Reviews? Maybe?

[carelesswhisper]

Not actual reviews, but a few thoughts on everyone so far:

Nyika - For me, the sacrifice scene was pivotal and took the character to a whole new level of depth.  The bit where she knits the hat is charming and a nice time out from all the intensity, while still maintaining a darker twist when she realizes that they're dead.  I'm very interested to see what Nyika does next.  It was long, but I accidentally fixed that for myself by reading the second half one day and the first half the next.  :D

Noonahootin - kind of the same notes as usual.  I wish I could say something different.  You have so much potential, I feel, writing an old character, and yet... hm, this may just be my difficulty understanding.  For me, as I have aged, my perspective has grown immensely.  Noon, to me, has the perspective of someone much, much younger, but is stuck in that mindset the way a much older person could be.  I don't know, I just... don't see him realistically getting away with being purposely naive about things, and I think most people would be more disturbed than sad about the things that Nyika says to him.  You're not bad, the character isn't bad, the writing is good - I just can't seem to get attached. 

Goragula - Alas, I have yet to see a writer survive a week without posting.  For me, this illustrated your limitations and lack of involvement toward the end, and while I am very sad to see you go, I feel that you may have had an easier time of it if you had given yourself a little more freedom (species, moral alignment - truly evil characters tend to not get along with others well...)  You had some awesome moments in the past, though, and those are what I will remember you by.

[carelesswhisper]

More small thoughts.  Because I have been remiss.  Case in point: I don't even know how behind I am, I am about to try to cram so I can vote, and my current assignment includes sitting outside and smoking a cheap cigar while waiting for noon to arrive so I can leave for my psychiatrist.  And I am not going back inside until the entire thing has been smoked!  (Fun note: it makes my tea taste like coffee.)

So rather than go back to last week (I think that's where I left off?) I shall pick up with the current.  Soon to be past.  Something.

Poko:  Okay, here is a nit that isn't with you.  All of you guys.  I know you have lives.  I know your lives are every bit as busy or more than mine.  And I know that writing is probably (rightfully) your last priority, just as reviewing is one of the lower ones of mine.  But my god, it is ten times harder to read everything, have coherent thoughts, and vote upon them, when the majority of the posts go up the day voting starts.  And the reason I am thinking of this now is that the first paragraph of Poko's post, which I have reread upwards of 10 times over the last week, has always led me to the same panic: "what's happening?" It had literally been so long since the last post of the week previous that I had completely forgotten what was happening, where the cast was headed, or why on earth they would be wearing gas masks.

BUT NOW I KNOW (and now I know and now I know and now I know that you can hear meeee~)

I'm really happy that we're getting close to Carrigul and out of this dreamlike in between area. 

As others have commented, it's really sweet to see Poko becoming more mature and thinking of the world less in terms of her own part of it.  Takis has served as an excellent plot device for this.  I also love seeing her and Nyika pair off at last.  I feel like these two could do some great things together down the road. 

Suddenly she realized she had been holding the pipe for a very long time, and passed if off to Nyika with a muttered apology. She was not used to sharing.

This made me giggle unashamedly, if only for how real it is.

All in all, Poko really comes into her own here.  Keep at it.

[carelesswhisper]

Vanessa:  Shortness is not a problem for me.  This just read as... rushed.  I think it's completely normal for Nessa to be all over the place as far as mood, and to have conflicting feelings toward Zevka, but without the proper in between thought transitions, it's a little confusing. 

I still maintain that y'all are going to face your passionate love and run away to the south and adopt a shrew babe or something.

[carelesswhisper]

Noonahootin:  I have sinned dear father...

Life barely stirred that night, if it weren't for the round-faced ottermaid and her pine marten companion wrestling about. Their noises, soft yet full of life

bahahaha

I'm glad that the feather's out of the bag.  It wasn't doing anything as Noon's secret, and I'm really, REALLY hoping that now that everything's out in the open, you will take a more driving role in the plot and become a necessary device.

