A Wild Treedog Appears! (MOIII)

[Sycamore]

Slavedriver!

CHAK

This was great. I really like that he's not entirely heartless, he's got a good side and a bad side, and I especially like the way you handled his reaction to the mouse's song. You got a nice round character, here. Hope you do well!



SCRANT

This was a novel idea, setting the application in the form of an interview. You give me all the information I need about the character, and it's not entirely focused on the dialogue. His age is starting to get to him, he's restless to get out of town and he got spooked by the ermine, all of which are really nice touches.

I would have liked to see a few more action lines between the dialogue. I don't know if he's bluffing or exaggerating his feats and accomplishments, but a few tics and idiosyncrasies while he's talking would have clued me in.



MARI

Ahaha, I like this angle so much. A slavedriver still wet behind the ears who can't control her slaves. Three days on the job. It would have been interesting to see her come into her own if she made it into the story.

I hope someone grabbed her accordion.

[Sycamore]

Quatermaster

PASHA

I loved her! This was super good. I think it's great you chose marine iguana for this and even more so how lizardly you depict her throughout the piece. Jolly good job.



MORRA

Morra's not lazy, she just delegates duties super well. I like the two sides of the coin that you show. Toothache likes her (or puts up with her) because she rewards him. Kril is sick of her ####. But ... I didn't really get much of who she is. She's pretty consistent throughout the piece. It would have been nice to see more of her internal thoughts, especially with the confrontation by Kril. As it stands, I only know a few aspects of her. I'd like to know more.



VASILY

Hey, I know this guy! Vasily is really fun! I really loved the clipped pace of the writing and the constant fibbing. The only thing that got to me was that I'm not sure you should have told me what was a lie and what was not. Keep me guessing, cause that's always fun, buuuut it was probably a wise choice because it's nice to have some truthiness to the character in the app stage. I can't wait to see him in the story, even though I know you kicked it early on. Still, Vasily is great. I'm glad he made it in!

[Sycamore]

Captain of the Runner!


SKIZ

Interesting set up! I definitely learn a few things about Skiz, here. Deceitful, backstabber, and easy to take and hold command. I like that his morals changed now that he's in Atlas Stormstripe's world. That was a nice line and tells me a lot about him.



CIERA

OOH, this was a brilliant app. I love her character and I love your writing. How do you pronounce her name? Like Sierra? I really like the angle you're playing her. She's cruel, but it's because she has to be. I like that she holds the weight of her dead comrades over her. It makes her real, and it's very different from the typical Jacques ruthless pirate warlord. I can't wait to see more of her.



VALENCIA

I really liked this one, too! Ever since Nyika, I've always loved the superstitious route some characters take. Valencia really captured me and held my interest throughout the piece. You did a great job with the mood and atmosphere; you have a great knack for vivid descriptions. I really want to know more about her, where she's from, her history, etc. This is a great example of giving me a taste of a character and leaving me wanting more.

[Captain Ciera Ancora]

I pronounce it like "Sierra," yeah.

[Sycamore]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPO5_e9rwBQ

[Sycamore]

I'm losing momentum. The rest are probably gonna be just quick notes. If anyone wants a more substantial review, go ahead and ask me and I'll whip something up for you.

In better news, I have a computer so I can start posting images and gifs again!

On to the Stowaways.

GHOST

I'm loving these lizards. Ghost seems super fun, too. It would have been nice to get a reptile or two in the cast, but I suppose t'was not meant to be.



CIERA

I've seen this name before ... hmm...

I really liked this app. You did a great job tugging at the ol' heartstrings. I also would have liked to see her in this.



PLINK

13 seasons! We got a young'un on our paws! Hmm... Plink reminds me of someone, but who...?

Ah yes.

"We just keep running into each other, don't we, street rat?"



Kinda glad I didn't vote for this one. This would have been incredibly difficult to decide.



HEALER

MERRRRIWEATHER

Clasping his paws behind his back, he looked straight ahead, and realized with a bit of a shock that he was entirely fine with this.

"Well stripes, doc. T' think I just joined because, well... vermin need t' die, I serpose..."

I love this guy.



CRUE

?Attention crew!?

?Yes??

?Crew, not Crue! Now, it has come to my attention??

I was actually going to start this out with a joke, but I didn't want to be lame. I'm glad we still got it out of the way, haha.

A carefully wrapped package of nightshade berries was set next to the lemon balm

I like her pitch a lot! Excited to see what you do with her!



FEORAG

Twice was barely noticeable, and four times was just excessive.

And five is right out.

Feorag then passed to each beast a tiny piece, but for Hugh he placed the bit of charcoal directly into his mouth, since he was more affected by sampling his food while prepping the meal all day.

Did he just ... give everyone a burning piece of charcoal? No, wait. I just have no idea what's going on. This isn't your fault. I'm just not paying attention.



