Persons of Vinterest

[Vin]

So, it's coming close to that time of year, the time we've all been waiting for: the Top 30 results! This is going to be my review/comment/stray thought thread throughout the competition. I plan to review pretty much everything this contest, and  while we all know how unreliable I can be on that front I'm gonna try my best. Obviously the applications aren't out just yet, so I'm not going to explain how I'll be going about my review process this year at this moment. I'll be doing that once we have all of the applications and I've read them.

But why release a review thread this early, then, you ask? Well, we do have a little bit of information right now, namely...well, names. So I decided to kick things off with a little fun. Now, when I asked Airan for clues about the apps, he obviously, as a fair and unbiased admin, told me to buzz right off. So naturally, I hacked into the system and obtained the information myself. What I have is the 100% accurate and unfabricated summaries of each of the apps that we know of so far. As someone who believes in transparency and accountability, of course I've decided to leak them to you all. I'm going to post the first five that I uncovered right here right now, but watch out for updates.

Without further ado, the totally genuine and serious application summaries:

Yahn
[spoiler]Species: Searat
Age: 35
Category: Seafarer
Bio: Lazy by name and lazy by nature, Yahn was born into a life of piracy he never truly desired. All the killing, maiming, and plundering seemed to him like a lot of work for not a lot of gain. Grab a poor mousemaid, threaten to eat her little babe, and she would just fall to the floor in a blubbering heap and you would just have to search the house for loot yourself. It was just such a drag, really. All Yahn really wanted to do is sleep. Nothing beat a nice nap, basking in the warmth of the afternoon sun. He snuck quick siestas in here and there when he could, but never enough to be truly satisfied. Unfortunately, one day while he was supposed to be on watch in the crow's nest he dozed off and failed to alert the crew of the approaching reef. After the ship was repaired, the captain ordered them to sail back to the reef. There, he threw Yahn off his ship. Luckily there was a small atoll of coral he was able to reach. Not so luckily, coral isn't nearly as comfortable as the crow's nest. The least the captain could have done was throw him onto a nice and deserted island, where he could spend the rest of his days resting in the warm sand. Instead, he sits on the sharp coral, hungry and, more importantly, incredibly tired. [/spoiler]

Bane Redflank
[spoiler]Species: Fox
Age: 43
Category: Duelist
Bio: Nobody knew where Bane learned to fight with such speed, strength, and brutality, but whispers spoke of a deal with Vulpuz himself. He was the, well, bane of any beast who dared to even look him in the eyes, the most feared swordsbeast in all the land. But all that changed one day when, while making himself a nice warm stew, he tripped and fell bottom first into his cooking fire. The flames seared his fur straight off, including his one true love: his luscious tail. His bare bum soon becaame common knowledge and earned him the nickname Redflank. Foes who had once trembled in fear at his feet now dared to laugh in his face and mock his predicament. A name that once inspired dread had become now a laughingstock. Now Bane wanders the lands challenging every beast he comes across in hopes of restoring his name to its former infamy. [/spoiler]

Kew-Kew
[spoiler]Species: Hare
Age: 18
Category: Berserker
Bio: Georgina "Cuckoo" Littlemarch was always popular as a dibbun, not because she was kind or clever or even especially pretty but because her father was a colonel in the Long Patrol— a title that meant status as well as wealth. She spent her youth with her cohort of sycophantic admirers, bullying anyone she deemed stupid or poor or funny-looking. When asked why, she simply laughed and said, "Because I'm cuckoo!" Her father was too busy with his duties to instill any sense of discipline, speaking to her only at family dinner every weekend, usually in a tone that was stern and gruff. This drove Georgina mad. She admired her father, loved him even, but he barely seemed to recognize her existence, and sometimes it seemed as though he only noticed her when he wanted someone to yell at. Unfortunately for the colonel, as Georgina got older she spent more and more of his money on extravagent dresses and expensive food and drink, and almost every day he had a run in with an angry mother claiming that his daughter had driven their poor child to tears. The final straw came after night out where she and her crew obtained a canister of Flitchaye gas and, under its influence, somehow managed to burn down half the shopping district. Furious, the colonel cut her off and kicked her out of his home, declaring that she better not dare come back until she had sorted her life out. Georgina, convinced that this meant her father never truly cared about her, has been unapproachable ever since. If anyone tries to speak to her, she grabs them by the lapel and, eyes burning with indescribable fury, screams, "I...am...kew.....keeeew!"  [/spoiler]

Jericho (Grim)
[spoiler]Species: Mouse
Age: 20
Category: Hunter
Bio: Jericho still lives with his parents. Now, don't get him wrong, he loves his parents. Really, he does! But boy, can they be annoying. It's always, "Jericho do the dishes," and, "Jericho, mop the floors," and, "Jericho, can you watch Cynthia tonight so we can go to the play? We know you don't like plays so it would be great if you could help us out." The thing that they just don't understand is that Jericho is an adult, and adults do not babysit their little sisters. He has his own passions, his own desires. The one thing that he really wants to do, that he really, really loves deep down, is help his cult take over the world. He's been involved with them for seasons now, and has risen up the ranks thanks his enthusiasm and his willingness to spend his parents' money on baked goods for the entire cult. They even gave him a name that he feels really captures his dark and brooding personality: Grim. Unfortunately, with all his parents' nagging and his babysitting duties, he hasn't had the free time this season to fully devote himself to the dark rituals, meaning that his chances of ascending to the role of Regional Head Acolyte are dwindling. Luckily, he has the chance to impress the Leader right before the Ascension. The altar requires a Sacrifice of Innocents, and while his sister is unfortunately out of the question— his parents would surely be upset and might even cancel his allowance— if he can find an innocent dibbun by the time of the ceremony he might have a chance at the promotion he so desperately craves.
[/spoiler]

Barumtum
[spoiler]Species: Mole
Age: 5
Category: Duelist
Bio: As long as Baroo can remember, he's had magical powers. Not the usual kind, with dreams and spirits of long dead warriors. Actual magical powers. One time, when he was in the kitchens with his grandmother, he concentrated really hard and the oven exploded. Of course, nobody believed him when he told them, but he didn't mind. He knew he had powers. When Old Mouse Gumbo left the front door open one day, he set off into the wide world, ready to hone his powers against the forces of evil and become the greatest wizard Mossflower has ever seen. One day, they will see his true power. One day, they'll all see. [/spoiler]

[Vin]

So there was an influx of new applications yesterday. It wasn't easy, but I managed to hack back into the system and I've got new bios for y'all now. Some of these are the ones I didn't finish decoding from the first round of submissions, and some of them are brand new.