Also, personal opinion - I think where you could probably start to work on Noon and his place in the story is in in reactions to things.  Thus far, any time something bad happens, he immediately spirals downward and blames himself, feels terrible, but does nothing.  One of these times, someone needs to call him on it and get him back in motion. 

[carelesswhisper]

Istvan:  I read that first sentence and though, Boy, he and Desmo would've gotten along swell.  Then I actually stopped and *thought* about that and realized that poor Desmo wouldn't be alive too long around Istvan.  Alas. 

Why are all the girls so into Istvan?!  He's not that kind of messed up where you're like, "Oh, with years of patience and love, I could fix him!" but he's also not that irresistably dark kind of, "I don't care what horrible things he does to me, I will love every minute of pain and anguish because it's for him..."

I just don't get it, people.  Maybe it's just my aversion to facial tattoos.

As per usual, you get the plot moving quickly and you keep it that way 'til the end.  My previous vague interest in Carrigul quickly turned to, "What on earth is going on here and how on earth will they stop it?"

The last line was also especially important.  It seems like something small, but in the scheme of Istvan's character development, a realization like that is *huge*.  In the beginning of the story, he wouldn't even have considered putting someone's life in front of his beliefs.

[Balmafula]

Istvan is honestly so sweet, though. Look at how kind he is toward Nyika. He is especially kind to her in her post this week. And he goes out of his way to constantly save the others' lives. He looks intimidating on the outside, but he really doesn't fit either of those stereotypes, like you said. Besides being involved in some not-so-pleasant work, he is really a good guy.

[Poko]

Istvan is really a good guy.

and don't forget he is also a pompous jerk!

Poko's met enough jerks in her life though, she can look past that and see the "good guy" there. Mostly I think they've just been through so much together, it's like they're family, and yeah, your brother might be a jerk, but you try to see past that and look for the best cause - hey - he's family.

[carelesswhisper]

Nyika:  *cracks knuckles*  This may be the post that kills me, but I have a little over an hour left, so we'll see.  :P

The vixen frowned, cocking her head as she considered the wildcat before her. "Were you not scared?" She sounded disappointed.

Awesome.

She would have had family?a family that cared for her?but Ruark, in his own personal machinations, had crushed all her hopes and dreams. She could not simply leave him unpunished.

"Cut him," Risk said, and Ruark's haunts joined him.

"The Cutter's Mark!"

"Give him the Cutter's Mark!"

This, to me, was a subtly great way of reinforcing the uncertainty as to whether Nyika's "power" is real or not.  The fact that Risk seems to be able to read her thoughts - i.e., is literally inside her head - and yet it's all played so casually, you can almost miss it.  I very much appreciate the continued questioning there.  Sure, Risk knows her well, and he could have just picked up on her body language and interjected with where he assumed she was going, but to me, I feel like it's just a little *too* all-knowing of him to immediately go there. 

The ending was actually really sweet.  I'm still kind of iffy on the whole religion thing - it's hard for me to accept that it could be genuine when it resembles mental illness so closely - but it's really cool to see her and Istvan bonding on an equal level, while teaching the other what they can.  And having him tattoo her for some reason is just adorable to me.  While their relationship has been building for the last few weeks, it's growing in ways I wouldn't have expected.  I look forward to seeing what happens next.

[carelesswhisper]

Egads, it has spread!  :P

Here's the thing, to me, Istvan is batpoo crazy.  I say this as someone who is still in contact with a lot of people who are part of an extreme religion (though they tend to stop at starving themselves for a day or two rather than blood letting.)  It's really, REALLY hard for me to read his actions and not interpret them as crazy, because the rest of my brain is screaming CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY at me.  :P

Sure, he loves Nyika and cares about her, but he also wants her to live within a little box of what is okay - no smoking, no drinking, no anything that to him, is a sin.  And while these may seem like minor things to give up, you also have to take into account that they are literally a SIN to him - to the point where atonement has to be made in the form of blood.  That, to me, is extreme. 

So, while I think he probably is the cuddliest most swoon-worthy beast this side of Mossflower, I also find it hard to come to grips with the idea that they can just look past all of that and be fine with it. 

