Drawrings

[Pennies]

Hey all! It's time I quit being a lurker and actually contributed to the community. I took part in one of these survivor contests about a million years ago. (Maybe it was the first one?) But, my involvement in the Redwall scene has been nonexistent since then. It's so exciting to come back!

Initially, I wanted to write thoughtful critiques for every application (because as a writer I am really digging the work everyone is putting into reviews in this community!) but it's starting to look like I won't have time to do more than a cursory response and some scattered discussion-type action. However, I DO come bearing cutesy fanart. Which I don't know how to post in these forums, so here's a link:



NOWAIT I figured it out! *Sweet small victories*

I wish Nisky looked less cantankerous and more old lady-esque, but I really like how Tooley turned out. Worried weasel in a waistcoat! I'm working on one of these for each category but I'm much slower than I would like. I'm no Vizon MinkSpeeddemon. ;)

Anyway, reviews and stuff to follow. Excited to be here!

[Airan]

Ooh, these are quite lovely. I can't wait to see some more if you do them, as well as your potential reviews :)

[Matra Hammer]

Spectacular! Pennies comes out of the lurk covered in road flares and reflective tape. I love their expressions and outfits. Really nails what they're all about. Nisky takes none of our sauce! NONE. And look at Tooley's widdle fer-wet wump. D'aawww.

Glad you're aboard, friend. Said so once but I'll say so again: super happy seeing everyone pitch in as they can.

[Pennies]

Prisoners:

Tooley Bostay -

Poor hapless guy. I appreciated the way the author grounded us in physical description that then smoothly transitioned to information about the character that then transitioned to the occasion for this scene ("But for once in his life, Tooley had no idea what he had done wrong.") I felt like the application got a little lost in that mystery just to be mysterious, though. Does the crew really believe Tooley poisoned Ginson or was he in the brig while that happened? A little bit more info on how Tooley got to be in the brig THIS time, maybe a sentence about the moment of his arrest, would set us up with firmer footing in the situation. Ooh, and the cap was a great characterizing detail. Which I forgot in that drawing. Drat. In the story, I could see Tooley doing a lot of wheedling at old friends and making ill-fated escape attempts.

Nisky Banchibar -

I like her voice. As the illustrious Tube pointed out, the comma-splices really conveyed a lot of her energy, which maybe made some of the other description unnecessary. Nisky is interesting but I don't really sympathize with her yet. She's so prickly and emotionally distant with her family (despite clearly loving them) it's kind of hard to sympathize with her right off. It's also difficult to imagine her bringing much to the overall plot as a prisoner. No doubt she would put up a heckuva fight and shame/browbeat any susceptible vermin into giving her her way even from behind bars, but she has no immediate desire that clearly furthers the larger story. (She does HAVE a clear desire, which is a strength to her character, but it doesn't quite apply to the Prisoner position.)

Brother Bogdan -

He definitely fits like a cog into what we know of the story so far. His enthusiasm for knowledge and learning is quirky and endearing and I thought the author made a brilliant move tying Bogdan to both Atlas and the vermin. He's a paranormal pro and his insight could be really helpful as the 'ghost' ship mystery progresses. He also comes with a set of convictions (ghosts are real, ghost ships are not) which might be challenged later in the story, and there are hints of more to his character (owing money to scurvy head-choppers) both of which are strong draws. My only hangup with this ap was in the action sequence? which I will now talk about in excruciating detail.

Some of the verb choices felt like odd fits. The blade 'found itself lodged' against Bogdan's throat - which not only puts us in the weird perspective of the blade, but also tricks us for a second into thinking the blade has actually penetrated that throat. (Could be clever turn of phrase in, say, a poem where the reader is supposed to slow down and think, but it's just a tripping point in an action sequence.) Also, the rope 'bound' him seemingly without aid, which is different from shackles clicking as they are being put on. Now, I'm totally on board with active verbs, but using them in conjunction with passive objects in this paragraph (in almost every sentence) gave me two impressions. One, I felt disengaged as this dangerous moment played out, and two, the rats were about as threatening as the tapestries we heard about earlier. Deflecting focus from the actual antagonists and present danger in this subtle way diminishes the urgency of the moment. This might also have contributed to the impression I keep reading in reviews that Bogdan didn't react much to the death of the hare. The paragraph reads really clinically and distant and the reader associates that tone with Bogdan even though his next line of dialogue is pretty panicky.