Noi
[spoiler]Species: Badger
Age: is just a number
Category: Hunter
Bio: Noi does not speak. As far as any beast knows, Noi never has. Noi also does not seem to eat, either. Nobeast is sure whether Noi is male or female, or anything at all. In fact the only thing that anybeast knows about Noi is that every morning, Noi walks down to the seaside, sits down, and watches the waves in silence. They have been doing this for seasons, since before any living beast as born. There are references to Noi's silent meditation from over three generations ago. Nobody knows why Noi does this— nobody except Noi, that is. When Noi was little, they realized the futility of action, of scurrying through life with little purpose other than to eat the next meal and see the next sunrise. Surely, Noi thinks, there is a better reason for all of this than that. So every day, Noi walks down to the shore and considers the waves. Maybe in them Noi will find the answers they seek.
[/spoiler]
Novak
[spoiler]Species: Rat
Age: 23
Category: Berserker
Bio: Novak is a rat. He knows he's a rat, and woodlanders know he's rat. Rats have, after all, a very peculiar and pungent scent to them. The unfortunate thing is rats don't know he's a rat. It doesn't matter how many times he shows them his scaly tail, or tries to convince them to get a good whiff. They just think he's some kind of weird overgrown mouse. After seasons of desperately trying to fit in with his own kind, he's fed up. His kind have beaten him, spit in his face, and rejected him. He owes them nothing but the very blood they drew from his body. So, he assumes an alter ego— the dreaded Rat Mouse!

"Rat Mouse! Rat Mouse! Rat Mouse!" chant the motley collection of mice, shrews, and other small animals that follow him on his holy crusade. He is no longer Novak, the weak and snivelling beaast who cowered before his oppressors. He is Rat Mouse! He will destroy all rats. This is his sacred duty. He bangs his club against the floor, and his acolytes scream. "Rat Mouse! Rat Mouse! Rat Mouse!" He will destroy all rats. This is his noble quest. He roars at the sky, and his apostles fall to the floor in ecstatic throes and wail. "Rat Mouse! Rat Mouse! Rat Mouse!"

Yes, he is the Rat Mouse. The mighty, mighty Rat Mouse, come to wreak bloody justice upon the woods of Mossflower-land.[/spoiler]


Falwyn
[spoiler]Species: Ground Squirrel
Age: 25
Category: Hunter
Bio: Falwyn is hungry. Oh so very hungry. And it's not her fault that the only food she craves is eggs. She was raised by vermin, after all. Thing is, Falwyn does not possess the innate acrobatic ability of her bushy tailed cousins. Every time she tries to climb a tree, a branch breaks or her paw slips or the tree is just too smooth for her to even get up a paw's length. This makes it intensely difficult for her to obtain her greatest delight. However, as chance would have it one day she meets a mole inventor who reveals his greatest achievement: "stilts". These strange contraptions make a beast incredibly tall...but boy are they difficult to walk in. Falwyn hopes she can master these pseudolegs before she starves. [/spoiler]

Bronn
[spoiler]Species: Fox
Age: 45
Category: Brigand
Bio: Bronn is a simple beast, driven by simple and base desires. A bowl of hot root, a flagon of ale, and a pretty maid by his side are all he could really ask for. Unfortunately, getting rich isn't exactly in the cards for the average hordebeast. He tried the hustle and grind for many a season, but all he has to show for it are the countless scars on his back and a slight limp from an injury in his knee that resulted from an archery mishap. He just isn't cut out for this kind of life anymore, and he knows it. He can't just retire, though. You don't get that option as a hordebeast. So instead, he learns to disguise himself as a small badger, using face paint and a pin-on tail. He walks through towns claiming to be a great lord, and the woodlanders scurry to treat him to food and drink, and throw feasts galore. When nightfall comes, and the woodlanders sleep off the food, he sneaks through their houses and steals their valuables. This, he decides, this is the life. He'll never have to work again.[/spoiler]

Elliot
[spoiler]Species: Mouse
Age: 33
Category: Schemer
Bio: People think that Elliot is a simple mouse. Dependable, hard-working, honest. "He's just Elliot, y'know?" they say. "He's a nice guy." This suits Elliot just fine. What his friends and family don't know is that he runs the biggest, baddest black market in the Northlands. It's called the Overground, on account of the fact that it's so underground it's overground. Everybeast knows they can go to the Overground to get anything they need— weapons, artifacts, slaves. Elliot runs a tight, effective ship, and nobeast who comes asking walks away wanting. At least, not if they have the gold. Unfortunately, one day he got rather careless during a meeting with the Savage Toad-king of the Marsh and his wife walked in to this clandestine congress. Upon learning about his business endeavors, she walked right out the door with the dibbuns and he doesn't know what to do. "Elliot," she said as she left, "You're just not the mouse I thought you were." He begged her and begged her to stay, but she just tossed her head and spat in his face. He isn't worried that she'll talk, but he loved her, he really did. Gathering all the money and resources he made from the Overground, he prepares to desperately try and win her back.[/spoiler]

Now that that's done, and you've read the totally true tales of our applicants, let's have a bit of audience interaction. What is your favorite name so far, and why? What about it speaks to you on a deeper level than the others? Let's get the conversation flowing.