[carelesswhisper]

After a lovely chat with my favorite cab driver (for real!) a pointless five minute consultation to say, "Keep it up, and we'll do this again in two months!" a refreshing chai latte and gluten free protein bar later, I return... for Zevka!

So, the camp mom ploy worked well early on.  Very well.  But I'm starting to really want to see Zevka branch out of that now.  Her instinctual need to protect the younger characters isn't actually creating any tension (they ignore her or otherwise sneak behind her back) nor is it actually keeping them any safer.  At some point, I feel like Zevka will be forced to realize that she has enough on her plate dealing with HER issues.  Which, right now, I think are getting pushed to the side because she's so busy looking after everyone else. 

See, in the beginning, that role was a really good one to play.  It got you involved with every other character in more than a passing way.  But now that the story has progressed, we've reached a point where I really want to see more of Zevka herself - not Zevka The Mom. 

I don't have a whole lot else to say, it was really hard for me to stay focused on the second half of the post.  I don't think that was your fault, I just have no attention span.  I'm a tad worried that everyone is so scattered, as there are a couple "weaker" ones that I think won't do as well solo, but, we'll see.

[carelesswhisper]

I will try to review proper later today.  I just wanted to say that I seem to be the only one who didn't notice an abundance of eye references in Nyika's most recent post, and also that if it's THAT obvious, I feel that it's something the other contestants should have caught.

[carelesswhisper]

and now, thanks to all that, I am overwhelmed by memories of "What color is your yes?!"  Good times. 

Nyika - Can I Really Be the Hero?

Yes, yes you can.  The title may be a question, but for me, this post very firmly instates Nyika into her new role.  Everything relies on her, revolves around her.  I am also happy to see her becoming more confident in herself. 

So many mood swings in this post.  I have to admit that Zevka just seemed inconsistent, but since we're seeing her from the outside, I can't make any judgements. 

In an instant Nyika had retracted her claws, placing her paw in her lap and averting her gaze sidelong at the table, studying the grain and trying not to think of how silly and foolish she was acting. Here she was playing games with Noonahootin and Zevka was sick with worry, not only about Nessa, but Mekad as well?Zevka's best friend, and quite possibly her own brother. How could she have forgotten? How could she be so callous?

Either 1. Nyika is emotionally sensitive to a fault and taps into what everyone around her is feeling, or 2., it really is just a moodswing - and pretty classic, in my opinion.  I'd like to give a little background; usually when I mention or talk about moodswings or mood problems in real life, the first question I am asked is, "Is that when you're happy and you're having a good time and then suddenly you're not?"  Well, it can be.  It can mean that your mood flips like a switch without any provocation or reason.  It can also mean that you are overly sensitive to internal or external "triggers" that cause an exaggerated change in mood.  Both can be symptoms of bipolar I or II.  In this case, the external event of Zevka throwing a fit causes an overcompensation in Nyika.  In her head, she is now responsible for all of Zevka's hurt.  I will grant that this is a tense situation, and it's not as if Zevka was pissy over a minor problem.  I'm also aware that my own personal experiences bias me toward seeing symptoms of mental illness in Nyika (and any other of the cast that displays them, really.)  I feel like this particular situation easily goes either way, but when I first read it, it immediately reminded me of the type of mood swings typical of bipolar and even unipolar depression.

Nyika played with the tankard's handle. Alcohol was a sin, and to poison the body would be blasphemous against the All-Mother. As much as she wanted to, if she truly wished to be Istvan's Mistress of Spirits, she had to start taking her role seriously. "No," she said. "I think not." She sighed. Maybe just a sip.

I love that Istvan has such an overwhelming effect on her.  Mostly because it's to an extreme and I feel like she is trying to become what he wants rather than let him appreciate her for what she was.  Unhealthy relationships are the best.  :D

I felt like Poko had no real reason to care about Ruark or the deaths of all the tavern goers other than to spark the conversation.  It just felt forced and weird.  Or maybe just petty, like despite everything, Poko just irrationally hates Nyika and will take the opposing stance no matter what. 