Anyway, I guess most people leave an overview at the end... Though all three have personality and perks, I like Bogdan best for this category because I'm interested in what sPoOkY expertise he'll offer and what the pirates will do with him. Also, Atlas might decide to specifically look for him in addition to searching for the treasure... which could be exciting, too!

[Vizon]

Ah! Pennies I have missed the magic of your gorgeous pen strokes! So excited to see new Redwall art from you!

[SonikBoomTube]

I love you've captured the personalities of the characters so well! These are what I've always imagined the characters of Redwall to look like, I'd love to see more if you can :P Along with reviews of course, but yeah, two things are a bit much to ask.

[Pennies]

Thanks for commenting, y'all! I'm glad you like the drawing. Hopefully I'll be able to get around to all the other categories too, but for now, here are some review/responses instead, crammed in before the deadline. D<


The Cooks:

Orwin -

We learn more about Orwin's tavern and community than about the stoat himself. He's a planner in a culture of recklessness. He's confident in his wiliness, and the second trouble shows its snout, he gets out. (hur hur) There's no real evidence that he can cook? but maybe his confidence works for him there too. ("What's iss, Orwin? Sawdust??" "Naw, mate - that there's the duff!" "Oh? Never had it so dry before." "Well then you never had it right.") Orwin stands out in another way, too - he's carefully groomed and particular about his hats, which is odd in the grubby worn-out environment in which we find him. I would have liked to see more, maybe a little backstory, definitely some dialogue. Unlike Ghost, who's a solitary beast, Orwin is a bartender, a job that requires some people skills. A lot of that info about the danger of the tavern's location could have been conveyed in conversation with a patron or something.


Wilson Willow -

I liked the dialogue in this application. It conveyed the tension amongst the crew so well that some of the exposition could be culled out. Something I've noticed coming up in reviews of this character is the ambiguity regarding Willow's ability to swim or fear of water - which I didn't find so ambiguous. Maybe it's just me, but I took away that he was capable of swimming but the bottomlessness of the ocean had at some point become a sort of phobia for him. It wasn't *always* this way. Maybe his feelings about the ocean are meant to allude to his feelings for life aboard a pirate ship? He joined for adventure (maybe?) and by experiencing the depths and doldrums of pirate life, learned to fear and hate it? By that reasoning, we might see Willow defect from villainy if he makes it into the story. He's not likely to forge a lot of friendships with most of the pirates we've seen but he might be tempted to free the prisoner and make an escape.


Vera Silvertooth -

Vera is a cunning criminal and seems unburdened with silly things like fear or a conscience. Very verminy! (Not a round character, but does she need to be?) Like others, I'm a little confused about the need to burn the fort just to steal one not-terribly-special necklace. I'm not inclined to believe this is an act of madness, though. Nothing in narration hints toward that - Vera seems to be all clear-headed schemes and confident acting. She seems to be driven by greed and maybe a thirst for revenge for personal slights since she's clearly pretty proud. If she makes it into the story, I could see her doing some major money/power grabbing and maybe burning someone's ship before it's all over.

So in conclusion, it's either Willow or Vera. I'll probably vote Willow firstly for the dialogue and secondly for his potential to cause trouble with the prisoner.



The Slavedriver:

Chak Ku'rill -

Chak is brutal and callous as we expect a slavedriver to be, but the audience is allowed to see how limited he is. He's as bound to the beat of the drum as all those he oppresses. I'm still not totally convinced that he was actually a slave himself at one point (I need a little more than that "takes grit an' guts ta get where I be" hint) but I think it's very possible, and he was pretty clearly a more sympathetic beast at one time, since he likes to think of his slaves as "happily oppressed". I'm interested to see where the author would go with all this potential. My only criticism for this piece is to do with Chak's last line - "and more to get where I'm goin'." This character seems so contained within his world, the cruelty and the drumbeat, I have no clue what he could possibly aspire to. I mean, captain? Freedom from piracy? Chak is an overseer, accustomed to directly beating his underlings into obedience. He loses direction without that drumbeat - could he really function as a captain? The biggest challenge in front of this author (I think) is going to be clarifying and justifying Chak's ambitions so that they seem believable.