[One-Eye]

[The Grey Coincidence]

Since you asked, I'm a big fan of The Old One as a name. It a) tells us something about the character (they're old, and there's only one of them) and at the same time tells us nothing at all (what is it?)

For personal reasons, big fan of the Rat Mouse XD Keep up the good work!

[Vin]

Old One's definitely an interesting one. Still not sure what to make of it. There's so much it could be, and so much it likely isn't. It'll be fascinating to see.

Aaaaand now we've got 5 more:

Smooths
[spoiler]Species: Marten
Age: 24
Category: Seafarer
Bio: Smooths isn't sure what his real name is, or if he ever really had one. He never had any parents, after all. He likes to say the streets raised him. He's been called many things over the years, but Smooths is the one that really stuck. It caught on for two main reasons. First is his uncanny knack for piloting vessels. He's able guide a ship through even the stormiest seas on the smoothest course possible, and as such he rarely finds himself without a multitude of job opportunities. Second, however, is his penchant for chatting up the ladies. He's incorrigible. Age, class, species— none of it matters to him. Whoever they are he'll do his best to get them to take him home. Unfortunately, this means he is out of work as he is in it, which he thinks is a great injustice. It's not his fault his captains all have wives, after all. This time, though, he made a mistake. A big mistake. The dread pirate Scumfang, feared all along the coast, hired Smooths to replace his previous pilot. (As an interesting aside, the previous pilot met his demise because he laughed a little too loudly at one of Scumfang's jokes, and found himself tossed into a gang of sharks.) It was a cushy, well paying job...until Smooths met the captain's mistress. The captain swore revenge, and now Smooths is on the run, always looking over his shoulder for Scumfang's goons.[/spoiler]

Reinmar
[spoiler]Species: Wolverine
Age: 65
Category: Guardian
Bio: Reinmar cares for his sword and shield as though they were his children. The heavy wood is always polished, the metal shining. For an honorable warrior such as himself, it is only right. When the beasts of his fort see him, he wants them to see a beast that is strong. Indomitable. He is their lord, their leader, their protector. A beast of awesome power and might. Presentation, then,  is of paramount importance. After all, who can respect a beast with a dirty shield or blood-stained sword? So he spends his days inside, scrubbing his armor clean while humming happily to himself. [/spoiler]

Kasenia
[spoiler]Species: Sable
Age: Whatever she needs to be
Category: Assasin
Bio: Kasenia was taken from her parents as a baby and raised in a secret fortress known only to the beasts that lived there and the king himself. There, she was taught to become a machine— a machine of death. She learned sword fighting, paw to paw combat, how to poison, seduce, and steal. When she acted up, she was beaten. When she followed orders, she was ignored. This didn't matter to her. Emotions, her teachers told her, were useless. Being angry, or even sad, was useless. She became the ultimate weapon, and when she was old enough to graduate she began to serve her king. She did whatever was required, because he was her king. This was her purpose. Then one day he sends her after a very particular target. He won't tell he what it is, just to kill it on sight. When she finds it, she is shocked to find an innocent little badger cub. When she looks at its tiny, laughing face, something unrecognizable stirs inside her. She raises her paw to slay it, but it smiles at her. Her paw stops, and she drops her sword. Gathering it in her arms, she runs. She doesn't know what made her do it, or what will happen, but she does know one thing: she will die for this cub. This is the way...things are now. [/spoiler]

Antonia St. Myra
[spoiler]Species: Squirrel
Age: 21
Category: Brigand
Bio: Sometimes, while she is lying cold, wet, and hungry at the bottom of a ditch, shivering uncontrollably and cursing the cloudy sky, Antonia is inexplicably drawn to a line from a poem she once read in her father's study: "Lo, how the righteous heroes fall! For even they return now to dust." Even beasts such as them. But there is no dust where Antonia lays. Just mud. Other times, when she struggles to sleep on the hard, barren earth, she recalls days of idle, spent lounging on the cool grass outside the family chateau, eyes closed and the sun gently washing her fur in warmth. But those days are gone— have been gone for seasons now. It's strange to think of her younger self, so innocent and carefree. Now, she knows only sleepless nights and hungry days. A few stop to pity her, give her measly scraps. Once she tried to rob a hedgehog who stopped to give her a chunk of bread. He threw her to the floor and kicked her, kicked her, kicked her again until the breath had left her lungs and her chest ached worse than her stomach. He cursed her, spit in her face, called her a coward and a weakling. But she wasn't a coward, or weak. She was just desperate. [/spoiler]

Shahin
[spoiler]Species: ????
Age: ????
Category: Assassin
Bio: "Silent as a shadow, deadly as a hawk. That's what the rumors say. But they're just that— rumors. 'If you want somebeast dead, just go to clearing in the old forest and leave an offering. If it likes the offering, it'll take care of everything. You don't even have to tell it what you need.' That's the story. But obviously that can't be true, right? Still, beasts have been going missing at a rather alarming rate, haven't they? Scary times to be alive. Who knows what can happen? I heard Klovin talked down to Miss Hava the other day and went missing that very evening. It's terrifying. I've been considering leaving town, you know. Our family has an house out by the sea. It's run down, but at least you're not living in fear, right? I just have to wait for everything to clear up on the business end of things and I'll be out of here, just watch. It's no use sticking around when you could be—"

"Oh Vulpuz, oh no, oh Vulpuz! Help! Help! He's bleeding! Vulpuz deliver us! Help!"[/spoiler]

[Vin]

Here's a couple more for y'all.

