The Vermin Lasses' Lair

[Cricket Argyll]

Terri: So, my author decided her hectic schedule isn't hectic enough, and therefore, she needs to review for this contest. I suspect she'll start out strong and then become more sporadic.

Cricket: Cheh! Deal with it, scum-suckers!

Terri: *raises an eyebrow* And this is apparently my co-host. A disgusting little specimen of non-Imperium origin who I suspect would get on quite well with the Kreehold, or whatever other unsavories are running about my Harbour these days. But let's carry on with the Nine. I've prepared my 9-Iron in case any of you are particularly troublesome. Cricket?

Cricket: I'll cut 'em up if they disappoint me. *evil grin*

Bellona Littlebrush

Terri: There's a woodlander species you don't see everyday. *eyes* It's like a mouse that's had a squirrel tail roped on. And it's a warrior. Bloody annoying things warrior half-mice. Suppose I can appreciate the fighting type, who's loyal to her captain, though. What I can't appreciate is somebeast who is so callous. Let some emotion show! Fates! I'd think you'd make a half-decent vermin with how little you care about that mouse that got killed and this Freyr creature, although I think perhaps you were going for...trying to convince yourself that they don't matter when you actually care. I don't know. Woodlanders confuse me!

Cricket: Says the goody-two-shoes! I don't like woodlanders. They're meanies. You seem like a proper meany. Like Meanystripe. I think I'll call you Meanybrush.

Terri: What sort of review is that?!

Cricket: Stuff it an' move on, freaky headfur lady.

Revel

Terri: Why you little! Ugh! Fine, I'll kill you later. Now Revel seems strange. I've known a lot of pregnant mustelids in my time and they never talked to their tummies. Not that I saw anyway...I'll have to ask Vera about that. In the meantime!

Cricket: I like her. She's a proper vermin 'cept the weird thing about not killin' that stupid, nosey rat. I woulda gutted him if he was threatenin' t'tell on me. Cheh! Revel's a coward runnin' like that when there weren't even a badger or smoosh-faced fox chasing her.

Terri: That as it may be, it was more logical. If I were pregnant, I wouldn't want to take on an entire vermin group. Who knows what the blue blazes they'd do. I've dealt with corsairs, can't even think what land-dwelling beasts'd do to her. *shakes head*

Suellyn

Cricket: 'Nother stupid woodylander. Least this one's doin' the world a favor an' dyin'! Chiichiirrup!

Terri: *smacks Cricket* Don't say it like that. She's obviously pining for lost love! You have no idea what it's like to lose a husband, you demonic little thing! Ugh! Ocean's nice compared to you and he sets things on fire!

Cricket: *bites Terri*

Terri: *beats with 9-Iron*

**several minutes later**

Terri: Suellyn, you're lovely and filled with acceptable angst, even if you are a woodlander. Isn't she great, Cricket?

Cricket: *glares* Cheh! Maybe...

Terri: Right. Tune in next time for more reviews...when our author has time. And when I've taught this beady-eyed git some lessons about real corsairs.

[Cricket Argyll]

Terri: Aaaaand we're already behind with the start of the real posts. Better knock out these other apps quickly. Cricket?

Eliza Lacrimosa

Cricket: Cheh! What a princess. Ya remind me of the Doc's brat. I like she got what was comin' t'her in the end there. Made me snicker. Can't wait t'see how she takes bein' any other ugly-faced vermin. That's what I'm gonna call ya: Uglyface.

Terri: How are we authored by the same person? *exasperated sigh* Anyway, I like the description here. Reminds me of many of the soirees I attended in the Imperium. Though, now...that seems off. Isn't this a tale from the past? Never mind. A minor detail amongst fantastic description. If you weren't such a git, I'd say we should get together sometime in the Imperium. My mother-in-law's a marten and could make you some fine dresses.

Deadtail

Cricket: Yer a coward. Smart, though, Graywhiskers. Gotta give ya that. Don't get too hung up on stayin' alive, though, or I'll kill ya.

Terri: A vermin who's not incredibly stupid or incredibly smart, but just average and realistic about what he wants. Nice. Can't say you've really captured my heart, but nice.

Venril

Cricket: Yer gonna get killed by yer own crew. Cheh! I been there afore. Jist kill 'em first. If ya got some crazy island rats around t'do it fer ya, it's easy.

Terri: *captain mode* Stand up straight. Quit cowering. Don't take any flak from those crewbeasts. And for Fates' sake, mate, don't look to an underling to buck up your authority! */captain mode* Right. So. Venril reminds me of a number of my clerks...who would not make good captains. Room for growth here, though. Lots of room. Better shape up or ship out quick-like.

Damask the Minstrel

Cricket: Yer food. Why's food walkin' 'round without gettin' plucked? Guess ya'll do fer dinner an' a show. Chiichii!

Terri: A minstrel bird! I've always enjoyed the birds I've seen perform. Mind you, they're few and far between because, as Cricket pointed out rather tactlessly, a lot of vermin view you lot as food. I'll be interested to see how you interact with the vermin characters and you're a spy. Oh, my. Tricky. Harkens back to the tales of Redwall and Chibb, the dubious robin.

Rath the Whirlwind

Cricket: Ya get yer eye poked out an' ya wanna quit fightin'? What a wimp! Guess yer kinda cool, though. Liked the action scene, at least. Better chop up some of 'em woodylanders when ya get a chance.

Terri: I never did care for gladiator-style fights. Just never saw the point of violence for entertainment...well, er...not for the entertainment of a lot of other beasts. *hides 9-Iron and whistles innocently* In any case, I like Rath. Looks like he'll be a solid warrior-type for the vermin side to match Bellona on the woodlander side.

Keane

*author breaks in* *sings* She dont lie, she dont lie, she dont lie; cocaine! */sings*

Terri: *kicks author out* Right, sorry about that folks, but she got in while I wasn't looking. So! A drug dealer, eh? Dealt with my fair share in the Imperium. Nasty folk. Tried a bit of something right after Eagle died. Never doing that again. Anyway, you've got an interesting story here. You're a bad son, though. What kind of creature gets his mother addicted to the product he's selling?

Cricket: Gimme some of this Balm stuff an' I'll never vote fer ya. *nods*

Terri: *kicks Cricket* Don't be stupid!

Cricket: *bites Terri* Yer just scared cause ya can't handle it like real vermin, goody-two-shoes!

Terri: Right. Another break while I put Cricket through the DARE program. Cheers, contestants and good luck!