Scrant -

An experienced slaver and fighter who's beginning to slip in his older years, Scrant would be a capable and businesslike slavedriver. He hates his homeland. That's the final thought we're left with, which is an odd focus to end on. I don't have a ton of experience with these contests, but I do know that when you have limited space in which to work, it's vital to control your beginning and your ending. The final note of this ap suggests that Scrant is avoiding something. Maybe an older brother took his inheritance in that plantation. Maybe he hates this sad town for its familiarity. Whatever it is, this aversion is emphasized as Scrant's driving force. While the writing in this ap had its technical problems, I think the character's core desire is a bigger deal. We've seen lots of characters who are trying to escape something, but they're also after something. Scrant seems to want to be respected for his prior experiences, and he also seems to want to persist as a violent and sexual being. While that could definitely end in a blaze of glory in this contest, I'm not sure that he would need to interact much with other members of the crew to achieve that end.


Mari -

Mari is like Chak's polar opposite - dislikes slavery, doesn't enjoy whipping slaves, can't command the fear of those around her, and would frankly rather be doing about anything else. She was demoted to slavedriving, rather than having to work her way up to it as Chak did, so she considers the work beneath her, but still necessary to keep the ship running - or at least, she isn't willing to make waves to avoid doing it. I don't believe at this point that Mari would consider acting on her beliefs and trying to free the slaves, but it's not impossible that it might come to that later in the story. In any case, she would make an interesting and amusing addition to the pirate crew, especially with the comedic relief she offers. What new tortures will Mari devise to keep the slaves rowing? How is she going to try to get herself elevated back out of this lowly position? As far as criticism goes, the ap started out with a bit more meandering than I would have liked. The line about the door looking hurt, for instance, is unnecessary since we already know she's hung over and it just drags out the action of the scene. It's also trying a bit too hard to be funny. Most of the humor in this piece is done well, though - good timing, solid buildup.


Final thoughts: I'm torn between Chak and Mari. To me, Chak's writing was a bit stronger, including clever songs, and took us into the heart of the character more. But Mari was also well-written and would provide a very different and equally entertaining perspective. So? Don't know. Depends on the rest of the crew, I think. I'll have to come back to this one.




The Quartermaster:

Pasha Shapalashi -

A compelling character! I'm pretty sure (and this could maybe have been just a hint clearer) Pasha and her mate were searching for an island on which to lay eggs, as some folks have already suggested. The fact that her mate has died and she is running out of time to complete this mission, along with her well-portrayed strangeness and the strangeness of the world around her, make Pasha extremely sympathetic. The author did an amazing job of taking small details (bumps, spines) and using them to convey the sensitivity of a creature that might otherwise be taken as armored and unfeeling. Beautiful. I'd like to see how the pirate crew deals with being largely under the command of an intimidating, alien beast like Pasha. There's bound to be resentment among the ranks?


Morra Sharptongue -

And speaking of resentment among the ranks, Morra would probably rile them up as well. A lazybones ferret more interested in assigning her underlings to tasks rather than doing them herself, Morra already looks ripe to face an uprising from the crew. I like that about her, the preexisting tension. I like it that she wouldn't do her job well and that her interests are selfish and petty. It's gritty and greasy and fun. She doesn't possess a lot of depth, though, not that we see in this application. Moving forward, i would love to see her fleshed out more, with some sense of what she's coming from and where she means to go. Her only desire so far seems to be to keep her position, and while that's not a bad drive for the character since there is already an antagonistic force in place, it's going to be difficult to maintain the audience's interest if something doesn't change.