Kiri
[spoiler]Species: Otter
Age: 16
Category: Hunter
Bio: Kiri's friends would all say she has one dominating personality trait, and that is, perhaps a bit stereotypically, an undying love for hot root soup. At any given time, you can find Kiri slurping on a nice steaming bowl of soup. Nobody is quite sure how she can handle the heat, but they are sure that her tastebuds have probably been practically destroyed. However, lately she hasn't been able to find any hot root. Nobody has. She knows she can't live off of her stash forever— she gives herself about a week before she runs through it— and Martin only knows what will happen to her when she's cut off from her favorite food. It's a mystery, and one she's determined to solve before the hot root is out. [/spoiler]

Merrill
[spoiler]Species: Rat
Age: 45
Category: Schemer
Bio: Merrill makes money. A lot of money. And he makes other beasts money, too. How exactly he does it remains a mystery to most beasts— the jargon he throws around like "investment" and "risk management" aren't exactly illuminating— but everybeast knows he's a financial wizard. If you give Merrill money, you know you're gonna get a lot more back eventually. Lately, though, beasts have noticed they haven't quite been getting the same return that they usually do. More observant beasts might also notice that Merrill has been speaking a lot more vaguely in their meetings and avoiding questions about their money, talking more and more often about risk than return. The most observant beasts will notice how Merrill's offices are nearly empty of the lavish decorations that used to adorn the walls, and a stuffed bag lies by the door. That's fine, though. Merrill is a financial wizard after all, and when he says he doesn't have time to meet today and reschedules for later, you can be assured he'll put your worries to rest then. [/spoiler]

Robin Merriweather
[spoiler]Species: Squirrel
Age: 25
Category: Brigand
Bio: Robin cuts a dashing figure racing through the trees, bow at his back and tail plumed vivid red against the forest green. He and his gang roam the woods singing, dancing, and making merry. Notable members of his crew include: a gruff badger lovingly named either Yahn the Small or Bronn the Tiny, depending on who you ask; Friar Buck, a hare who used to be the cook at Redwall before a nasty drinking problem got him kicked out; and of course the merganser, Bill Scarlet.  Everybeast loves them...except the beasts who don't. After all, they run around making noise, shooting arrows into the woods just in general making a nuisance of themselves. Sure, they rob from vermin and give it to honest woodlanders, but some of the vermin merchants who come to town aren't that bad, and the constant ruffianage is driving down property costs in the area, destroying the local economy. [/spoiler]

Samia
[spoiler]Species: Moniter Lizard
Age: Do lizards age? Nobeast is really sure.
Category: Duelist
Bio: Samia doesn't use weapons. She doesn't need weapons. She has claws, fangs, and poisonous drool. But these natural weapons, she finds, are incredibly unfair. That's why she became a professional wrestler. That way, she could pit her strength against big and strong beasts without using nature's advantage. However, she has wrestled so often and become so skilled that nobeast even comes close to besting her anymore. She can't remember the last match she had where she hadn't thrown her opponent out of the ring in seconds. She's getting rather bored, and the sport she once loved has become tedious. These barely counts as wins anymore. Now, she roams the land in search of a challenger who will truly test her, in the hopes that she will know the taste of true victory once more. [/spoiler]

Siler
[spoiler]Species: Ferret
Age: 34
Category: Marksman
Bio: Practice makes perfect. Siler knows that. That's why he's so good. Every moment he isn't taking part in archery competitions, he's practicing his shot. And, hey. It was working. He won every archery competition he ever took part in. He even went so far as to shoot left-pawed for a bit, but even then he absolutely destroyed the competition. He was the best...until the unthinkable happened. At the annual competition down by Redwall, some cocky, upstart squirrel managed to get lucky and hit more bulls-eyes than him. Then, at the Salamandastron leg of the circuit, the brushtail did it again! Siler can't figure out how he managed to do it, and even the countless pints of ale he drinks to clear his head help him figure it out. He's even abandoned practice in favor of figuring it out. Maybe the next ale will help him figure it out.[/spoiler]

[Vin]

Okay, I way procrastinated so we're doing quick fire predictions from here on out because it's a race against time now. I'm sorry to the people who I didn't get a nice long one in for.

"Old One" - guardian
Does things the old fashioned way. Doesn't like kids. Shoots people who step on his lawn.

Arist - duelist
Philosiphotter. The greatest debator Mossflower has ever seen.

Ashtad - Guardian
He's called Ashtad, but it was a lot more than a tad bit of ash that fell when the bad guys tried to steal his favorite hare-dee-gurdee.

Candace Kane - Hunter
Old school detective with one black eye and one white eye; Sometimes she lights a match and lets it burn down to her fingertips just to feel alive.

Coralbell - Schemer
She might seem like a cute, innocent mousemaid, but she's got everyone wrapped around her sweet little paws. Watch out— if she tells someone to break your legs, they will.

(Gilings) Plankshifter - Assaassin
So many confirmed kills the planks in the morgue are always shifting.

Maut - Guardian
A cayman usually found in various castle moats, keeping away unwanted and wanted visitors for free. Food and lodging included, of course.

Mully Stonbrek - Schemer
Actually named Mully Stonebreak, but a clerical error means he has to take on the whole bureacratic system just to be called by his given name. 

Priideep - Guradian
Don't mess with her. Her sword cuts "pri-i-deep."

Sheercrest - Marksman
A goshawk with a nasty habit of dropping stones on people's heads.

Bise - Seafarer
Always trying to get people to try his seaweed soup, but who the heck eats seaweed? What a weirdo.

Dawl Dredgemast - seafarer
Swabs the deck gusto, gusto, gusto. Another round of rum-oh, rum-oh, rum-oh.

Dinogad - Berserker
Rawr, I'm a dinosaur. Just kidding. I'm a lizard. I do like to eat people, though.

Elrad - Marksman
Throws javelins and throws shakas. Would try and actually make himself useful but...FIDLAR, dude.

Fiyero - hunter
Otter chef almost as famous as his frosted tips. Host of the popular show Divers, Dive-ins, and Dives.