The thought I leave with is still that Nyika has become central and indispensable to the plot, and at this point, that's a necessity.  I'm also suddenly a lot more excited to see where the story goes.

[carelesswhisper]

Poko - Chink in the Dragon's Scales

Some cool things happened here; it was nice to see a little less snark and a little more introspection from Poko.  I also appreciated the history that was explained.  I was *slightly* put off by the formality of the prisoner's dialogue, but since he's old, I can overlook it. 

Honestly, at this point, my only question is, why is Poko here?  What is she doing?  What does she want?  How is being there helping her get it?  I feel like you're working on an elaborate side plot that isn't as relevant as it needs to be, and while I admire your effort and the thought you've clearly put into this, I'm also kind of worried.  Poko has made a good supporting character up 'til now, and with the events of last week and the introduction of Takis, it seemed that you were working to become more central to the plot.  However, now that they have arrived and it's become clear that the overthrow of Tikora and the halt of the war will be the primary storyline, I feel like you're drowning and reaching for anything that can keep Poko even remotely involved. 

I honestly didn't expect the story to turn over so quickly and so late in the game.  Playing it slow and steady was working pretty darn well for you up until this point.  But I really feel like unless you can find a way to make Poko utterly indispensable, well, there's no reason for her to be there.  Unlike Zevka and Noon, she has no prior connections in Carrigul, and unlike Istvan and Nyika, she is completely uninvolved in the religion and therefore unable to involve herself in that aspect.  She has really become a pawn at this point. 

I'm not sure what to tell you.  You have made so much progress in character development and I truly am interested in the side plot Poko runs; the problem is that it is just that, side plot.  I can say, though, that if you manage to get Poko better entwined in things, you've for sure proven that you have the writing skills, creativity, and character development to keep her going.  Fingers crossed that you do.

[carelesswhisper]

Oh my GOD.  Istvan.  You take one step in the right direction and two steps back.  Biting an actual chunk of flesh out of your paw?  Well, props for bravery, I guess.  I would have gone for scratching, myself.  I felt that this was progress though:

He had no way of knowing if his plea had been heeded, nor if his sacrifice had been efficacious, but nevertheless he felt the peace of the Mother wash over him, uplifting his mind and soul. Let the heretics do to him what they wished. He had nothing left to fear now.

I am (I suspect obviously) not religious, but that right here highlights the very reason I feel that religion can be a useful tool for some people.  It's not about what it stands for, it's about how it makes you feel. 

"I only speak the truth. ..."

For I am a magical sitar~

"Ahaha... of course you are. Amazing." She wiped her eyes. "I didn't think there was anybeast out there who actually took it seriously. The vixen who I heard about it from had been asking beasts to give all their possessions to her so that they could 'live a holy life free of material concerns.' But I saw potential in what she preached, especially after she told me about the teachings on blood and sacrifice. And now, after years of work... here I am. High Priestess of the biggest vermin city in Mossflower, with hundreds of beasts who will do my bidding utterly without question. Tell me, otter, have you ever managed to achieve anything so great in your own ministry?"

This here is someone who understands cults. 

This post, for me, was a necessary stepping stone in the plot, but outside of the soon to be child of Tikora, I didn't feel like I learned much of anything new.  It was already clear that a questionable religion had been taken to even more messed up heights, and there wasn't any doubt of Tikora's corruption before now.  The only difference is that now we see it close up. 

I am, however, hopeful that this is a part one of sorts to whatever you have planned for Istvan this week.  As ever, I am glad to see Istvan questioning himself and his beliefs, and I appreciate how realistic his reactions are.  It takes a lot of hell and a lot of time to truly cast an entire belief system aside, so it's cool to me to see that even when he doubts the most, he clings to what he can. 

[Nyika]

Carelesswhisper!! In the interim of voting and all of us fretting over our deaths, meow is the perfect time to help get our minds off troubling consequences by voicing your thoughts over the rest of the week! I won't ask for full fledged reviews, but do you have any thoughts over how the rest of the week progressed?