Vasily Izhets -

Vasily is a whirlwind of action and uncertain truths. Exciting! But it's not clear which part of his lie about why he wants to be on this ship was actually true. Does he want to rescue his sister? Is his sister actually the very same pirate who's seeking the treasure? (which would be kind of awesome) Or is there no sister at all and Vasily is after a pirate acquaintance and/or the treasure? We don't know - and, actually, that's a problem in this application. This is a key part of his character. Does he value family, revenge, or money? If Vasily really is on a noble quest, I want to know about it. Otherwise, after seeing him dupe some people with the brick-baby, chuck the old quartermaster overboard, and lie up a vicious storm, I don't have much sympathy for him. There were some other little issues that have already been pointed out, and perhaps a bit too much time spent on how the brick was disguised as a baby, but the degree of character definition is my biggest hangup for this piece.


Final thoughts: Three interesting candidates, but I think Pasha is a clear winner here. Vasily is interesting to be sure, full of mysteries yet to be solved, and Morra is fun and would create a huge amount of tension on the ship, but Pasha does all those things and also offers the reader an empathetic depth. I mean, maybe she won't achieve the light-hearted fun of Morra, but the complexity of her position, which the author is clearly prepared to explore, will be fun all on its own.

[Pennies]

The Captain of the Vessel:

Skiz -

A pretty classic pirate. Skiz is ambitious and a ruthless survivor, but he also values the brotherhood amongst pirates. He just values his own life more. He's smart with the crew, redirecting their energy from blaming Quoory for the captain's murder so that they will remain united against their common enemy - and so that they won't suspect him. We can tell already, though, that Chakchak is onto him, and that suspicion could follow Skiz into the story, which could be a productive tension between him and the crew. I did get confused in the beginning of this application. I wasn't sure which captain had died, because I immediately suspected that Skiz had killed one and it occurred to me that it might have been the captive. Rearranging a little bit of Chakchak's first line of dialogue could really help clear that up.


Ciera Ancora -

A captain with a conscience, Ciera is capable and brutal when she needs to be, but she feels the moral weight of her actions. She seems to want to take on full responsibility for the actions of her crew. She has a young beast in her life - Rin, maybe a kid or a sibling - but we don't see him/her, so maybe s/he's off somewhere safe? Or in terrible danger? The thing I really wonder about with Ciera, though, is why she wants to resurrect piracy if violence disagrees with her so much. I understand that she's reacting to the deaths of her own crew and the need to torture a young fellow pirate, not some woodlander. However, if she openly gets sick over the rail after torturing a captive, how does she keep ambitious members of the crew from sniffing weakness and mutinying against her? And these aren't necessarily bad things - I personally wouldn't mind seeing some upheaval amongst the crew. A mutiny? Yes! But I do believe these are questions that the author needs to tackle moving forward, because brushing them off would make the crew seem trusting and open-minded. Very un-piratey.


Valencia -

A wily performer with a mystic edge and a Jamaican accent. I enjoyed the application, and I really appreciated the scene that the author set for us. Lots of sensory detail. Valencia could be a neat addition to the cast, although I don't believe that she would order Brother Bogdan captured. She has her own spiritual connection, after all. She seems to keep her crew under control with theatrics and mystery, so having a scholar of metaphysics aboard might undermine her power. Then again, that might be an interesting challenge for her to overcome. She's clearly prepared to face treachery with her fake map.



Final thoughts: While I liked Valencia, I'm already kind of sold on Bogdan being the prisoner. That leaves it between Skiz and Ciera, a decision I've seen deliberated a lot in reviews. Personally, I'm leaning more toward Skiz right now, just because I'm not sure how Captain Barfy-britches gained and holds her position. I would still love to see her in the contest - the writing was solid and the character has great depth - but I need to be convinced that she can keep her captaincy over a crew of blood-thirsty seascoundrels.



So now I've made up my mind about the rest of the crew and I can go back to the slavedriver. With Skiz as captain and Pasha as quartermaster, they would both have to deal with an ambitious slavedriver in either Chak or Mari. Chak would be hard-working and obedient (I think) where Mari would be more whiney and (probably) ineffectual. Mari would also provide some comic relief, and since I passed on Morra for quartermaster, I think that might be what the pirate ship needs most.