Galena Rosepaw - Schemer
Dowager princess with a penchant for subterfuge. Habitually hires assassins to get her family for perceived slights like criticizing her latest dress.

Lucan - Duelist
"Lucan, I am your father!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!."
(After this particular duel, he threw himself off the bridge and is still recovering from the broken bones.)

Rolf - duelist
The best pianist in Mossflower. And boy, what a sexy voice.

Therion - Guardian
Therion the Thespian wanders the land telling the greatest stories in hopes that they will never be forgotten.

Unga Underbite - Schemer
Don't let the underbite fool you. She may look stupid, but be assured that she's involved with all the shady deals from here to Southsward.

Zandir Firesage - Marksman
Throws flaming bottles of grog with religious zeal. All in the name of Vulpuz.

[Vin]

At this point, I'm too lazy/late to figure out what the actual possible categories for these dudes are so there might be some overlap.

Ayla Bramble - Marksman
Just a squirrel with a bow. But not a stereotype. Don't you dare say that to her face.

Bihto Snowridge - guardian
An honorable warrior who never speaks because of a vow he made long ago when he left behind a life of blood and tears.

Brother Hawthorn - Guardian
Why is he here? He just wanted to read a good book by the fire and now he's fighting off a horde of bad guys by himself.

Chitterfang the Wrigglekin - Brigand
Bat. Weird. Likes grubs, but not to eat. To chill with.

Declan Stahlrender - Brigand
Oh, what a dashing figure he cuts with his floppy, floppy hat. Never has robbing poor innocent beasts been so stylish.

Elias Heatherpaw - Hunter
Hides in the heather and speaks with a dreadful Highland accent. Nobody is quite sure what he does in there, but at least they don't have to hear him talk.


Elsabeth van Riften - Guardian
The biggest badger you'll ever see. Sits in front of the Salamandastron gates and only lets you in if you give her a foot massage.


Flauros - Berserker
Somebody dissed his flauta recipe, and now he's out for blood.


Hana - Assassin
Raised in the woods by a hermit, when Mossflower's evil corporation comes looking for her she goes on the run, killing anyone who gets in her way as she tries to take them down from the inside.

Ilka - Seafarer
Used to be captain of a ship, but accidentally burned it down while performing an elaborate fiddle concert.


Jargur Strongfist - Berserker
He's big. He's strong. But really on the inside he's soft and sensitive. Not that anyone ever stopped to ask him about it.

Jennabelle - Hunter
Trying to get to the afterlife via song.

Kenway - seafarer
"Do ye ken the way?" he always asks. Nobody knows what ken meaans, though. Must be a weird Northlands thing.

Rickard Greymane - Berserker
Big, bad wolf. Ate your grandma, and probably his own grandma too.

Rynn - Assassin
Thin as a whip, and a lot more dangerous than one. Don't let his size fool you— he can kill you fifty different ways with just one claw.

Seamus Blackquill - duelist
Will challenge you to a poetry slam.

Shatter - Berserker
Badger in a china shop.

Sheeva - Guardian
Basically the god of...well, if you know you know.

Siobhan, Codename: The Mantis - Schemer
Self explanatory, really.

Tanne Grymklifer - Marksman
Only hunts eagles, because he's a badass like that. All of his arrows are made with their feathers.


Trajan - Schemer
His kingdom for a horse. No, literally. He put a horse in charge of his kingdom and now has to pick up the pieces of that particular decision.

Vanya Sandtalon - Duelist
Cleans her talons in sand after a confirmed kill. Eats exclusively mice.

[Vin]

So the Top 30 is finally up, which means it's time for the moment you've all been waiting for: reviews! I know. I know. You're on the edge of your seat. But let me explain how it's gonna work a little first. The way this is gonna go is my reviews are going to be split into three (3!) parts: First Impressions, The Growth Curve, and The Reckoning. I'll get into the last two at a later date, but for now I'll just explain First Impressions, since that's what I've got here.

It's fairly straightforward, really. I'm going to read your app. I'm going to read it twice, once fast so it doesn't really count and once more slowly. And then I'm going to give my initial thoughts. What are the things that jumped out at me? Drew me in? Pushed me away? I probably won't talk about SPAG unless I really feel like I need to. At the end of the day, that's something that can always be fixed. I don't care about SPAG. Once I've done that, I'm going to choose one app that I think stands out from the rest. If you don't get chosen as the standout, don't despair! Remember, this is really just based on my thoughts after a single reads, so that means that my vote is far from locked in. Further reading could, and should, change my mind.

If you agree with what I've said, if you disagree with it, if you thought of something I didn't talk about and what my two cents, anything, please bring it up here, or the discord if that's more your speed. I would love to discuss anything about any of these apps, and I'd definitely love to try and convince you to vote for my faves.

First Impressions: The Duelist
(Yes, I insist on using this ugly pink.)

Elliot
One thing I really like about this app is the choreography. The staging of the duel itself was, I thought, very engaging. We have a bit of a prelude where they're testing each other, we have the big event, and then all of a sudden we have a twist and Elliot's in a lot of trouble. All of the fight moves seemed to be very realistic— though to caveat, that's coming from someone whose only familiarity with duelling comes from watching fencing in the Olympics and The Princess Bride. The pacing was a little bit off, and I think that was a result of the word limit. Only so much you can do in 600 words, and you wanted to fit a lot in here— 2 whole fights, really— so things go by a bit quick. It feels like it takes 5 seconds for him to beat the hare, and then 2 more to beat all three of them.

We also see a little bit of Elliot in this duel, which I appreciate. He respects skill, he has skill himself, and he's got a bit of a penchant for the dramatic. I mean. Grim Reminder? C'mon. "Bring more friends"? Pssh. I love it. I really do.

