they didn't progress any further toward Carrigul or come across anything groundbreaking, but it was still fun to read and made me like these characters even more than I did before. Maybe it's just me, but one thing I wanted to see in this contest was a return to this kind of simplicity. No grand schemes or plots or political intrigue or wars - just 9 random creatures learning to work together to survive in and escape from a harsh environment.

[TNT]

Oh, I want that too. I don't mean action in huge political plots, but just. Momentum. Giving off a strong vibe that the story is headed somewhere. You can do that AND have character interaction at the same time. That's all. And again, not blaming Nyika really, because she had kind of a sluggish time slot to begin with. A lot of sitting around doing nothing. That was inevitable. It was still a cute and good post, even though it didn't have a tremendous amount of momentum to it.

[TNT]

Some brief reviews for the rest of the week (and I apologize in advance because my tummy hurts and I have a slight fever, so my brain don't work too goodly):

For the Birds - Noonahootin

Noonahootin's cute, and a devoted captain, but I'm not seeing a lot more than that yet. It is only week one, of course, so you still have tons and tons of time to develop him. Liked hearing he was a father though, but it almost seemed like something added last minute. Unless I missed something (which is totally possible), why hasn't he mentioned them until now, when they've been in a life-threatening situation? My thoughts would be all over my family. Maybe that's just how Nooners is though? I dunno. Your second post felt a little longer than it actually was. Can't really put my finger on it. I think it's something to do with pacing issues.


Hots On For Nowhere - Risk

Okay, I get it. Risk is a total horndog. It was funny at first, but I don't need to be beaten over the head with it. Especially when it's interspecies. Eww cooties. :P

Still, vermin party!! This was a lot of fun. I like how their trio interacts a lot.


Aaaand nap break. Zzz.

[TNT]

Pascal's Wager - Zevka

After the group received the unfortunate news about the wagons, Poko's stomach growled expressively, Vanessa swore quietly and Nyika looked even more forlorn than she had been.

Right off the bat, one too many adverbs. To me, "expressively" doesn't really add anything, and I'm trying to figure out how a kid's stomach growling just as they found out about the food situation WOULDN'T be expressive, so. Yeah.

I really enjoyed this post a lot more than the first one. Only part I didn't care for was the drawn out religious debate. It reminded me way too much of Facebook, and I see far too much of that on a day to day basis already, thanks. XP

[Noonahootin]

Ah, my fair Tara, I know exactly how you feel about the length. There was so much to cram into that post of mine, yet at the same time I felt like I was floating when I wrote it. It wasn't easy, but with enough work I think I did all I could to do all I needed to. I certainly hope I get more time to develop the ol' Captain; there's quite a bit I'd like to explore with him, haha!

Oddly enough, I knew since I wrote his application that Captain Noonahootin was a pappa. He's always had this...hm, air about him, I suppose, that makes him feel fatherly when I write. Funny you felt that was last-minute when I had it planned since the start, hahaha! Perhaps some more history will make it seem more natural! : )

[TNT]

Ah, okay. I suppose that not everyone reacts to tragedy the same way, so I guess it's not so far-fetched that his family hasn't been on his mind. I just thought it seemed a little out of place, but I am excited to see where Noonahootin (and all the characters...well, minus one soon, womp-womp ;_;) are headed. Again, it's hard to do reviews so early on when you have so little to make your decision with! As of right now, with only a few posts to read, still have no idea who I'm voting for. XP

[Noonahootin]

It's tragic, really. Behind the scenes, we all get along so nicely! This competition is proving more sad than others simply because we all work so well together. ALAS!

[TNT]

Tragic, yes, but the All-Mother demands BLOOD!!! LOTS OF BLOOD!!! Mwahahah!!! :P


The Snow Queen - Gashrock

One of my favorite opening lines of any post I've ever read. You sucked me right into this post and I enjoyed every bit of it, even though it was mostly dialogue. I felt so bad for poor Gashy at the end.

We start off with a brother and sister named Hans and Greta. They are definitely not father and daughter, on account of I don't want Poko to break down and break the fourth wall. I dunno exactly what that is. But it's bad luck to break it, so.

Unless you're Sycamore, of course. Then it's weirder if you don't. :P

One small nitpick: when starting a new paragraph during dialogue, you need quotation marks at the beginning of the paragraph. So, like with the quotation above, you'd need quotation marks before "We".

Oh well. It was worth a shot. As it were.

Ba-dum-tssh.


If a Tree Falls in the Forest... - Poko

I liked this post a great deal more than your first. Poko is basically every bratty girl I went to middle school with. I really like the rivalry with Nyika, but it sometimes borderlines on making her look dumber than she is (er, not that she's dumb, but you know what I mean?). Unless Poko is just an unreliable narrator sometimes. Am I supposed to want to side with Nyika? Because I usually do.

?Phew! Anybeast get nailed? If not ? are there any volunteers?? He sniggered at his joke but Poko didn?t seem to grasp the innuendo.

This was a bit of an awkward and jarring POV switch. Unless Poko somehow knows it was an innuendo but just didn't get how it was?


Up Jumped the Devil - Goragula

Dear Goragula,

You are evil. I love you. Keep doing exactly what you're doing.

All the feels,
Tara


That Which Does Not Live Can Never Die - Istvan

or a stupid fox,

Like Sootpaws!! <3

Bingo. This was exactly what I was hoping for. I have a much better picture of Istvan now, and I kind of feel sorry for the guy. He was getting kind of annoying from his portrayal in others' posts, and I was beginning to think he was a bit of a one trick pony. Thanks for proving me wrong! :)


Fire and Ice - Vanessa

Another enjoyable, (mostly) light-hearted post. It's almost a shame this one is last, since it's going to be such a weird juxtaposition with the death post to follow. I really liked the moment toward the end, where Nessa seriously contemplated letting Istvan drown. That's going to change their relationship for sure.

Oooh, relationship... ;)

[foxpen]

bow chicka bow wow

[TNT]

Okay, sooo. I have absolutely no idea who to vote for. I'm obviously not gonna say who it is anyway, but the best I can do is separate you into two roughly equal groups: the safe, and the not as safe. These are just in alphabetical order, mind, because I like alphabetizing things.

Safe:
Gashrock
Goragula
Risk
Vanessa

Not As Safe:
Istvan
Noonahootin
Nyika
Poko
Zevka


I cannot stress this enough: I don't dislike anyone. This vote is going to be very hard. I don't think a first week vote has ever been this hard, in all the contests I've ever been involved in. You guys are all doing really great. This story is fantastic so far. I have a lot to ponder...