[Pennies]

Slowly slowly chugging along...

The Stowaway:

Ghost -

A super sneaky gecko with a grudge, Ghost was made to be a stowaway. The author made a very deliberate choice to use a species that could disappear in plain sight on wooden surfaces and, aboard a wooden ship, Ghost could probably hide indefinitely. Leaving aside that bark and wood are two different textures, I respect the author's choice to use a particular species and I appreciate that they justified Ghost's presence in this part of the world with a backstory that really made me sympathize with him. What I didn't appreciate in the ap was the focus on backstory at the expense of scene. There was no dialogue and the action of the scene got lost as the author established who Ghost was and why he was here. Granted, that's important, but it's also important to give a character a voice.


Ciera -

This is a beautiful, tragic, complex character, and it's appropriate that her desires are harder to nail down. I first thought Ciera's core goal would be getting home to her kids and mate, but for what? To watch her family starve? She really can't go home unless she can help them, and maybe a heap of treasure is just what she needs. She didn't really strike me as a vengeful or blood-thirsty character - despite her hint of disgust and anger with the injustice of her lot, her family lived peacefully and stealing was a last resort, and even when she made her escape, she was polite about it - so I don't really see her going after Atlas or his crew as Ghost would. I think she would be more likely to garner sympathy with the crew and widen the rift between Atlas and his people. One thing that bugged me about this piece, though, was the first paragraph. I thought she was alone, clinging to the bars. When Mykel spoke, I had to start over and only then did I realize the claws in the first sentence were his, not Ciera's. It's a small matter in an overall strong piece, full of really touching moments and honest - forgive me - human internal struggle.


Plink -

Unlike the others in this category, this application leaves a lot of backstory hinted at rather than stated out-right and focuses instead on the immediate action. In the foreground, Plink gets confronted by a couple of law-beast types and escapes, but at the cost of her stolen loot and cherished disguise. We get that Plink had a pirate father and that she idolizes him, but we don't know where he is now or what happened to separate Plink from him. Then, at the very end, we get that tender moment with the dress that suggests Plink's mother is gone as well. There's a lot of sadness and love in that gesture of folding the dress, and it's interesting to see how this author steered clear of the deeper melancholy we saw with Ciera. "No point saving it," and then we're on to the next thing. I think the author probably should have cut that escape paragraph and added a little more to the backstory. But! We do get to see Plink under pressure, and that's very telling about her character, too. While she seems to want to be a pirate like her father, fighting the marshals wasn't her first instinct. She tried to bluff with her disguise, then shifted to that foot-scuffing kid attitude ("Ain't stealin'?") and only after that, when her pride was wounded, did she lash out. To me, this reads like Plink is still only playing at being a pirate. Going out to sea could (should) be a real shock for her.


My final thoughts on the stowaways? I like all of them quite a bit, and each one could offer a really cool variation in the story. Each is highly sympathetic in their own way - the abused misfit, the fallen mother, and the kid on her own. Ghost would play the longest shadow game, hiding on Atlas's ship and causing problems. Ciera and Plink are both more likely to be caught, which would mean more direct interactions with the crew. Personally, I prefer direct interpersonal struggles to a chess game of tricks and hiding. So, while Ghost would no doubt be great, I'd rather see one of the mammals go in.

Despite her choice to run from her family, Ciera doesn't seem as verminous as Plink, who aspires to great badness but is still just a kid and may not yet totally grasp what being a pirate will mean. So maybe Ciera would survive longer on Atlas's ship? Or maybe Plink would be spared because she's a kid? I don't know. But? I kind of really want to see Plink and Gordon Hagglethrump interact. (I'll get to Gordon tonight if I'm lucky.) They're kids, both set up for coming-of-age narratives. They could fight and still identify with each other on a level that the rest of this cast has outgrown. So yes, I'm voting Plink.

[Vizon]

I kind of really want to see Plink and Gordon Hagglethrump interact. (I'll get to Gordon tonight if I'm lucky.) They're kids, both set up for coming-of-age narratives. They could fight and still identify with each other on a level that the rest of this cast has outgrown.