There's a downside to this focus on the duel though. We see a little bit of Elliot, yeah, but I felt like we didn't get a clear picture. I think this goes back to the pacing/word limit issue. The focus is so heavily on the duel there's not a lot of time for us to really see his character. When we get to the end and we realize that he isn't quite as badass as we initially thought, it's a little bit of a surprise, and almost seems to contradict the entire app up until this point. He's shown as this super skilled duelist not just to the hares but to the reader, and all of a sudden he...isn't...that. Personally, I don't see the need to deceive your audience about an aspect of your character that is so important. Putting on a show for the hares I understand, but I feel like this could have used a bit more indication to the reader that he maybe wasn't quite as confident as he was pretending to be.

As an aside, I'm 90% sure I know who wrote this. I've looked over some of their stuff in the past for various reasons, and there's a couple things that for me, since I like to think I'm a bit familiar with their work, seem like dead giveaways. This will probably be the only app that I'll guess correctly, though.

Fiyero
First of all...a song! A song! Kudos for that. I am a sucker for songs, and that's automatic bonus points from me.

Second of all..."Pine martin"? What is this? A sentient wood carving of Martin the Warrior that goes around stirring up trouble in taverns for some reason? (I'm obviously poking fun here, but do remember to edit your work, guys. That's a big miss.)

I really adore this archetype. It's one of my favorite kind of characters to read. You have this loud, braggadocious, and frankly kind of obnoxious dude just running his mouth and saying outrageous things. It's just a fun read. It always is. The issue is a lot of times with this archetype, the characters is...a real character, but not much else. That's almost a danger here that we don't really get a completely dynamic sense of Fiyero. He goes from friendly braggart to angry duelist, but neither of these two modes really feel deep or personal. He's fun, then he's mad. It doesn't really connect on an emotional level.

There are dynamics to his character, though. We see him get more and more angry at being called out. I loved the pacing of this, from just slowing down at first to finally being so mad he's unable to smile. One thing you can't convince me othwerwise of: Fiyero was so mad at being called out he goaded the marten into a fight. This isn't actually a fun guy. He's shallow and cruel, willing to kill someone just for questioning him— and the parallels between the end of the app and the song at the beginning definitely imply he kills the dude. The only reason I am not fully sold is, like I mentioned above, I don't quite connect with it. I do appreciate it, though.

Maut
Maut has a really interesting narrative structure that I actually quite enjoy. The image of this guy just doing this rote task that he's not particularly good at while his friend chills interspersed with these flashbacks...it works for me. It's deceptively simple and doesn't feel too expositiony like flashpacks tend to. I like Maut, I like Veach.

My biggest issue with this app is it just doesn't seem like a duelist app to me? Sure, he gets in a duel, kind of, but with all the reminiscing about odd jobs, they feel more like brigands than duelists. The duel is barely even a thing.

And that brings up another concern I have: "they". I typed that automatically. Maut and Veach are very much tied together, and I'm thinking if Maut gets voted in, Veach is along for the ride. Personally I don't really find this off-putting, at least in the context of this app and these two characters. Veach is very clearly a side piece who I think accentuates Maut, and I actually really like what his presence brings to Maut's character— he's not just a mercenary, he's a loyal friend. He loves his little stoat pal, you can tell. And the fact the stoat is kind of a pet and not a speaking role means he's not really stealing the spotlight.

A couple of things that felt like strange choices to me:
- Why is Veach a stoat? His character seems more in line with a lizard or something like that.
- Why not just have the badger-sized marten be...a badger?
- This character feels much older than 28, and not because of his grey fur. The way he acts makes me imagine him as middle-aged/older.

Overall, though, despite those couple things, I enjoyed this app quite a lot.

Another aside: Martens aren't having a good day in the duelist category, are they?

The Standout
There are a lot of good things about each of these apps that the other apps don't have. Just some examples: Elliot is the only one who really feels like being a duelist is a core part of his identity. Fiyero is exactly the kind of app I like. Maut feels like an interesting character with a lot more stories. I think at the day, though, after first impressions the standout Duelist to me was Fiyero. I know I'm a bit biased towards this archetype, but I felt like he fit the category better than Maut and had a more clear and distinct direction in terms of character than Elliot did. Pretty much everything about this app was well executed other than that one nitpicky thing with SPAG, and I'm mostly discounting SPAG when weighing between these characters. Even if I didn't connect with his character, I think that it's an interesting perspective and I'd love to see him interact with other characters.

[Mara the Wolf]

Oh Vinny, how did you get everyone in the The Top 30 wrong, if, as you said at the beginning, you said you hacked into the system and got "100% accurate" summaries?

[Vin]

Listen, Mas, it wasn't my predictions that were wrong but the apps themselves. The authors clearly didn't do what they were supposed to.

Anyway.

So I was originally planning to go straight down the line but I'm gonna actually switch gears and go to the bottom. This is for three resons: first, I noticed a lot of other people are going top to bottom and I figured the lower categories would want to see early reviews too; second, I can skip the heavyweight category of the contest, the Berserkers, who I have absolutely no idea how to rank right now and need a lot of time to think about; finally, it means when I'm done with my reviews I can say with sincere and unironic earnestness, "we started from the bottom and now we at the top, yo".

Which brings us to the Assassin. This is a really interesting category, and I'm excited to dig in.

First Impressions: The Assassin

Brother Hawthorn

This app is cool. An abbey assassin? Awesome. I love the idea of an infirmary keeper who murders beasts as a side job. You can tell how good he is aat his job, too. The speed with which he dispatches poor Bursoot is really something else. He's just like, "Aight." Next second, it's less Bursoot and more "urgh...shoot. I'm dead."

This app is very efficient, in a way that mirrors Hawthorn's character. We get to see him as the gentle and friendly infirmary keeper, and then we get to see him as the callous, effective assassin. It does exactly what it waants to do and what it needs to do to show us who Brother Hawthorn is and how he operates. There are no real missteps throughout it.