NAVITAGOR

DUSKER

I like how varied he is. Gambles and cheats (probably? I think he does), works his bluffs to come out on top of confrontations. Exceptional reader of body language, deals with vermin. I like the lie about Redwall. It shows he's got more to him than just poker. I also like that line drop about the reading stars. That's the line that tells me he's a navigator. Or maybe he's not. It would have been fun for him to bluff his way into it and then just be like





ROBERT

I did a second read through to figure out what was going on. As much as I love drunken revelry scenes, I'm not sure I would choose one for an application into a contest. While it can be fun and an enjoyable read, I'm not getting a clear picture of who the character is. No one is really themselves when they're drunk, and the loss of inhibitions can give me a false sense of the character's personality. I think the scene would have done a lot better if this was a more somber moment between Robert and Harold, without any alcohol, or maybe just a light use of it. I'd get a more real picture of who Robert is and what he thought of his past and why he continues to do as he does, which was already a great contrast to Harold.



RAIL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7-IoFyp_68

Gotta say, I love the dialogue in this. Might have some of my favorite dialogue in the entire top 30. I heard about this guy, the dingo, and I heard the pick of species wasn't too well-received. I'm gonna have to go back and see what everyone thought of him.

As for me, I don't really care which species you pick so long as you know what you're doing. Rail knows what he's doing. His writing is strong enough, and we're all good enough writers not to fall into the "gimmick" trap. Why did he choose a dingo? I don't know, but I'm sure I would have found out if he made it into the story. I kind of feel like the whole species thing is a non-issue because he doesn't even mention it in the app. If people thought he was playing the gimmick card, I'm not sure I see how.

I'm gonna take a break for now. Two more categories left, then I can start the weeks.

[Sycamore]

Well, I know I haven't finished the 30, but I crunched the numbers anyway.

Right now you folks have written 104,727 words. At 43 posted chapters, that's about 2,436 words per post.

Who wants to keep me company while I binge read this week? You bring the coffee.

[Sycamore]

Cabin Boi.

GORDON

IS THIS MY NAMELESS LEVERET??

I knew you'd pull through for me. I couldn't be more happy.

In all seriousness, Gordon's great. He thinks for himself, or maybe he doesn't. I don't know. How impressionable is he with Brother Sage? Suuuuper creepy he calls Cpt Blade a hero. That's super strange. It makes me think what Bro Sage has been filling his head with and if it's good for him. I like the sympathetic towards vermin angle, here, because instead of being blind and noble there's something a little off with it.

I think Gordon's a good kid, but I'm not quite sure about his intentions, and that's cool.



THADDEUS

I love this guy's energy! He was really fun to read, heehee. I'm thinking ? you get a lot of goodbeasts who are verminy in these contests, and you get a lot of vermin who are goodbeasts, but I don't think I've ever seen one like Thaddeus, who's a vermin goodbeast with prejudices. He would have been great to see in the contest. I'd suggest tucking him away for a few years until everyone'a forgotten him, then giving him another go.



EFITH

Number one question: Who is Lady Bluetree and what species is she?

It's an interesting set up, but I'm not quite sure what's going on. I think a line at the beginning to explain who and what the Lady is would have helped. All I know is that she has white fur and is probably young? I do like the quest angle a lot. I think that's super neat, and it would have been cool to see it played out in the story, especially with Plink in the cast.

But then we have to consider cooties.

[Sycamore]

I should read the last category so I can start the story proper but instead I think I will play Zelda. I'm keeping an eye on this topic in case anyone wants to chit chat or has any opinions on what I've posted thus far.

[Tooley Bostay]

Of the apps you've read so far, who are you most disappointed didn't make it into the story? Also, for fun, which of the characters reads most like something you would write?

[Matra Hammer]

Yeah, I'd like to hear your dream cast from the apps AND I wanna hear your final three prediction before you start reading the story itself.

[Sycamore]

Those are both very daunting suggestions. Give me some time to think and a computer to write thoughts and I'll get back to you on the morrow.

[Sycamore]

Aiight, I'm finishing up the apps and then I'll go ahead and field these questions.

SOLIDER

HISOBE

Goats! Redwall faux pas. Unforgivable.

Nah, in all honest Hisobe is super cool. I like there being a traitor or backstabber in their midst. He uses a lot of big words and that makes my head spin. @_@

I do wonder if Hisobe got the same reaction Rail did for his use of goats, and like Rail, I don't think it should have affected his chances to get in, but I wouldn't be surprised if it did. He also took a gamble putting a vermin in a category that Airan had designed to be a woodlander.



MORTI

I hope the hare's name is Rick.