You know, I didn't think about that. That is a very valid point. And Gordon seems to be winning many points in the cabin boy category, so I would not be surprised if he is one of the top ten. I will have to think about this more from the angle of who is most likely to get in and which of the remaining characters would work best with them. I think Matra was saying something about working up an "ideal cast" list, so that will probably take these sort of character interactions into account.

*starts making her own dream team list*

[Airan]

Sorry, popping in here briefly to talk about Captain Ciera for a moment.

The thing I really wonder about with Ciera, though, is why she wants to resurrect piracy if violence disagrees with her so much. I understand that she's reacting to the deaths of her own crew and the need to torture a young fellow pirate, not some woodlander. However, if she openly gets sick over the rail after torturing a captive, how does she keep ambitious members of the crew from sniffing weakness and mutinying against her?

One of the things I tried to establish in the first prologue was that Captain Blade managed to unify and organize all of piracy under his direct control, making it so that instead of all pirates trying to murder each other for their loot, they would instead all consider each other allies and part of a sort of brotherhood. Piracy would then be generally peaceful, asides of course from the fact that with organized piracy, the coastlines would never be safe from raiding, which is why Atlas would have stepped in in the first place. However, with Blade's death and Atlas' crusade, their organization and ranks were shattered, making pirates desperately hanging on for survival, which is what Ciera is all about.

My impression wasn't that Ciera doesn't like violence, but that she doesn't like violence against her fellow pirates, beasts she still deems her allies. This is supported by how she reacts to the deaths of her ten crewbeasts, and how she hates Greyjaw for sacrificing his own crew and killing hers. This is also why she implies to want Blade's treasure in the first place. She longs for the good old days and it's the only possible way of bringing piracy back to its former greatness back when Blade was in charge.

As for beasts mutinying against her. It could happen, sure, but she generally seems to care about her crew, and while there are implied to be beasts on her ship who probably don't share her ideals or morals, generally caring for them and doing your best to keep them safe, I think would be enough to stop most rebellions. Who knows though.

Anyways, just some thoughts I had while reading this thread. Keep up your reviews, I'm enjoying reading them :)

[Eliza Lacrimosa]

Along the same lines, the impression I got was that Ciera was freaking out about torturing a child more than about torture or violence in general.

[Pennies]

Airan, thank you for clarifying Captain Blade-brand piracy history for me. There's so much information - it's hard for my simple brain to keep track of everything! - so I really appreciate your comments. And yours, Eliza! Discussion is so important to understanding and making ourselves understood.

Maybe my conception of pirate ruthlessness is a bit too harsh for this world, but I still don't totally buy the vulnerable moment Ciera allows herself to have on deck. I agree that she has the capacity for violence - I went over the top with skepticism when I implied that she didn't - and I love it that she also has the capacity for empathy, but I have a real problem with her exposing what would be interpreted as weakness to her crew. In an ideal and honorable world, yes, she would only need to treat her crew well to keep their respect. But of all the pirate applications we've seen, how many of them would watch their captain have a moment like that and just let it go? Pecking order doesn't just go away... does it? Ciera's got to be doing something to stay in charge. ...right?

My problem here ultimately comes down to the writer. It's fine for Ciera to be this open, but if the writer doesn't face the logical consequences of losing appearances or at least somehow confront the issue of respect, then they might not be viewing this position of leadership realistically. That's probably more an issue of the word-limit than anything, though, and I would love to see what this author does with more space to work. I'm still leaning toward Skiz right now because, even though that character is simpler and the stakes of his quest are much lower, the author seems to operate under a clear understanding of getting and keeping power. I would love to keep talking about Ciera until somebody changes my mind, though. :)

Er... and since I'm looking back, that Captain Barfy-britches comment reads much meaner than I intended it to. I hope I didn't hurt anybody's feelings with bad alliteration. Sorry, friends.

Okay, onward!