However, while we get a good sense of how he operates, I feel like we're missing why exactly he operates. Why does an abbey beast get into murder? I don't feel like this is necessarily a bad thing, though, as it's less that it's missing and more that it's purposefully withheld. We know there's a backstory here: "His eyes quickly centered on the blood-red seal: a cracked skull of indeterminate species in the iris of a giant eye. An old ache quivered in his breast." I imagine this is the center of his character, and it's absence intrigues more than it detracts.

All in all, a very proficient and clean app. Very well done.

Robin Merriweather

I'm not exactly sure why Robin wants to murder her husband. He honestly seems like a nice enough fellow. It's pretty clear, though, for whatever reason, that she doesn't like him very much. Not to be Captain Obvious or anything.

I like the dark comedy of this app. Her perfectly planned murder that she clearly spent days perfecting and practicing ("How could this happen???????") totally spirals out of control and she ends up not murdering her husband to be, but saving him instead?
Classic. I also feel like there's a practical lesson in there. You may have a plan A, and a plan B, but everybeast needs a plan C just in case.

However, I feel like this app is missing motivation. Why does she want to kill Olaf? There are allusions to possible motivations but they aren't quite clear. The following line springs to mind:  "Robin made a wry grin as Olaf explained and wondered if he would appreciate the irony". It's just all very muddled by the action, and while we get a clear sense of who she is and how she goes about doing things, why she does things, like with Brother Hawthorn, I feel like the Why? is missing.

Siobhan, etc. etc.

What. A. Name. But that's not really the important part of the app, is it?

I really like this app. From a technical perspective, it's a bit messier than the other two apps in the category. But the one thing we get from this app that we don't get from the other two is motivation. We know exactly why she kills: she wants to protect her friend. She sees an injustice, and she wants to fix it so bad she throws away her nice, peaceful life and is forced to go on the run. We see who she is, how she operates, and most importantly WHY she operates. As an added bonues, we also see how she is going to operate: bringing the wicked to justice, and helping the disadvantaged.

I also like the secondary of Arwydd. She's important, but not in a way that outshines Siobhan. I feel like her reaction is fairly realistic, if a bit too quickly paced— struggling to comprehend at first and then, when she finally comes to term with it, realizing the value of Siobhan's skill set. Her realizing that helps the audience realize it as well, I think. I thought the dialogue between the two characters was fantastic ("But what can you do?" "It's better if you don't ask, Arwydd." Nice.) and really this app just hit home for me.

As far as the name goes, at first I didn't understand what the deal was with the whole codename thing, and someone had to point out to me that mantises kill their mates. Now that I know that, I understand it a bit better, but I still don't know how necessary the "Codename:" part was other than to make the name ridiculous as an excercise in jokery. Siobhan (The Mantis) would've worked just as well and is a tad bit less ridiculous. But hey. We've got what we've got, and I'm not taking marks off for names.

The Standout
I feel like Brother Hawthorn would normally be the obvious choice here. He's an efficient, well done app with very few flaws. But I'm gonna go with the character that I felt had the best and clearest motivation: Siobhan. Her app, while not perfect, presents us with a character that I really, really like.

[Matra Hammer]

Your Assassin summation very clearly illustrated my feelings on this category. I find Hawthorn is the most interesting concept, but neither him nor Robin present enough character motivation for me to connect. Seeing Siobhan's spirit in paw with her deeds makes her very compelling. Structural stuff is fixed much easier than a character's foundation.

The counter is "Well, don't you want to learn more about the How and Why of Hobin? Weren't their apps teasing enough to get you to want more?" and the answer is Yes and Yes. But for me it boils down to "Do you want to pick the boat as a prize...or do you want to open the Mystery Box?" In this case I'll take the boat, but time and reflection might change my POV.

[Vin]

Hell, I figure I'll just skip all over now. Forget order. 

First Impressions: The Guardian

Priideep

What a fascinating app. There are a couple apps in this spread that are so, so inventive. Really, people went wild. This is the first of the really "off the wall" apps we've got.

Frogs. Not really an explored thing in Redwall? Maybe we had a couple as minor antagonists, but that's it. That means the author really had free reign to design an entire culture, and I think they did a really good job of that. The way the frogs culture seems to be focused around the tadpoles, the collective knowledge of dangerous animals being passed down to the younger generation, the little sling thingies they have. Super cool, super interesting. The only inconsistency with it I saw was Sedgewick's name didn't really seems to fit with Priideep and Brijeet's. But who knows. Maybe frog culture is incredibly diverse and varied and they have lots of different naming conventions. We don't know. The author is telling us.

As far as Priideep goes...a bit too much of her character is told through expositional dialogue. It's not awful, it's just...we're being told (not shown) this is the best Keeper the tribe has had in a while, and the first thing we see her do is lose an entire nursery. It's a bit contradictory. It makes me feel like I don't really know much about Prii. I do like the end, with the bleak realization that she has failed. That's heavy stuff, with a lot of potential.

One thing that worries me. She speaks frog language. Presumably this is not the same as regular Redwall language, whatever that's called. How is she going to interact with the cast? I'm not super sure. The author is clearly aware of this problem and presumably has a solution, because they wouldn't have written the app otherwise. I'm going to say I do trust that they have what it takes, but it is at the very least worth noting.

Shahin

This app is pure fun. It reminds me of...what's that show...Hootie and the Queen? Something like that. It's what I imagine happens when you put Pierce Brosnan era James Bond and Indiana Jones into a blender and add the smallest dash of Gone With The Wind. It's like a madcap whirlwind. I enjoyed the hell out of it.