Hmm .... I like the fact that Morti is set up for a redemption arc, but I think the execution of the app wasn't quite all there. Baiting him with gold seemed strange to do when they could have just accosted him for fighting in the tavern, but I suppose you wanted to show his greed and reckless abandonment. But that could have also been done with an extended beginning before the otter socks him in the face.

That aside, he's got an interesting character, one that's perfectly set up for growth and development, so props to that.



FILDERING

"Eulaliaaa!"

FINALLY. It took me to the very last app before I got this battle cry? I'm disappointed in all of you except Fildering.

The guilty troublemakers exchanged nervous glances as Lady Galbraith broke the silence. "Yes. There is only one option. You must leave my home. Go thither and hither and yon; wherever you please, as long as it isn't here. Roam south, where strapping young hares such as yourselves should have done long ago. The Mountain of the Fire Lizards calls you home."

I love how she's like, "Go bother the badger in the mountain. I'm done with you three."

I like Fildering! He's delightfully Redwallian. I dare say he's the most Redwall character in the 30, or at least his writing and charm is. Jolly good show, ol' boy, wot wot.

[Airan]

I know your a wee bit behind, but I really am enjoying reading your thoughts on the applications, and I look forward to what you ultimately think of the story :)

[Sycamore]

If over 100k words is a wee bit behind, then yes, I'm a wee bit behind, hahaha.

Of the apps you've read so far, who are you most disappointed didn't make it into the story?

All right, I took a little bit of thought with this. There were actually quite a number of characters I was disappointed didn't make it in, but I'll go deeper into that when I give you my own MOIII Dream Team.

The one I was most disappointed that didn't make it in was Rail. Why? Because I honestly believe he was robbed due to his species choice. I've gone back and read the reviews on him, and while there were some who didn't focus on the dingo thing when it came to casting their votes (Matra and Vizon come to mind), there were a number of people that seemed to dismiss him simply because he chose a dingo, and that's sad.

Exotic species not native to England have been featured in the books. Gulo the wolverine from Rakkety Tam came from Canada, and I'm pretty sure we've seen some animals from Finland or Norway or Russia. So Rail's from Australia. Big deal. It was part of the British Empire, so in my mind, it makes sense.

I think we raise the gimmick card too easily, here. In an application of 650 words, it's hard not to have a gimmick. As a matter of fact, isn't that the point of the app? Gimmick is defined as "a trick or device intended to attract attention, publicity, or business." That's exactly what we're trying to do, here. We want our app to stand out among the masses, to capture you and intrigue you because we want your votes.

I'll throw it out there, this bold and controversial statement: Gimmicks are necessary in the application process, and I can find a gimmick in every single one of the 30. Valencia's voodoo is a gimmick. Pasha's gimmick is her marine iguana species. Mari's gimmick is her accordion. Tooley, your gimmick was your na?vety and innocence, which garnered sympathy from me. You better believe I used a gimmick to get Nyika in MOI. That girl was Gimmick Central.

The funny thing is, I read people thinking Rail chose his species as a gimmick, but he makes absolutely no mention of his dingo-ness throughout the entire app. He focuses on the character's mannerisms and personality. When you consider that, I'm not sure how much water the gimmick argument holds.

I'd wager to say that Rail's gimmick isn't his species choice, but his Captain Jack Sparrow parallels and his desire to eat a whole bushel of apples.



I think we need to quit with the gimmick talk. I've seen it raised as the red flag time and time again in these things, especially in the application stage, and honestly, I'm getting a little tired of it. I think we're all good enough writers not to fall into these gimmick traps. The problem is we don't trust each other.

Also, for fun, which of the characters reads most like something you would write?

This is a very fun question to answer. I would probably say Valencia, both in terms of character and writing style. Valencia is very much like a self-confident Nyika, and that's probably why I'm so drawn to her. I especially like the way her app was taken from an outside perspective, so you don't get to see the Cap'n Valencia is speaking to, which was the same trick I used in Nyika's app. I would even venture to say Valencia pulled it off better than I did, haha.

Some other notable mentions:

Chak is an otter right up my alley, though I wouldn't attempt a vermin otter. Change the species and I could totally see myself writing this app. The song is a super nice touch, and I've done something like that in my own apps before.

I could see myself writing Vasily, too. I've tried a fibber before in my younger days, though he didn't get past the application stage (or even in the voting, now that I think about it). Still, there's something about that writing style that attracts me. Can't figure out what it is, though. Hmm...

I'm also super attracted to Captian Ciera. She, too, seems like someone right up my alley, though I tend not to take the big roles. Still, I've dreamed once before writing the captain of a ship, and I think I would handle him in the same manner Ciera handles ... Ciera.

And despite evidence to the contrary, I always love a good traditional Redwallian character. My early otters and my bat Aloysius is testament to that, so I'm going to give a nod to Fildering.

I'll push pause for now before I tackle Matra's questions.