The Healer:

Merriwether Cheston -

A vole who's lost his family and fortune embraces the inevitability of death and then doesn't die after all. I appreciate the way that stories Merriwether has heard feature in his descriptions - wolverines and wearats - but I don't think this scene was the best one to present this character to us. We see Merriwether at what we can only assume is an all-time low. He's ready to die, and while it tells us something about him that he would die in this particular way, it doesn't tell us a lot. In the snippet of dialogue that follows, we get much the same note - Merriwether chatting with the same energy he had while flying through the air singing. A little more variety couldn't hurt.


Crue Sarish -

Crue is obsessed with preparedness and keeping her equipment in order for the adventure she expects to come. The author did a great job of balancing that OCD-type behavior, making it believable and comfortable, not over the top as it can be tempting to do, and a big part of that success is in Crue's social awkwardness. That same quality is also a potential danger for the author, too, since Crue will default toward solitude, which can result in navel-gazing and dull reading. There might need to be extenuating circumstances to push her out of her comfort zone, which could lead to an eventful voyage. Bonus, i say!


Feorag Grabber -

Sharp boots and a bag of tricks, Feorag brings an interesting game with him. He uses legitimate medicinal practices dressed up to look mystical - and to effect his patients on more than one level. Notably, a philosophical one. He chastises them for their pride as he treats them for food poisoning. I can't remember whether the term 'shaman' has come up yet regarding Feorag, but I think it's appropriate. He has more people-power than a regular medic would, and on a voyage with any amount of hardship, he could pretty easily become a spiritual leader. Bad news for Atlas if Feorag disagrees with his decisions. I can't see that happening right off, since this squirrel's main motivations just seem to be the satisfaction of giving beasts treatment and the accumulation of sweet boot-funds. Down the road, though, if there was sufficient reason, I could see Feorag guiding dissatisfied crewmembers into a mutiny.

Sweet, sweet mutiny. I don't know why I'm on this mutiny kick in my pretict-o-views lately. I guess I just enjoy turmoil. <:c


In closing on the Healers, I don't think Merriwether is quite defined enough yet, but I like both Crue and Feorag and I would enjoy either one of them moving forward. Since I have to choose, though, I'm more likely to go with Feorag right now. Crue would probably be wonderful, and I have no doubt the author could find creative ways to bring her out of the infirmary (or whatever you get on a ship like this) and into action. Oh, now I'm talking myself into it. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea of which way to vote after I finish the other categories.

[Pennies]

The Navigator:

Dusker Tetch -

A shrew with greasy business! Apparently in addition to cheating at cards, Dusker is a 'star reader.' The author leaves us to guess what that means, hinting about predictions and studying at Redwall. Maybe. The otter calling shenanigans seemed to have some doubts about that in light of Dusker's association with Rakeye the? petty crime lord? Gang leader? Whoever Rakeye is, he has cronies and Dusker owes him a lot of money for some mysterious reason. This may be another case of more mystery than is productive. Was Dusker just a Redwall beast who fell under the influence of a bad crowd or was that a cover story to hide the swindling he did in a previous life with Rakeye's crew? It's a pretty distinct difference. If this was the first page of a story, it'd be fine - it'd be great! Lots of hooks! - but as an application, it's not quite giving us a clear enough picture.


Robert Rosehill -

A modest fella out to make a modest living, still sailing after The Accident. Okay, I have to admit that at first I was not terribly impressed with this application. The writing is solid and the character is very believable, but I don't quite see what separates Robert from other hedgehogs. But maybe that's less a flaw with this character than it is a symptom of how all the other characters strive so hard to separate themselves from the crowd. Writing a believable and unique character takes some careful maneuvering, and you don't have to give them purple eyes to go too far. Robert is a triumph in that he fits so well into the Redwall world. Yes, I would have liked a little more info to separate him from the hedgeherd, but it's a start to know that he's a chummy older bloke who bends rules and that there was an accident that might have stopped him from coming back to sea.