That being said, there's pacing issues here. Everything happens at breakneck speed one thing after another and then the next and then the next and you go from haremaid pulling a sword on Shahin to them running away to start a new life together in 5 seconds flat. It's like, "Whoah! We're HERE now? What?!" Moments seemed to skip all over the place even when things were supposed to be linear. Also, while I love the idea of an archaeologist, I'm not quite sure what he's supposed to be guarding. Eti? The shield? Knowledge in general or something profound like that?

An interesting thing about Shahin is I don't actually like him very much. Not in a, I don't like his app kind of way, but in a, I think he's kind of an #### kind of way. I feel like he is exactly the kind of person Siobhan, Codename: The Mantis and Antonia St. Myra would hate. He basically shows zero (0!) regard for Eti the whole app, and then acts like he SAVED her when he was the one who got her into this mess in the first place? Talk about gaslighting...but I actually kind of like this approach. It's interesting to see someone so egotistical and with such a lack of self awareness. Eti, on the other hand...might wanna run her through the Bechdel test, or something. I don't actually know exactly what the Bechdel test consists of, but my gut is telling me she won't pass. My big question for this app, by the way, is how is Eti gonna fit in to the main story? Like with most apps with tag along characters, this is a concern.

One thing I'll say about the SPAG...slow down with exclamation points. Not every line of dialogue has to be emphasized. Also, you elevate from sobbing to raging fury, not vice versa.

Sheercrest

'I'm not sure why Sheercrest ate that mouse family. It's not very clear, and that's the biggest issue here. Something tells me that it wasn't just because she's a bird of prey and they're mice. Why would she be guilty if that was the reason? Why would she feel the need to explain herself? Not to mention, she and Bray seem very familiar with one another. He doesn't look at her with fear or anger. He looks at her with hurt. That means he feels betrayed, not terrified like you would expect. This is an absolutely fascinating dynamic that is obviously way more complex than her suddenly realizing she might be pacifist/vegan...but you have to tell us why it exists. Why is this more than just a sudden change of heart by predator?

I love the idea of a character doing penance for their sins. This is going to be a story inspired by the Seven Samurai. There's nothing more samurai-esque than devoting a life to a code or value as penance. Sheercrest has to atone, "whatever the cost". Because of how well I feel like it fits with the inspiration of the contest, this might be my favorite character motivation in the entire spread. The dialogue/interaction between Sheercrest and Bray is on point. Same concern here as with Shahin though. How does wee babe Bray fit in the overall story without stopping it entirely.

As a side note, does a character named Bray imply the existence of donkeys? We may never know.

The Standout
Priideep was cool, but I was more interested in frog society than Priideep herself. Shahin was fun, but cleanup is required. Sheercrest works. She has an interesting motivation and a fascinating dynamic with her guardee. She's got to be the pick based on first impression.

[Vin]

First Impressions: The Seafarer

Bise
I feel really bad for Bise. Not having control over your own life is bad enough, but having other people control it is even worse. You really get a sense of how helpless she is in this app, clinging to any possible feeling of control and freedom. I also love how the author shows you how she really has learned to control the one thing she can: herself. She may rage on the inside, and it threatens to spill out— hissed curses, clacking beaks— but she remains calm and stoic on the outside, even in the face of jeering from Splitshank and the right dishonourable captain.

I can't really say anything bad about this app, to be honest. I thoroughly enjoy it. It's well done, presents us with a character with clear motivation and nuance, and overall is just solid, solid, solid. I literally have no bad words for it.

Dawl Dredgemast
The more I read this app, the more Iike it. I think it helps that it's a character that I automatically relate too and have an emotional connection with beyond just reading it and saying, oh I understand this character and sympathise with their plight. It's a character that really hits home for me for personal reasons.

There's one moment that really stands out to me:

"'Well we can't have more,' Dawl barked.

Her eyes flashed up at him, suddenly uncertain. It ate at him, that look. He stopped glowering long enough to scrub a paw through his headfur and roll his eyes skyward."

It's a quick moment, but one that really says everything you need to know about Dawl. He may be short with his sister, and probably to her seems unsympathetic and maybe even cold. But he's doing his best. All he wants is what's best for her, even though she doesn't understand the struggle he's going through or the sacrifices he has to make. It's a very real moment, and it made stop and go, "Oh." That's the crux of it all, what this app is on a fundamental level, and something that I understand and connect with.

There's also his reluctance to go into shadier lines of work. Being a fisherbeast or dockworker clearly isn't very lucrative, and he has plenty of opportunity to make more money doing things that are somewhat questionable, but he doesn't. He wants to do things the right way, holding on to a clear sense of right and wrong. Is it tempting? Yes, but he knows it's wrong. He could...but he also can't.

Aside: "Yeh don't get to tell me who I am" is basically the equivalent of "You don't know me!". Well played, Tilly. Well played. That'll show him.

Novak
If Novak hasn't become a vegan by the start of the contest, I'll riot.

I enjoy how inventive this app is. A lot of people are talking about hunters and berserkers and guardians but this app is deceptively new as well. I like how we see the process of being a seal hunter, and we get a sense of the stakes as as well.

What's really well done is how Novak, clearly new to the captain's chair, is reliant on the lessons he's learned and blindly follows them and then all of a sudden he gets a shock. Everything he was taught is wrong on a fundamental, moral level. He has this cornerstone of his identity taken away from him. I like to think when he goes to search for answers, it's not just from the seal hunting industry. It's from himself.

I think the one thing that is holding me back from enthuiastically backing this app is the fact that the moral quandary that helps make it so strong as a character portrait doesn't really apply to later on in the contest, unless the author decides to swing full pacifism. "Should we kill sentient creatures for food/resources/etc." probably isn't a question that's going to come up. You— the author— really need to expand on the morality of killing.

The Standout
Dawl. Bise and Novak are very good, but Dawl creates a story that is something very personal for me, and that really elevates it above the other apps. I can't speak highly enough of it.

[multiplemint]

Well played, Tilly.

Uhhhh, it's Till. Geez, Vin, didn't you listen to her?!