Rail Crimsarre -

A jack-of-all-trades dingo who enjoys apples and is unfazed by mortal peril. This was fun to read, and the slow reveal of the scene of the sea battle is a good move because we start out thinking that Flixer is the weird, anxious one while Rail is just relating tales of past employment. Once we know about the fight still going on, Flixer is the rational one and Rail just seems a little kooky. That slow reveal has drawbacks, too, though. For the first third or so of the piece, we're ungrounded. We get hints that something dangerous is happening, but we don't know where we are, so it's hard to picture the scene. Then, when the "we're still in battle" line came, I felt immediately like it was an exaggeration. There wasn't enough danger for there to be a battle, it was too distant. That could just be an issue of the specific word choice though. If it had read "the others are still fighting," I probably wouldn't have had that reaction. But! Focusing on Rail! I like his inclination to view vermin as living beings worthy of saving from drowning, and his general funnies.


However, I'm on the dingos-are-weird train, and while Rail would probably bring a lot of fun and interesting tension to the story, he seems very disconnected from either pirates or Waverunners. Does the story really need a truly neutral presence? And, looking back at Dusker, I wouldn't want him aboard if Feorag makes it - they're both swindlers in different ways and while they might strike up a fun camaraderie, they would also create a more gray tone aboard the Waverunner ship than I really want to see. More and more, I really want to see some wholesome goodbeasts who can look at Atlas and become disillusioned with him, or abandon their peaceful tendencies and join him. I think, of these three, Robert is the best for that job.

[Eliza Lacrimosa]

Airan, thank you for clarifying Captain Blade-brand piracy history for me. There's so much information - it's hard for my simple brain to keep track of everything! - so I really appreciate your comments. And yours, Eliza! Discussion is so important to understanding and making ourselves understood.

Maybe my conception of pirate ruthlessness is a bit too harsh for this world, but I still don't totally buy the vulnerable moment Ciera allows herself to have on deck. I agree that she has the capacity for violence - I went over the top with skepticism when I implied that she didn't - and I love it that she also has the capacity for empathy, but I have a real problem with her exposing what would be interpreted as weakness to her crew. In an ideal and honorable world, yes, she would only need to treat her crew well to keep their respect. But of all the pirate applications we've seen, how many of them would watch their captain have a moment like that and just let it go? Pecking order doesn't just go away... does it? Ciera's got to be doing something to stay in charge. ...right?

My problem here ultimately comes down to the writer. It's fine for Ciera to be this open, but if the writer doesn't face the logical consequences of losing appearances or at least somehow confront the issue of respect, then they might not be viewing this position of leadership realistically. That's probably more an issue of the word-limit than anything, though, and I would love to see what this author does with more space to work. I'm still leaning toward Skiz right now because, even though that character is simpler and the stakes of his quest are much lower, the author seems to operate under a clear understanding of getting and keeping power. I would love to keep talking about Ciera until somebody changes my mind, though. :)

Er... and since I'm looking back, that Captain Barfy-britches comment reads much meaner than I intended it to. I hope I didn't hurt anybody's feelings with bad alliteration. Sorry, friends.

I think similar things could be said for Skiz, though. His crew recognize the murder weapon on sight and immediately conclude that it's possible that a crewbeast killed the captain. Not only do they never guess that the bloody-pawed marten currently holding the murder weapon and who directly benefits from the captain dying could be the murderer. Instead, it must be the unseen fox, or an unseen hare. And then Skiz just tells them there was no murder and they accept that without question.

Exactly why Ciera barfing disqualifies her as a leader while Skiz standing there with a murder weapon and a visibly nervous accomplice straight out of 1980s cartoon doesn't is beyond me. The only reason Skiz's plan works is that his crew magically accept his explanation even though there's literally no reason for them to do so, and immediately forget all about the matter. A plan that only works if everyone around you is terminally stupid is not a good plan.

For that matter, his plan to entrap the Silver Maiden also doesn't make much sense to me. Pirates are being systematically extinguished by the Waverunner armada, so why would you assume that they're going to come investigate a ship that's run aground? Not only would they risk scuttling their own ship, but there's no good reason to want to go there in the first place. Why take the risk of getting into a fight when you can sail away and leave the Waverunners for dead. Once again, Skiz's plan really only works if the Silver Maiden is actively interested in committing suicide - in which case I really wonder how they've survived this long in a world where pirates have really low survival rates as it is.